GREETINGS FROM NORTHERN GERMANY
ONLY ONE MORE DAY LEFT BEFORE I HAVE TO LEAVE BAAAAW D: Man, it was hella awesome so far and I seriously have seen so much, and have also spent so much money on postcards, so assorted people shall probably be getting some soon! And by soon I mean in the next two weeks once I finally motivate myself to fill them out, then another few days of delay as I forget to get to the post office in team. Like usual, you know :DDb
Still, before I go into detail about my awesome northern adventures (I will totally try and upload pictures this time!!1), I feel the urge to share with you my intensely traumatic movie experience of two days ago. Also known as "Martyrs" by Pascal Laugier. No lies, this is now officially THE ABSOLUTELY MOST HIDEOUS AND DISGUSTING SICK SICK SICK SHIT I HAVE EVER SET MY EYES UPON. I don't give a damn that apparently all the French horror movie fans are apparently collectively creaming their pants over this dreck, but seriously. We ended up watching it till the bitter end, in the vain hope of some form of resolution, but what came was the equivalent of crapping in your already craptacular sundae of crap, and sprinkling it with tiny, tiny bits of turd. It lures you in with the appearance of being a kickass Kill Bill-esque girl gets revenge on the people who abducted and tortured her for no apparent reason yeaaaars ago flick, but oh nooo. Said Girl A(Lucie) eventually managed to escape and grew up in an orphanage with her future BFF Girl B(Anna). Lucie also keeps having these freaky-ass visions of a truly hideous Gollum-esque creature that likes to carve her flesh up. So! Lucie eventually finds said bad people, and basically slaughters them and their whole family in a pretty brutal sequence with a shot gun, and then starts to totally flip out and be chased around the blood-drenched house by creepy Gollum (SERIOUSLY THE NOISES IT MAKES). She calls Anna and gets her to the place too and that is the point were you expect them to either hit the road as fugitives or spend some quality time in a mental asylum. Anna is not surprisingly more than freaked out by the murder her BFF has just committed, and is starting to doubt that Lucie is entirely sane (her whole story about how they hurt her, the existence of Gollum). They both start to try and dispose of the bodies. Gollum shows up again, chases Lucie through the house and cuts her up some more. Anna discovers that one of the family (the mother, who was allegedly involved in the abuse) is still alive and tries to help her out. Of course, Lucie discovers this and proceeds to bludgeon the mom to death with a hammer (this was one of many unnecessary sequences in the movie to see in detail) Lucie and Anna get into a fight about why Lucie had to go so far, Lucie starts flipping out and trashes the place, and ends it with a cutting her own throat. But before she goes, we the viewers discover that Gollum was basically a construct of her own damaged mind and she was the one always cutting herself up or slamming her head into things, and the real Gollum was another girl that was also imprisoned like she was that Lucie couldn't help when she managed to escape.
