I Know Someone's Waiting 1/?
Title: I Know Someone's Waiting
Author: Kagekamay
Rating: T
Length: 4,411
Spoilers: Through Season 3
Summary: Rachel has just come out of a divorce and her daughter has some questions that she wants answered. But what does Quinn have to do with it? Faberry with past mentions of Finchel/Samchel/St. Berry
I've had this idea for a while and I finally had some time to sit down and actually write for a change. Yes, it is loosely based on one of my favorite movies (props if you know which one) but I promise the Faberry is definitely there. There are going to be a couple name changes, but I'll explain more about how that works at the end of this chapter.
People always say 'Life is full of choices.' No one ever mentions fear.
"No! Don't knock! We have to surprise her."
"Okay, well get on my shoulders..."
"I can't! I'm holding the balloon!"
Rachel had to stifle her laugh as the faint sound of a foot being stomped carried clearly through the door she was standing behind. Her daughter always did have a flair for the dramatics.
"Here, just give me that andddd now hop up."
There was a grunt as Lexi was presumably lifted onto the person's shoulders.
"Wait wait! I wanna hold the balloon!"
"Ok, ready? One…two…"
Rachel chose then to yank open the door, and came face to face with Brittany, a bag clutched in one hand and a little girl perched on top of her shoulders holding a balloon.
Rachel chuckled at their stunned faces and quickly grabbed the bag from Brittany so she wouldn't lose her grip on her daughter, "You two are early tonight."
"Well, this one - " the blonde reached up and poked the girl, " - wanted to get here to surprise you."
Carefully, she lowered a disgruntled Lexi to the ground, who immediately gave the woman her best scowl, I knew you were being too loud!"
With that, she whirled around and marched straight past Rachel and into the apartment.
"Aren't you going to give your mom the balloon?"
Lexi huffed and stomped back over to the door, thrusting the balloon unceremoniously into Rachel's hand, "Happy birthday," she mumbled sullenly and grabbed her bag.
She stomped back into the living room, completely oblivious to the scene playing out behind her.
"Not a word," Rachel muttered to Brittany, who giggled as she breezed into the apartment.
"I think it's cute! She's like a mini-you!"
Rachel rolled her eyes, more than used to the comparisons between her and Lexi. Her husband used to joke that there wasn't a shred of himself in their daughter at all, but she had to disagree. For one thing, she had definitely gotten his eyes. And his smile.
"Did she behave?" Rachel asked, lowering her voice so that Lexi, who was busy laying out presents on the coffee table, wouldn't hear her, "I know you said you and Santana were always willing to look after her, but you two are busy too and it's really unfair of me to - "
"Rach."
Brittany was looking at her with poorly concealed amusement, and the brunette immediately stopped her ramble, "San and I love, Lexi. She can stay at our place whenever you need us to watch her, okay?"
Rachel nodded, but the doubt was still there at the back of her mind. She was hardly home to begin with and now with the new show she was in, she was busier than ever. Performer she may be, but being a mother had to take priority at the moment, and she was afraid she wasn't doing a very good job of that. She was used to him always being there to help out like he had done during her early days on Broadway, something she saw looking back that she had taken for granted. Divorce had a funny way of making you see things differently.
"Hey!"
The pair of them turned as one to look at Lexi, who was gesturing proudly at the table.
"Aren't you going to open your presents, Mom?"
"Yes, honey, I'll be there in a second." She smiled briefly at her daughter then turned back to Brittany and gave her a quick hug, "Say hi to Santana for me."
Brittany grinned, "Come tell herself, if you find any time between rehearsals. And Lexi?"
She stuck her head from around Rachel to look at the girl, "Take care of your mom for me."
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
She had to read the address three times before she was sure she was at the right place. The number 214 glared back at her, matching the number scrawled hastily across the paper. It really was now or never. She could knock and pretend that what she was about to do wasn't completely irrational and borderline suicidal, or she could walk away and pretend that this had never happened. Option two was starting to look better and better. She exhaled and stepped back from the door, noticing idly that her hands were shaking. God, what was had she been thinking? She hadn't, that was the problem. Not once had she stopped to think as she absentmindedly joined the other commuters and headed down the steps to the subway.
It was simply pure coincidence that the piece of paper with this particular address happened to be in her purse, where it had been for six months after she had first had the irrational desire to try to change the past. She had tried the trip many times during that time period, but she could never step out of the subway car once she got to the stop. Her feet had always stayed glued to the floor, forced to watch as the automatic doors hissed closed, yet knowing she would try again in a week or so. Somehow this time she had managed to step out of the subway car, but at this moment she was starting to wonder if she had mistaken courage for sheer foolishness.
Well she had come this far, so she might as well go for it. Pushing herself off the wall, she stepped in front of the door, but the indecision once again came crashing down on her. She was still paralyzed when the door swung open in front of her, and a woman came barreling out of the apartment.
"Holy shit! Sor - "
The woman stopped mid sentence, her eyes widening as she looked at the person she had almost run into, who was still frozen with her hand raised ready to knock on the door.
Normally, the fact that she had rendered Santana speechless would have given her a sense of accomplishment, but the Latina had gone an unhealthy pale, and her mouth was still hanging open in shock.
