12 weeks 1 day
I had an awful night last night... and I wonder if it's due to pregnancy hormones or the fact that I have had terrible insomnia over the last few days...
(M) was late picking me up... and that didn't upset me - I was just worried that I had not heard from him and that he was in an accident somewhere. When I got in the car I told him the truth, I wasn't mad, I was worried, tired and hungry. (Not a good combo on the best of days... right?) We then proceeded to get into 6 hours of serious stressful conversation, that had us both near biting each other's head off.
We were on our way to pack some boxes at my apartment (I am moving in with (M), but there is no rush as I can't figure out how to get out of my lease 6 months early)
When all of a sudden, while packing I had a huge anxiety attack about him packing my stuff. I told him about it, and that sparked a HUGE fight including tears and accusations (by him) of me not wanting to move in, and me not being mature or ready for adult things. I was crying hysterically and having abdominal cramps, and I finally had to tell him, "look, we are both tired, and we aren't getting anywhere, so lets stop talking and go home." He agreed.
The drive home was pretty uneventful (aka quiet)...
We weren't home 15 minutes and he started again. Slinging accusations and asking me questions such as: " Do you want to move forward with us, or are you just giving up on us??"
I had enough at this time and went to bed. I managed to keep the tears at bay for a little while, (while he continued to tell me ALL that I had done wrong that evening) until I freaked out hard core and said: "We are both tired, and therefor both looking to hear what we want to hear. No matter what is being said, this fight is going no where, and we are just getting even more upset about NOTHING. I love you and that is not going to change, I am trying my hardest to move forward with this relationship and I am allowed to tell you my fears and anxieties. You have stability here, you have family... I had only two things keeping me sane... my cat, and my appartment. That is why I find it so difficult to leave... it was the only thing I had (my family lives 800km away) in this city. I am not stopping myself from moving forward, but its still difficult and scary. GIve me time."
He was quiet for a little while and then he said, "thanks. I understand more now than I did before. And you are right. We are both in a mood and neither of us are listening. Let's get some sleep and talk in the morning."
I woke up looking like I have been hit by a baseball bat. But physically I feel fine. A little headachy, but no cramping or abdominal pain. But I imagine that my 6 hours of crying yesterday did not help my blood pressure. LOL
Wow, that turned out to be quite a rant... thanks for reading! LOL