vol 4
SURVIVOR HIGHSCHOOL VOL.4
LAST TIME ON SURVIVOR
Mrs. Thompson announces “I will read votes....no tAWLking!”
First vote: Dan
Dan stands up flipping everyone off. “F#*$ all of you m#(%@# f#(@^&s ....... f@($ .....”
Second vote: Matt
Chris smirks
Third vote: Michael
Michael stands up. “Hey boyz....what’s the deal with the......”
Fourth vote: Michaell
“Wait wait, hold on now......”
Fifth vote: Michael
“Okay okay, I understand, it’s my fault for......”
Sixth vote: Michael
Seventh vote: Michael
Mrs. Thompson announces “Michael.......tribe speak....now go ow’side or I send you to the ISS.” “I go home and eat cornbread and pinto beans.”
Michael begins his farewell speech, but is cut off by an incoming rock via Dan. Dan curses “......f#(@”
*THEME SONG KICKS IN: HOYA HOYAHOYAHOY HOYAHOYAHOY HOY A HOYAY, YIPIE KIO I DIPPI DO DAY, YIPIE KIO DIPI DO DA DAY*
Day 10
Geek camp:
The day begins. Jed and Koontz sit a corner talking about D & D. Jed says to Koontz “I’m the most powerful because I have a level 345345 Distructo Fairy.” Koontz disagrees “I’m the most powerful because I have a level 9320352302750235902859028395 bus driver of doom with a extra ultima mega stick!” Rayna yells “Meeting, tribe meeting, every one get the h#(@ over here.” Zack, Koontz, and Jed are the first ones there.” Patrick enters “HEAYLO!” Rayna throws Patrick “NOT YOU!!!”
Rayna clears her throat “Anyway, I have made a decision.” “You guys are getting really old. I need someone new to control.......I mean be friends with....yeah yeah, that’s what I meant.” “ Anyway, Jed......get the f*#@ out.” Jed’s jaw drops “What......b#(@$” Rayna begins stomping Jed viciously “)$#%)&@)#*%$)&” Koontz exclaims “Get out of here, we hate you Jed.” Zack stares at Rayna. “Ray Ray....EEEEEH!” Jed runs off mumbling under his breath. Rayna announces “I need a new boyfriend, so Koontz, fetch me my wheel.” Koontz hops to it. “Yes master Rayna.” Rayna spins the wheel.
Today the wheel consists of: ALANNA, COURTNEY, LANCE BASS, RICHARD BRADY, JAKE GARDNER, SOME PUERTO RICAN GUY, MR. BOLIN, AND PIECE OF PAPER SIGNED LUKAS.
Rayna gives the wheel a big spin. The wheel spins ferociously. The wheel spins off of the stand, flies through a wall, through the roof, into the sky hitting a bird, smacks into the ground, burrowing underground, flying up under Patrick, hurling Patrick far far away, then bringing Rayna a sandwich, and finally landing back on the stand selecting.......Jake.”
Rayna exclaims “s#*@ ...... oh well, what can you do?” Jake bursts through the doors. He exclaims in an annoying tone “HEYLO!” Jake points. “RAYNA!” Rayna gives Jake a weird look. “Um...I’m going over here, by the rock.” Jake argues “No that’s not a rock.” Rayna glares at him “ It’s round, pointy, and looks like a rock.” Jack continues to argue “No....that’s not a rock, you’re wrong.” Rayna signs “Whatever....get me some orange juice B#*@*” Jake argues “It isn’t orange juice.” Rayna sighs. Zack begins talking to Koontz. “Great.....we have Jake.....I’m so happy.” Koontz smiles “Heh, I know, heh heh, curses.” Zack announces to Koontz “Well, I’m bored what do you want to do?” Koontz glares at him “I don’t want to talk to you, go away!” Zack walks off. “Uh oh, Angry Koontz.”
*Stalker camp*
Jed wanders aimlessly. “No.......Rayna.......my life is over.” Jed becomes deeply depressed. “Wait........” Jed sniffs the air. Jed’s frown turns into a smile. “.......heh heh..........HALEY!!!” Jed runs through the hallway and out the door to find Dan, Haley, Allison, and Josh. Jed runs up to Haley. “Haley, Haley, do you want to go out with me?” Haley replies “No, Jed, I’m going out with Dan.” Jed replies “Huh?” Haley responds “I’M GOOOOING....OUT....WITH.....DAN..” Dan yells at Jed. “Ya, so f#*@ you you sonofa B#)$$.....I’ll beat your m#($@# f#*$@(% a#(.....f#(@ .” Josh examines Allison. “Hmm....no blinking.......no breathing...is she dead?” Josh pokes Allison. Allison gives out a loud roar. Allison takes off running with extreme speed for about 3 seconds. She feels the wind whipping through her hair, the gentle blowing of the breeze, until SMACK! She runs straight into a wall. Allison falls down. “Ow...” Dan and Haley walk off to enjoy some alone time. Haley turns around “um.....hello Jed.” Jed replies “Huh”
*wandering aimlessly through the halls*
Lukas leads the group with Corey close behind picking his pockets. Corey takes Lukas’s wallet. Corey says “This wallet is mIIne.” Lukas turns. “But it says LUKAS on the front.” Corey replies “Yeah, my name is Corey Lukas.” Ryan crashes into Corey. Lukas picks up his wallet. “Huh huh, f*#%@$” Ryan cries “G(# D#(@ it...” Chris appears above Ryan with a sinister look in his eyes. Chris places his hand out. Ryan cringes in fear. Chris replies “I was just going to help you up.” Ryan grabs Chris’s hand. Chris flips Ryan over his shoulder. Ryan cries “But....but....you said that you were going to help me up.” Chris smirks. “I did, but now you are back down again.” Chris places his hand out again. Ryan exclaims “NO.....NO.......d#(@ it......” Chris grabs his hand. “See I didn’t flip you.” Ryan is shocked. “Wow, you didn’t, thank you Chris.” Chris smirks. “My pleasure.” Chris then kicks Ryan’s feet out from under him. Chris places his hand out once again. Ryan sighs. “G#@ D#(@ it......”
