Kamen Rider W: These Conflicting Feelings (R)
Title: These Conflicting Feelings
Fandom: Kamen Rider W
Pairing: Shoutarou/Phillip
Rating: R
Warnings: Boys touching. Have set the adult rating on the post.
Notes: The follow up to "Self Education". Spoilers for episode 14. Written for the 12daysofxxxmas day 11 prompt of horny. Don't kill me if you think the characterization is off. ~.~;;;
~~~
It was an incredibly lucky thing that Fuuto had remained relatively safe over the previous week. There were no dopants to attack, no shady business going down. It was a quiet week, one where Shoutarou was left to read his detective novels, or when pressured by the slipper-wielding forces above, rescuing helpless puppies who got lost.
Normally, the safety would be a bad thing for them. When everyone was safe, there was nothing to search for, which meant there was no money coming in. But it also meant there was no need for Kamen Rider W to come in and save the day.
While everyone else in Fuuto was fast asleep, dreaming their happy, Christmas filled dreams, Phillip was a wreck. He hadn’t slept in days. He did everything in his power to come up with a new interest, a new fascination. Shoutarou had even gone out and picked him up a DSi, and the new Pokemon game, in hopes that it would bring Phillip’s obsession back to the small creatures in the video game. And sure, it was distracting, at first. Phillip spent about an hour going through the pros and cons of each starter pokemon (Phillip went with the penguin one, in the end.) And Akiko was more than happy to show him the controls, and trade pokemon with him so he could have all three of the starters (it bothered Phillip that there was no other option to get the other two.)
Nothing was working though. Phillip had just remained... silent. What once was a fountain of information constantly bubbling over was now a trickling stream. Shoutarou found himself often watching Phillip from behind his typewriter, wondering what he was looking at. What was going through his mind then? Was he that hung up on that princess bitch? Was he stuck on that locked book still? It was impossible to tell.
Shoutarou knew he had to proceed with caution. Phillip was a bit like a pandora's box. He had all the information in the world inside that tiny frame. He knew everything good, but also knew everything bad. He held in so much, not knowing what it was, how to deal with it, or just exactly how to put his own feelings and emotions into words. Phillip was hard to scare with facts. He was logical, cool headed, and never panicked in a battle. But Shoutarou could remember the times when his young partner had faltered. He was thinking about family. His past. His emotions and people he liked and loved. Right now, Shoutarou had no idea what was bothering him, exactly. All he could do was wait. Phillip would open up to him. Eventually.
~~~
It had been THREE nights like this now. Phillip knew he was going mad. He looked up all the signs and symptoms of sleep deprivation, and saw he was a textbook case. He was grumpy, had headaches, he felt as if he had a flu with aches all over but no cough. There were dark circles forming under his eyes, and when he sat really still, he could still feel his hands shaking just a little.
It was like... as if someone had hit him. Really hard. Like they found a way to get past his ribs, past all the ways to bruise him, past the Kamen Rider defences, and had a firm grip on his stomach. It was the first time he ever felt as if he didn't understand what was going on at all. All these conflicting feelings, just from one person...
Wakana Sonozaki was the most complex person he had ever met. Both in her own ways, and in the way she made Phillip feel.
Phillip was a master of book smarts. He was a genius, brilliant and could come to the right solution if given the right books. But in this field, he was as helpless as a kicked puppy left out in the rain. Despite feeling like that though, Phillip knew he wasn't alone. He was never alone, because he always had his partner to counter his book smarts with amazing street smarts.With a firm nod and a deep breath, Phillip plucked up all the nerve he had in him, and marched out of the back room and into the office.
It was silent in the entire building. Outside, wind chimes and rustling leaves could be heard. A Christmas decoration that hung on someone’s door gave the occasional jingle of bells as the wind blew down the streets. The entire office was dark, save for the blue tinted light that streamed in from the windows. A quick glance out one of them confirmed Phillip’s assumption that it was in fact a full moon that was flooding their through the windows. The desk that Shoutarou normally worked at was empty - Shoutarou was very careful to keep to his room lately, just in case they have another situation. But Phillip didn’t care much for Shoutarou feeling awkward or not wanting to say anything. He was the one who planted the seed in Phillip’s head in the first place, and Phillip was sure Shoutarou had the key to everything Phillip needed to know.
Without a second thought, Phillip pushed open the door to Shoutarou’s room, and quickly jumped up onto the bed, sitting himself squarely on his partner, sure that would be the quickest way to wake Shoutarou up. “Shoutarou, you need to help me. I can't sleep. If I have to suffer through no sleep, I’m not letting you sleep either.” A morning person, Shoutarou was not. Even if it were the middle of the night, he never woke quickly. So even with the sudden weight on him, or the forceful talking, Shoutarou seemed to be pulled out of his sleep ever so slowly. He tried to squirm away, but found that it was impossible. His dream imagination could think of a very nice scenario in which waking up would be a very good thing. But instead, as he opened his eyes, he saw it was his young partner straddling his waist, pretty much pinning him to the mattress at this point. Before Shoutarou could even get two words out though, Phillip started making observations instead. “You look really different without your hat on. How come you don’t sleep with a shirt?”