SO! Now we have Anna, covered in blood, traumatized like fuck and stuck in a strange house full of dead people. What would happen next! Well, she decides to explore the CELLAR, BECAUSE SHE HEARD A NOISE IN IT. And what does she find? An almost evil lab-esque underground lair, that eventually beholds a room with another emaciated, heavily scarred, naked and chained young woman in it, this time also with some kind of metal headcase half over her entire face. Lucie was right after all, so Anna finally finds out. Instead of CALLING THE COPS, she decides to drag the obviously delirious and crazycakes girl out into the house and start cleaning her up by herself. This is why we have a sequence where she dumps the girl (WHO CAN'T SEE SHIT) into a bathtub and tries to remove her head apparatus. Which proves to be a bit tricky, AS THE METAL IS APPARENTLY FIXED TO HER SKULL BY GIANT STAPLES. Mmmmh, gushes of blood! Obviously, Crazycakes starts freaking out some more, and the next thing we know, you see Anna waking up in another room. Because you apparently leave a newly freed crazy person to their own devices in a house full of dead people. Anna's reason for waking was due to some truly disturbing noises that Crazycakes was making, and that was because SHE WAS GRATING THE FLESH OF HER WRISTS WITH A GIANT KNIFE. Seriously, it was like grating cheese, APPARENTLY JUST WITH BLOOD AND FLASHES OF BONE. And then Crazycakes decides to run around a bit and try to turn her head into mush. Anna tries to confront the crazy ARMED person, when suddenly Crazycakes drops like a stone due to death by headshot. The cops, you think! Finally, this movie is over! WRONG, for these serious looking people are not government agents, but the people who were behind this whole abuse ring, and Anna is their new fresh candidate! Sucks to be you so damn much, Anna D:
At this point, we also finally find out the "reasoning" for why the fuck this whole movie is happening. Well, some crazy old rich hag apparently has such a hard-on for finding out about higher consciousness/life after death, that she has spent the last 17 years trying to "induce" martyrdom in young women (as they are the most well-suited to handling gross amounts of abuse, OBVIOUSLY) in hopes of ~knowing~ more. Yesss, our reaction at this point was basically: "OH HELL NO, WHAT THE FFFFFFFFFFFUCK". Which means that the last third? or half? of the film is basically a systematic breaking down of whatever remains of Anna's spirit, and oh, by systematic I mean that the viewer gets to fully appreciate the sight of a young girl getting beat on by a burly dude AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN, being force-fed and BITCH-SLAPPED OVER AND OVER, having her hair shorn off, MORE BEATINGS and some truly disturbing make-up work and Anna getting more and more broken and crazy and DEAD INSIDE. But! Apparently she is the best candidate the evil ring of Assitude has had in ages, skipping over the sudden and understandable development of psychosis (Crazycakes failed because she apparently saw insects crawling out of her veins and pores, ergo the headmask and the subsequent attempts at grating her arms off) and the evil old hag decides to elevate the undertakings to the next level. What is this next level? Well, it is actually only vaguely alluded to and clearly without any tranquilisation, and by the previous standards of the movie still fucking gross and Carmen, her mom and I basically spent that part looking away from the screen (well, honestly I spent a lot of the movie looking away from the screen).
Old hag suddenly appears to talk to Anna about what she has seen, as the operation to elevate her mind was a "resounding success" and Anna whispers something to old hag. Did I mention that ANNA WAS BASICALLY SKINNED ALIVE AND THE ONLY SKIN LEFT WAS AROUND HER FACE???? Then the scene cuts to lots of old people arriving to the house and apparently they are the people who are all with vested interests in the outcome of the martyr-project. You see old rich hag start preparing herself in a bathroom and as that happens she talks to her butler dude. She asks him what he thinks is the point of life. He dithers, and she then basically sticks a gun in her mouth and pulls the trigger.
The last thing you see in the movie is the camera on what is left of Anna, and then a tight zoom into her crazy-blown up pupil. AND THEN THE CREDITS ROLL AND YOU SEE CUTE FOOTAGE OF YOUNG ANNA AND LUCIE PLAYING. akjsfhkjahjkfhkjafh!!!!111
CAN I GET A "HOW THE FUCK DID THIS MOVIE EVER GET MADE?" AND A "WHY DIDN'T THE AGENTS OF THESE GIRLS TELL THEM TO BURN THE SCRIPTS AND SALT THE ASHES??". Seriously, I think the one indirect quote of the director in Wiki says it all: "the main difficulty other than the technical issues such as special effects was to keep the actresses crying all the time, and that was too demanding"
I totally had to watch some fluff on youtube before I could sleep that night lolol and Carmen, her mom and I are still sporadically discussing bits of it even now. A++ on the OH GOD MY BRAIN I WILL NEVER BE PURE AGAIN AHHHHH scale, that's for sure!
.....man, this felt good to get out!
