"...so it's not hard to fall, when you float like a cannonball."
If you have had chronic back pain for the past week,do not pretend you don't have it and go midnight rollerblading just because you don't want to feel out of shape and old. IT DOES NOT END WELL. I can barely rollerblade in the daylight anymore, what made me think I could do it in the practical pitch black darkness of Prospect Park? This is why I shouldn't hang out with guys. They may grow out of a lot of things as they age, but they never lose the need to make you feel like a big, dumb, weak girly-girl and in turn you have to prove them wrong by almost killing yourself. No worries, I was gonna go back to the gym this week anyway because it's getting way too warm out and I'm not even close to where I want to be physically this summer. So, if I break my body I'll just blame society and dumb guys.
::insert three hour time gap::
Elaine and I went out for a walk and ice cream then went back to her place and hunted for packages to Las Vegas which totally killed my boner. $800 for a weekend not including spending?! I like to pretend that I'm capable of such frivolous spending but there is really no way I can logically do that and still go to california this summer. I'm just really dead set on not being in new york for my b-day weekend. I have extreme prejudice towards my upcoming 25-year-old status and I would just like to be happily intoxicated with some homies, somewhere else thats not here. It's a crutch, I know, but at the same time I just feel I need to be released from this time and this place in the midst of all this potential change, getting older and not accomplishing things fast enough, feeling lonely and suffocated all at the same time, talking to my mom about my 17th b-day and how it was the last time I saw my dad alive and every b-day since has just been crap. I want it to be about me, and fun and friends, no stress, lots of cosmos and laughter, no drama, no past and no future etc. I want a timeless, meaningless place of good energy. I want to know that i'm worth celebrating and that it can be a good thing to celebrate me and not have everything fall apart.
::insert three hour time gap::
Elaine and I went out for a walk and ice cream then went back to her place and hunted for packages to Las Vegas which totally killed my boner. $800 for a weekend not including spending?! I like to pretend that I'm capable of such frivolous spending but there is really no way I can logically do that and still go to california this summer. I'm just really dead set on not being in new york for my b-day weekend. I have extreme prejudice towards my upcoming 25-year-old status and I would just like to be happily intoxicated with some homies, somewhere else thats not here. It's a crutch, I know, but at the same time I just feel I need to be released from this time and this place in the midst of all this potential change, getting older and not accomplishing things fast enough, feeling lonely and suffocated all at the same time, talking to my mom about my 17th b-day and how it was the last time I saw my dad alive and every b-day since has just been crap. I want it to be about me, and fun and friends, no stress, lots of cosmos and laughter, no drama, no past and no future etc. I want a timeless, meaningless place of good energy. I want to know that i'm worth celebrating and that it can be a good thing to celebrate me and not have everything fall apart.