It was true, Shoutarou without his trademark hat was a very different Shoutarou. His long hair that was always kept just in place by his various hats was now all over the place, looking still a bit too silky and smooth to be considered “bed head”, but was seriously tousled. Blankets that had been pulled right up to his chin were now dishevelled by Phillip’s grand entrance, as well as by Shoutarou pulling them away to see what was going on, and it revealed a whole different part of the other half of the Kamen Rider pair. A part almost always hidden away under vests and tops and ties and jackets and other things that made the “hard-boiled detective” look work. If Phillip were any other person on earth, he might have thought twice about keeping Shoutarou pinned down, his hands splayed over the sleep-warmed skin. But, he wasn’t any other person on earth, so they stayed there, because there seemed to be nothing wrong with the situation. This was normal, right?
“Well, I don’t sleep with my hat on, no…” Shoutarou finally began to mumble, brushing hair back out of his face as best he could, his hand getting stuck in a bit of a tangle in his hair, but he simply let the arm fall over his head. “And I don’t sleep with a shirt on because I don’t like the feel of the extra material on when I sleep.”
“Aren’t you cold? It’s almost winter!” Phillip was fascinated by this new discovery. “And does that mean you sleep with no pants on either?”
The fact that it was still only about one in the morning some how made the entirety of this conversation still seem logical and normal to Shoutarou. “No, I’m not cold, my blankets are warm enough. And no, I don’t sleep in my jeans, I have my boxers on.” He squirmed a little, trying to stretch out his legs, but it was no go, not with Phillip sitting on him, pinning him down. “What time is it anyways? Why are you up? Go to bed.”
“I can’t,” Phillip stressed. “I haven’t slept in three days now! Look, you can even see it in my eyes!” Phillip leaned in, pulling at the skin under his eyes to show off the bags developing. “My eyes look dark and bloodshot! I can’t stop trembling and shaking, because I feel so cold but I know it isn’t even cold yet! I can’t eat or anything because I can’t concentrate on anything!”
Shoutarou would have recoiled as Phillip leaned in to show off the bags under his eyes, but with him lying on his bed, there was little room for him to go. So he had to look into those incredibly dark eyes, noting that yes, they did look very tired. He also couldn’t help but notice that, despite being exhausted, god, were Phillip’s eyes bright when he got excited or worked up over something. “So what’s the problem?” It had been a while since Phillip had looked so worked up about anything. Despite the awkward situation, this was a good thing, Shoutarou was sure.
“I...” Phillip paused, his mind searching through the infinite amount of knowledge that he knew, hoping the right words would come to him. “...I don't know. I feel... Sick.”
“Sick?”
The panic in Shoutarou's eyes was enough to make Phillip begin to babble quickly. “No no no, not sick. I'm not sick, I promise. But... My stomach hurts. And I feel happy, and sad, and confused, and something inside me...” Phillip pressed his fingers lightly against the bottom of Shoutarou's rib cage. “Somewhere right here... it hurts. Not with an illness, and not because I've been hit. It just feels like I have. Like someone has a hold on me.”
“Someone like Wakana?”
Phillip hesitated before nodding slowly. “It's so strange, how many feelings one person can create.”
“Women will do that to you,” Shoutarou said with a heavy sigh. Wakana. He should have guessed. That self-proclaimed princess had been nothing but trouble. Winning over his partner like that, snubbing Shoutarou off, completely two faced with the way she acted... Every time they had dealt with her, she left everything in her path feeling all spun about and off balance, like they didn't know what to do with themselves. Even Shoutarou, who felt he couldn't stand her any more, still listened to her radio show, saying he did it for Phillip. And even if she were a bitch, he wouldn't say no if she begged him to sleep with her.
“Wakana is different,” Phillip attempted to defend the princess. “It's not like I've ever felt like this over Akiko. And she's a woman too.”
Shoutarou's nose wrinkled at the thought. “Nobody thinks of the middle schooler like that. And she's far from woman. She's like... a toddler in a 14 year old's body.” Despite how much time they spent together, Shoutarou had never quite got use to having a girl around the office.
“Be nice.”
When Phillip said to do something, it was difficult for Shoutarou to disobey. “So, do you like her then? I wouldn't be surprised if you said yes, everyone does.”
There was silence for a moment, the sound of the glass wind chime in Shoutarou's window the only thing that kept it from being completely silent while Phillip thought. “...If you're referring to like as in her being a friend, yes, I want to know her more. If you are inclining that it be a romantic kind of interest in her? ...I fear that if I were to venture down that path, I would regret it.”
“Regret it?” Shoutarou was getting sick of lying on his back the entire conversation. Struggling for a moment, he propped himself up on his elbows before finally sitting up, pulling his waist out from under Phillip so the younger man was now sitting on his stretched out legs. “Why, the age difference? I don't think she's that much older than you. Besides, you hardly leave this place, you know why, so there's no reason to regret it if you did.”
“I know it sound strange, but just trust me on this. I just know that... I feel some kind of connection with her. But despite that, despite wanting to know her, to get to know her and be friends with her...” Phillip sighed, wondering if he was sounding just like all Wakana's other fans. The ones who said they knew her and would bother and stalk her. Her other fans had never met her like they had though. “There is something inside of me telling me to be incredibly cautious,” he continued. “I don't know why, I just know I have to keep my emotions in check with Wakana... That if it were to go beyond finding her fascinating, and wanting to know why that connection is there... It would be very troublesome indeed.”
