stuff Kai's been writing when she should have been paying attention to grammar...
In my defense, it was subject-verb agreement. We did that stuff in like fifth grade.
I can understand the effects that racism have had on my life. From the first grade teacher who refused to recognize the achievements of black students, to being passed over for a prize in a contest in which I outread the entire school, I know that prejudice based on the color of my skin is still a factor in life. I realize that my naivety in the past has kept my from truly understanding the ramifications of the words and actions of people around me.
This isn't to say that I don't understand that racism and prejudice are not a defining factor of American society today. I know that now, at least more than ever in my life, racial tensions and attempts by the white Christian majority to remain the majority and to impose their lives on the minorities is at an all-time high. And I cannot say that I have not personally felt the effects of racism even now, or that there is nothing that I can do about it.
I am black. I always have been, and I always will be. I know that people will most likely judge me first and foremost by the color of my skin.
Still, even moreso than that, my identity is tied to two facts - I am a woman, and I am a lesbian.
If I was asked, "How has being black affected your life?" I would spend several minutes trying to identify any particular instances that I was not told about or explained later on in life.
If, however, you asked the question, "How has being female affected your life," I would be able to rattle off an absolutely huge list in under a minute. As a young girl living on a street mostly populated by boys, I couldn't just be good at what I liked - I had to be the best, if I wanted to be taken seriously. In school, I had to be smart, but I couldn't be too smart; after all, no guy likes a girl smarter than him, right? And if I couldn't attract or didn't want a guy, I was obviously some kind of freak of nature...but then, if I dared to show any interest in a guy aside from simple infatuation, or if I had too many male friends, I was clearly just out to have sex with all of them, and thus a slut.
I can only imagine how much simpler life must be for males. Not having to worry about how one's clothing or attitude affects how society views you... I wonder just how much easier it is to not have to worry about the tone and words one uses, to not have to fear that one's words and arguments will be taken less seriously or disregarded entirely simply because of one's gender. I wish that I had the same freedom to do what I want concerning my body - to choose what I want to wear, or what I want to do about my reproductive health, without all and sundry telling me that as a woman, I don't know what I really want, and that I should defer to the opinions of obviously smarter men.
The other question, "How has being a lesbian affected your life?" is just as weighty. I can say without hesitation that I have lived most of my life hiding my sexuality in fear of backlash and hatred. I know that even if I have denied that my depression is in any way connected to my sexuality, I spent my middle and high school years miserably as I tried to fit in and feel the same attraction to boys that I did to girls. I can remember, quite clearly, listening to the other girls in class whispering about how their lesbian neighbors were obviously pedophiles and rapists, and spending day after day convincing myself that they were wrong.
I remember that same sick feeling of fear and dread and frustration that made me want to curl up in a ball and cry - because I feel it now, seeing the people in charge of our country, for the sake of bigots who refuse to work with gay and lesbian soldiers, denying a repeal of discriminatory laws along the same lines of those taken out by the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s. And it hurts even more when I realize that some people that I personally know, people who have been affected by similar laws, would support the continued existence of this law.
These are the issues closest to my heart. This is what I know what must be said.
I can understand the effects that racism have had on my life. From the first grade teacher who refused to recognize the achievements of black students, to being passed over for a prize in a contest in which I outread the entire school, I know that prejudice based on the color of my skin is still a factor in life. I realize that my naivety in the past has kept my from truly understanding the ramifications of the words and actions of people around me.
This isn't to say that I don't understand that racism and prejudice are not a defining factor of American society today. I know that now, at least more than ever in my life, racial tensions and attempts by the white Christian majority to remain the majority and to impose their lives on the minorities is at an all-time high. And I cannot say that I have not personally felt the effects of racism even now, or that there is nothing that I can do about it.
I am black. I always have been, and I always will be. I know that people will most likely judge me first and foremost by the color of my skin.
Still, even moreso than that, my identity is tied to two facts - I am a woman, and I am a lesbian.
If I was asked, "How has being black affected your life?" I would spend several minutes trying to identify any particular instances that I was not told about or explained later on in life.
If, however, you asked the question, "How has being female affected your life," I would be able to rattle off an absolutely huge list in under a minute. As a young girl living on a street mostly populated by boys, I couldn't just be good at what I liked - I had to be the best, if I wanted to be taken seriously. In school, I had to be smart, but I couldn't be too smart; after all, no guy likes a girl smarter than him, right? And if I couldn't attract or didn't want a guy, I was obviously some kind of freak of nature...but then, if I dared to show any interest in a guy aside from simple infatuation, or if I had too many male friends, I was clearly just out to have sex with all of them, and thus a slut.
I can only imagine how much simpler life must be for males. Not having to worry about how one's clothing or attitude affects how society views you... I wonder just how much easier it is to not have to worry about the tone and words one uses, to not have to fear that one's words and arguments will be taken less seriously or disregarded entirely simply because of one's gender. I wish that I had the same freedom to do what I want concerning my body - to choose what I want to wear, or what I want to do about my reproductive health, without all and sundry telling me that as a woman, I don't know what I really want, and that I should defer to the opinions of obviously smarter men.
The other question, "How has being a lesbian affected your life?" is just as weighty. I can say without hesitation that I have lived most of my life hiding my sexuality in fear of backlash and hatred. I know that even if I have denied that my depression is in any way connected to my sexuality, I spent my middle and high school years miserably as I tried to fit in and feel the same attraction to boys that I did to girls. I can remember, quite clearly, listening to the other girls in class whispering about how their lesbian neighbors were obviously pedophiles and rapists, and spending day after day convincing myself that they were wrong.
I remember that same sick feeling of fear and dread and frustration that made me want to curl up in a ball and cry - because I feel it now, seeing the people in charge of our country, for the sake of bigots who refuse to work with gay and lesbian soldiers, denying a repeal of discriminatory laws along the same lines of those taken out by the Civil Rights Movement of the 1960s. And it hurts even more when I realize that some people that I personally know, people who have been affected by similar laws, would support the continued existence of this law.
These are the issues closest to my heart. This is what I know what must be said.