LiveJournal
Often.. very often, I feel a rush of emotion. Sadness, Anger, Fear, Hurt, Resentment, Joy. Most of them unidentifiable. These feelings plague me. The proper words escape me. It goes deeper than an inability to express complex feelings. I struggle to answer questions that no one has ever seen fit to ask. Questions that I could not answer if I wanted to. These questions range from why I am who I am to questions about why I don't fit in with my own family. Sometimes I wish to know if it's fate that has made me a loner or if that was a choice I made. Most of the time I realize that it's hopeless. Another unanswerable question has to do with the relationships I hold with other people. Why do I get involved beyond what is necessary? Do I want something? If so what would I want? If not, then the question remains as to why. I take these thoughts to bed and at times they follow me beyond. Imbuing my dreams with dark realities. Who's to know what this all means. Certainly not me. Certainly not you, my faithful readers. Maybe there is a higher being out there who understands perfectly. Unfortunately this higher being doesn't see fit to bestow his presence upon mere mortals. So then, where am I to turn? My eyesight grows increasingly dark. Perhaps in the blackness I'll find my answers. If not I'll carve my questions in blood. The blood of the gods.