So cold...
I don't know when this feeling will go away
I wash away my tears
cause I don't want nobody to see me cry
I can't help myself
There's something wrong. I just can't put my finger on what it is. Those around me say I've become quiet and introvert. Personally I think it's for the better that I don't talk all the time. If I don't have anything to say why talk? I know I have done that before and hated myself for doing it. There's always been something that I've hated about myself. Slowly I'm learning to accept some of my faults. One thing I will never accept is how I've been unable to suppress some of my impulses. I still go around wondering why I didn't shut up, why I did things I did, even though it's been years. Hopefully one day I'll manage to forget the bad things and fully move on. I don't want to remember parts of my past. Some things are better left buried and forgotten.
I've been close to tears for days and I'm constantly frozen, not so much physically as from within. There's no real joy but I feel better when those I care for dearly are near. I feel safe and a bit warmer. They melt some of the ice away. It could be the season that's causing it but I doubt it. Apathy has struck again. I have so many things I want to do but when I have the time I can't lift a finger. I just slump down wondering why I even bother getting out of bed each morning. Good thing I have Boromir and work. I have to feed my boy and take care of him. Can't stay home from work. Won't make me feel neither better nor worse by staying home. At least I have something to do that has to be done at work.
Life goes up and down. Just gotta live this through. Not like there's anything else to do.