(no subject)
thanx to everyone who came to my bday shpiel. And for those of you who didn't *cough Kendall cough* you owe me so big! haha. I had a really good time spending my parents money and hangin out w/ you all while my rents were gone. haha.
Other than that i'm pretty dismal. I'm bored almost all of the time. And for about 5 days now, I've been stressed and nervous and anxious. I feel so unsure about a lot of different things and it's really bringin me down. I can't seem to get these thoughts out of my mind so it's basically like constant anxiety. I wish that i could stop it for like 10 min and give myself a break from myself. The fact that i can't seem to escape it makes me feel really bad. Not only for myself but for everyone else. Because when i get down it shows. And i tend to be really rude and sarcastic and short with people. I say things that I dont really mean to say but by the time i figure that out it's too late. But the weird things is that, even if i am in a bad mood, the stuff i say has to come from somewhere right? like, maybe the mean things that i say are the things taht i really think but i'm just too nice to say them at any other time. Maybe what i am saying is the truth that i'm normally afraid to say. Of course when i start thinking like that I start to question a lot of things in my life which adds onto my bitterness in the first place. It makes me question whether or not various parts of my life are lies. Vicious cycle no? But in all honesty, part of me wants to say these things even if they are mean or rude or sarcastic. Because all too often problems get worse just becasue people are afraid to tell the truth, they're afraid it'll hurt some one's feelings. But dont you think that if you tell lies just to be nice and then people find out the truth later, it'll only be worse? It would hurt me more to know that someone didn't feel like i deserved to know the truth, as harsh as it can be sometimes.
And that was my deep though-provoking moment of the day. Yet curiously enough, I feel no better than I did before. Usually i feel a lot better after i write about or talk about my feelings or thoughts. Not that lucky this time i suppose.
Other than that i'm pretty dismal. I'm bored almost all of the time. And for about 5 days now, I've been stressed and nervous and anxious. I feel so unsure about a lot of different things and it's really bringin me down. I can't seem to get these thoughts out of my mind so it's basically like constant anxiety. I wish that i could stop it for like 10 min and give myself a break from myself. The fact that i can't seem to escape it makes me feel really bad. Not only for myself but for everyone else. Because when i get down it shows. And i tend to be really rude and sarcastic and short with people. I say things that I dont really mean to say but by the time i figure that out it's too late. But the weird things is that, even if i am in a bad mood, the stuff i say has to come from somewhere right? like, maybe the mean things that i say are the things taht i really think but i'm just too nice to say them at any other time. Maybe what i am saying is the truth that i'm normally afraid to say. Of course when i start thinking like that I start to question a lot of things in my life which adds onto my bitterness in the first place. It makes me question whether or not various parts of my life are lies. Vicious cycle no? But in all honesty, part of me wants to say these things even if they are mean or rude or sarcastic. Because all too often problems get worse just becasue people are afraid to tell the truth, they're afraid it'll hurt some one's feelings. But dont you think that if you tell lies just to be nice and then people find out the truth later, it'll only be worse? It would hurt me more to know that someone didn't feel like i deserved to know the truth, as harsh as it can be sometimes.
And that was my deep though-provoking moment of the day. Yet curiously enough, I feel no better than I did before. Usually i feel a lot better after i write about or talk about my feelings or thoughts. Not that lucky this time i suppose.