Shoutarou nodded, despite not quite understanding. Phillip was so aware of everything. He knew everything, and if the wind blew the right direction, he could probably tell you every restaurant down the street just from the scents. And how far away they were. He couldn't even begin to understand just what went through Phillip's mind when he did touch Wakana's hand. He very well might have felt some kind of connection. Of course, Shoutarou simply assumed it was a crush, but he could never brush off something bothering Phillip this much with such a simple thing, even if it were the reason. “So what is it that you need the help with?”
“I just want to sleep.” The way Phillip glanced up at Shoutarou then, big brown puppy eyes behind those layers of hair that always hung in the way just so, Shoutarou could see just how troubling this all was to him. The poor boy looked exhausted and worn down. He'd spent so many days just looking out into space, only half paying attention to everything, he seemed completely unfocused at this point.
It was all enough to make Shoutarou lower his guard for just a moment, forgetting that he was the big tough detective with an image to keep. He wrapped his arms around his young partner, giving him a quick hug. Phillip melted into the hug, his head falling onto Shoutarou's shoulder before the older detective could suddenly remember this was not the hard-boiled way of doing things. “So, let me make sure I've got this straight,” Shoutarou said as he let go of Phillip. “Pretty much, you're feeling tense, you can't sleep, and while we don't know if it's because you like her, it is girl related.”
“Right.”
It was late. It was so late and Shoutarou was clearly lacking sleep and logic and common sense. Because had he had any of those, he wouldn't have continued his train of thought. “Look, I know how we can try fix this. And it'll kill two birds with one stone.”
“That’s an odd phrase.”
“Just listen for a moment, before I come back to my senses,” Shoutarou sighed. “Now, before all this happened, you went on and on about, well… You remember, right?”
“Masturbating?”
It took everything in Shoutarou then to not face palm at the blunt way his young partner just… said it. With no concerns, no idea of how it was just one of those words that didn’t get said often! Instead, he swallowed back the horrified face that would have normally been on his face, and instead attempted a small smile. “That would be it, right.”
“You’re going to tell me about the locked book?” Had Shoutarou known that the quickest way to snap Phillip out of his daze was to simply bring up another one of his obsessions, Shoutarou might have tried talking to him about it before!
There was still a small, tiny, insignificant problem to this plan, however. That being that in saying he could help and Phillip thinking about the locked book… Shoutarou was some how obligated to actually answer Phillip’s questions. And really, there was only one way to properly teach Phillip about… well… You know. “This is ridiculous… But all that bullshit you were talking about with the relieving stress and stuff… Well, in this case… it’s true.” God, this was awkward. “If you… you know…”
“Masturbate.” Phillip filled in the blanks. “I don’t understand why you can’t say the word.”
“Because!” Shoutarou went a rather brilliant shade of red. “You'll just... You'll just understand after, okay?”
“After?”
Shoutarou sighed, closing his eyes before he backed out of what he was going to say. “Just... close your eyes, okay? Let your mind go blank.” Shoutarou opened his eyes again to find Phillip sitting in his lap, eyes closed, looking quite peaceful. Even with his eyes closed, he didn't look nearly as relaxed as he normally did. Despite the fact that Shoutarou really had no idea what he was doing in this circumstance, he suddenly felt as if he really wanted to find a way to get rid of all that stress and worry from his face, some how. “Just listen to me, okay? You need to trust me completely too.”
“Of course I trust you,” Phillip seemed completely earnest, knowing there there was absolutely nobody else on earth that he trusted as much as he trusted Shoutarou. He was his partner, the other half when creating something amazing.
“Okay,” Shoutarou hesitated before placing his hands on Phillip's shoulders. “I don't want you to think about a specific person, but just think about that feeling, the one that's stuck in your stomach. It feels like someone's squeezing your stomach tight, right?” Phillip nodded. “Okay, think of the fist that's around your stomach, and slowly make them let go. As they let go, the feeling in your stomach will spread. Quickly.” Shoutarou ran his thumbs over Phillip reassuringly as he watched the younger boy in his lap sigh, some of the tension in his shoulders already letting go as Phillip stopped holding in the feeling stuck in his gut. “What do you feel?”
“It's... Something's rushing straight to my head, and all the way to my toes.” Phillip's voice was quiet, his thoughts not completely on speaking then, the new sensation rushing over him. “Everything's swirling about inside... my cheeks feel really warm too.”
“Okay...” Shoutarou had no idea how to describe what came next. “Just... focus all of that energy, okay? Try and keep it focused on my hands, okay?” Phillip nodded again. Shoutarou was struggling a lot still, unable to get his mind past what it was he was doing. Instead of fighting it, Shoutarou decided to take his own advice. Closing his eyes, Shoutarou let his own mind go blank, simply letting his hands do what they had to. Moving their way down, Shoutarou's fingers moved over the soft, striped shirt, tangling up in the baggy, oversized vest before finding the hem of the shirt. Without a second thought, Shoutarou's fingers dipped underneath, brushing against the soft, warm skin of Phillip's torso. There was an audible gasp from his young partner, his breath quickening slightly. Shoutarou didn't stop, following the same path he'd just followed down under Phillip's shirt. The way Phillip was leaning forward, his instincts urging Shoutarou on without a word or sound, had a strange effect on the older of the two, feeling his own heartbeat pounding in his ears, that strange swirling feeling happening in his own stomach now. “Trust me...” Shoutarou's voice was no more than a whisper as his fingers slipped beneath the waistband of Phillip's pants.