"Hi," she said weakly, slowly lowering her hand and self consciously fixing the front of her coat.
Her greeting seemed to snap Santana back to her senses, because her mouth slammed closed, the anger in the those dark eyes making her internally flinch even if she knew she deserved every bit of it.
"What the hell are you doing here?" she hissed.
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
It wasn't that Rachel hated her birthday, not really. It was just that she never had time to celebrate it since it came around Hanukkah, and she was so busy preparing for the holiday season that she hardly had time for herself. So, it was usually just her, Lexi, and - well now it was just her and Lexi.
Which was why this package looked so ominous to her. She had already opened Lexi's, which contained the usual hand made card with the words 'Happy Birthday Mommy' written in the little girl's neatest handwriting at the top. A cake overflowing with candles was drawn underneath. It was really the only present that Rachel had expected, not this package wrapped haphazardly, as if the person had done his very best but given up halfway through. In fact, Rachel thought, feeling a small stab in her heart, that made it all the sweeter.
"Open it, Mom!" Lexi demanded, bouncing up and down on her knees next to her, " - I bet Daddy got you something amazing!"
"I'm sure he did, sweetie," she said, putting a hand on Lexi to calm her down. Her heart was still beating a frantic staccato rhythm, and her sixth sense was telling her whatever was in that box was not good news, but there was no way around it.
With trembling fingers she started to tear the wrapping paper. It fell away easily from the box and she slowly lifted up the lid.
"A jacket?" Lexi exclaimed, looking a little put out.
Rachel swallowed hard, carefully lifting the jacket from the box. It was grey, nearly threadbare with a hole in the right sleeve, nothing significant really. Except for the fading large navy blue Y with a bulldog's face in front imprinted across the chest. Her heart felt like it was being squeezed. She glanced back in the box and noticed the small white note that had been hidden by the jacket.
I found this when I was cleaning out the apartment. I know it was your favorite, so I figured you'd want it back. Happy birthday.
Simple, almost impersonal. The perfect message from an ex-husband to his ex-wife, she thought ruefully, turning the card over just to make sure there wasn't anything else.
"Well that was nice of Dad," she said, forcing a smile for Lexi's benefit, and throwing the jacket back in the box before standing up.
It sat there, mocking her it seemed like, and she was sorely tempted to just throw it out. She was sure he had meant well, but this was one present she would rather not have gotten. It brought up too many painful memories. Then again, it wasn't like there was a guidebook for this sort of thing. She had gone through most if not all of the divorce books out there, and she was certain 'What to get your ex-wife for her birthday' was never covered in any of them. But of all the things he could have given her, why did he have to choose this?
"You didn't like it?" Lexi asked, picking up the jacket. She seemed perplexed at her mother's behavior, and a little upset that she hadn't enjoyed her gift.
"N-no, honey, it's not that - it's just - " she struggled with her words before she sighed, "it's complicated."
The girl frowned, "Not really, I mean Dad got you a present and you either like it or you don't, right?"
"Lexi," Rachel almost chuckled, sitting back down on the sofa, "I like it. It actually means a lot that he sent this back to me."
Liar. Well, not exactly. Obviously he had known it had meant something to her, but Rachel had a sneaking suspicion he didn't realize just how much.
"Then what is it?" the girl persisted.
"Nothing you have to worry about," Rachel deflected, dropping a kiss onto her daughter's forehead.
She grabbed the jacket from the girl's hands, but in doing so she caused something that had been tucked away in one of the pockets to come fluttering out. She reached to pick it up, but Lexi beat her to it.
It wasn't a piece of paper like she had originally thought; it was a photo. Black and white, and unmistakably, familiar. She moved back toward Lexi, gently taking the picture from her and examining it.
"Is that you?" Lexi asked, pointing a finger at the picture.
"Y-yes."
Rachel traced the edge of the photo with her finger, hardly recognizing the young woman in the picture. She was leaning against a tree with her eyes closed, a small smile playing around her lips. Her hands were tucked into the sides of her jacket - the jacket now clutched in Lexi's hand - and she looked completely care free. She couldn't help but notice the date that was penciled in at the bottom of the picture in a handwriting that was too dainty to be hers. As if the jacket hadn't been bad enough.
"You look really pretty."
Rachel shook herself free of the thoughts starting to swirl in her mind and turned to her daughter, who was still studying the picture avidly.
"When was it taken?"
"Around the time your dad and I met."
Rachel tucked the photo back into the pocket and put the jacket back into the box, "No more questions, it's time for bed."
Lexi rolled her eyes, grabbing Rachel's hand and leading her down the hall to her bedroom, "You're not telling me everything."
"There's nothing to tell," Rachel answered shortly, shooing her into her room.
Lexi climbed onto her bed, and ignoring Rachel's attempts to tuck her in, promptly started jumping up and down.
"Then why are you so pale? What's wrong with the jacket? "
Rachel grabbed at Lexi, trying to stop her from bouncing, "Okay, okay stop!"
Lexi froze mid bounce, and landed in a sitting position, looking up expectantly at her mother.
"We are not talking about this. It's time for bed."
"Is it about Dad?"
Oh, it wasn't going to be an easy night.
