(no subject)
So I made it through the first week of classes and it's finally the weekend. It was really rough. I got so overwhelmed after one day and it only got worse after the second and third day. Chemistry is going to be my worst class. i can tell already. The thing that really bothers me is that the work we're doing right now in all of my classes is really easy. It's all review. It's all stuff that I already know. But I have sooo much work to do and it's so tedious. And i'm not really counting on the load to get lighter as the semester goes on, but the work will get harder because I'll start learning new stuff. So I'm really afraid that I'm going to get burned out so early. I still have 8 years of school left. I can't aford to wear myself out this fast. But, the good thing is that Thursday and Friday, for the most part, were good days. Not nearly as stressful. So there's still hope yet. It still seems like sooo much work. And I don't mean that in the whiny, complaining kinda way, it's just so much.
But regardless of all of the work and stress, the hardest part of my week by a mile was Shabbat. Up until now, the reason that i've been so upset is because I miss the comfort and familiarity of home. On Friday, I truely missed just being home, I missed the people. For the two weeks before I left and a few times over the summer, I shared Shabbat with Marty's family. My family has never been a religious family, at least not together. We all kinda did our own thing and what not. But since I've been dating Marty and I've started spending more time w/ his family, I've seen what it can be like. I've seen the potential of Shabbat to be a truely joyous event every week, the way it should be. And it was really hard for me yesterday, to go to a Hillel service with only 13 or so other people that I didnt' even remotely know and spend Shabbat, in essence, alone. It was sad for me to regress like that. During one of the prayers, one of my favorite prayers, I started to really think about Marty and Rabbi and the twins and Mrs. Michaels and how they were celebrating Shabbat together at home and I actually had to excuse myself from the room for like 15 minutes until I could compose myself. It was probably the lowest I've felt since I've gotten here.
Anyhoo, but like I said, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Over the week I've done a few classes of yoga and that has really helped me to relax and kind of work out my body and my mind. I've been trying to manage my time and do everything that I need to do. I get upset pretty often but I figure that it's normal and things will calm down before too long.
But regardless of all of the work and stress, the hardest part of my week by a mile was Shabbat. Up until now, the reason that i've been so upset is because I miss the comfort and familiarity of home. On Friday, I truely missed just being home, I missed the people. For the two weeks before I left and a few times over the summer, I shared Shabbat with Marty's family. My family has never been a religious family, at least not together. We all kinda did our own thing and what not. But since I've been dating Marty and I've started spending more time w/ his family, I've seen what it can be like. I've seen the potential of Shabbat to be a truely joyous event every week, the way it should be. And it was really hard for me yesterday, to go to a Hillel service with only 13 or so other people that I didnt' even remotely know and spend Shabbat, in essence, alone. It was sad for me to regress like that. During one of the prayers, one of my favorite prayers, I started to really think about Marty and Rabbi and the twins and Mrs. Michaels and how they were celebrating Shabbat together at home and I actually had to excuse myself from the room for like 15 minutes until I could compose myself. It was probably the lowest I've felt since I've gotten here.
Anyhoo, but like I said, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Over the week I've done a few classes of yoga and that has really helped me to relax and kind of work out my body and my mind. I've been trying to manage my time and do everything that I need to do. I get upset pretty often but I figure that it's normal and things will calm down before too long.