Phillip didn't respond with a yes, or with any words, but with a keen sounding whimper. Shoutarou had always known Phillip to be one of a few well chosen words, unless he was babbling on about his research. So it was no surprise that Phillip was not much for making loud noises as Shoutarou's hand wrapped around him. Instead, his eyes shot open wide in surprise, his breath catching in his throat as his mind was overwhelmed by the sudden rush of feelings that washed over him. None of those feelings had anything to do with how awkward the moment might have been, but instead, had all to do with how right it all felt. Phillip not learning this by himself, but his partner showing him. His eyes closed again, tossing away any thoughts about the book, or learning or being logical for those moments. He clung to Shoutarou's biceps, feeling the bare skin beneath his fingers as the older man's hand moved over Phillip. He could feel a small shiver run over Shoutarou's skin as Phillip's fingers curled against his skin, holding on tight.
Jerking Phillip off was not something Shoutarou had ever thought he'd do. Ever. Not in a million years. He liked girls, damn it! But there was no denying that that moment had Shoutarou riled up more than he'd like to admit, his own erection straining against the soft fabric of his boxers. One hand moved over his young partner, awkwardly at first, but then soon finding the right rhythm that made Phillip's breath come out with a little gasp every once in a while. Everything seemed to be running on instinct, it was the only way to explain Shoutarou's other hand pushing Phillip's trousers off to make this easier, or Phillip shifting about to help kick them off with no interruption to the rhythm they were creating. It was the only way Phillip seemed to know just how to hold on to him, just how to run his hands over Shoutarou's skin to send the older man trembling as well.
But no, it wasn't enough that Shoutarou had to find himself enjoying this, no. Phillip had to continue to be a quick learning genius that knew how to act well on instincts, his own hand eventually finding its way underneath the thin material of Shoutarou's boxers, his own slightly smaller hand wrapping around his partner's erection. It was Shoutarou's turn for his eyes to snap open, looking down at Phillip. Those big brown eyes looked back up at Shoutarou. In the dark, it was so difficult to tell just what was going on behind those eyes then. “Is this okay?” Phillip asked, moving his hand over Shoutarou once tentatively.
Is this okay. God, Shoutarou could take this question so many ways. Was this okay, what they were doing right now? What exactly was this? But as Phillip moved his hand, finding that same rhythm Shoutarou had with him, all the logical thoughts flew out the window. Instead of giving an answer, Shoutarou simply closed his eyes again, moving his hand over Phillip once more. That was enough of a yes to Phillip, finding the two of them suddenly working in a rhythm together, like they did so often in so many different ways. This way was just a new way of working together. Shoutarou could hear Phillip's breath heavy against the side of his ear, small sounds escaping with each breath. Shoutarou was much the same, though not nearly as needy sounding, he told himself. “Shou...” Phillip's voice had a small tone of worry in it. “It's too much...”
“It's okay...” Shoutarou managed to murmured back. “I'm close too... Keep going...” Shoutarou stopped himself from saying please, though the plead was heavy in his voice. As if to make it clear, Shoutarou moved his hand faster, which made Phillip groan, squeezing his own hand. Shoutarou moaned as well, quite liking that reaction. They moved faster, more frantic, the two who were both rather quiet up to that point finding themselves unable to hold back much, gasps and sighs and moans coming from every move.
Though Shoutarou would never admit it, he came first. Phillip's desperate little mewl, so close to sounding wanton and needy put Shoutarou right over the edge with a gasp and a groan. Phillip wasn't so far off though, his release catching him by surprise as he collapsed against Shoutarou with an “ahh...” and a shudder.
It was quiet for a long while, Shoutarou lying on his back, Phillip draped across his chest. “Did you get your keyword for the book?” Shoutarou finally broke the silence, a finger playing with a flick of Phillip's hair.
“Hrm?” Phillip rested his chin against Shoutarou's chest, looking up at the older detective. “Oh... Yeah.” He let his head go back to resting, curling up against Shoutarou as if he were some big naked body pillow. Which he was, Shoutarou supposed.
“What did the book say?”
“I'll read it in the morning,” Phillip yawned. “I'm really tired now.”
Shoutarou nodded. It wasn't odd to have Phillip curl up next to him and sleep; he did it a lot when he was younger. But despite it all seeming ordinary, Shoutarou knew things weren't quite the same anymore. “Look, Phillip... You can't go telling Akiko about this. About any of this.”
“Why not?” Phillip kept speaking while he used Shoutarou as a pillow, eyes closed.
“Because you saw her reaction to the first time you mentioned...”
“Masturbation.”
Shoutarou sighed and rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Guys don't talk about it to girls. Just like girls won't talk to guys about it. And they especially don't mention it if they do it with other people.”
“Does it happen often?”
Shoutarou hesitated before answering. “I... don't know.”
Phillip yawned again. “It doesn't matter though, does it? I mean, we do everything together. We're partners. It's not like this is any different than us becoming one Kamen Rider.”
Those words caught Shoutarou off guard. It really wasn't all that different, was it? He didn't know. “That's true... just like that though, we can't go talking about it.” As Phillip began to fall asleep, Shoutarou ran his hand over Phillip's hair, the whole moment far too relaxing, himself being pulled back to sleep. “If you do have any more books to unlock, though...” Shoutarou mumbled with a yawn, “Let me know, we'll sort them out together again, okay?”
Phillip's murmured yes was the last thing either of them could remember hearing before the two of them fell fast asleep, for the first time in what seemed ages.