*Later that Day*
Lukas stumbles onto a strange door. “....?” “Is this our camp?” Corey steals the door. “MINE.” The group enters and walks up the pathway to find Rayna in the gazebo. Koontz and Zack surround her, each taking turns at kissing her feet. Koontz compliments Rayna. “Your feet smell so good, they are so beautiful.” Zack licks her feet. “Now, I’ll work the upper body....EEEEH!” Rayna jams her foot deeper into Zack’s mouth. “Damien, you always have somebody’s foot in your mouth.” Jake jumps in. “Yeah, it’s like.....hey, your foot his in my mouth......” An awkward silence reigns. Koontz breaks the silence. “Jake you’re an idiot.” Jake laughs “I know, heh heh.” “It’s like.....some guy......heh heh”
Ryan awkwardly asks Rayna. “Can I be in your group......?” Rayna, Zack, and Koontz simultaneously say “NO, GET THE F#*@ OUT OF HERE BRADY.” Ryan nods “.......ok........”
*Even Later that Day*
Ryan runs “Chris....Chris.....get away from me.” Chris continues casually toward Ryan. “No Chris....no.” Ryan trips and falls through a door. Ryan looks to his left. “....JOSH, and Dan....” The group makes their way to the camp in time to here a heated argument. Haley screams “You said that you were going to be here to cuddle with me “Well, Dan?” Dan replies “I was over there....” Haley asks “Over where?” Dan responds. “Behind that tree......” Haley yells “Dan...there isn’t a tree there.” Dan responds “I mean.......over there.” Haley yells more. “ In the puddle.” Dan changes his mind. “Did I say there........I meant there.......f#*@.” Haley yells. “Whatever Dan, it’s over.” Dan replies “Ok.....whatever.....I don’t care......I’m glad to be free from......whatever your name is........yeah, yeah.........I don’t even here you, nope.”
Ryan runs up to Haley. “Will you go......” Lukas smacks Ryan down.” Lukas asks “Haley, will you go out with me?” Haley looks at Lukas “Do......I know you.” Lukas replies “uh...no” Haley shrugs. “Oh, well, I’ll give you a shot.” Lukas says to himself “Aaaaaaaw right!” Ryan walks up to Allison, whom is still laying on the ground. “Allison, will you love me.” Allison doesn’t budge. Ryan exclaims “All right, I’ll take that as a yes!” Lukas and Haley sit on the bench holding hands. Corey tilts the bench causing both of them to fall off. Corey lays down on the bench and falls asleep.
DAY 11
*At the Geek Camp*
Rayna sleeps peacefully taking up the whole gazebo, with Koontz and Zack close by. Jake breaths on her. Jake screams “HEYLO!!!” “It’s like........this dude is sleeping........and then he’s not......heh heh.” Rayna beats Jake down. “You’re fired.” Jake begins “It’s like....” Rayna interrupts. “It’s like.......it’s like......get the F#*@ out Jake.” Rayna turns to Koontz and Zack. “Now you two, go get me some food.” Zack and Koontz happily reply “Yes Rayna my God.” Rayna smiles “Good, I’m glad to see that you have learned the tribe motto.” Rayna sits down in her seat in the gazebo focusing on the beautiful day. “It’s been awhile since I have been alone like this.......” Just then, two shadowy figures jump down from the roof. Michael and Andrew appear. “Heeeeey, Rayna.....wass’ happenin’.” Andrew yells really loud “Huh huh.....I f(@# your dog......huh huh.” Micheal says “I love you.” “Wait, I mean, how is your day going.” Andrew laughs. “Huh Huh, give me a hug.” Rayna gives him a disgusted look.
*At the Stalker Camp*
Haley and Lukas lay together in a sleeping bag with Jed in the middle. Jed comments. “This is fun, huh.” Ryan stands hovering over Allison. “I love you, I love you, I love you, did I mention I love you?” Haley gossips to Jed. “I don’t like Rayna, because she doesn’t like me.” Josh asks “How do you know that?” Haley replies “um.........just because.” Josh walks off. “I don’t think he likes me.........must kill.” Haley looks around “Hey, what’s that?!” Lukas replies “It’s just the wind.” Haley exclaims “What’s THAT?!” Lukas replies “That’s just a piece of grass.” Haley exclaims “What’s that?!” Lukas replies “Oh, that’s just Chris, he does that.” Chris stands over them “Hey....” Lukas turns “Hey Ch..........he’s gone.” Lukas turns back to see Chris right in front of him. Lukas screams “Holy.....s*#@ don’t do that to me....F#(@$% ....” Dan tells Josh “Did you hear what Allison said, yeah she said it.” “Did you know I can fly and breath under water, I can.........what, I’m not lying.”
*Immunity Challenge*
The remaining 13 survivors are greeted by the new host................Cosplayer Gendo. Gendo greets them. “All right, welcome to the challenge.” Gendo stands on his head. “Today the challenge will be anime oriented.” Gendo lays on the ground. “You will all temporarily become randomly chosen anime characters and powers.” Gendo balances on one foot. “ Stalker tribe, your goal will be to defeat the Geek Tribe in battle and hold their “PRINCESS” captive.” Gendo jumps on Patrick’s back. “Geek Tribe, your objective will be to rescue the princess from the stalkers.” Gendo jumps down. “Now that you know the rules, let’s get started, all of your cards are preregistered.” Gendo grins “And one more thing, Gendo likes his pickles.”
