What I really wanted for Christmas
After Reading Week and finals, Winter Holiday is a Christmas gift in itself. I returned home this year battered from two weeks of studying and exams, anxious to relax and receive new presents on the 25th. I spent the first couple of days of break bumming around the house in fleece pants, eating from dishes of candy that Mom left out, and watching reruns of Nip/Tuck. The presents I received were decent: a watch, a sweater, some underwear. Boxer briefs. They’re nice.
But not all my Christmas wishes were met. After I spent an entire week eating Lindt Truffles and mini candy canes and sleeping more in two days than I did during all of finals, I felt like there was still something missing, like that gifts I received didn't meet my Christmas expectations. And I was good this year. I expected Santa to reward me for being such a good student (ha) and so well behaved (HA). But alas, the wishes of one boy didn’t come true and since I know that you, dear Reader, take such interest in my well being, I offer to you
WHAT I REALLY WANTED FOR CHRISTMAS
1. Death to Danity Kane
Since I’ve been home, the unreliable CD player in my beautiful 1995 Chevrolet Astro van has left the radio as my only source of music in the car. This would be fine were it not for Danity Kane, a deadly plague that now scours airwaves around the nation. I feel like every station is streaming their airy "singing" and Diva-esque vocal gymnastics. They hurt my ears. Seriously, I could handle The Pussycat Dolls but Danity Kane has pushed me to the edge. No more. Watch out, Danity Kane. Unless you release some better music my cronies are coming.
2. A lifetime supply of Staedtler office supplies
If a mechanical engineer and Heidi Klum had baby and then that baby designed a line of office supplies, he would create Staedtler, quite simply the finest office supplies in the world.
3. Satsuma mandarins year round
Over the past three days, I have eaten an entire box of Satsuma mandarins. Easy to peel, sweet like candy, and delightful in texture, I'm convinced that in heaven Adriana Lima delivers a bowl of Satsumas to you every day. I'm worried about acquiring scurvy. I need them.
4. A Yale housing policy that allows pets in dorms
My puppies at home are a Havenese-Cockapoo mix and, after baby seals, the most adorable creatures in the world. I miss canine company while at school. Even after my repeated attempts to turn my suite into a dog sanctuary, Yale refuses to allow pets in the residential colleges. This needs to change.
5. A tacky Christmas sweater
There are few times every year when asinine dress is appropriate, even encouraged. There’s Easter (seriously who wears bonnets), the Kentucky Derby (again, what’s with the bonnets), and Christmas, when hideous holiday sweaters abound. My family has yet to relent and buy me a knit sweater with jumping reindeer and patterned snowflakes but I really want one. I’ll wear it in July to spread holiday cheer. You know it's the happiest time of the year when you can show up to people's parties in a sweater with a puff paint reindeer on it and not be denied entry.
I have high hopes for next year, but I'm not too worried. If Christmastime again meets me with failure, I have a new plan:
Hanukkah.
But not all my Christmas wishes were met. After I spent an entire week eating Lindt Truffles and mini candy canes and sleeping more in two days than I did during all of finals, I felt like there was still something missing, like that gifts I received didn't meet my Christmas expectations. And I was good this year. I expected Santa to reward me for being such a good student (ha) and so well behaved (HA). But alas, the wishes of one boy didn’t come true and since I know that you, dear Reader, take such interest in my well being, I offer to you
WHAT I REALLY WANTED FOR CHRISTMAS
1. Death to Danity Kane
Since I’ve been home, the unreliable CD player in my beautiful 1995 Chevrolet Astro van has left the radio as my only source of music in the car. This would be fine were it not for Danity Kane, a deadly plague that now scours airwaves around the nation. I feel like every station is streaming their airy "singing" and Diva-esque vocal gymnastics. They hurt my ears. Seriously, I could handle The Pussycat Dolls but Danity Kane has pushed me to the edge. No more. Watch out, Danity Kane. Unless you release some better music my cronies are coming.
2. A lifetime supply of Staedtler office supplies
If a mechanical engineer and Heidi Klum had baby and then that baby designed a line of office supplies, he would create Staedtler, quite simply the finest office supplies in the world.
3. Satsuma mandarins year round
Over the past three days, I have eaten an entire box of Satsuma mandarins. Easy to peel, sweet like candy, and delightful in texture, I'm convinced that in heaven Adriana Lima delivers a bowl of Satsumas to you every day. I'm worried about acquiring scurvy. I need them.
4. A Yale housing policy that allows pets in dorms
My puppies at home are a Havenese-Cockapoo mix and, after baby seals, the most adorable creatures in the world. I miss canine company while at school. Even after my repeated attempts to turn my suite into a dog sanctuary, Yale refuses to allow pets in the residential colleges. This needs to change.
5. A tacky Christmas sweater
There are few times every year when asinine dress is appropriate, even encouraged. There’s Easter (seriously who wears bonnets), the Kentucky Derby (again, what’s with the bonnets), and Christmas, when hideous holiday sweaters abound. My family has yet to relent and buy me a knit sweater with jumping reindeer and patterned snowflakes but I really want one. I’ll wear it in July to spread holiday cheer. You know it's the happiest time of the year when you can show up to people's parties in a sweater with a puff paint reindeer on it and not be denied entry.
I have high hopes for next year, but I'm not too worried. If Christmastime again meets me with failure, I have a new plan:
Hanukkah.