"It has to do with the divorce, doesn't it," Lexi said knowingly.
Rachel groaned, wishing not for the first time that her daughter wasn't so observant.
"It's complicated," she said flipping open the comforter so the girl could scoot under it.
"That's all you ever say," she grumbled, diving under the covers, "I bet if you actually told me, you'd realize it's not complicated at all."
"Good night, Lexi," she sing songed, forcibly tucking her into the bed.
Rachel bent down to give her a kiss, but the girl pulled the covers over her head, effectively cutting her off from her mother.
"No! I need to know the whole story so I can figure out what happened between you and Dad!"
Rachel froze, her hand inches away from pulling the blankets away.
"Sweetie," she sighed, suddenly feeling very tired, "even if I do tell you the story do you really think it's going to change anything?"
Lexi cautiously peeked out from under the covers, looking pleadingly at Rachel, "Maybe? I don't know, but I do think it's important."
Rachel didn't say anything. She tried to once again tell her no, she wasn't going to relive the past, but the words kept catching in her throat.
"Please? I need to know."
There was a moment of intense silence as the two sized each other up. Rachel could see her own stubbornness glaring at her from Lexi's eyes, eyes that at the same time held so much of her father in them. But then Lexi's bottom lip jutted out and Rachel knew she had lost.
"Fine!"
Lexi's face lit up triumphantly.
"I'm going to tell you the story, but I'm not telling you who your dad is - "
"Fine."
"And I'm changing some of the names and some of the facts - "
"Good."
" - so you're just going to have to figure it out for yourself."
"Okay."
Undaunted by Rachel's glare, Lexi scooted over and patted the space next to her, and the singer had no choice but to roll her eyes and climb in beside her daughter, grumbling to herself while she did.
The little girl smiled sweetly at Rachel and snuggled into her side so that she would throw an arm around her.
"Once upon a - "
"Wait!"
Lexi wriggled out of the bed and bounded over to her desk, snatching up a shabby stuffed dog and sliding back under the covers.
"Okay, I'm ready!"
"Well," Rachel started again, adjusting slightly to get more comfortable, "once upon a time in the small town of Lima, Ohio, there lived a girl named Rachel Berry."
She glanced down at Lexi who was already smiling contentedly.
"And she had a boyfriend who she loved very much whose name was - "
"Jake! His name is Jake!"
"Okay," she said slowly, slight surprised by the girl's enthusiasm, "Jake it is…"
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
It was the last official day of summer for Rachel, and she couldn't have been any more excited. Lima had been unbearable after graduation and everything had just seemed…smaller. The glee club had exchanged tearful goodbyes after the ceremony and even hung out a couple of times over the summer, but they all had known it couldn't last. Santana and Brittany left first, citing the need to get to California early to set up their new apartment. Both of them would be going to UCLA, which surprised all of them since Brittany had been accepted to Juilliard, but had turned it down. Mike had accepted, however, and he and Kurt had left for New York toward the end of July, the latter insisting he would have the apartment in perfect order by the time Rachel joined him.
Rachel had needed the extra couple of weeks to make sure she had absolutely everything she was going to need in New York, and if that meant going over her checklist three times then that's what she was going to do. Of course her dads were there with her every step of the way, and had even offered to drive her to New York, but she had had to turn them down. Finn had insisted that he would be the one to drive her, and Rachel didn't have the heart to refuse him.
"I can't believe you're leaving already," Finn grunted, loading the last of Rachel's suitcases into the trunk.
"We barely hung out over the summer and now you're just…taking off."
He slammed the trunk shut and easily grabbed the last bag Rachel was struggling with and tossed it into the backseat.
"Yes well," Rachel said, still slightly out of breath from carrying the bag downstairs, "This was the plan all along, Finn."
"Yeah I know." He threw an arm around her waist and pulled her close to him, resting his chin on top of her head.
"I'm just not ready for you to leave yet."
And there it was. Rachel closed her eyes and sighed into his jacket, inhaling the familiar scent of Burt's car shop and wishing not for the first time that things had worked out differently for them. If only he had been a little more driven about college, had actually put some time and effort into his applications instead of assuming his skills as a quarterback would be enough to impress the colleges. After the Ohio State recruiter had turned him down, he had lost whatever little interest he had in leaving Lima, and Rachel had known it was over.
Finn had started staying later and later at the shop, citing the need to take over for Burt who was busy working on his congressional campaign. She knew he wasn't lying, but she couldn't help but notice the glimmer of happiness in his eyes when he talked about the cars, rattling off ideas of how he was going to fix them. That glimmer always faded whenever she brought up applying to New York, and soon she dropped the idea entirely. Finn would stay. She would go.
"I have to." She broke the embrace and leaned against the trunk of the car, unconsciously wrapping her arms around herself, "New York is my dream, and I just can't give that up."
"Rach - "
She recognized the pleading look in his eyes and she hurried to cut him off before he could propose his argument once again.
"Look we'll skype, okay? And I promise I'll come back and visit whenever I can."
She reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing it gently.
"I know, but - " He was struggling with his words, the familiar frown on his face as he tried to gather his thoughts. In the end he gave up and pulled his hand away from hers, jamming it into the pocket of his jacket instead. "Just remember I love you - like a lot, Rach - and it'd kill me if I lost you."
