Yet another terrible situation at yet another church . . .
After church on December 10, the rector of St. Michael and All Angels in Lake Charles, LA comes to my car and acts like I am not an adult. He reprimands me and my sister. Of course, we've not done anything, but he feels the need to reprimand us. I was extremely hurt because of how he acted towards us, which was not like somebody who was concerned or like a pastor of a flock. Instead, it was about being strict and being a dictator and acting like he was my father, which was extremely rude.
I wrote an e-mail to him:
"If you need to approach me about how we smell because others are complaining, then that is fine. However, the fact that you came to me and said that you have to set ground rules was extremely rude. You ASSUMED that Briana and I did not take showers or wear clean clothes or wear deodorant . . . which were ALL WRONG.
I am an adult. To say, "I'm not your Daddy" is extremely condescending. It is also EXTREMELY hurtful. Our father died in 2008 of a sudden heart attack and he would've DEFENDED us and you would've gotten an earful. To TREAT ME as if I am your child is rude. Saying, "we have to set some ground rules" is rude, too.
Briana is also technically an adult. However, she does see the world differently as she has Asperger's (autism) and we have told people about this before.
Nobody knows why, but people with autism/Asperger's seem to smell differently from other people. I know this from being a substitute teacher and from going to meetings with Briana. I would walk into the rooms and they would have a strange meat-like smell.
Briana also had surgery for scoliosis when she was in 6th grade. They used skin glue (not stitches, not staples) to close the incision. Her surgery was covered because a doctor was doing a study . . . and they were doing all kinds of new and experimental things. This skin glue can have an odor to it and easily smells when it gets the slightest bit damp.
To be rude like you are without even thinking that there may be medical issues is not helpful.
You are right that you are "not my Daddy," and the fact that you act like it by the way you talk to me and to my sister is extremely hurtful.
As for Radar, I know churches don't have to follow service dog law. However, having people tell me that public places don't allow my service dog is not true. I don't know who was the person who decided at first to tell me Radar would not be allowed at the Harlequin, but I knew that was a lie because she's been there and they follow service dog law. She is a trained service dog, not just a dog that "I want to bring with me."
(However, MOST churches are kind and accepting of service dogs . . . and just so you know them, and especially the people that run the Canterbury House as ministries open to the public need to allow service dogs . . I talked on the phone with ADA for four hours to find out all about this stuff - ADA Requirements: Service Animals)"
He wrote back a rude reply. It was MUCH DIFFERENT than something he wrote earlier and seemed much more caring.
This time he wrote, "Sorry you were offended but the conditions remain. We are a community so we must have rules to follow in order to function. Those I mentioned to you stand.
To reiterate the 2 House Rules are (and these can be added to)
1-No Dogs in the parish hall when food is served (or ever-ever in the sanctuary)
2-practice adequate, regular, and thorough hygiene, particularly before church attendance. To say there is a strong odor from you both is an understatement. It is not only distracting for parishioners but undoubtedly unhealthy for you and your sister.
You must abide by these two rules if you wish to continue in our fellowship. The church has bent over backwards to accommodate you. Please don’t take advantage of the hospitality that has been extended. This is not the first conversation with you on this subject and it is becoming tiresome. These rules are not up for negotiation or additional comment. They are what they are."
Then on Sunday, December 17, Briana (my sister) and I get all ready (hair washed, showered, etc) to go to church and I get Radar ready to work. We get to the church and park.
The minute I get out of my car, I am ambushed by two or three vestry members and a police officer IN UNIFORM. One of the vestry members tells me that Colleen has been saying that I have a surprise for them on Facebook. I had never written anything like that. I only wrote how I was happy that Briana hadn't figured out the surprise that I had for her. I had never said anything about a surprise for St. Michael's. However, the police officer kept insisting, "What is it?"
Then they were mean about me having a service dog. They said that I could not have her there. I had already been sitting OUTSIDE of the sanctuary with her.
As you can see, this rector, Seth Donald, wants to apply MORE RULES to us. He doesn't do that to other people. He's obviously gotten high on being able to be a dictator rather than being a pastor and being a shepherd to sheep.
The church has NEVER bent over backwards! He is just saying that. There have been some nice members who have helped me out. However, the whole church has definitely NOT bent over backwards. Most of the time, I drove to the church and brought Briana. I would tell her to NOT call other people. It's like everybody who knew about her Asperger's completely forgot she has it and expects her to not have it at all and to act like the rest of them. Then, they expect me to change my past. I am not the person that caused these traumatic experiences. I can't help that a gal knew corrupt police officers and had me arrested on false accusations. I would sit OUTSIDE of the sanctuary with Radar (my service dog). My sister would have to take communion, then come back and hold Radar so I could go take communion, then I would go back to get Radar from her.
This was the best we could do, although it is preferred that a service dog mainly stay with its handler. Sure, there are times that it isn't with its handler. There can be times when the service dog is with somebody who doesn't mind watching the dog. However, that is rare.
And I have no shame in showing the truth.
The people who say that Seth Donald "isn't like that," are wrong because he is "like that." It is obvious from what he has done, what he has written, and then what the vestry did.
One of the vestry members recently died and I think he may have been the ONE person who kept it okay for me to have Radar there.
I know churches do not legally have to follow ADA law. However, it is sad that they don't or at least are not accepting of people who are differently abled.
I often wonder, what if a blind person who uses a seeing eye dog tries to come to St. Michael? What about a veteran with PTSD? Radar is kind of like that for me, but it's "anxiety" for me. My mind sometimes does go back to traumatizing situations that I've experienced and she is there to bring me back to reality. So many people act like this is not important.
