Done for Good
sleeping is so much harder then it should be. I can never get to sleep, but once I'm asleep I can't wake up. What a crummy situation. Other then my off the wall, sleep every other day, sleeping patterns life is great. I have started to keep a notebook again and I just feel spectacular. I talked to Tea for the first time in almost a month the other day. She called me because she was feeling down and knew I could cheer her up, those were her exact words. What a bitch, doesn't talk to me for a month and then wants me to cheer her up, screw that. I am not usually a selfish person like that, but I need at least a little in return. I can't just give forever. In a way though, that phone call was the best one from her. I can now happily let her fall out of my life as I had been wanting her to for a long time, but couldn't for one reason or another. I realized that my infatuation with her came from the fact that she was what every guy thinks they want. A pretty girl that can talk, dance and is great in bed, among other things. Going out with her on by my side was an instant confidence booster, allways walking into a place with the best looking girl. I met her in my shallower days and at that point convinced myself she was the one, which she is very far from. I guess their right when they say no matter how good looking a girl is, there is someone that's tired of screwing her. Other good news, I didn't lose my job eventhough I missed work and ignored my bosse's calls all day, and I ended up getting 2 extra days off because of it. Going back to work was good though, it made me realize how much I really love the water. I have so much trouble explaining my love for the water to people. Even the people I used to sail with didn't quite get it. Infact I think there is only person who really understood my love to just float, but she ended up cheating on me with my best friend. Such is life, I am slowly starting to give up on trying to "save the world," my ideaolistic views are starting to fade. This is neither good nor bad, just a change. I have started to realize how untrustworthy people really are and how it is actually ridiculous to expect people to be their for you 100%. Everyone has their own life to live and in the end has to do whats best for them. I am not saying that I don't have trust in people that I'm close to, but rather my trust is no longer blind. Over the summer this girl cheated on me and I gave her a second chance, something I would never do now. KIt is just interesting to see how your views change so drastically so quickly. I guess a lot happened quickly, but anyways I think I am better for the shit I had to go through, infact I know I am. It is important to me to be a leader in life and not just a follower. Not just in a career or school sense, but in everything. I always want to be ahead of the pack, I'm never happy when I am not on top. Maybe that's where my love for sailing comes from, just that feeling of going out on the water and knowing that no matter what happens I can handle it and people look to me to get them through. Now I'm just babbling. it is amazing how quickly 6:30am rolls around. G' night