~~~~
Comments are love, since I'm a little nervous about this one. (>.>);; I'm afraid what I've started here. XD
Fandom: Kamen Rider W
Pairing: Shoutarou/Phillip
Rating: R
Warnings: Boys touching. Have set the adult rating on the post.
Notes: The follow up to "Self Education". Spoilers for episode 14. Written for the 12daysofxxxmas day 11 prompt of horny. Don't kill me if you think the characterization is off. ~.~;;;
~~~
It was an incredibly lucky thing that Fuuto had remained relatively safe over the previous week. There were no dopants to attack, no shady business going down. It was a quiet week, one where Shoutarou was left to read his detective novels, or when pressured by the slipper-wielding forces above, rescuing helpless puppies who got lost.
Normally, the safety would be a bad thing for them. When everyone was safe, there was nothing to search for, which meant there was no money coming in. But it also meant there was no need for Kamen Rider W to come in and save the day.
While everyone else in Fuuto was fast asleep, dreaming their happy, Christmas filled dreams, Phillip was a wreck. He hadn’t slept in days. He did everything in his power to come up with a new interest, a new fascination. Shoutarou had even gone out and picked him up a DSi, and the new Pokemon game, in hopes that it would bring Phillip’s obsession back to the small creatures in the video game. And sure, it was distracting, at first. Phillip spent about an hour going through the pros and cons of each starter pokemon (Phillip went with the penguin one, in the end.) And Akiko was more than happy to show him the controls, and trade pokemon with him so he could have all three of the starters (it bothered Phillip that there was no other option to get the other two.)
Nothing was working though. Phillip had just remained... silent. What once was a fountain of information constantly bubbling over was now a trickling stream. Shoutarou found himself often watching Phillip from behind his typewriter, wondering what he was looking at. What was going through his mind then? Was he that hung up on that princess bitch? Was he stuck on that locked book still? It was impossible to tell.
Shoutarou knew he had to proceed with caution. Phillip was a bit like a pandora's box. He had all the information in the world inside that tiny frame. He knew everything good, but also knew everything bad. He held in so much, not knowing what it was, how to deal with it, or just exactly how to put his own feelings and emotions into words. Phillip was hard to scare with facts. He was logical, cool headed, and never panicked in a battle. But Shoutarou could remember the times when his young partner had faltered. He was thinking about family. His past. His emotions and people he liked and loved. Right now, Shoutarou had no idea what was bothering him, exactly. All he could do was wait. Phillip would open up to him. Eventually.
~~~
It had been THREE nights like this now. Phillip knew he was going mad. He looked up all the signs and symptoms of sleep deprivation, and saw he was a textbook case. He was grumpy, had headaches, he felt as if he had a flu with aches all over but no cough. There were dark circles forming under his eyes, and when he sat really still, he could still feel his hands shaking just a little.
It was like... as if someone had hit him. Really hard. Like they found a way to get past his ribs, past all the ways to bruise him, past the Kamen Rider defences, and had a firm grip on his stomach. It was the first time he ever felt as if he didn't understand what was going on at all. All these conflicting feelings, just from one person...
Wakana Sonozaki was the most complex person he had ever met. Both in her own ways, and in the way she made Phillip feel.
Phillip was a master of book smarts. He was a genius, brilliant and could come to the right solution if given the right books. But in this field, he was as helpless as a kicked puppy left out in the rain. Despite feeling like that though, Phillip knew he wasn't alone. He was never alone, because he always had his partner to counter his book smarts with amazing street smarts.With a firm nod and a deep breath, Phillip plucked up all the nerve he had in him, and marched out of the back room and into the office.
It was silent in the entire building. Outside, wind chimes and rustling leaves could be heard. A Christmas decoration that hung on someone’s door gave the occasional jingle of bells as the wind blew down the streets. The entire office was dark, save for the blue tinted light that streamed in from the windows. A quick glance out one of them confirmed Phillip’s assumption that it was in fact a full moon that was flooding their through the windows. The desk that Shoutarou normally worked at was empty - Shoutarou was very careful to keep to his room lately, just in case they have another situation. But Phillip didn’t care much for Shoutarou feeling awkward or not wanting to say anything. He was the one who planted the seed in Phillip’s head in the first place, and Phillip was sure Shoutarou had the key to everything Phillip needed to know.
Without a second thought, Phillip pushed open the door to Shoutarou’s room, and quickly jumped up onto the bed, sitting himself squarely on his partner, sure that would be the quickest way to wake Shoutarou up. “Shoutarou, you need to help me. I can't sleep. If I have to suffer through no sleep, I’m not letting you sleep either.” A morning person, Shoutarou was not. Even if it were the middle of the night, he never woke quickly. So even with the sudden weight on him, or the forceful talking, Shoutarou seemed to be pulled out of his sleep ever so slowly. He tried to squirm away, but found that it was impossible. His dream imagination could think of a very nice scenario in which waking up would be a very good thing. But instead, as he opened his eyes, he saw it was his young partner straddling his waist, pretty much pinning him to the mattress at this point. Before Shoutarou could even get two words out though, Phillip started making observations instead. “You look really different without your hat on. How come you don’t sleep with a shirt?”