*The Stalker Tribe draw their cards*
Lukas draws his card. Two short knives pop into his hands, and a lame red hat lands on his head. Lukas looks down “Ah, I’m Kite from .hack.” “Not bad.
Chris draws his card. A weird blue outfit garbs him, and his hair turns into blue spikes. “Maester Seymour.” Chris announces. Chris walks toward Ryan.
Ryan exclaims “Get away from me Chris.” Chris smirks. Ryan draws his card. He grows long red hair, gains a kimono and a reversed blade sword. Ryan exclaims “Come on Chris, I dare you.” Chris gets a sinister smirk on his face. “Death awaits you!” A gigantic being, at least 30 feet, with chains wrapped around it’s body appears. Ryan poops his kimono. “HOLY F#(@)# CHRIST!!!”
Josh draws his card. Red dread locks sprout from his head. His skin turns a pale blue and a claw appears on his right arm. Josh excitedly yells “Dude, I’m Amarant” Josh runs off jumping on various things along the way.
Dan draws his card. His hair slicks back and turns black. He is dressed in a pink shirt and a black suit. He is equipped with a saxophone. Dan yells “Midvalley!” Dan begin playing his saxophone. Corey shrieks. “Not so loud, s’my nap tIme....”
Corey draws his card. Corey shrinks way down. His hair grows longer and his hands are filled with needles. “F(#(.......I’m Omi.”
The captured Princess Rayna draws her princess card. Her hair turns brown and mid-level. She is now wearing long white socks, a blue skirt, and a pale green shirt. Rayna asks “Tea, what the h*#@ is tea.” “Tea is yummy but.....”
*The Geek Tribe draws their cards*
Koontz dramatically draws his card. His hair turns green. His outfit becomes orange. He gains a weapon with two balls attached by a string. Koontz exclaims “WTF?” “Suboshi???”
Jed draws his card. Jed remains short and grows long red hair. Jed asks “What where are my weapons.....come on, who is Jin the windmaster?”
Allison draws her card. She gains a rod and becomes.......um..........bigger. “..........Yaone............Saiyuki.........”
Haley draws her card. Her face becomes shrouded in bandages. She gains a gigantoid sword. She runs around psychotically. “Kill.....Kill......Zabuza.........Kill!”
Patrick draws his card. “Patrick grows long black hair, a female Japanese school girl outfit, and bow and arrow, and certain appendages above the waist. “All right, I’m a girl.” “Heh heh, Kagome.” Patrick runs off to be alone.
Zack draws his card. “Zack’s hair turns green and remains messy. His clothes transform into a blue suit and a white collared shirt. A gun is placed in his right hand.
*The Stalkers*
Lukas announces “I’m Kite so I have the most leadership points. I think we should separate into 2 attack squadrons.” “The other two will stay here with Rayna.” Lukas quickly says “Not it” followed by Corey, Ryan and Chris. “Josh and Dan, you’ve got Rayna.” Dan replies “...... f*#@” Chris looks down at Ryan. “Looks like we’re teamed up....” Ryan pees a little.
*The Geeks*
Since Zack has the most leadership points, he is the leader “Ok, we should separate into 2 groups.” Zack looks around. “Where did Jed and Haley go?”
Zack, Koontz, and Allison make their way through the anime landscape. Koontz walks alone by himself. Zack stares down at Allison’s newly found.........things. Ryan and Chris attack. Zack and Allison. Chris fires a Blizzaga spell at Zack. Zack dodges with spikes agility. Spike shoots at his head, but Chris casts Protect. Chris smirks. “I’m too pretty to die......death awaits you!” Anima appears from beneath the ground surrounded in flames. Zack exclaims “Holy F@(@*$% S#*@........$#)@#)&%)#*@#*%)....mama.” Anima casts oblivion. Zack sinks beneath the earth to find Anima’s other head. Anima begins pummling him hundreds of times. Zack never comes up.
Zack is eliminated.
Ryan walks up to Allison “........Hello” Allison asks “What are you doing here?” Ryan replies “ idk......ill leave now, gbu.” Allison asks “Don’t use MY internet lingo around me, copycat.” Allison swings at Ryan’s head with her staff. Ryan falls face down in the dirt. “ORORORORORORO.”
Ryan is eliminated
Allison attempts to run away. Chris appears before her. Allison looks up. “Um........I’ll just fall down.” Koontz hears Allison fall. Koontz rushes. “Magic Yo Yo’s of doom!” Koontz attacks Chris from behind. Chris dodges. Chris fires Ultima at Koontz. Koontz disintegrates.
Koontz and Allison are eliminated.
Haley runs through the woods. “Slash Slash Kill Kill” Jed talks really fast in a Scottish accent due to his character. “HeyHaleywhereareyougoing?” Lukas appears from the shadows and begins chasing Haley. “Heh heh, get’er done.” Corey falls from a tree. Corey throws 3 of his darts. Jed is hit 2 times. Jed flies up in the air “AhIseesothatishowitisgoingtobehuh?” “HurricanePunch!” Corey falls down avoiding the hurricane. Corey throws a dart. It doesn’t come close to Jed. Jed creates a whirlwind. “Corey flies up and throws his two remaining darts. Corey misses. Jed drops Corey. “Nowyou’velostdoyouunderstandbecausethatisagoodthingyupyup”
Jed flies off “Don’tworryHaleyI’mcommingtoyourrescue.” Jed stops midair to find Lukas and Haley making out. “Ohthatreallybustsmychopslukasnowdie.” Jed flings Lukas with a hurricane. Lukas casts a spell “Repth!” Jed smirks “Soyouaregoingtobealittlegirlfriendstealingpunkhuh?” Jed droppes Lukas. Lukas hits the ground hard. Lukas replies “huh huh F(#@#$ “ Lukas jumps up “Staccatto!” Jed is torn to pieces. “You’vebeatenmethistimelukasbutiwillnotallowthattohappenagainblah.”
