(no subject)
“Gentlemen, at approximately nine o’clock last night, a small scouting force was sent into the vicinity of my liver. They’ve not been heard from. A rescue force was dispatched, but they, too, have been lost. I’m afraid I have no choice but to declare a state of full-scale war with my liver. Time for a martini.”
"I like it when the booze says, 'You don’t really want to drink me' and I say 'Shut up, fucker, and get in my throat' then I drink it and the fuckin’ booze says 'Got you, fucker!'”
“Keep in mind that, after I do this shot, I may not be the same man you’ve come to love and trust so completely. In fact, you may consider chaining me to a sturdy radiator, if one is handy.”
“Waking up hungover and snuggled up in bed with the boss’s 19-year-old daughter and having to walk out of the house past his surprised ass at the breakfast table doesn’t do wonders for your career.”
“She spilled a beer on me. That’s foreplay.”
“We’ve had enough to drink. Now let’s have too much.”
“It sucks when decent, hardworking people get screwed over like that. Because that means pricks like us don’t stand a chance.”
"I like it when the booze says, 'You don’t really want to drink me' and I say 'Shut up, fucker, and get in my throat' then I drink it and the fuckin’ booze says 'Got you, fucker!'”
“Keep in mind that, after I do this shot, I may not be the same man you’ve come to love and trust so completely. In fact, you may consider chaining me to a sturdy radiator, if one is handy.”
“Waking up hungover and snuggled up in bed with the boss’s 19-year-old daughter and having to walk out of the house past his surprised ass at the breakfast table doesn’t do wonders for your career.”
“She spilled a beer on me. That’s foreplay.”
“We’ve had enough to drink. Now let’s have too much.”
“It sucks when decent, hardworking people get screwed over like that. Because that means pricks like us don’t stand a chance.”