(no subject)
Well this last week has been a rollercoaster. On tuesday we all went to states and wow it was soo much fun! I made some new friends, and got closer to others. I felt like an actual adult, I felt free from the normal everyday stresses and demands of life. Tampa in a weird way was like a utopia, friendly faces everywhere you turn, musicals and plays left and right. Its was a city of cuddling, Jerry, and endless notes to Mr.Bonnett. But with anything good comes the bad. Im soo depressed. I went into this trip pretty sure of who my friends were and I came out knowing that I was totally wrong. By the end of the four hour train ride i had lost a friend(for who knows what), and pushed many people away, and to those people im sorry. Just being away from states has been depressing, I havent seen jerry's face in more then 24 hours and i sleep in a room alone. I miss being imprisoned be post-it notes, and meeting random people eveywhere you went. I miss knowing that where every you went in the hotel room there was always a life-saver handy. I miss just dancing where ever and whenever I heard music. I miss getting ready with everyone and sharing clothes. I miss the huge stage and the audience. I miss yellow boat and the grief it gave us. I miss playing frogger with the traffic an usually getting beeped at. I miss yelling you freakin queer on the streets of tampa where most of the people on the street were queer. I miss saying yeah i got a superior and people actually understanding. I miss my superior pin becaus i lost it on the train. I miss not caring if i took a shower or not because i knew i was just goingto dance that day anyways. I miss trying walk all over the city in 3 inch heels. I miss the little park. I miss seeing people singing and dancing and doing stage combat in the middle of the streets and sidewalks. I miss putting the temperature down to 40. I miss sitting on top of the TV. I miss trying to make those stupid yellow boat hats. I miss being locked out of my room because i never had a key. I miss walking till I couldnt walk anymore. I miss jerry calling his mom. I miss being called cowgirl. I miss elevators. I miss how comfortable and relaxing tampa was. I miss just fitting in somewhere. Being back at school just showes me how much idont fit in a probably wont ever, but Im ok with that. I know im a drama kid and proud of it. When i was at the mall today me and kelsey ran into a couple of people who went to states who we didnt even know, we still felt like we were friends with them. Though drama kids are cliquey they are the kindest and warmest people anyone will ever meet. They know what its like to be picked on or not fit in and make you feel comfortable around them. Yeah i was only at tampa for 6 days but it will always feel like home and will always be one of the greatest memories i will ever have. I miss everyone I meet there but hopefully I see them all next year. I know I can never relive those 6 days of my life and next year it still wont be the same but ill always treasure those memories i shared with people up there. The only thing that can cheer me up is seeing jerry's jolly face. I miss you jerry!!! I know im writing like someone has died but in a weird way thats how it feels. My heart hurts a little when i think of states. It will always be this first time i actually fit in and didnt feel like an outcast. Thank you.
~Kristen~
~Kristen~