"How would you lose me?" she asked, unable to keep all of the impatience from her voice.
"I dunno," he mumbled, "New York's a big city - way bigger than Lima - and you gotta be careful."
"So you're saying I'm going to get lost in New York?" Rachel clarified, moving around to the passenger side of the car while Finn went to the driver's side.
"No! I - "
"Well that's what it sounds like you're saying," she giggled, sliding into the seat the same time as Finn.
"Rachel! Will you just listen to me?"
She started at his voice, unused to him shouting at her. She felt as if something large and unpleasant had dropped into her stomach, and when she looked at his face she knew it was only going to get worse.
"Okay," she shrank back in her seat, staring hard at the dashboard until Finn started to talk.
"New York has always been your thing, and I get that, really," he assured, "but it's not my thing. And what if there's some guy there, who gets New York? I can't compete with that, Rach, and I don't want you to choose him over me."
She bit down on her lip and waited a few seconds to make sure he was done before she said quietly, "That's not going to happen."
"How do you know?" he demanded, and she flinched again at his tone. It was harsh, desperate; completely different from the usual warmth she expected from him.
"Because - " she reached over and ran her fingers through his hair, and pressed a kiss to his temple, "I love you, Finn. No one else."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," she echoed.
His tentative smile turned into a full out grin, and before Rachel knew it he had come closer and somehow both of her hands had wound their way into his hair and they were kissing. His movements were still stilted and awkward, but his feelings were genuine, which was all Rachel cared about. So what if he had seemed reluctant to support her leaving for New York? He was just scared, and it was going to be a big adjustment for the pair of them, but they could make it work. They always made it work.
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
"I don't like him."
"Already? But, honey, the story just started!"
"Jake sounds whiny!"
Rachel bit back a laugh and settled for ruffling her hair in retaliation, "He's not whiny!"
"Yes he is!" Lexi insisted, slapping the covers to emphasize her point, "I can't believe you actually liked him."
"Well in that case, I guess I'll just stop telling the story…"
Lexi sat bolt upright, eyes wide with fear, "Nonono! Don't do that! I was just kidding!"
This time Rachel couldn't hold back her laugh and she tugged on the girl's shirt so she would lie back down, "Alright, but no more interruptions!"
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
Kurt and Rachel's apartment was situated perfectly between NYU's main campus and NYADA's. Finn had dropped her off and almost immediately taken off, refusing to even stay for a quick lunch at an Italian restaurant that Kurt insisted was to die for. Rachel didn't try to stop him, and she could tell he was trying his hardest to not break down in front of her when he gave her a stiff hug and promised to call her later that week.
"Our apartment just had to be on the third floor, didn't it?" she groaned, shifting the boxes to rest on her knees and leaning heavily against the wall behind her.
"It has a good view," Kurt panted, stopping behind her and copying her motions, "You know the least Finn could have done was stay and help us bring these upstairs!"
Rachel grunted and pushed herself off the wall, forcing herself to put one foot in front of the other.
"You saw him, Kurt. He could barely even look at me, and I didn't want him to stay longer than he needed to."
"How insensitive of me! I forgot heartbreak renders a person incapable of lifting boxes."
Rachel craned her head back to look at Kurt, just in time to catch him rolling his eyes.
"For your information Finn and I are still together and have every intention of - Oh thank god!"
She stumbled through the doorway of the apartment and dropped the boxes down on the floor, letting out a sigh of relief. Kurt followed right behind her and set his boxes down next to hers.
"Finally!" he gasped dramatically and collapsed into Rachel, who held him up giggling.
"And you say I'm the drama queen!" she scolded, before pushing him off her shoulder.
"Your room's that one over there," Kurt pointed, already bending down to pick up his stack of boxes, "I'll take care of these, you just relax, sweetie."
Rachel smiled gratefully and took the time to survey the apartment. She had to admit, Kurt had done an excellent job. The sofa may have been a little battered, but it matched the dark wood floor and the two side tables perfectly. On one of the side tables, Kurt had placed a picture taken of the glee club just as they were celebrating their 3rd place finish at Nationals. Rachel picked up the picture, smiling fondly at the people that had been the closest thing she had to friends and feeling a small twinge of sadness that she wouldn't be seeing some of them for a while. She was relieved she at least had Kurt as her support system. The prospect of facing New York alone was daunting, and she knew herself well enough to acknowledge that she wouldn't have been able to do it. Her finger paused just short of tracing over Finn, who was smiling widely as he hoisted the trophy over his head.
"So?"
She started and turned toward around to see Kurt looking at her expectantly.
"It's wonderful, Kurt," she gushed, carefully placing the picture back down.
He smiled and waved his hand, "I know, but it's still nice to hear you say it."
Laughing, she walked over to him and wrapped him up in a tight hug that somehow turned into him twirling her around, his own laughter melding with hers before he set her back down.
The apartment was still small, there was no getting around that, but it was already starting to feel like home.
So obviously Jake = Finn, and Rachel will change the other guys' names when she's talking to Lexi, but keep them the same while she's telling the story. Thanks as always for reading!