Jed and Corey are eliminated.
*Meanwhile* Rayna complains “I’m hungry, I’m thirsty, I’m hot....” Dan flips her off “Shut the f*#@ up........f*(#.” Josh announces, “There is someone coming. Lukas and Haley approach. Lukas attacks Dan while Haley attacks Josh. An 80's anime theme begins playing in the background.
Subarashii chinchin mono
Kintama no kame aru
Sore no oto ha sarubobo
Iie! Ninja ga imasu
Hey hey let's go kenka suru
Taisetsu no mono protect my balls!
Boku ga warui so let's fighting...
Let's fighting love!
Let's fighting love!
Kono uta chotto baka
Wake ga wakaranai
Eigo ga mechakucha
Daijobu? We do it all the time!
Hey hey let's go kenka suru...
Here is the translation of what was actually being said::
This wonderful penis thing
And golden balls' hair are here.
Is that the sound of a sarubobo?
No! It's the ninjas!
Hey hey let's go fight!
This is important: protect my balls!
I am evil, so let's fighting...
Let's fighting love!
Let's fighting love!
This song is a little stupid
It doesn't make sense
Its English is f*cked up
Is that OK? We do it all the time!
Hey hey let's go fighting...
Let’s fighting love!
Let’s fighting love!
Dan looks at Lukas “What the F*#@ are you doing, we are on the same team?!” Dan begins playing his saxophone. Lukas jumps up and throws a dagger into the saxophone. Lukas slashes with the other dagger. Dan blows the dagger back into Lukas’s face. 8 guns fire from the saxophone annihilating Lukas.
Lukas is eliminated.
Haley spins in a circle with her gianormous sword trying to hit Josh. Haley smashes Josh. Josh with the brute strength of Amarant grabs the end of her sword. Haley exclaims “ KILL KILL SMASH SMASH SMASH!!!” Haley hurls Josh through the wall. “Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo *catches breath* noooooooooooooooooo.”
Josh is eliminated.
Haley glares at Dan. Dan replies “What do you want you stupid B*#@) ?” Haley charges...... “MUST KILL A$$(#@# DAN MUST KILL A$$(#)@ DAN.” Haley slashes downward at Dan. Dan attempts to play his saxophone but is smashed.
Dan is eliminated
Haley grabs Rayna. “Let’s go, we have to get out of here.” Chris appears behind Haley. “....hello...” Chris fires flare at Haley. Haley uses her water doppleganger to stop the fire. Haley stabs at Chris. Chris smirks. Chris fires Comet at Haley. Haley is hit. Haley calls upon 5 brute dogs to attack Chris. The dogs maul Chris. Chris summons Anima to defeat them. Haley appears behind Anima. Haley defeats Anima. Chris uses Holy. Haley flies up in the air crucified. Thousands of white lights surge through her body destroying her. Chris smirks. “Well Well, Rayna.....” “......I win, Kirika always win.” Rayna asks “But you’re Seymour.” Chris replies “But I want to be Kirika.” arrows fly out of nowhere towards Chris. Chris falls down. “.......what a beautiful death......” Patrick appears with his shirt unbuttoned. “HEAYLLO!!!” Patrick’s victory theme begins to play “99 red balloons, floating in the summer sky.”
Haley and Chris are eliminated.
The Geek Tribe wins.
Gendo announces “The Geek tribe are the winners.” “Also, there are no tribes anymore.” Lukas inquires “The merge.” Gendo grins. “Nope, it’s just more fun for me.” “Geeks see y’all at the voting off convention. Dress like Halloween.”
*Day 12*
Haley, Lukas, Dan, Koontz, Allison, Jed, Zack, and Ryan sit in their love/depressed circle. Haley announces “Nobody likes me.” Lukas, Dan, Jed, and Ryan announce “I love you Haley, I love you more than anything in the world.” Allison announces “Nobody likes me either.” Lukas, Ryan, Koontz, Jed, and Dan exclaim “I love you, I love you more than anything.” All the guys take turns hugging the girls. Haley says “Ok Zack, you can let me go now.” Jed looks over towards Zack. “What are you even doing here. You didn’t say you loved either of them. “So......I like to flirt, I like to hug, and I like boobies....EEEEH!!!”
Meanwhile Chris, Josh, Rayna, Patrick, and Corey stay in the anti-love circle. Corey sleeps and Patrick flies around like an airplane. Chris and Josh take turns throwing rocks at each other. Rayna sits by herself mumbling “......love.........stupid........die........”
*At tribal council*
Gendo announces “Are you guys ready to vote?” Lukas give me your thoughts. Lukas begins “ Well, I th....” Gendo cuts him off by throwing an orange at his face. “Ryan, what have been your experiences on the island?” Ryan tells him “It’s been...” Gendo cuts him off by throwing 23 oranges at him. Ryan lays in the floor crying.” “Dan, have you had a good time here?” Dan says “you can go fu...” Gendo nails Dan in the head with a grapefruit. Corey begins eating the Grapefruit. “Well group, it’s been fun........not really, go vote, I’m missing UberCon8.” Gendo grins “Gendo likes his pickles.”
