DRIVING IN BANGKOK (or: Not too fast, but so furious)
I have been meaning to post about this for ages; basically every time I have to drive the 100kms roundtrip into town I am mentally composing this entry. It certainly does wonders towards centering myself! I was nervous about this ever since I got the car in C'Mai and knew that I had to one day steer it through the streets of the capital but now I can with confidence say that DRIVING IN BANGKOK SUCKS. Ultimately dealable, but oh the frustration!
The actual act of driving is fine if various combinations of the following is true: A) you're on an expressway/tollway/elevated highway, B) you're either driving super early, smack dab in the afternoon or rather late at night or just C) YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY IN BANGKOK BUT EVEN IF YOU ARE YOU THINK YOU'RE THE BIGGEST PIMP ON THE ROAD AND JUST DON'T GIVE A SHIT (and drive a hugeass pick-up or SUV). The roads here are mostly okay and I have been lucky enough not to live in areas where when it floods the roads are totally impassible (as often happens right now, pretty scary water levels up-country in certain provinces, augh), and I rarely actually have to drive IN town because this entry would be much, much more longer and bitter otherwise ...but the biggest problem about driving in Thailand in general remains EVERYONE ELSE ON THE ROAD.
NO LIES. Most people either straight-up bought their licenses somewhere shady, cheated like woah on the tests, which already aren't the most strenous or cost-intensive of things and would probably give all Europeans or at least the Germans/Austrians I know hives re: what you actually learn about traffic rules, or just don't give a fuck, which all means that the quickest thing you learn on the streets is defensive driving to the max. People suddenly veering over into the lane they want to change into, heedless of actually USING THE TURNSIGNALS (NO ONE EVER DOES THIS AUGH FUCKERS) and the other cars, only to then switch lanes abruptly again because ehhhh, that choice wasn't so good after all. Or the ones who just cruise around in the middle of the dotted line, since keeping one's options open about which lane to use is more important that whether you're blocking it for the rest of the people. Or the speed demons who flash their fucking lights at you when you're doing a perfectly legit high speed in the fastlane. Or the crap that happens when there is traffic on the expressway and three lanes suddenly become FOUR and you have to be paranoid that some jackass who is in such a hurry will clip your car in his quest to squeeze past you so that he can be stuck in the standstill of traffic 3 meters ahead of you.
I have learned from experience now that the worst worst worst of offenders are the bus drivers though. The public buses that careen from lane to lane, cutting you off out of nowhere --which of course ISN'T ALARMING AT ALL RIGHT, especially if you're driving a smaller car like moi--, stopping in the middle of the road and just acting like giant dickfaces, and the private tour buses aren't all that better either. The taxis, motorbikes and tuk tuks are equally fuckers though, don't get me wrong and I have yelled many an obscenity (BEST ONE REMAINS: ไอ้เหี้ยยยยยยยยยย!/AI HEAAAAAAA/YOU WATER MONITOR LIZARD if literally translated, but meaning more like you worthless, base, despicable FUCKERRRR) and made hand gestures in the general directionn in the safety of my car. Can't actually honk my displeasure though, as you might get knifed or shot or something (...it has happened to people recently. Ahh, roadrage)
And the parking! Oh the parking! There is nothing more bitter than when you see that you COULD have had a parking space if some dipshit didn't actually park over two spaces because they just couldn't be bothered. GAH.
BUT, that venting aside, I still would take this over driving in Bali or Hanoi any damn day. The traffic there tended to be more than vaguely alarming to me and I have great respect for anyone who succeeds in driving there safely. Anyone have any driving stories to vent about with me? Now that I actually possess this skillset I want to hear other peoples' battle-stories, too :DD
The actual act of driving is fine if various combinations of the following is true: A) you're on an expressway/tollway/elevated highway, B) you're either driving super early, smack dab in the afternoon or rather late at night or just C) YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY IN BANGKOK BUT EVEN IF YOU ARE YOU THINK YOU'RE THE BIGGEST PIMP ON THE ROAD AND JUST DON'T GIVE A SHIT (and drive a hugeass pick-up or SUV). The roads here are mostly okay and I have been lucky enough not to live in areas where when it floods the roads are totally impassible (as often happens right now, pretty scary water levels up-country in certain provinces, augh), and I rarely actually have to drive IN town because this entry would be much, much more longer and bitter otherwise ...but the biggest problem about driving in Thailand in general remains EVERYONE ELSE ON THE ROAD.
NO LIES. Most people either straight-up bought their licenses somewhere shady, cheated like woah on the tests, which already aren't the most strenous or cost-intensive of things and would probably give all Europeans or at least the Germans/Austrians I know hives re: what you actually learn about traffic rules, or just don't give a fuck, which all means that the quickest thing you learn on the streets is defensive driving to the max. People suddenly veering over into the lane they want to change into, heedless of actually USING THE TURNSIGNALS (NO ONE EVER DOES THIS AUGH FUCKERS) and the other cars, only to then switch lanes abruptly again because ehhhh, that choice wasn't so good after all. Or the ones who just cruise around in the middle of the dotted line, since keeping one's options open about which lane to use is more important that whether you're blocking it for the rest of the people. Or the speed demons who flash their fucking lights at you when you're doing a perfectly legit high speed in the fastlane. Or the crap that happens when there is traffic on the expressway and three lanes suddenly become FOUR and you have to be paranoid that some jackass who is in such a hurry will clip your car in his quest to squeeze past you so that he can be stuck in the standstill of traffic 3 meters ahead of you.
I have learned from experience now that the worst worst worst of offenders are the bus drivers though. The public buses that careen from lane to lane, cutting you off out of nowhere --which of course ISN'T ALARMING AT ALL RIGHT, especially if you're driving a smaller car like moi--, stopping in the middle of the road and just acting like giant dickfaces, and the private tour buses aren't all that better either. The taxis, motorbikes and tuk tuks are equally fuckers though, don't get me wrong and I have yelled many an obscenity (BEST ONE REMAINS: ไอ้เหี้ยยยยยยยยยย!/AI HEAAAAAAA/YOU WATER MONITOR LIZARD if literally translated, but meaning more like you worthless, base, despicable FUCKERRRR) and made hand gestures in the general directionn in the safety of my car. Can't actually honk my displeasure though, as you might get knifed or shot or something (...it has happened to people recently. Ahh, roadrage)
And the parking! Oh the parking! There is nothing more bitter than when you see that you COULD have had a parking space if some dipshit didn't actually park over two spaces because they just couldn't be bothered. GAH.
BUT, that venting aside, I still would take this over driving in Bali or Hanoi any damn day. The traffic there tended to be more than vaguely alarming to me and I have great respect for anyone who succeeds in driving there safely. Anyone have any driving stories to vent about with me? Now that I actually possess this skillset I want to hear other peoples' battle-stories, too :DD