AND TO END THIS ON A POSITIVE NOTE: WE ALSO WATCHED MONSTERS VS. ALIENS TODAY AND IT WAS SUPER CUTE, EVEN IN THE GERMAN DUB! I WANT AN INSECTOSAURUS-FLY AND AN ESCARGOTSAURUS AND BOB AND BASICALLY EVERYONE, THEY WERE SO AWESOME ♥ ♥
Still, before I go into detail about my awesome northern adventures (I will totally try and upload pictures this time!!1), I feel the urge to share with you my intensely traumatic movie experience of two days ago. Also known as "Martyrs" by Pascal Laugier. No lies, this is now officially THE ABSOLUTELY MOST HIDEOUS AND DISGUSTING SICK SICK SICK SHIT I HAVE EVER SET MY EYES UPON. I don't give a damn that apparently all the French horror movie fans are apparently collectively creaming their pants over this dreck, but seriously. We ended up watching it till the bitter end, in the vain hope of some form of resolution, but what came was the equivalent of crapping in your already craptacular sundae of crap, and sprinkling it with tiny, tiny bits of turd. It lures you in with the appearance of being a kickass Kill Bill-esque girl gets revenge on the people who abducted and tortured her for no apparent reason yeaaaars ago flick, but oh nooo. Said Girl A(Lucie) eventually managed to escape and grew up in an orphanage with her future BFF Girl B(Anna). Lucie also keeps having these freaky-ass visions of a truly hideous Gollum-esque creature that likes to carve her flesh up. So! Lucie eventually finds said bad people, and basically slaughters them and their whole family in a pretty brutal sequence with a shot gun, and then starts to totally flip out and be chased around the blood-drenched house by creepy Gollum (SERIOUSLY THE NOISES IT MAKES). She calls Anna and gets her to the place too and that is the point were you expect them to either hit the road as fugitives or spend some quality time in a mental asylum. Anna is not surprisingly more than freaked out by the murder her BFF has just committed, and is starting to doubt that Lucie is entirely sane (her whole story about how they hurt her, the existence of Gollum). They both start to try and dispose of the bodies. Gollum shows up again, chases Lucie through the house and cuts her up some more. Anna discovers that one of the family (the mother, who was allegedly involved in the abuse) is still alive and tries to help her out. Of course, Lucie discovers this and proceeds to bludgeon the mom to death with a hammer (this was one of many unnecessary sequences in the movie to see in detail) Lucie and Anna get into a fight about why Lucie had to go so far, Lucie starts flipping out and trashes the place, and ends it with a cutting her own throat. But before she goes, we the viewers discover that Gollum was basically a construct of her own damaged mind and she was the one always cutting herself up or slamming her head into things, and the real Gollum was another girl that was also imprisoned like she was that Lucie couldn't help when she managed to escape.
SO! Now we have Anna, covered in blood, traumatized like fuck and stuck in a strange house full of dead people. What would happen next! Well, she decides to explore the CELLAR, BECAUSE SHE HEARD A NOISE IN IT. And what does she find? An almost evil lab-esque underground lair, that eventually beholds a room with another emaciated, heavily scarred, naked and chained young woman in it, this time also with some kind of metal headcase half over her entire face. Lucie was right after all, so Anna finally finds out. Instead of CALLING THE COPS, she decides to drag the obviously delirious and crazycakes girl out into the house and start cleaning her up by herself. This is why we have a sequence where she dumps the girl (WHO CAN'T SEE SHIT) into a bathtub and tries to remove her head apparatus. Which proves to be a bit tricky, AS THE METAL IS APPARENTLY FIXED TO HER SKULL BY GIANT STAPLES. Mmmmh, gushes of blood! Obviously, Crazycakes starts freaking out some more, and the next thing we know, you see Anna waking up in another room. Because you apparently leave a newly freed crazy person to their own devices in a house full of dead people. Anna's reason for waking was due to some truly disturbing noises that