LAST TIME ON SURVIVOR
Mrs. Thompson announces “I will read votes....no tAWLking!”
First vote: Dan
Dan stands up flipping everyone off. “F#*$ all of you m#(%@# f#(@^&s ....... f@($ .....”
Second vote: Matt
Chris smirks
Third vote: Michael
Michael stands up. “Hey boyz....what’s the deal with the......”
Fourth vote: Michaell
“Wait wait, hold on now......”
Fifth vote: Michael
“Okay okay, I understand, it’s my fault for......”
Sixth vote: Michael
Seventh vote: Michael
Mrs. Thompson announces “Michael.......tribe speak....now go ow’side or I send you to the ISS.” “I go home and eat cornbread and pinto beans.”
Michael begins his farewell speech, but is cut off by an incoming rock via Dan. Dan curses “......f#(@”
*THEME SONG KICKS IN: HOYA HOYAHOYAHOY HOYAHOYAHOY HOY A HOYAY, YIPIE KIO I DIPPI DO DAY, YIPIE KIO DIPI DO DA DAY*
Day 10
Geek camp:
The day begins. Jed and Koontz sit a corner talking about D & D. Jed says to Koontz “I’m the most powerful because I have a level 345345 Distructo Fairy.” Koontz disagrees “I’m the most powerful because I have a level 9320352302750235902859028395 bus driver of doom with a extra ultima mega stick!” Rayna yells “Meeting, tribe meeting, every one get the h#(@ over here.” Zack, Koontz, and Jed are the first ones there.” Patrick enters “HEAYLO!” Rayna throws Patrick “NOT YOU!!!”
Rayna clears her throat “Anyway, I have made a decision.” “You guys are getting really old. I need someone new to control.......I mean be friends with....yeah yeah, that’s what I meant.” “ Anyway, Jed......get the f*#@ out.” Jed’s jaw drops “What......b#(@$” Rayna begins stomping Jed viciously “)$#%)&@)#*%$)&” Koontz exclaims “Get out of here, we hate you Jed.” Zack stares at Rayna. “Ray Ray....EEEEEH!” Jed runs off mumbling under his breath. Rayna announces “I need a new boyfriend, so Koontz, fetch me my wheel.” Koontz hops to it. “Yes master Rayna.” Rayna spins the wheel.
Today the wheel consists of: ALANNA, COURTNEY, LANCE BASS, RICHARD BRADY, JAKE GARDNER, SOME PUERTO RICAN GUY, MR. BOLIN, AND PIECE OF PAPER SIGNED LUKAS.
Rayna gives the wheel a big spin. The wheel spins ferociously. The wheel spins off of the stand, flies through a wall, through the roof, into the sky hitting a bird, smacks into the ground, burrowing underground, flying up under Patrick, hurling Patrick far far away, then bringing Rayna a sandwich, and finally landing back on the stand selecting.......Jake.”
Rayna exclaims “s#*@ ...... oh well, what can you do?” Jake bursts through the doors. He exclaims in an annoying tone “HEYLO!” Jake points. “RAYNA!” Rayna gives Jake a weird look. “Um...I’m going over here, by the rock.” Jake argues “No that’s not a rock.” Rayna glares at him “ It’s round, pointy, and looks like a rock.” Jack continues to argue “No....that’s not a rock, you’re wrong.” Rayna signs “Whatever....get me some orange juice B#*@*” Jake argues “It isn’t orange juice.” Rayna sighs. Zack begins talking to Koontz. “Great.....we have Jake.....I’m so happy.” Koontz smiles “Heh, I know, heh heh, curses.” Zack announces to Koontz “Well, I’m bored what do you want to do?” Koontz glares at him “I don’t want to talk to you, go away!” Zack walks off. “Uh oh, Angry Koontz.”
*Stalker camp*
Jed wanders aimlessly. “No.......Rayna.......my life is over.” Jed becomes deeply depressed. “Wait........” Jed sniffs the air. Jed’s frown turns into a smile. “.......heh heh..........HALEY!!!” Jed runs through the hallway and out the door to find Dan, Haley, Allison, and Josh. Jed runs up to Haley. “Haley, Haley, do you want to go out with me?” Haley replies “No, Jed, I’m going out with Dan.” Jed replies “Huh?” Haley responds “I’M GOOOOING....OUT....WITH.....DAN..” Dan yells at Jed. “Ya, so f#*@ you you sonofa B#)$$.....I’ll beat your m#($@# f#*$@(% a#(.....f#(@ .” Josh examines Allison. “Hmm....no blinking.......no breathing...is she dead?” Josh pokes Allison. Allison gives out a loud roar. Allison takes off running with extreme speed for about 3 seconds. She feels the wind whipping through her hair, the gentle blowing of the breeze, until SMACK! She runs straight into a wall. Allison falls down. “Ow...” Dan and Haley walk off to enjoy some alone time. Haley turns around “um.....hello Jed.” Jed replies “Huh”
*wandering aimlessly through the halls*
Lukas leads the group with Corey close behind picking his pockets. Corey takes Lukas’s wallet. Corey says “This wallet is mIIne.” Lukas turns. “But it says LUKAS on the front.” Corey replies “Yeah, my name is Corey Lukas.” Ryan crashes into Corey. Lukas picks up his wallet. “Huh huh, f*#%@$” Ryan cries “G(# D#(@ it...” Chris appears above Ryan with a sinister look in his eyes. Chris places his hand out. Ryan cringes in fear. Chris replies “I was just going to help you up.” Ryan grabs Chris’s hand. Chris flips Ryan over his shoulder. Ryan cries “But....but....you said that you were going to help me up.” Chris smirks. “I did, but now you are back down again.” Chris places his hand out again. Ryan exclaims “NO.....NO.......d#(@ it......” Chris grabs his hand. “See I didn’t flip you.” Ryan is shocked. “Wow, you didn’t, thank you Chris.” Chris smirks. “My pleasure.” Chris then kicks Ryan’s feet out from under him. Chris places his hand out once again. Ryan sighs. “G#@ D#(@ it......”
