Inelegantly and without my consent, time passed.
I have not had gas in my apartment for at least three weeks now, maybe longer I can't be sure. Don't mind why.
Despite the cold temperatures there has been no need for heat to be turned on if I could.
Though every now and then the urge to make a grilled ham, tomato, and cheese sandwich has been crushed by the realization of the lack of gas flowing out of the burner. Blackcurrant jam and good Amish butter, while being quite wonderful, really wonderful, just doesn't seem to have the same warm wrap-you-up-in-a-blanket embracing sense.
Though if I would buy that Bruan toaster I could increase the chances for the blackcurrant jam.
Not that any of this is troubling in any way as I am never at home to notice long enough to bring about change, working a minimum of ten hours every day almost seven days a week for the past three weeks.
This past Sunday I wound up working yet another 18 hour day (well 20 hours really) with dear thanks to the pm-supervisor calling off.
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Am I now that person that I always found irritating. That guy who would call me maybe once a week and I would look at the caller ID and sigh and ignore the call. Is that who I have become to everyone I know.
I thought that, well no, I don't know what I thought. Maybe that by keeping communication open the people that I like to talk they would realize the only reason I am not seeing them was because of working so much and nothing personal.
There is no one who will answer their phone anymore, it is really terribly dejecting.
The least someone could do is return 1 in 5 of my voicemails. After 14 calls over a two week period I can see how it seems like too much but you start to wonder if perhaps they or someone they know is dead, they have fallen into crisis -but wait if they had I would have been one of those first calls. Right?
Or was I demoted?
I could have friends from work, they work closer to the kinds of hours I do.
I do not want these people to be my friends.
No worry, no thought, and no thanksgiving dinner to make for anyone and I start to wonder if I will ever wind up making that Christmas dinner I wanted this year.
How can I be so terrified of being alone this late into the game.
Despite the cold temperatures there has been no need for heat to be turned on if I could.
Though every now and then the urge to make a grilled ham, tomato, and cheese sandwich has been crushed by the realization of the lack of gas flowing out of the burner. Blackcurrant jam and good Amish butter, while being quite wonderful, really wonderful, just doesn't seem to have the same warm wrap-you-up-in-a-blanket embracing sense.
Though if I would buy that Bruan toaster I could increase the chances for the blackcurrant jam.
Not that any of this is troubling in any way as I am never at home to notice long enough to bring about change, working a minimum of ten hours every day almost seven days a week for the past three weeks.
This past Sunday I wound up working yet another 18 hour day (well 20 hours really) with dear thanks to the pm-supervisor calling off.
------
Am I now that person that I always found irritating. That guy who would call me maybe once a week and I would look at the caller ID and sigh and ignore the call. Is that who I have become to everyone I know.
I thought that, well no, I don't know what I thought. Maybe that by keeping communication open the people that I like to talk they would realize the only reason I am not seeing them was because of working so much and nothing personal.
There is no one who will answer their phone anymore, it is really terribly dejecting.
The least someone could do is return 1 in 5 of my voicemails. After 14 calls over a two week period I can see how it seems like too much but you start to wonder if perhaps they or someone they know is dead, they have fallen into crisis -but wait if they had I would have been one of those first calls. Right?
Or was I demoted?
I could have friends from work, they work closer to the kinds of hours I do.
I do not want these people to be my friends.
No worry, no thought, and no thanksgiving dinner to make for anyone and I start to wonder if I will ever wind up making that Christmas dinner I wanted this year.
How can I be so terrified of being alone this late into the game.