The music picks up where my thoughts leave off, filling the echoing hall inside my head

[kagiri9]

I lie back on my bed. I've been doing this a lot lately. The music plays... loudly, but not obnoxiously, just loud enough to seep beyond the boundries of my little room, loud enough to take up most of my attention. I'm tired. I'm tired a lot lately. Not too much, not worryingly, just a conflict of my late night instincts and my early morning

Comments

[guntar]

I think highly of you, so when I'm talking about you, it's good.

Also, you should have let me take that picture of you I wanted to take. That would have been a good picture of you.

I also have that problem when I'm helping people. For example, the television was broken, and my roomate said she spent a long time trying to get it to work. I glanced at it, noticed how the power button was stuck, and fixed it, then turned and said, "There you go."--all in about 3 seconds. To me, it was just a matter of fixing it--and I did that. Only when she told me did I realise I came off as a smug asshole did I realise.

It happens more when I'm called away to help someone. I'm busy doing something, so I want to get the job done in as short a time as possible. The way to do that is to do it yourself. So, usually, when someone has a problem that needs fixing, I move them out of the way, fix it, and then go back to my own work. I come off as really smug, as an asshole, but it's because I'm just trying to get things done quickly.

I'm trying to change by changing my focus: it's no longer on fixing the problem; it's on making the person able to fix their own problems. Changing my focus like that has helped me become much more understanding and much more helpful.

It does take up a lot more time, though. So sometimes I find myself slipping back into my old mode, because I really don't have time how to teach someone how to do something.

I don't know if this is your problem, or if this will help you, but it's helped me.

Although sometimes I don't think you're confident enough. You never responded to my arguments about "The Chase," so I felt bad, because, instead of entering into a dialogue with you (which was my hope), I felt like I was just dissing it--which I wasn't, because I really enjoyed your DVD. It made me feel bad that you weren't defending yourself and your art.

In regards to the failure of your product to match the value of your vision, why do you think so many artists become depressed? The vision is perfect, and the product is... not. Some, therefore, turn entirely to the vision. Others make it about the process. Others endlessly nitpick about each and every detail, trying to get it right...

It's something that, on one hand, you really need to come to terms with, or else you go crazy. On the other, it's something that drives you forward to better and better things--which makes me really happy. Everytime I come a little bit closer to making the product suit the vision, I feel incredible.

Also, yes, sleep. It did wonders for me.

And, anytime you need a cuddle, you know where to go. My body does produce a pretty good amount of heat. And I certainly enjoy your presence.

[kagiri9]

I've never had a problem with the dissasociation between vision and product when it comes to my art. The Chase is a good example of piece I am proud of, even though I don't like it. It's the excecution of an idea that I had for a long time that I wanted to use, and it came along nicely.

However, from a technical standpoint, it bothers me because it isn't as good as I know I can do it. That was a restriction of editing experiece, time and resoruces. So, like many of my projects, I want to go back to it and redo it, using my more refined skills and using more time and more resources -- better camera, actors with more time to spare, better dolly, etc.

I find it hard to defend because the product itself is so flawed, even if I love the idea.

The problem when it comes ot programming is that I'm better at the things I'm not interested in, and it's hard for me to complete the tasks I want. Unlike videos, though, when I do complete the idea, if there are any flaws, I /don't/ know how to fix them. So the vision is stuck.

You might want to watch this. It's pertinant. Brain Crack.

[guntar]

But I was arguing against the idea of "The Chase," not its execution. :P

Also, I'm glad that you've never had a problem going from vision to product.

[kagiri9]

Sure, but I can't say "This is what I was trying to acomplish, and it would be great if I did it right!" Because that isn't a good arguement.

The best I can really say is what I want the viewer to feel/think/whatever, and how I wanted to make them feel it, and beyond that its up to anyone who's viewing to decide if that happens. If it doesn't, the next best thing is to just imagine what it would be like if it happens, which is really a pretty lame second place.