*Later that Day*
Lukas stumbles onto a strange door. “....?” “Is this our camp?” Corey steals the door. “MINE.” The group enters and walks up the pathway to find Rayna in the gazebo. Koontz and Zack surround her, each taking turns at kissing her feet. Koontz compliments Rayna. “Your feet smell so good, they are so beautiful.” Zack licks her feet. “Now, I’ll work the upper body....EEEEH!” Rayna jams her foot deeper into Zack’s mouth. “Damien, you always have somebody’s foot in your mouth.” Jake jumps in. “Yeah, it’s like.....hey, your foot his in my mouth......” An awkward silence reigns. Koontz breaks the silence. “Jake you’re an idiot.” Jake laughs “I know, heh heh.” “It’s like.....some guy......heh heh”
Ryan awkwardly asks Rayna. “Can I be in your group......?” Rayna, Zack, and Koontz simultaneously say “NO, GET THE F#*@ OUT OF HERE BRADY.” Ryan nods “.......ok........”
*Even Later that Day*
Ryan runs “Chris....Chris.....get away from me.” Chris continues casually toward Ryan. “No Chris....no.” Ryan trips and falls through a door. Ryan looks to his left. “....JOSH, and Dan....” The group makes their way to the camp in time to here a heated argument. Haley screams “You said that you were going to be here to cuddle with me “Well, Dan?” Dan replies “I was over there....” Haley asks “Over where?” Dan responds. “Behind that tree......” Haley yells “Dan...there isn’t a tree there.” Dan responds “I mean.......over there.” Haley yells more. “ In the puddle.” Dan changes his mind. “Did I say there........I meant there.......f#*@.” Haley yells. “Whatever Dan, it’s over.” Dan replies “Ok.....whatever.....I don’t care......I’m glad to be free from......whatever your name is........yeah, yeah.........I don’t even here you, nope.”
Ryan runs up to Haley. “Will you go......” Lukas smacks Ryan down.” Lukas asks “Haley, will you go out with me?” Haley looks at Lukas “Do......I know you.” Lukas replies “uh...no” Haley shrugs. “Oh, well, I’ll give you a shot.” Lukas says to himself “Aaaaaaaw right!” Ryan walks up to Allison, whom is still laying on the ground. “Allison, will you love me.” Allison doesn’t budge. Ryan exclaims “All right, I’ll take that as a yes!” Lukas and Haley sit on the bench holding hands. Corey tilts the bench causing both of them to fall off. Corey lays down on the bench and falls asleep.
DAY 11
*At the Geek Camp*
Rayna sleeps peacefully taking up the whole gazebo, with Koontz and Zack close by. Jake breaths on her. Jake screams “HEYLO!!!” “It’s like........this dude is sleeping........and then he’s not......heh heh.” Rayna beats Jake down. “You’re fired.” Jake begins “It’s like....” Rayna interrupts. “It’s like.......it’s like......get the F#*@ out Jake.” Rayna turns to Koontz and Zack. “Now you two, go get me some food.” Zack and Koontz happily reply “Yes Rayna my God.” Rayna smiles “Good, I’m glad to see that you have learned the tribe motto.” Rayna sits down in her seat in the gazebo focusing on the beautiful day. “It’s been awhile since I have been alone like this.......” Just then, two shadowy figures jump down from the roof. Michael and Andrew appear. “Heeeeey, Rayna.....wass’ happenin’.” Andrew yells really loud “Huh huh.....I f(@# your dog......huh huh.” Micheal says “I love you.” “Wait, I mean, how is your day going.” Andrew laughs. “Huh Huh, give me a hug.” Rayna gives him a disgusted look.
*At the Stalker Camp*
Haley and Lukas lay together in a sleeping bag with Jed in the middle. Jed comments. “This is fun, huh.” Ryan stands hovering over Allison. “I love you, I love you, I love you, did I mention I love you?” Haley gossips to Jed. “I don’t like Rayna, because she doesn’t like me.” Josh asks “How do you know that?” Haley replies “um.........just because.” Josh walks off. “I don’t think he likes me.........must kill.” Haley looks around “Hey, what’s that?!” Lukas replies “It’s just the wind.” Haley exclaims “What’s THAT?!” Lukas replies “That’s just a piece of grass.” Haley exclaims “What’s that?!” Lukas replies “Oh, that’s just Chris, he does that.” Chris stands over them “Hey....” Lukas turns “Hey Ch..........he’s gone.” Lukas turns back to see Chris right in front of him. Lukas screams “Holy.....s*#@ don’t do that to me....F#(@$% ....” Dan tells Josh “Did you hear what Allison said, yeah she said it.” “Did you know I can fly and breath under water, I can.........what, I’m not lying.”
*Immunity Challenge*
The remaining 13 survivors are greeted by the new host................Cosplayer Gendo. Gendo greets them. “All right, welcome to the challenge.” Gendo stands on his head. “Today the challenge will be anime oriented.” Gendo lays on the ground. “You will all temporarily become randomly chosen anime characters and powers.” Gendo balances on one foot. “ Stalker tribe, your goal will be to defeat the Geek Tribe in battle and hold their “PRINCESS” captive.” Gendo jumps on Patrick’s back. “Geek Tribe, your objective will be to rescue the princess from the stalkers.” Gendo jumps down. “Now that you know the rules, let’s get started, all of your cards are preregistered.” Gendo grins “And one more thing, Gendo likes his pickles.”