Crazycakes was making, and that was because SHE WAS GRATING THE FLESH OF HER WRISTS WITH A GIANT KNIFE. Seriously, it was like grating cheese, APPARENTLY JUST WITH BLOOD AND FLASHES OF BONE. And then Crazycakes decides to run around a bit and try to turn her head into mush. Anna tries to confront the crazy ARMED person, when suddenly Crazycakes drops like a stone due to death by headshot. The cops, you think! Finally, this movie is over! WRONG, for these serious looking people are not government agents, but the people who were behind this whole abuse ring, and Anna is their new fresh candidate! Sucks to be you so damn much, Anna D:
At this point, we also finally find out the "reasoning" for why the fuck this whole movie is happening. Well, some crazy old rich hag apparently has such a hard-on for finding out about higher consciousness/life after death, that she has spent the last 17 years trying to "induce" martyrdom in young women (as they are the most well-suited to handling gross amounts of abuse, OBVIOUSLY) in hopes of ~knowing~ more. Yesss, our reaction at this point was basically: "OH HELL NO, WHAT THE FFFFFFFFFFFUCK". Which means that the last third? or half? of the film is basically a systematic breaking down of whatever remains of Anna's spirit, and oh, by systematic I mean that the viewer gets to fully appreciate the sight of a young girl getting beat on by a burly dude AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN, being force-fed and BITCH-SLAPPED OVER AND OVER, having her hair shorn off, MORE BEATINGS and some truly disturbing make-up work and Anna getting more and more broken and crazy and DEAD INSIDE. But! Apparently she is the best candidate the evil ring of Assitude has had in ages, skipping over the sudden and understandable development of psychosis (Crazycakes failed because she apparently saw insects crawling out of her veins and pores, ergo the headmask and the subsequent attempts at grating her arms off) and the evil old hag decides to elevate the undertakings to the next level. What is this next level? Well, it is actually only vaguely alluded to and clearly without any tranquilisation, and by the previous standards of the movie still fucking gross and Carmen, her mom and I basically spent that part looking away from the screen (well, honestly I spent a lot of the movie looking away from the screen).
Old hag suddenly appears to talk to Anna about what she has seen, as the operation to elevate her mind was a "resounding success" and Anna whispers something to old hag. Did I mention that ANNA WAS BASICALLY SKINNED ALIVE AND THE ONLY SKIN LEFT WAS AROUND HER FACE???? Then the scene cuts to lots of old people arriving to the house and apparently they are the people who are all with vested interests in the outcome of the martyr-project. You see old rich hag start preparing herself in a bathroom and as that happens she talks to her butler dude. She asks him what he thinks is the point of life. He dithers, and she then basically sticks a gun in her mouth and pulls the trigger.
The last thing you see in the movie is the camera on what is left of Anna, and then a tight zoom into her crazy-blown up pupil. AND THEN THE CREDITS ROLL AND YOU SEE CUTE FOOTAGE OF YOUNG ANNA AND LUCIE PLAYING. akjsfhkjahjkfhkjafh!!!!111
CAN I GET A "HOW THE FUCK DID THIS MOVIE EVER GET MADE?" AND A "WHY DIDN'T THE AGENTS OF THESE GIRLS TELL THEM TO BURN THE SCRIPTS AND SALT THE ASHES??". Seriously, I think the one indirect quote of the director in Wiki says it all: "the main difficulty other than the technical issues such as special effects was to keep the actresses crying all the time, and that was too demanding"
I totally had to watch some fluff on youtube before I could sleep that night lolol and Carmen, her mom and I are still sporadically discussing bits of it even now. A++ on the OH GOD MY BRAIN I WILL NEVER BE PURE AGAIN AHHHHH scale, that's for sure!
.....man, this felt good to get out!
AND TO END THIS ON A POSITIVE NOTE: WE ALSO WATCHED MONSTERS VS. ALIENS TODAY AND IT WAS SUPER CUTE, EVEN IN THE GERMAN DUB! I WANT AN INSECTOSAURUS-FLY AND AN ESCARGOTSAURUS AND BOB AND BASICALLY EVERYONE, THEY WERE SO AWESOME ♥ ♥