Odd quotes that will make you laugh!
On Facebook, there's this application called "Only Three Words." It's the game where a person adds, obviously, only three words to a story. I've seen quite a few ruined by trolls. I'm contributing to some that are just as silly as ever, but fun! Briana found on that was called "222 Things I've Learned in My Lifetime...Usually The Hard Way." There are some pretty plain quotes in them or ones that just make you go "Well, duh!" However, there are some really funny ones that make no sense! For some reason, these ones just made me laugh (and I've corrected spelling, spacing, and punctuation).
Adrenaline junkies appear normal, but seldom fit in with God-fearing Lutherans. Actually, they don't fit in anywhere unless you count monkeys.
Friends are like a box of Kleenex. Yank too hard and the box falls off the table into the toilet.
Happiness is actually not real, except in extremely brief situations, such as watching your spouse do the dishes. Capture it on video and watch it in Times Square.
There are no pies in the bakery at midnight.
If you genuinely want peanut brittle to stay brittle, add some Viagra; your husband will love you for more than 3minutes! Candy is dandy, but blue-pills give you a more satisfyingly sweet-tasting, longer-lasting high!
Sweeping the floor with eyelash brushes causes chronic backache and poor posture.
Tagine cookery is a form of cooking, where over-using raisins and olives make oatmeal seem like a feast for obscure holidays and otherwise obsolete forms of celebratory occasions.
Wet socks . . . freeze to your willy if you use them as condoms in cold weather. Thawing can be quite a painful if using friction.
It's unfortunate but having chicken pox alienates you from your adoring public. Except when they invade your home and scratch you.
Buy Green Stamps. Stick in Mouth. Hold Tongue. Swallow.
Rattle snake venom is good for something, but not anything we should put in our chicken pot pies.
I learned Spanish in prison. The inmates all swore that I was a gringo, but they were chihuahuas.
Pole dancing in church is helping to polish . . . mmmm, nothing actually. Except tall candlesticks.
Electricity doesn't mix well with oily, slippery, wiggling, oodles of slimy things, especially when you're cleaning the dungeon.
When boarding airplanes, cover yourself in anti-terrorist raspberry jam.
Adrenaline junkies appear normal, but seldom fit in with God-fearing Lutherans. Actually, they don't fit in anywhere unless you count monkeys.
Friends are like a box of Kleenex. Yank too hard and the box falls off the table into the toilet.
Happiness is actually not real, except in extremely brief situations, such as watching your spouse do the dishes. Capture it on video and watch it in Times Square.
There are no pies in the bakery at midnight.
If you genuinely want peanut brittle to stay brittle, add some Viagra; your husband will love you for more than 3minutes! Candy is dandy, but blue-pills give you a more satisfyingly sweet-tasting, longer-lasting high!
Sweeping the floor with eyelash brushes causes chronic backache and poor posture.
Tagine cookery is a form of cooking, where over-using raisins and olives make oatmeal seem like a feast for obscure holidays and otherwise obsolete forms of celebratory occasions.
Wet socks . . . freeze to your willy if you use them as condoms in cold weather. Thawing can be quite a painful if using friction.
It's unfortunate but having chicken pox alienates you from your adoring public. Except when they invade your home and scratch you.
Buy Green Stamps. Stick in Mouth. Hold Tongue. Swallow.
Rattle snake venom is good for something, but not anything we should put in our chicken pot pies.
I learned Spanish in prison. The inmates all swore that I was a gringo, but they were chihuahuas.
Pole dancing in church is helping to polish . . . mmmm, nothing actually. Except tall candlesticks.
Electricity doesn't mix well with oily, slippery, wiggling, oodles of slimy things, especially when you're cleaning the dungeon.
When boarding airplanes, cover yourself in anti-terrorist raspberry jam.