Author: Kagekamay
Rating: T
Length: 4,411
Spoilers: Through Season 3
Summary: Rachel has just come out of a divorce and her daughter has some questions that she wants answered. But what does Quinn have to do with it? Faberry with past mentions of Finchel/Samchel/St. Berry
I've had this idea for a while and I finally had some time to sit down and actually write for a change. Yes, it is loosely based on one of my favorite movies (props if you know which one) but I promise the Faberry is definitely there. There are going to be a couple name changes, but I'll explain more about how that works at the end of this chapter.
People always say 'Life is full of choices.' No one ever mentions fear.
"No! Don't knock! We have to surprise her."
"Okay, well get on my shoulders..."
"I can't! I'm holding the balloon!"
Rachel had to stifle her laugh as the faint sound of a foot being stomped carried clearly through the door she was standing behind. Her daughter always did have a flair for the dramatics.
"Here, just give me that andddd now hop up."
There was a grunt as Lexi was presumably lifted onto the person's shoulders.
"Wait wait! I wanna hold the balloon!"
"Ok, ready? One…two…"
Rachel chose then to yank open the door, and came face to face with Brittany, a bag clutched in one hand and a little girl perched on top of her shoulders holding a balloon.
Rachel chuckled at their stunned faces and quickly grabbed the bag from Brittany so she wouldn't lose her grip on her daughter, "You two are early tonight."
"Well, this one - " the blonde reached up and poked the girl, " - wanted to get here to surprise you."
Carefully, she lowered a disgruntled Lexi to the ground, who immediately gave the woman her best scowl, I knew you were being too loud!"
With that, she whirled around and marched straight past Rachel and into the apartment.
"Aren't you going to give your mom the balloon?"
Lexi huffed and stomped back over to the door, thrusting the balloon unceremoniously into Rachel's hand, "Happy birthday," she mumbled sullenly and grabbed her bag.
She stomped back into the living room, completely oblivious to the scene playing out behind her.
"Not a word," Rachel muttered to Brittany, who giggled as she breezed into the apartment.
"I think it's cute! She's like a mini-you!"
Rachel rolled her eyes, more than used to the comparisons between her and Lexi. Her husband used to joke that there wasn't a shred of himself in their daughter at all, but she had to disagree. For one thing, she had definitely gotten his eyes. And his smile.
"Did she behave?" Rachel asked, lowering her voice so that Lexi, who was busy laying out presents on the coffee table, wouldn't hear her, "I know you said you and Santana were always willing to look after her, but you two are busy too and it's really unfair of me to - "
"Rach."
Brittany was looking at her with poorly concealed amusement, and the brunette immediately stopped her ramble, "San and I love, Lexi. She can stay at our place whenever you need us to watch her, okay?"
Rachel nodded, but the doubt was still there at the back of her mind. She was hardly home to begin with and now with the new show she was in, she was busier than ever. Performer she may be, but being a mother had to take priority at the moment, and she was afraid she wasn't doing a very good job of that. She was used to him always being there to help out like he had done during her early days on Broadway, something she saw looking back that she had taken for granted. Divorce had a funny way of making you see things differently.
"Hey!"
The pair of them turned as one to look at Lexi, who was gesturing proudly at the table.
"Aren't you going to open your presents, Mom?"
"Yes, honey, I'll be there in a second." She smiled briefly at her daughter then turned back to Brittany and gave her a quick hug, "Say hi to Santana for me."
Brittany grinned, "Come tell herself, if you find any time between rehearsals. And Lexi?"
She stuck her head from around Rachel to look at the girl, "Take care of your mom for me."
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
She had to read the address three times before she was sure she was at the right place. The number 214 glared back at her, matching the number scrawled hastily across the paper. It really was now or never. She could knock and pretend that what she was about to do wasn't completely irrational and borderline suicidal, or she could walk away and pretend that this had never happened. Option two was starting to look better and better. She exhaled and stepped back from the door, noticing idly that her hands were shaking. God, what was had she been thinking? She hadn't, that was the problem. Not once had she stopped to think as she absentmindedly joined the other commuters and headed down the steps to the subway.
It was simply pure coincidence that the piece of paper with this particular address happened to be in her purse, where it had been for six months after she had first had the irrational desire to try to change the past. She had tried the trip many times during that time period, but she could never step out of the subway car once she got to the stop. Her feet had always stayed glued to the floor, forced to watch as the automatic doors hissed closed, yet knowing she would try again in a week or so. Somehow this time she had managed to step out of the subway car, but at this moment she was starting to wonder if she had mistaken courage for sheer foolishness.
Well she had come this far, so she might as well go for it. Pushing herself off the wall, she stepped in front of the door, but the indecision once again came crashing down on her. She was still paralyzed when the door swung open in front of her, and a woman came barreling out of the apartment.
"Holy shit! Sor - "
The woman stopped mid sentence, her eyes widening as she looked at the person she had almost run into, who was still frozen with her hand raised ready to knock on the door.
Normally, the fact that she had rendered Santana speechless would have given her a sense of accomplishment, but the Latina had gone an unhealthy pale, and her mouth was still hanging open in shock.
