Tide 010

[kaikou_tide]

I found someone's boots, if they'd like them. They're--rather large and they seem to be from a man.

And Remy, if you wanted me to help you with that chore, I have free time.

[Locked to Self, Private // Hackable]

I have to keep doing this. I have to keep doing this. I have to keep doing this. I have to keep doing this. I have to keep doing this. I

Comments

[locked]

[ttlynotawizard]

Please do, Kir. I need you for this. Door's open.

[locked]

[kaikou_tide]

On my way, Rem.

[It takes longer than it normally does and Glaukir knocks on the door.]

[go go commentlog]

[ttlynotawizard]

Just a second.

[He'd been in the shower to wash his hair as per the box of dye's instructions. He hadn't put a shirt on. The dye was permanent and he didn't want to ruin a shirt. He walked to the door and opened it as he toweled his still silver hair.]

Hey. Come in before anyone sees me.

[kaikou_tide]

[He's tired and comfortably drunk when he enters the cabin and looks over at Remy. There's a constant buzz in his head at this point that he does his best to ignore, memories of Remy's flesh and hands on his, mouth on his, the taste of the other man; it's all a background hum that Glaukir refuses to notice, refuses to acknowledge.]

You don't have to do this, you know. No one cares, Rem.

[ttlynotawizard]

[Remy hangs his head as he goes to and closes the door. It was hard to put in to words how important his hair color was to him. How when it was silver it reminded him of everything he hated, of everything he never wanted to be. He shook his head and went to retrieve the dye]

I have to, Kir. Do you know what it's like to not be able to look yourself in the mirror?

[kaikou_tide]

[He tried not to flinch, but instead smiled at Remy with an expression that didn't quite fill his eyes.]

I've heard it's hard. Are you afraid?

[He gestures to the bathroom.]

You want me to make sure you get the back, Rem?

[ttlynotawizard]

Don't give me that look, Kir.

[Remy brushes some of his damp hair behind his ears.]

I hate it. I see my hair like this and I remember where I come from...all I can see is my family and...damn it, it makes me feel sick to think I'm related to them. Back home, people see my hair this color and they instantly fear me, you know? I dye it and they don't think I'm any different then them. I can be myself.

[He gives Glaukir a small smile as he starts to walk to the bathroom]

Sorry for being depressing. Yeah, I need you to get the back. I can't do it by myself. Always had someone help.

[kaikou_tide]

[He drops his gaze, accomodating Remy's plead without needing any kinda of coercion. No one liked bitterness.]

You're not being depressing.

[Glaukir follows Remy, his thumb rubbing over the inside knuckle of his first finger, a nervous habit he's started displaying in the past few weeks. The constant tension of waiting for Erol's calls has started to wear on the priest.]

There's a people like that from my home. Psions. Usually they're dark haired and they're widely reviled. Just knowing that someone is a psion--well. People can be prejudiced.

[He looks at Remy's silver hair. It really is a shame to cover it up, but it's a shame that Remy feels so much guilt for being what he is.]

[ttlynotawizard]

[Remy gives a small chuckle as he hears Glaukir's words]

We've got people like that too. Warlocks. They're more feared than wizards are, and really, it's my people's fault. They're not all bad people. A few are really good friends of mine.

[The chuckle becomes more of a laugh]

They'd kill me if they ever found that out.

[He smirks as he notices the other looking at his hair]

Well you said you wanted to see it. What do you think?

[kaikou_tide]

I think it looks striking. I think that it washes out your face, though, and makes you look older, too old.

[His gaze is calm, appraising.]

But that isn't the hair. That's all you, Rem.

[He lets that hang and picks up the box of hair dye.]

Shall we?

[ttlynotawizard]

[Glaukir's words hit him and he lowers his head once again. He's about to ask what the priest means by that, but decides against it as the dye is grabbed.]

...yeah. Let's. I just...I want it to go away. Sick of looking at it, you know?

[kaikou_tide]

Yeah, I know what you mean.

[Glaukir's smile is brittle and he starts mixing the chemicals that makes the hair dye work. His hands are steady and he's proud of that. He hasn't started shaking yet. Good.

After a few moments he realises he's being uncharacteristically silent and he forces himself to speak.]

How're you?

[ttlynotawizard]

[Remy closes his eyes and tries to relax. Talking about his past had gotten him a little riled up and needing of a drink. Glaukir's question had caught him a little by surprise. So simple, and kind of unlike them. They were beyond small talk, he felt.]

I'm...all right. Could be better. You got me thinking about my past and I feel...and odd mix of nostalgia and hatred. I'll be better in a bit. You? You look like something's on your mind.

[kaikou_tide]

I'm just dealing with some spiritual issues, that's all.

[His tone is mild as he starts to engage in the familiar old game of telling half-truths to protect people. It twists his insides, makes him feel as fake as Remy's usual hair colour, makes every glance in the mirror harder.]

Face the mirror, Rem.

[He shakes the bottle and stands behind the other man, his thoughts inside. He can't leave it as such a short answer, he realises, Remy will get suspicious and if Remy keeps prying then Remy might be in danger.

That cannot happen.]

The nature of--spiritual growth, and if it's dependent on good works, or on the internal nature of the supplicant.

[ttlynotawizard]

[Remy clenched his eyes shut as the request was made of him, but he opened them again. He felt that he was safe here. Glaukir was here and he hadn't felt this comfortable around someone in a long time. He knew the priest wouldn't judge him, fear him or any of it. They knew each other. It was all right, just this once. He looked directly into the mirror, the person looking back mildly familiar]

I don't know about that. Haven't been big on the spiritual side of things. But...people do good things for a variety of reasons. Some like to see others happy, some like to make themselves happy. But, you know, you can't make things perfect. No one ever can.

[kaikou_tide]

No, perfection is for--gods and dolls. Tilt your head back.

[He steps into Remy's personal space and squeezes some of the stinking mixture onto the silver hair. The dye is a deep, brilliant red and Glaukir closes his eyes for a moment as his stomach rolls.

Blood everywhere.

He opens them, forces a wooden smile onto his face and then pushes his fingers into Remy's hair, massaging it in. His stomach rolls, pitches, yaws and threatens to bring everything up but he won't let it. He'll will it down.

It's strangely silent, and he's grateful that he doesn't have to talk. Words seem stuck in his throat.]