*The Stalker Tribe draw their cards*
Lukas draws his card. Two short knives pop into his hands, and a lame red hat lands on his head. Lukas looks down “Ah, I’m Kite from .hack.” “Not bad.
Chris draws his card. A weird blue outfit garbs him, and his hair turns into blue spikes. “Maester Seymour.” Chris announces. Chris walks toward Ryan.
Ryan exclaims “Get away from me Chris.” Chris smirks. Ryan draws his card. He grows long red hair, gains a kimono and a reversed blade sword. Ryan exclaims “Come on Chris, I dare you.” Chris gets a sinister smirk on his face. “Death awaits you!” A gigantic being, at least 30 feet, with chains wrapped around it’s body appears. Ryan poops his kimono. “HOLY F#(@)# CHRIST!!!”
Josh draws his card. Red dread locks sprout from his head. His skin turns a pale blue and a claw appears on his right arm. Josh excitedly yells “Dude, I’m Amarant” Josh runs off jumping on various things along the way.
Dan draws his card. His hair slicks back and turns black. He is dressed in a pink shirt and a black suit. He is equipped with a saxophone. Dan yells “Midvalley!” Dan begin playing his saxophone. Corey shrieks. “Not so loud, s’my nap tIme....”
Corey draws his card. Corey shrinks way down. His hair grows longer and his hands are filled with needles. “F(#(.......I’m Omi.”
The captured Princess Rayna draws her princess card. Her hair turns brown and mid-level. She is now wearing long white socks, a blue skirt, and a pale green shirt. Rayna asks “Tea, what the h*#@ is tea.” “Tea is yummy but.....”
*The Geek Tribe draws their cards*
Koontz dramatically draws his card. His hair turns green. His outfit becomes orange. He gains a weapon with two balls attached by a string. Koontz exclaims “WTF?” “Suboshi???”
Jed draws his card. Jed remains short and grows long red hair. Jed asks “What where are my weapons.....come on, who is Jin the windmaster?”
Allison draws her card. She gains a rod and becomes.......um..........bigger. “..........Yaone............Saiyuki.........”
Haley draws her card. Her face becomes shrouded in bandages. She gains a gigantoid sword. She runs around psychotically. “Kill.....Kill......Zabuza.........Kill!”
Patrick draws his card. “Patrick grows long black hair, a female Japanese school girl outfit, and bow and arrow, and certain appendages above the waist. “All right, I’m a girl.” “Heh heh, Kagome.” Patrick runs off to be alone.
Zack draws his card. “Zack’s hair turns green and remains messy. His clothes transform into a blue suit and a white collared shirt. A gun is placed in his right hand.
*The Stalkers*
Lukas announces “I’m Kite so I have the most leadership points. I think we should separate into 2 attack squadrons.” “The other two will stay here with Rayna.” Lukas quickly says “Not it” followed by Corey, Ryan and Chris. “Josh and Dan, you’ve got Rayna.” Dan replies “...... f*#@” Chris looks down at Ryan. “Looks like we’re teamed up....” Ryan pees a little.
*The Geeks*
Since Zack has the most leadership points, he is the leader “Ok, we should separate into 2 groups.” Zack looks around. “Where did Jed and Haley go?”
Zack, Koontz, and Allison make their way through the anime landscape. Koontz walks alone by himself. Zack stares down at Allison’s newly found.........things. Ryan and Chris attack. Zack and Allison. Chris fires a Blizzaga spell at Zack. Zack dodges with spikes agility. Spike shoots at his head, but Chris casts Protect. Chris smirks. “I’m too pretty to die......death awaits you!” Anima appears from beneath the ground surrounded in flames. Zack exclaims “Holy F@(@*$% S#*@........$#)@#)&%)#*@#*%)....mama.” Anima casts oblivion. Zack sinks beneath the earth to find Anima’s other head. Anima begins pummling him hundreds of times. Zack never comes up.
Zack is eliminated.
Ryan walks up to Allison “........Hello” Allison asks “What are you doing here?” Ryan replies “ idk......ill leave now, gbu.” Allison asks “Don’t use MY internet lingo around me, copycat.” Allison swings at Ryan’s head with her staff. Ryan falls face down in the dirt. “ORORORORORORO.”
Ryan is eliminated
Allison attempts to run away. Chris appears before her. Allison looks up. “Um........I’ll just fall down.” Koontz hears Allison fall. Koontz rushes. “Magic Yo Yo’s of doom!” Koontz attacks Chris from behind. Chris dodges. Chris fires Ultima at Koontz. Koontz disintegrates.
Koontz and Allison are eliminated.
Haley runs through the woods. “Slash Slash Kill Kill” Jed talks really fast in a Scottish accent due to his character. “HeyHaleywhereareyougoing?” Lukas appears from the shadows and begins chasing Haley. “Heh heh, get’er done.” Corey falls from a tree. Corey throws 3 of his darts. Jed is hit 2 times. Jed flies up in the air “AhIseesothatishowitisgoingtobehuh?” “HurricanePunch!” Corey falls down avoiding the hurricane. Corey throws a dart. It doesn’t come close to Jed. Jed creates a whirlwind. “Corey flies up and throws his two remaining darts. Corey misses. Jed drops Corey. “Nowyou’velostdoyouunderstandbecausethatisagoodthingyupyup”
Jed flies off “Don’tworryHaleyI’mcommingtoyourrescue.” Jed stops midair to find Lukas and Haley making out. “Ohthatreallybustsmychopslukasnowdie.” Jed flings Lukas with a hurricane. Lukas casts a spell “Repth!” Jed smirks “Soyouaregoingtobealittlegirlfriendstealingpunkhuh?” Jed droppes Lukas. Lukas hits the ground hard. Lukas replies “huh huh F(#@#$ “ Lukas jumps up “Staccatto!” Jed is torn to pieces. “You’vebeatenmethistimelukasbutiwillnotallowthattohappenagainblah.”
