. . . And the Possible Death Bed Visions
By now, it's all non-descript All I can remember are seats along the walls and in the room. I was sitting in a seat along the wall and a nurse or a doctor came out and said, "Don't worry, he'll be okay." I was praying this would be the case. I had never seen anybody have a heart attack, but there on that gurney where my Daddy lay, I saw somebody have a heart attack for the first time in my life. It's amazing how scary the sight is and yet the person does nothing at all. The nurses buzzed around him and I heard one of them swear just like they do on all the medical dramas that air on television.
The same nurse came out again as I was on my cell phone calling people. She said that I was going to need a friend. I wasn't sure exactly what this meant since as far as I knew, my Daddy was going to be okay, but it didn't feel good. I called my friend, Tasha, who came to sit with me. We made fun of how men don't tend to take care of their health when it comes to medical issues. It broke the tension in that time.
Less than an hour later, I was given the news. My Daddy was gone.
Of course I dealt with depression and had a hard time, but my story isn't about my Daddy's death.
Skip to a few years later and my Mama, Briana (my sister), and I have moved into a new house. I loved the house and I still love the house since I still live in it. At that time, it wasn't the greatest of living conditions because my mother was a hoarder who wouldn't admit she had a hoarding problem. She was also addicted to her antidepressants and an alcoholic. Somehow, for a few years though, she seemed to at least be okay.
One day, we were going to take the dogs for a car ride. Niblet ran off into our neighbor's back yard. Little by little, Niblet would start to run away from his Mama. After all, Niblet was my Mama's dog. It got to the point that if she was in the car at all, he wouldn't come with us. I never understood. There were times in the car that I would tell my Mama "that's not natural" when some type of liquid would run from her nose after she took a sip of her drink. She always told me that it was just fine. She never let me tell her doctor about this, either.
My Mama had so much stuff in my bedroom that I was basically forced to sleep in a bed in her bedroom. I didn't realize this was her way of forcing me to spend time with her. One morning, she awoke and she said, "I saw Daddy." I asked her, "What do you mean, you saw Daddy?" She didn't answer me and just started to cry. There were times after that when she would say, "I saw Daddy." I would ask her what she meant, but she wouldn't answer. I'd ask her if she saw him waving to her. I told her that I'd had a dream where it was like I was back in the first house we lived in when we were in Lake Charles. That house had a big picture window and we had put our couch underneath it. I would look out the window when my Daddy left for work and he'd wave to me through the window, a small assurance that he would see me later. My dream was like that. I waved to him and he waved back. My Daddy would see me later. He was safe where he was. Briana offered something, too. I don't remember exactly what hers was, but it was another comforting thought. My Mama never nodded her head. Instead, she cried.
The story of her illness is long and complicated. I was frustrated, always trying to help her. I got blamed for doing things I never did. Finally, one of the hospitals said that she was so bad that she would need to go to a nursing home after her insurance didn't cover her stay. I tried to get them to let her go to the nursing home that she wanted, but that nursing home didn't have any room. She was put in a nursing home near to our house, but it is not a nice one whatsoever.
I would take the dogs to visit her. I first started trying to get there every weekday, but I was running out of energy. I started coming on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. There were weeks when I came by on other days, too.
She was sent back to the hospital within two days of being there because she fell rather than asking for help to get up from her bed. However, they sent her back in a few days. Her insurance would cover 100 days in the nursing home. I fretted about what to do after those 100 days passed. However, I would visit her, bring the dogs, talk about her health. Niblet was always scared, the poor thing. There were times he hid under her bed. Another time, he hid under one of the other patient's beds and it made me wonder.
Not long after Niblet started hiding under my Mama's bed, she was sent to the ER. I felt bad for not going with her, but I was stressed. I needed some rest. I called the hospital the next day and they told me that she was in the ICU. I called Nancy. Her son and my friend James was alive at the time. He answered the phone and we chatted about how things were going in my life.
Briana and I went up to the ICU. My Mama wasn't responsive. It was the hardest decision to make, but I followed her wishes. She said that she didn't want any life support and she didn't want any machines. She said that she didn't want an IV if she wasn't responsive. The doctor agreed to her wishes. Briana and I sat with her, told her we loved her, sang some of her favorite songs to her, and cried. I couldn't stay in the ICU. I had to get home. I had looked up how long a body usually takes to die when deprived of nutrition and liquids. The sources told me that it takes about two days.
It was only a few hours and I got the call.
Again, I had depression over the situation.