It was true, Shoutarou without his trademark hat was a very different Shoutarou. His long hair that was always kept just in place by his various hats was now all over the place, looking still a bit too silky and smooth to be considered “bed head”, but was seriously tousled. Blankets that had been pulled right up to his chin were now dishevelled by Phillip’s grand entrance, as well as by Shoutarou pulling them away to see what was going on, and it revealed a whole different part of the other half of the Kamen Rider pair. A part almost always hidden away under vests and tops and ties and jackets and other things that made the “hard-boiled detective” look work. If Phillip were any other person on earth, he might have thought twice about keeping Shoutarou pinned down, his hands splayed over the sleep-warmed skin. But, he wasn’t any other person on earth, so they stayed there, because there seemed to be nothing wrong with the situation. This was normal, right?
“Well, I don’t sleep with my hat on, no…” Shoutarou finally began to mumble, brushing hair back out of his face as best he could, his hand getting stuck in a bit of a tangle in his hair, but he simply let the arm fall over his head. “And I don’t sleep with a shirt on because I don’t like the feel of the extra material on when I sleep.”
“Aren’t you cold? It’s almost winter!” Phillip was fascinated by this new discovery. “And does that mean you sleep with no pants on either?”
The fact that it was still only about one in the morning some how made the entirety of this conversation still seem logical and normal to Shoutarou. “No, I’m not cold, my blankets are warm enough. And no, I don’t sleep in my jeans, I have my boxers on.” He squirmed a little, trying to stretch out his legs, but it was no go, not with Phillip sitting on him, pinning him down. “What time is it anyways? Why are you up? Go to bed.”
“I can’t,” Phillip stressed. “I haven’t slept in three days now! Look, you can even see it in my eyes!” Phillip leaned in, pulling at the skin under his eyes to show off the bags developing. “My eyes look dark and bloodshot! I can’t stop trembling and shaking, because I feel so cold but I know it isn’t even cold yet! I can’t eat or anything because I can’t concentrate on anything!”
Shoutarou would have recoiled as Phillip leaned in to show off the bags under his eyes, but with him lying on his bed, there was little room for him to go. So he had to look into those incredibly dark eyes, noting that yes, they did look very tired. He also couldn’t help but notice that, despite being exhausted, god, were Phillip’s eyes bright when he got excited or worked up over something. “So what’s the problem?” It had been a while since Phillip had looked so worked up about anything. Despite the awkward situation, this was a good thing, Shoutarou was sure.
“I...” Phillip paused, his mind searching through the infinite amount of knowledge that he knew, hoping the right words would come to him. “...I don't know. I feel... Sick.”
“Sick?”
The panic in Shoutarou's eyes was enough to make Phillip begin to babble quickly. “No no no, not sick. I'm not sick, I promise. But... My stomach hurts. And I feel happy, and sad, and confused, and something inside me...” Phillip pressed his fingers lightly against the bottom of Shoutarou's rib cage. “Somewhere right here... it hurts. Not with an illness, and not because I've been hit. It just feels like I have. Like someone has a hold on me.”
“Someone like Wakana?”
Phillip hesitated before nodding slowly. “It's so strange, how many feelings one person can create.”
“Women will do that to you,” Shoutarou said with a heavy sigh. Wakana. He should have guessed. That self-proclaimed princess had been nothing but trouble. Winning over his partner like that, snubbing Shoutarou off, completely two faced with the way she acted... Every time they had dealt with her, she left everything in her path feeling all spun about and off balance, like they didn't know what to do with themselves. Even Shoutarou, who felt he couldn't stand her any more, still listened to her radio show, saying he did it for Phillip. And even if she were a bitch, he wouldn't say no if she begged him to sleep with her.
“Wakana is different,” Phillip attempted to defend the princess. “It's not like I've ever felt like this over Akiko. And she's a woman too.”
Shoutarou's nose wrinkled at the thought. “Nobody thinks of the middle schooler like that. And she's far from woman. She's like... a toddler in a 14 year old's body.” Despite how much time they spent together, Shoutarou had never quite got use to having a girl around the office.
“Be nice.”
When Phillip said to do something, it was difficult for Shoutarou to disobey. “So, do you like her then? I wouldn't be surprised if you said yes, everyone does.”
There was silence for a moment, the sound of the glass wind chime in Shoutarou's window the only thing that kept it from being completely silent while Phillip thought. “...If you're referring to like as in her being a friend, yes, I want to know her more. If you are inclining that it be a romantic kind of interest in her? ...I fear that if I were to venture down that path, I would regret it.”
“Regret it?” Shoutarou was getting sick of lying on his back the entire conversation. Struggling for a moment, he propped himself up on his elbows before finally sitting up, pulling his waist out from under Phillip so the younger man was now sitting on his stretched out legs. “Why, the age difference? I don't think she's that much older than you. Besides, you hardly leave this place, you know why, so there's no reason to regret it if you did.”
“I know it sound strange, but just trust me on this. I just know that... I feel some kind of connection with her. But despite that, despite wanting to know her, to get to know her and be friends with her...” Phillip sighed, wondering if he was sounding just like all Wakana's other fans. The ones who said they knew her and would bother and stalk her. Her other fans had never met her like they had though. “There is something inside of me telling me to be incredibly cautious,” he continued. “I don't know why, I just know I have to keep my emotions in check with Wakana... That if it were to go beyond finding her fascinating, and wanting to know why that connection is there... It would be very troublesome indeed.”
Shoutarou nodded, despite not quite understanding. Phillip was so aware of everything. He knew everything, and if the wind blew the right direction, he could probably tell you every restaurant down the street just from the scents. And how far away they were. He couldn't even begin to understand just what went through Phillip's mind when he did touch Wakana's hand. He very well might have felt some kind of connection. Of course, Shoutarou simply assumed it was a crush, but he could never brush off something bothering Phillip this much with such a simple thing, even if it were the reason. “So what is it that you need the help with?”