"Hi," she said weakly, slowly lowering her hand and self consciously fixing the front of her coat.
Her greeting seemed to snap Santana back to her senses, because her mouth slammed closed, the anger in the those dark eyes making her internally flinch even if she knew she deserved every bit of it.
"What the hell are you doing here?" she hissed.
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
It wasn't that Rachel hated her birthday, not really. It was just that she never had time to celebrate it since it came around Hanukkah, and she was so busy preparing for the holiday season that she hardly had time for herself. So, it was usually just her, Lexi, and - well now it was just her and Lexi.
Which was why this package looked so ominous to her. She had already opened Lexi's, which contained the usual hand made card with the words 'Happy Birthday Mommy' written in the little girl's neatest handwriting at the top. A cake overflowing with candles was drawn underneath. It was really the only present that Rachel had expected, not this package wrapped haphazardly, as if the person had done his very best but given up halfway through. In fact, Rachel thought, feeling a small stab in her heart, that made it all the sweeter.
"Open it, Mom!" Lexi demanded, bouncing up and down on her knees next to her, " - I bet Daddy got you something amazing!"
"I'm sure he did, sweetie," she said, putting a hand on Lexi to calm her down. Her heart was still beating a frantic staccato rhythm, and her sixth sense was telling her whatever was in that box was not good news, but there was no way around it.
With trembling fingers she started to tear the wrapping paper. It fell away easily from the box and she slowly lifted up the lid.
"A jacket?" Lexi exclaimed, looking a little put out.
Rachel swallowed hard, carefully lifting the jacket from the box. It was grey, nearly threadbare with a hole in the right sleeve, nothing significant really. Except for the fading large navy blue Y with a bulldog's face in front imprinted across the chest. Her heart felt like it was being squeezed. She glanced back in the box and noticed the small white note that had been hidden by the jacket.
I found this when I was cleaning out the apartment. I know it was your favorite, so I figured you'd want it back. Happy birthday.
Simple, almost impersonal. The perfect message from an ex-husband to his ex-wife, she thought ruefully, turning the card over just to make sure there wasn't anything else.
"Well that was nice of Dad," she said, forcing a smile for Lexi's benefit, and throwing the jacket back in the box before standing up.
It sat there, mocking her it seemed like, and she was sorely tempted to just throw it out. She was sure he had meant well, but this was one present she would rather not have gotten. It brought up too many painful memories. Then again, it wasn't like there was a guidebook for this sort of thing. She had gone through most if not all of the divorce books out there, and she was certain 'What to get your ex-wife for her birthday' was never covered in any of them. But of all the things he could have given her, why did he have to choose this?
"You didn't like it?" Lexi asked, picking up the jacket. She seemed perplexed at her mother's behavior, and a little upset that she hadn't enjoyed her gift.
"N-no, honey, it's not that - it's just - " she struggled with her words before she sighed, "it's complicated."
The girl frowned, "Not really, I mean Dad got you a present and you either like it or you don't, right?"
"Lexi," Rachel almost chuckled, sitting back down on the sofa, "I like it. It actually means a lot that he sent this back to me."
Liar. Well, not exactly. Obviously he had known it had meant something to her, but Rachel had a sneaking suspicion he didn't realize just how much.
"Then what is it?" the girl persisted.
"Nothing you have to worry about," Rachel deflected, dropping a kiss onto her daughter's forehead.
She grabbed the jacket from the girl's hands, but in doing so she caused something that had been tucked away in one of the pockets to come fluttering out. She reached to pick it up, but Lexi beat her to it.
It wasn't a piece of paper like she had originally thought; it was a photo. Black and white, and unmistakably, familiar. She moved back toward Lexi, gently taking the picture from her and examining it.
"Is that you?" Lexi asked, pointing a finger at the picture.
"Y-yes."
Rachel traced the edge of the photo with her finger, hardly recognizing the young woman in the picture. She was leaning against a tree with her eyes closed, a small smile playing around her lips. Her hands were tucked into the sides of her jacket - the jacket now clutched in Lexi's hand - and she looked completely care free. She couldn't help but notice the date that was penciled in at the bottom of the picture in a handwriting that was too dainty to be hers. As if the jacket hadn't been bad enough.
"You look really pretty."
Rachel shook herself free of the thoughts starting to swirl in her mind and turned to her daughter, who was still studying the picture avidly.
"When was it taken?"
"Around the time your dad and I met."
Rachel tucked the photo back into the pocket and put the jacket back into the box, "No more questions, it's time for bed."
Lexi rolled her eyes, grabbing Rachel's hand and leading her down the hall to her bedroom, "You're not telling me everything."
"There's nothing to tell," Rachel answered shortly, shooing her into her room.
Lexi climbed onto her bed, and ignoring Rachel's attempts to tuck her in, promptly started jumping up and down.
"Then why are you so pale? What's wrong with the jacket? "
Rachel grabbed at Lexi, trying to stop her from bouncing, "Okay, okay stop!"
Lexi froze mid bounce, and landed in a sitting position, looking up expectantly at her mother.
"We are not talking about this. It's time for bed."
"Is it about Dad?"
Oh, it wasn't going to be an easy night.
