A Jew, an atheist, and a shark walk into a cathedral...
Inspired by Wolf1, but written by me, so blame me for the disaster to follow....
A Jew, an atheist, and a shark walk into a cathedral during Sunday Mass. A line of Catholic worshippers slowly walk up to the altar rail, kneel on the cushion, receive the Communion wafer on the tip of their tongue, sip the wine, and move onward. After quietly admiring the stained glass and sculptures, the three friends talk about how curious they are about transubstantiation. No one has the courage to try it alone, so together they decide to join the line of communicants and see what the wafer and the wine taste like.
The Jew is first. “This is the body of Christ,” says the priest. The Jew takes the wafer on his tongue. “This is the blood of Christ.” He sips. Before moving onward, he mutters to the atheist and the shark, “This tastes just like matzoh and old Manischewitz,” and moves onward under the frowning eye of the priest. He waits for his compatriots near the rail.
The atheist comes next. “This is the body of Christ.” The atheist takes the wafer on her tongue. “This is the blood of Christ.” She sips. Before moving onward, she says to her fellows, “This tastes just like a table water cracker and a 1945 Mouton Rothschild. It really cries out for a quality raw goat cheese.” She moves on onward under the now-scowling forehead of the priest and stands next to the Jew.
The shark sidles up the priest. Visibly nonplussed, but always happy to see a new face in the pews, the priest gingerly offers the wafer and says “This is the body of Christ.” The shark delicately brings together his massive jaws and gently takes the wafer. The priest offers the chalice and adds, “This is the blood of Christ.”
The shark sips, turns, and instantly seizes his chums in his massive, toothy jaws. Bloody scraps spray across the boy’s choir, the nearby communicants, and the priest and other officiants. Under the screams and cries of the congregation, the shark mutters disconsolately to himself, “Yup. They all taste just like chicken.”
1 Wolf and I were walking through NYC and were admiring a cathedral while she munched on jelly sharks (think blueberry, steroidal swedish fish) when we came up with the intro but were stuck for the rest.