“I just want to sleep.” The way Phillip glanced up at Shoutarou then, big brown puppy eyes behind those layers of hair that always hung in the way just so, Shoutarou could see just how troubling this all was to him. The poor boy looked exhausted and worn down. He'd spent so many days just looking out into space, only half paying attention to everything, he seemed completely unfocused at this point.
It was all enough to make Shoutarou lower his guard for just a moment, forgetting that he was the big tough detective with an image to keep. He wrapped his arms around his young partner, giving him a quick hug. Phillip melted into the hug, his head falling onto Shoutarou's shoulder before the older detective could suddenly remember this was not the hard-boiled way of doing things. “So, let me make sure I've got this straight,” Shoutarou said as he let go of Phillip. “Pretty much, you're feeling tense, you can't sleep, and while we don't know if it's because you like her, it is girl related.”
“Right.”
It was late. It was so late and Shoutarou was clearly lacking sleep and logic and common sense. Because had he had any of those, he wouldn't have continued his train of thought. “Look, I know how we can try fix this. And it'll kill two birds with one stone.”
“That’s an odd phrase.”
“Just listen for a moment, before I come back to my senses,” Shoutarou sighed. “Now, before all this happened, you went on and on about, well… You remember, right?”
“Masturbating?”
It took everything in Shoutarou then to not face palm at the blunt way his young partner just… said it. With no concerns, no idea of how it was just one of those words that didn’t get said often! Instead, he swallowed back the horrified face that would have normally been on his face, and instead attempted a small smile. “That would be it, right.”
“You’re going to tell me about the locked book?” Had Shoutarou known that the quickest way to snap Phillip out of his daze was to simply bring up another one of his obsessions, Shoutarou might have tried talking to him about it before!
There was still a small, tiny, insignificant problem to this plan, however. That being that in saying he could help and Phillip thinking about the locked book… Shoutarou was some how obligated to actually answer Phillip’s questions. And really, there was only one way to properly teach Phillip about… well… You know. “This is ridiculous… But all that bullshit you were talking about with the relieving stress and stuff… Well, in this case… it’s true.” God, this was awkward. “If you… you know…”
“Masturbate.” Phillip filled in the blanks. “I don’t understand why you can’t say the word.”
“Because!” Shoutarou went a rather brilliant shade of red. “You'll just... You'll just understand after, okay?”
“After?”
Shoutarou sighed, closing his eyes before he backed out of what he was going to say. “Just... close your eyes, okay? Let your mind go blank.” Shoutarou opened his eyes again to find Phillip sitting in his lap, eyes closed, looking quite peaceful. Even with his eyes closed, he didn't look nearly as relaxed as he normally did. Despite the fact that Shoutarou really had no idea what he was doing in this circumstance, he suddenly felt as if he really wanted to find a way to get rid of all that stress and worry from his face, some how. “Just listen to me, okay? You need to trust me completely too.”
“Of course I trust you,” Phillip seemed completely earnest, knowing there there was absolutely nobody else on earth that he trusted as much as he trusted Shoutarou. He was his partner, the other half when creating something amazing.
“Okay,” Shoutarou hesitated before placing his hands on Phillip's shoulders. “I don't want you to think about a specific person, but just think about that feeling, the one that's stuck in your stomach. It feels like someone's squeezing your stomach tight, right?” Phillip nodded. “Okay, think of the fist that's around your stomach, and slowly make them let go. As they let go, the feeling in your stomach will spread. Quickly.” Shoutarou ran his thumbs over Phillip reassuringly as he watched the younger boy in his lap sigh, some of the tension in his shoulders already letting go as Phillip stopped holding in the feeling stuck in his gut. “What do you feel?”
“It's... Something's rushing straight to my head, and all the way to my toes.” Phillip's voice was quiet, his thoughts not completely on speaking then, the new sensation rushing over him. “Everything's swirling about inside... my cheeks feel really warm too.”
“Okay...” Shoutarou had no idea how to describe what came next. “Just... focus all of that energy, okay? Try and keep it focused on my hands, okay?” Phillip nodded again. Shoutarou was struggling a lot still, unable to get his mind past what it was he was doing. Instead of fighting it, Shoutarou decided to take his own advice. Closing his eyes, Shoutarou let his own mind go blank, simply letting his hands do what they had to. Moving their way down, Shoutarou's fingers moved over the soft, striped shirt, tangling up in the baggy, oversized vest before finding the hem of the shirt. Without a second thought, Shoutarou's fingers dipped underneath, brushing against the soft, warm skin of Phillip's torso. There was an audible gasp from his young partner, his breath quickening slightly. Shoutarou didn't stop, following the same path he'd just followed down under Phillip's shirt. The way Phillip was leaning forward, his instincts urging Shoutarou on without a word or sound, had a strange effect on the older of the two, feeling his own heartbeat pounding in his ears, that strange swirling feeling happening in his own stomach now. “Trust me...” Shoutarou's voice was no more than a whisper as his fingers slipped beneath the waistband of Phillip's pants.
