not sure
I felt like an explanation was owed for why I've apparently stopped updating my Haikyuu fic. Didn't feel like doing it on AO3. Before I get into it, I'll just say that it's not as bleak as it sounds, and life is pretty awesome, but this nevertheless makes it hard - or just annoying - for me to write anything right now.
I was really getting into Haikyuu this past summer, and I thought my multi-chap was going pretty well. I enjoyed trying to step out of my comfort zone and committing to something longer than snarky one-shots. Oikawa's fucking awesome and really fun to write, and so are the other Haikyuu characters. I'd only ever felt this way before in my early years in the Slam Dunk category, but now my writing's much better, so I can do more with these feelings.
I liked sneaking bits of real life into the fic. I felt like it lent a rare bit of vividness to my writing, because the things I was writing about were things I'd seen in real life. Nothing major or epic. Little things like the French cafe and other trappings of everyday life, like cell phones and scrambled eggs and dried leaves whirling in the wind, video games, epic anime songs, etc., etc., etc. These things aren't necessarily associated in real life with anything momentous or profound, but they help me connect better to something imaginary and hopefully allow me to give it a bit of life. In my unpublished fifth chapter I made Oikawa a runner so I could put a bit of myself into him.
But then I hit a writer's block, and what I was afraid would happen happened. My comparatively brief acquaintance with Haikyuu meant that characters and their personalities started slipping out of my conscious memory the longer I put off working on the fic. At first I thought it was just a writer's block, and all I had to do was to watch the series again to relight the fire. But now I think it's because of something sillier. Bwahahaha. I may have caught feelings in real life for someone I'm not supposed to have feelings for and who's not really in a position to reciprocate them, and I'm afraid that in writing about Oikawa and Kuroo I might actually end up writing about myself and this other person. I can't do that right now. I need these feelings to go away. They will, someday, I'm sure, as they always do.