While I believe my parents are happy and healthy in heaven, there's one thing that I still don't know. What did my Mama mean when she said, "I saw Daddy?" Did he tell her it was time to go? Did he tell her to come with him?
As far as I know, it'll always be a mystery.
Disclaimer: This entry was written for Week 8 of LiveJournal Idol (therealljidol) with the topic of " Yes, and."
The same nurse came out again as I was on my cell phone calling people. She said that I was going to need a friend. I wasn't sure exactly what this meant since as far as I knew, my Daddy was going to be okay, but it didn't feel good. I called my friend, Tasha, who came to sit with me. We made fun of how men don't tend to take care of their health when it comes to medical issues. It broke the tension in that time.
Less than an hour later, I was given the news. My Daddy was gone.
Of course I dealt with depression and had a hard time, but my story isn't about my Daddy's death.
Skip to a few years later and my Mama, Briana (my sister), and I have moved into a new house. I loved the house and I still love the house since I still live in it. At that time, it wasn't the greatest of living conditions because my mother was a hoarder who wouldn't admit she had a hoarding problem. She was also addicted to her antidepressants and an alcoholic. Somehow, for a few years though, she seemed to at least be okay.
One day, we were going to take the dogs for a car ride. Niblet ran off into our neighbor's back yard. Little by little, Niblet would start to run away from his Mama. After all, Niblet was my Mama's dog. It got to the point that if she was in the car at all, he wouldn't come with us. I never understood. There were times in the car that I would tell my Mama "that's not natural" when some type of liquid would run from her nose after she took a sip of her drink. She always told me that it was just fine. She never let me tell her doctor about this, either.
My Mama had so much stuff in my bedroom that I was basically forced to sleep in a bed in her bedroom. I didn't realize this was her way of forcing me to spend time with her. One morning, she awoke and she said, "I saw Daddy." I asked her, "What do you mean, you saw Daddy?" She didn't answer me and just started to cry. There were times after that when she would say, "I saw Daddy." I would ask her what she meant, but she wouldn't answer. I'd ask her if she saw him waving to her. I told her that I'd had a dream where it was like I was back in the first house we lived in when we were in Lake Charles. That house had a big picture window and we had put our couch underneath it. I would look out the window when my Daddy left for work and he'd wave to me through the window, a small assurance that he would see me later. My dream was like that. I waved to him and he waved back. My Daddy would see me later. He was safe where he was. Briana offered something, too. I don't remember exactly what hers was, but it was another comforting thought. My Mama never nodded her head. Instead, she cried.
The story of her illness is long and complicated. I was frustrated, always trying to help her. I got blamed for doing things I never did. Finally, one of the hospitals said that she was so bad that she would need to go to a nursing home after her insurance didn't cover her stay. I tried to get them to let her go to the nursing home that she wanted, but that nursing home didn't have any room. She was put in a nursing home near to our house, but it is not a nice one whatsoever.
I would take the dogs to visit her. I first started trying to get there every weekday, but I was running out of energy. I started coming on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. There were weeks when I came by on other days, too.
She was sent back to the hospital within two days of being there because she fell rather than asking for help to get up from her bed. However, they sent her back in a few days. Her insurance would cover 100 days in the nursing home. I fretted about what to do after those 100 days passed. However, I would visit her, bring the dogs, talk about her health. Niblet was always scared, the poor thing. There were times he hid under her bed. Another time, he hid under one of the other patient's beds and it made me wonder.
Not long after Niblet started hiding under my Mama's bed, she was sent to the ER. I felt bad for not going with her, but I was stressed. I needed some rest. I called the hospital the next day and they told me that she was in the ICU. I called Nancy. Her son and my friend James was alive at the time. He answered the phone and we chatted about how things were going in my life.
Briana and I went up to the ICU. My Mama wasn't responsive. It was the hardest decision to make, but I followed her wishes. She said that she didn't want any life support and she didn't want any machines. She said that she didn't want an IV if she wasn't responsive. The doctor agreed to her wishes. Briana and I sat with her, told her we loved her, sang some of her favorite songs to her, and cried. I couldn't stay in the ICU. I had to get home. I had looked up how long a body usually takes to die when deprived of nutrition and liquids. The sources told me that it takes about two days.
It was only a few hours and I got the call.
Again, I had depression over the situation.
While I believe my parents are happy and healthy in heaven, there's one thing that I still don't know. What did my Mama mean when she said, "I saw Daddy?" Did he tell her it was time to go? Did he tell her to come with him?
As far as I know, it'll always be a mystery.
Disclaimer: This entry was written for Week 8 of LiveJournal Idol (therealljidol) with the topic of " Yes, and."