"It has to do with the divorce, doesn't it," Lexi said knowingly.
Rachel groaned, wishing not for the first time that her daughter wasn't so observant.
"It's complicated," she said flipping open the comforter so the girl could scoot under it.
"That's all you ever say," she grumbled, diving under the covers, "I bet if you actually told me, you'd realize it's not complicated at all."
"Good night, Lexi," she sing songed, forcibly tucking her into the bed.
Rachel bent down to give her a kiss, but the girl pulled the covers over her head, effectively cutting her off from her mother.
"No! I need to know the whole story so I can figure out what happened between you and Dad!"
Rachel froze, her hand inches away from pulling the blankets away.
"Sweetie," she sighed, suddenly feeling very tired, "even if I do tell you the story do you really think it's going to change anything?"
Lexi cautiously peeked out from under the covers, looking pleadingly at Rachel, "Maybe? I don't know, but I do think it's important."
Rachel didn't say anything. She tried to once again tell her no, she wasn't going to relive the past, but the words kept catching in her throat.
"Please? I need to know."
There was a moment of intense silence as the two sized each other up. Rachel could see her own stubbornness glaring at her from Lexi's eyes, eyes that at the same time held so much of her father in them. But then Lexi's bottom lip jutted out and Rachel knew she had lost.
"Fine!"
Lexi's face lit up triumphantly.
"I'm going to tell you the story, but I'm not telling you who your dad is - "
"Fine."
"And I'm changing some of the names and some of the facts - "
"Good."
" - so you're just going to have to figure it out for yourself."
"Okay."
Undaunted by Rachel's glare, Lexi scooted over and patted the space next to her, and the singer had no choice but to roll her eyes and climb in beside her daughter, grumbling to herself while she did.
The little girl smiled sweetly at Rachel and snuggled into her side so that she would throw an arm around her.
"Once upon a - "
"Wait!"
Lexi wriggled out of the bed and bounded over to her desk, snatching up a shabby stuffed dog and sliding back under the covers.
"Okay, I'm ready!"
"Well," Rachel started again, adjusting slightly to get more comfortable, "once upon a time in the small town of Lima, Ohio, there lived a girl named Rachel Berry."
She glanced down at Lexi who was already smiling contentedly.
"And she had a boyfriend who she loved very much whose name was - "
"Jake! His name is Jake!"
"Okay," she said slowly, slight surprised by the girl's enthusiasm, "Jake it is…"
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
It was the last official day of summer for Rachel, and she couldn't have been any more excited. Lima had been unbearable after graduation and everything had just seemed…smaller. The glee club had exchanged tearful goodbyes after the ceremony and even hung out a couple of times over the summer, but they all had known it couldn't last. Santana and Brittany left first, citing the need to get to California early to set up their new apartment. Both of them would be going to UCLA, which surprised all of them since Brittany had been accepted to Juilliard, but had turned it down. Mike had accepted, however, and he and Kurt had left for New York toward the end of July, the latter insisting he would have the apartment in perfect order by the time Rachel joined him.
Rachel had needed the extra couple of weeks to make sure she had absolutely everything she was going to need in New York, and if that meant going over her checklist three times then that's what she was going to do. Of course her dads were there with her every step of the way, and had even offered to drive her to New York, but she had had to turn them down. Finn had insisted that he would be the one to drive her, and Rachel didn't have the heart to refuse him.
"I can't believe you're leaving already," Finn grunted, loading the last of Rachel's suitcases into the trunk.
"We barely hung out over the summer and now you're just…taking off."
He slammed the trunk shut and easily grabbed the last bag Rachel was struggling with and tossed it into the backseat.
"Yes well," Rachel said, still slightly out of breath from carrying the bag downstairs, "This was the plan all along, Finn."
"Yeah I know." He threw an arm around her waist and pulled her close to him, resting his chin on top of her head.
"I'm just not ready for you to leave yet."
And there it was. Rachel closed her eyes and sighed into his jacket, inhaling the familiar scent of Burt's car shop and wishing not for the first time that things had worked out differently for them. If only he had been a little more driven about college, had actually put some time and effort into his applications instead of assuming his skills as a quarterback would be enough to impress the colleges. After the Ohio State recruiter had turned him down, he had lost whatever little interest he had in leaving Lima, and Rachel had known it was over.
Finn had started staying later and later at the shop, citing the need to take over for Burt who was busy working on his congressional campaign. She knew he wasn't lying, but she couldn't help but notice the glimmer of happiness in his eyes when he talked about the cars, rattling off ideas of how he was going to fix them. That glimmer always faded whenever she brought up applying to New York, and soon she dropped the idea entirely. Finn would stay. She would go.
"I have to." She broke the embrace and leaned against the trunk of the car, unconsciously wrapping her arms around herself, "New York is my dream, and I just can't give that up."
"Rach - "
She recognized the pleading look in his eyes and she hurried to cut him off before he could propose his argument once again.
"Look we'll skype, okay? And I promise I'll come back and visit whenever I can."
She reached out and grabbed his hand, squeezing it gently.
"I know, but - " He was struggling with his words, the familiar frown on his face as he tried to gather his thoughts. In the end he gave up and pulled his hand away from hers, jamming it into the pocket of his jacket instead. "Just remember I love you - like a lot, Rach - and it'd kill me if I lost you."