Radar is also a mobility helper. I can move in my transport wheelchair, but it can be difficult for me at times. There are some difficult surfaces to move over and she also helps me to get over bumps. Sometimes I have to get up so we can walk up ramps, but I cannot walk long distances. Yet, if the ramps aren't terrible or too slanted, Radar often pulls me right up!
She's an amazing and strong little dog!
I wrote an e-mail to him:
"If you need to approach me about how we smell because others are complaining, then that is fine. However, the fact that you came to me and said that you have to set ground rules was extremely rude. You ASSUMED that Briana and I did not take showers or wear clean clothes or wear deodorant . . . which were ALL WRONG.
I am an adult. To say, "I'm not your Daddy" is extremely condescending. It is also EXTREMELY hurtful. Our father died in 2008 of a sudden heart attack and he would've DEFENDED us and you would've gotten an earful. To TREAT ME as if I am your child is rude. Saying, "we have to set some ground rules" is rude, too.
Briana is also technically an adult. However, she does see the world differently as she has Asperger's (autism) and we have told people about this before.
Nobody knows why, but people with autism/Asperger's seem to smell differently from other people. I know this from being a substitute teacher and from going to meetings with Briana. I would walk into the rooms and they would have a strange meat-like smell.
Briana also had surgery for scoliosis when she was in 6th grade. They used skin glue (not stitches, not staples) to close the incision. Her surgery was covered because a doctor was doing a study . . . and they were doing all kinds of new and experimental things. This skin glue can have an odor to it and easily smells when it gets the slightest bit damp.
To be rude like you are without even thinking that there may be medical issues is not helpful.
You are right that you are "not my Daddy," and the fact that you act like it by the way you talk to me and to my sister is extremely hurtful.
As for Radar, I know churches don't have to follow service dog law. However, having people tell me that public places don't allow my service dog is not true. I don't know who was the person who decided at first to tell me Radar would not be allowed at the Harlequin, but I knew that was a lie because she's been there and they follow service dog law. She is a trained service dog, not just a dog that "I want to bring with me."
(However, MOST churches are kind and accepting of service dogs . . . and just so you know them, and especially the people that run the Canterbury House as ministries open to the public need to allow service dogs . . I talked on the phone with ADA for four hours to find out all about this stuff - ADA Requirements: Service Animals)"
He wrote back a rude reply. It was MUCH DIFFERENT than something he wrote earlier and seemed much more caring.
This time he wrote, "Sorry you were offended but the conditions remain. We are a community so we must have rules to follow in order to function. Those I mentioned to you stand.
To reiterate the 2 House Rules are (and these can be added to)
1-No Dogs in the parish hall when food is served (or ever-ever in the sanctuary)
2-practice adequate, regular, and thorough hygiene, particularly before church attendance. To say there is a strong odor from you both is an understatement. It is not only distracting for parishioners but undoubtedly unhealthy for you and your sister.
You must abide by these two rules if you wish to continue in our fellowship. The church has bent over backwards to accommodate you. Please don’t take advantage of the hospitality that has been extended. This is not the first conversation with you on this subject and it is becoming tiresome. These rules are not up for negotiation or additional comment. They are what they are."
Then on Sunday, December 17, Briana (my sister) and I get all ready (hair washed, showered, etc) to go to church and I get Radar ready to work. We get to the church and park.
The minute I get out of my car, I am ambushed by two or three vestry members and a police officer IN UNIFORM. One of the vestry members tells me that Colleen has been saying that I have a surprise for them on Facebook. I had never written anything like that. I only wrote how I was happy that Briana hadn't figured out the surprise that I had for her. I had never said anything about a surprise for St. Michael's. However, the police officer kept insisting, "What is it?"
Then they were mean about me having a service dog. They said that I could not have her there. I had already been sitting OUTSIDE of the sanctuary with her.
As you can see, this rector, Seth Donald, wants to apply MORE RULES to us. He doesn't do that to other people. He's obviously gotten high on being able to be a dictator rather than being a pastor and being a shepherd to sheep.
The church has NEVER bent over backwards! He is just saying that. There have been some nice members who have helped me out. However, the whole church has definitely NOT bent over backwards. Most of the time, I drove to the church and brought Briana. I would tell her to NOT call other people. It's like everybody who knew about her Asperger's completely forgot she has it and expects her to not have it at all and to act like the rest of them. Then, they expect me to change my past. I am not the person that caused these traumatic experiences. I can't help that a gal knew corrupt police officers and had me arrested on false accusations. I would sit OUTSIDE of the sanctuary with Radar (my service dog). My sister would have to take communion, then come back and hold Radar so I could go take communion, then I would go back to get Radar from her.
This was the best we could do, although it is preferred that a service dog mainly stay with its handler. Sure, there are times that it isn't with its handler. There can be times when the service dog is with somebody who doesn't mind watching the dog. However, that is rare.
And I have no shame in showing the truth.
The people who say that Seth Donald "isn't like that," are wrong because he is "like that." It is obvious from what he has done, what he has written, and then what the vestry did.
One of the vestry members recently died and I think he may have been the ONE person who kept it okay for me to have Radar there.
I know churches do not legally have to follow ADA law. However, it is sad that they don't or at least are not accepting of people who are differently abled.
I often wonder, what if a blind person who uses a seeing eye dog tries to come to St. Michael? What about a veteran with PTSD? Radar is kind of like that for me, but it's "anxiety" for me. My mind sometimes does go back to traumatizing situations that I've experienced and she is there to bring me back to reality. So many people act like this is not important.
Radar is also a mobility helper. I can move in my transport wheelchair, but it can be difficult for me at times. There are some difficult surfaces to move over and she also helps me to get over bumps. Sometimes I have to get up so we can walk up ramps, but I cannot walk long distances. Yet, if the ramps aren't terrible or too slanted, Radar often pulls me right up!
She's an amazing and strong little dog!