Jed and Corey are eliminated.
*Meanwhile* Rayna complains “I’m hungry, I’m thirsty, I’m hot....” Dan flips her off “Shut the f*#@ up........f*(#.” Josh announces, “There is someone coming. Lukas and Haley approach. Lukas attacks Dan while Haley attacks Josh. An 80's anime theme begins playing in the background.
Subarashii chinchin mono
Kintama no kame aru
Sore no oto ha sarubobo
Iie! Ninja ga imasu
Hey hey let's go kenka suru
Taisetsu no mono protect my balls!
Boku ga warui so let's fighting...
Let's fighting love!
Let's fighting love!
Kono uta chotto baka
Wake ga wakaranai
Eigo ga mechakucha
Daijobu? We do it all the time!
Hey hey let's go kenka suru...
Here is the translation of what was actually being said::
This wonderful penis thing
And golden balls' hair are here.
Is that the sound of a sarubobo?
No! It's the ninjas!
Hey hey let's go fight!
This is important: protect my balls!
I am evil, so let's fighting...
Let's fighting love!
Let's fighting love!
This song is a little stupid
It doesn't make sense
Its English is f*cked up
Is that OK? We do it all the time!
Hey hey let's go fighting...
Let’s fighting love!
Let’s fighting love!
Dan looks at Lukas “What the F*#@ are you doing, we are on the same team?!” Dan begins playing his saxophone. Lukas jumps up and throws a dagger into the saxophone. Lukas slashes with the other dagger. Dan blows the dagger back into Lukas’s face. 8 guns fire from the saxophone annihilating Lukas.
Lukas is eliminated.
Haley spins in a circle with her gianormous sword trying to hit Josh. Haley smashes Josh. Josh with the brute strength of Amarant grabs the end of her sword. Haley exclaims “ KILL KILL SMASH SMASH SMASH!!!” Haley hurls Josh through the wall. “Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo *catches breath* noooooooooooooooooo.”
Josh is eliminated.
Haley glares at Dan. Dan replies “What do you want you stupid B*#@) ?” Haley charges...... “MUST KILL A$$(#@# DAN MUST KILL A$$(#)@ DAN.” Haley slashes downward at Dan. Dan attempts to play his saxophone but is smashed.
Dan is eliminated
Haley grabs Rayna. “Let’s go, we have to get out of here.” Chris appears behind Haley. “....hello...” Chris fires flare at Haley. Haley uses her water doppleganger to stop the fire. Haley stabs at Chris. Chris smirks. Chris fires Comet at Haley. Haley is hit. Haley calls upon 5 brute dogs to attack Chris. The dogs maul Chris. Chris summons Anima to defeat them. Haley appears behind Anima. Haley defeats Anima. Chris uses Holy. Haley flies up in the air crucified. Thousands of white lights surge through her body destroying her. Chris smirks. “Well Well, Rayna.....” “......I win, Kirika always win.” Rayna asks “But you’re Seymour.” Chris replies “But I want to be Kirika.” arrows fly out of nowhere towards Chris. Chris falls down. “.......what a beautiful death......” Patrick appears with his shirt unbuttoned. “HEAYLLO!!!” Patrick’s victory theme begins to play “99 red balloons, floating in the summer sky.”
Haley and Chris are eliminated.
The Geek Tribe wins.
Gendo announces “The Geek tribe are the winners.” “Also, there are no tribes anymore.” Lukas inquires “The merge.” Gendo grins. “Nope, it’s just more fun for me.” “Geeks see y’all at the voting off convention. Dress like Halloween.”
*Day 12*
Haley, Lukas, Dan, Koontz, Allison, Jed, Zack, and Ryan sit in their love/depressed circle. Haley announces “Nobody likes me.” Lukas, Dan, Jed, and Ryan announce “I love you Haley, I love you more than anything in the world.” Allison announces “Nobody likes me either.” Lukas, Ryan, Koontz, Jed, and Dan exclaim “I love you, I love you more than anything.” All the guys take turns hugging the girls. Haley says “Ok Zack, you can let me go now.” Jed looks over towards Zack. “What are you even doing here. You didn’t say you loved either of them. “So......I like to flirt, I like to hug, and I like boobies....EEEEH!!!”
Meanwhile Chris, Josh, Rayna, Patrick, and Corey stay in the anti-love circle. Corey sleeps and Patrick flies around like an airplane. Chris and Josh take turns throwing rocks at each other. Rayna sits by herself mumbling “......love.........stupid........die........”
*At tribal council*
Gendo announces “Are you guys ready to vote?” Lukas give me your thoughts. Lukas begins “ Well, I th....” Gendo cuts him off by throwing an orange at his face. “Ryan, what have been your experiences on the island?” Ryan tells him “It’s been...” Gendo cuts him off by throwing 23 oranges at him. Ryan lays in the floor crying.” “Dan, have you had a good time here?” Dan says “you can go fu...” Gendo nails Dan in the head with a grapefruit. Corey begins eating the Grapefruit. “Well group, it’s been fun........not really, go vote, I’m missing UberCon8.” Gendo grins “Gendo likes his pickles.”