Phillip didn't respond with a yes, or with any words, but with a keen sounding whimper. Shoutarou had always known Phillip to be one of a few well chosen words, unless he was babbling on about his research. So it was no surprise that Phillip was not much for making loud noises as Shoutarou's hand wrapped around him. Instead, his eyes shot open wide in surprise, his breath catching in his throat as his mind was overwhelmed by the sudden rush of feelings that washed over him. None of those feelings had anything to do with how awkward the moment might have been, but instead, had all to do with how right it all felt. Phillip not learning this by himself, but his partner showing him. His eyes closed again, tossing away any thoughts about the book, or learning or being logical for those moments. He clung to Shoutarou's biceps, feeling the bare skin beneath his fingers as the older man's hand moved over Phillip. He could feel a small shiver run over Shoutarou's skin as Phillip's fingers curled against his skin, holding on tight.
Jerking Phillip off was not something Shoutarou had ever thought he'd do. Ever. Not in a million years. He liked girls, damn it! But there was no denying that that moment had Shoutarou riled up more than he'd like to admit, his own erection straining against the soft fabric of his boxers. One hand moved over his young partner, awkwardly at first, but then soon finding the right rhythm that made Phillip's breath come out with a little gasp every once in a while. Everything seemed to be running on instinct, it was the only way to explain Shoutarou's other hand pushing Phillip's trousers off to make this easier, or Phillip shifting about to help kick them off with no interruption to the rhythm they were creating. It was the only way Phillip seemed to know just how to hold on to him, just how to run his hands over Shoutarou's skin to send the older man trembling as well.
But no, it wasn't enough that Shoutarou had to find himself enjoying this, no. Phillip had to continue to be a quick learning genius that knew how to act well on instincts, his own hand eventually finding its way underneath the thin material of Shoutarou's boxers, his own slightly smaller hand wrapping around his partner's erection. It was Shoutarou's turn for his eyes to snap open, looking down at Phillip. Those big brown eyes looked back up at Shoutarou. In the dark, it was so difficult to tell just what was going on behind those eyes then. “Is this okay?” Phillip asked, moving his hand over Shoutarou once tentatively.
Is this okay. God, Shoutarou could take this question so many ways. Was this okay, what they were doing right now? What exactly was this? But as Phillip moved his hand, finding that same rhythm Shoutarou had with him, all the logical thoughts flew out the window. Instead of giving an answer, Shoutarou simply closed his eyes again, moving his hand over Phillip once more. That was enough of a yes to Phillip, finding the two of them suddenly working in a rhythm together, like they did so often in so many different ways. This way was just a new way of working together. Shoutarou could hear Phillip's breath heavy against the side of his ear, small sounds escaping with each breath. Shoutarou was much the same, though not nearly as needy sounding, he told himself. “Shou...” Phillip's voice had a small tone of worry in it. “It's too much...”
“It's okay...” Shoutarou managed to murmured back. “I'm close too... Keep going...” Shoutarou stopped himself from saying please, though the plead was heavy in his voice. As if to make it clear, Shoutarou moved his hand faster, which made Phillip groan, squeezing his own hand. Shoutarou moaned as well, quite liking that reaction. They moved faster, more frantic, the two who were both rather quiet up to that point finding themselves unable to hold back much, gasps and sighs and moans coming from every move.
Though Shoutarou would never admit it, he came first. Phillip's desperate little mewl, so close to sounding wanton and needy put Shoutarou right over the edge with a gasp and a groan. Phillip wasn't so far off though, his release catching him by surprise as he collapsed against Shoutarou with an “ahh...” and a shudder.
It was quiet for a long while, Shoutarou lying on his back, Phillip draped across his chest. “Did you get your keyword for the book?” Shoutarou finally broke the silence, a finger playing with a flick of Phillip's hair.
“Hrm?” Phillip rested his chin against Shoutarou's chest, looking up at the older detective. “Oh... Yeah.” He let his head go back to resting, curling up against Shoutarou as if he were some big naked body pillow. Which he was, Shoutarou supposed.
“What did the book say?”
“I'll read it in the morning,” Phillip yawned. “I'm really tired now.”
Shoutarou nodded. It wasn't odd to have Phillip curl up next to him and sleep; he did it a lot when he was younger. But despite it all seeming ordinary, Shoutarou knew things weren't quite the same anymore. “Look, Phillip... You can't go telling Akiko about this. About any of this.”
“Why not?” Phillip kept speaking while he used Shoutarou as a pillow, eyes closed.
“Because you saw her reaction to the first time you mentioned...”
“Masturbation.”
Shoutarou sighed and rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Guys don't talk about it to girls. Just like girls won't talk to guys about it. And they especially don't mention it if they do it with other people.”
“Does it happen often?”
Shoutarou hesitated before answering. “I... don't know.”
Phillip yawned again. “It doesn't matter though, does it? I mean, we do everything together. We're partners. It's not like this is any different than us becoming one Kamen Rider.”
Those words caught Shoutarou off guard. It really wasn't all that different, was it? He didn't know. “That's true... just like that though, we can't go talking about it.” As Phillip began to fall asleep, Shoutarou ran his hand over Phillip's hair, the whole moment far too relaxing, himself being pulled back to sleep. “If you do have any more books to unlock, though...” Shoutarou mumbled with a yawn, “Let me know, we'll sort them out together again, okay?”
Phillip's murmured yes was the last thing either of them could remember hearing before the two of them fell fast asleep, for the first time in what seemed ages.
~~~~
Comments are love, since I'm a little nervous about this one. (>.>);; I'm afraid what I've started here. XD