"How would you lose me?" she asked, unable to keep all of the impatience from her voice.
"I dunno," he mumbled, "New York's a big city - way bigger than Lima - and you gotta be careful."
"So you're saying I'm going to get lost in New York?" Rachel clarified, moving around to the passenger side of the car while Finn went to the driver's side.
"No! I - "
"Well that's what it sounds like you're saying," she giggled, sliding into the seat the same time as Finn.
"Rachel! Will you just listen to me?"
She started at his voice, unused to him shouting at her. She felt as if something large and unpleasant had dropped into her stomach, and when she looked at his face she knew it was only going to get worse.
"Okay," she shrank back in her seat, staring hard at the dashboard until Finn started to talk.
"New York has always been your thing, and I get that, really," he assured, "but it's not my thing. And what if there's some guy there, who gets New York? I can't compete with that, Rach, and I don't want you to choose him over me."
She bit down on her lip and waited a few seconds to make sure he was done before she said quietly, "That's not going to happen."
"How do you know?" he demanded, and she flinched again at his tone. It was harsh, desperate; completely different from the usual warmth she expected from him.
"Because - " she reached over and ran her fingers through his hair, and pressed a kiss to his temple, "I love you, Finn. No one else."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," she echoed.
His tentative smile turned into a full out grin, and before Rachel knew it he had come closer and somehow both of her hands had wound their way into his hair and they were kissing. His movements were still stilted and awkward, but his feelings were genuine, which was all Rachel cared about. So what if he had seemed reluctant to support her leaving for New York? He was just scared, and it was going to be a big adjustment for the pair of them, but they could make it work. They always made it work.
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
"I don't like him."
"Already? But, honey, the story just started!"
"Jake sounds whiny!"
Rachel bit back a laugh and settled for ruffling her hair in retaliation, "He's not whiny!"
"Yes he is!" Lexi insisted, slapping the covers to emphasize her point, "I can't believe you actually liked him."
"Well in that case, I guess I'll just stop telling the story…"
Lexi sat bolt upright, eyes wide with fear, "Nonono! Don't do that! I was just kidding!"
This time Rachel couldn't hold back her laugh and she tugged on the girl's shirt so she would lie back down, "Alright, but no more interruptions!"
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
Kurt and Rachel's apartment was situated perfectly between NYU's main campus and NYADA's. Finn had dropped her off and almost immediately taken off, refusing to even stay for a quick lunch at an Italian restaurant that Kurt insisted was to die for. Rachel didn't try to stop him, and she could tell he was trying his hardest to not break down in front of her when he gave her a stiff hug and promised to call her later that week.
"Our apartment just had to be on the third floor, didn't it?" she groaned, shifting the boxes to rest on her knees and leaning heavily against the wall behind her.
"It has a good view," Kurt panted, stopping behind her and copying her motions, "You know the least Finn could have done was stay and help us bring these upstairs!"
Rachel grunted and pushed herself off the wall, forcing herself to put one foot in front of the other.
"You saw him, Kurt. He could barely even look at me, and I didn't want him to stay longer than he needed to."
"How insensitive of me! I forgot heartbreak renders a person incapable of lifting boxes."
Rachel craned her head back to look at Kurt, just in time to catch him rolling his eyes.
"For your information Finn and I are still together and have every intention of - Oh thank god!"
She stumbled through the doorway of the apartment and dropped the boxes down on the floor, letting out a sigh of relief. Kurt followed right behind her and set his boxes down next to hers.
"Finally!" he gasped dramatically and collapsed into Rachel, who held him up giggling.
"And you say I'm the drama queen!" she scolded, before pushing him off her shoulder.
"Your room's that one over there," Kurt pointed, already bending down to pick up his stack of boxes, "I'll take care of these, you just relax, sweetie."
Rachel smiled gratefully and took the time to survey the apartment. She had to admit, Kurt had done an excellent job. The sofa may have been a little battered, but it matched the dark wood floor and the two side tables perfectly. On one of the side tables, Kurt had placed a picture taken of the glee club just as they were celebrating their 3rd place finish at Nationals. Rachel picked up the picture, smiling fondly at the people that had been the closest thing she had to friends and feeling a small twinge of sadness that she wouldn't be seeing some of them for a while. She was relieved she at least had Kurt as her support system. The prospect of facing New York alone was daunting, and she knew herself well enough to acknowledge that she wouldn't have been able to do it. Her finger paused just short of tracing over Finn, who was smiling widely as he hoisted the trophy over his head.
"So?"
She started and turned toward around to see Kurt looking at her expectantly.
"It's wonderful, Kurt," she gushed, carefully placing the picture back down.
He smiled and waved his hand, "I know, but it's still nice to hear you say it."
Laughing, she walked over to him and wrapped him up in a tight hug that somehow turned into him twirling her around, his own laughter melding with hers before he set her back down.
The apartment was still small, there was no getting around that, but it was already starting to feel like home.
So obviously Jake = Finn, and Rachel will change the other guys' names when she's talking to Lexi, but keep them the same while she's telling the story. Thanks as always for reading!