Pieces of Her, 25/26
Title: Pieces of Her, 25/?
Author: Kagekamay
Rating: R
Length: 3,476
Spoilers: AU after Special Education
Summary: Contrary to popular belief, Rachel Berry wasn't unbreakable. Now she's broken and the only person who can put her back together is Quinn Fabray. WARNING deals with self harm.
Quinn couldn't seem to sit still. She tried keeping her hands busy by pulling on her leather jacket, but Santana batted her hand away and looked at her exasperatedly. She rolled her eyes and sank back into her chair, trying not to look like she was sick to her stomach.
In an effort to distract herself, she looked to where the guys were all grouped together in a huddle, frantically talking to each other in hushed voices. Chances were they didn't have something put together, so there went any hope of this being a serious competition; not that the competition was what had her worried.
Her eyes slid over to the vacant seat where Rachel usually sat, and the butterflies in her stomach seemed to multiply. Where was she? All that rehearsing she had done all day would go to waste if Rachel chose to skip. Swallowing hard, she turned her attention back to the front of the room, just as Mr. Schue finally decided to show up with Miss Pillsbury in tow.
"Alright guys, who's ready for the competition today?"
There were a couple of halfhearted cheers, and Quinn didn't miss the nervous looks exchanged amongst the boys.
"Unfortunately, Coach Beiste couldn't make it today, since she is busy overseeing detention. But Miss Pillsbury," he turned to give the guidance counselor a charming smile, causing her to blush, "is still going to assist me with the judging."
"Uh, Mr. Schue?" Finn called, raising his hand.
The man nodded his head, and Finn moved his hand to the back of his neck, looking sheepish, "The guys and I uh aren't really ready to perform today, so we were wondering if it's okay with you if we go Monday?"
"Yeah sure thing, Finn," Mr. Schuester agreed readily, already turning to the other group, "the stage is all yours girls."
Quinn stood, and was about to walk down the risers, but Santana grabbed her wrist and tugged her back.
"No go, Mr. Schue," Santana argued, dropping Quinn's wrist and settling back into her seat, "not all of our group is here yet."
"Oh." Mr. Schue's smile faltered slightly at this new development, "well I suppose we can wait - "
The choir room door opened, and Brittany came bouncing in, with a rather anxious Rachel in tow. Quinn tensed as the need to rush forward and scoop Rachel up in her arms overwhelmed her, but she forced herself not to budge. She looked like a wreck. There were dark circles under her eyes, and she kept pulling down self-consciously on her sleeves. She stopped fiddling with them after she noticed Quinn staring, but it was enough for Quinn to put two and two together.
Rachel's eyes widened and she shrank into Brittany, eyeing Quinn fearfully as if she expected her to come charging toward her and demand an explanation. Quinn was actually seriously considering doing just that, but she knew that would only scare Rachel away. So she stayed still, nails digging into her palm, unable to do anything, while Brittany continued to explain to Mr. Schuester why they were late. She caught a couple of snatches of their conversation, something about Rachel not feeling well, and suddenly things started to fall into place.
"Santana," she murmured lowly, her eyes never leaving Rachel as Brittany guided her to the front row, "Brittany wasn't at home with Charity, was she?"
The only answer she got was a small smirk, before she was hauled to her feet and pushed down the risers to the front of the room. Brittany's smile widened when Santana stepped from behind Quinn, and she gave the girl a hug, whispering something that sounded suspiciously like 'thank you,' but Quinn didn't have time to dwell on it.
The other girls were already moving to their positions, grabbing mics from the piano and forming a line with their backs to their audience. Quinn took her place between Brittany and Mercedes, just as the lights dimmed.
A single light suddenly illuminated Tina, who turned around and started to walk forward, as a lone guitar began to play.
It's the calming before the storm
Alcohol sits nicely in your stomach warm
When you wake up hungover
You wish you were sober.
Santana whirled around and strutted forward, stopping in front of Tina.
I've danced with the devil
And dreamed with the demons
Fell asleep with debt
Then fell short of breath
Tina stepped to the side and thrust her arm out in front of Santana, raising her eyebrow and turning to sing her lines in the girl's face.
When you wake up hungover
You wish you were sober
Santana playfully rolled her eyes before the two of them moved to make way for the other girls to come forward.
Just be pretty but naïve
Anything you hear is what you believe
Let the rhyme get stuck in your head
Wish you had undressed me in your head.
Quinn had to admit their practicing had paid off. She tried to let herself get lost in the performance like she usually did, but she couldn't seem to relax. Her eyes kept wandering to the brunette in the front row, whose gaze was fixed determinedly on the floor. Rachel's hands were clutching the sides of her chair, and Quinn was pretty sure she wanted nothing more than to bolt from the room. She lost sight of the diva when Brittany grabbed her hand and twirled her away, just as Tina came sauntering forward.
It's the low before the high
It's been so long you thought you would die
When you wake up hungover
You wish you were sober
Tina stopped directly in front of Rachel and leaned down, giving Rachel no choice but to look up. She held out her hand expectantly to her, eyebrows raised as if asking a question.
And I'll be counting the days that the sun goes past
With clouds beneath my feet.
Rachel eyed the hand nervously, and violently shook her head. Tina just shrugged sadly, and whirled away as the others started the chorus.
Just be pretty but naïve
Anything you hear is what you believe
Let the rhyme get stuck in your head
Wish you had undressed me in your head.
Santana detached herself from the group, and beckoned to Brittany, who broke away from the group and twirled toward her, a mischievous smile on her face. Santana returned it and started moving around the other girls, swaying her hips while Brittany followed her.
'Cuz we've been falling apart
Built to crumble from the start
I'm a cold metal machine
And I'll do things you've never seen
She stopped in the middle of the room, and Brittany circled around her teasingly within arm's reach.
Just be pretty but naïve
Anything you hear is what you believe
Brittany moved closer until she was inches from Santana, her eyes never leaving the Latina's as one of her hands trailed down her forearm.
Let the rhyme get stuck in your head
Wish you had undressed me in your -
Santana pushed Brittany away and she stumbled backward and melded back into the group. The Latina sent her a wink before turning and facing Tina, who was on the opposite side of the room. The two girls started to slowly walk toward each other while everyone else danced around them.
Just be pretty but naïve
Anything you hear is what you believe
Let the rhyme get stuck in your head
Wish you had undressed me in your head.
And what they don't tell you in church is
They met in the middle, standing face to face as they belted out the last line.
Saints are sinners too
As the song ended, everybody clapped and cheered. Quinn felt a reluctant smile pulling at her lips, even though she knew she still had another performance to worry about.
"Good job, guys! Now that's the kind of teamwork and energy that I expect to see every day!"
He turned to Miss Pillsbury who was nodding in agreement, "Yes that was very good, girls, even if the lyrics were a bit questionable."
Santana scoffed and muttered out of the corner of her mouth, "Whatever. We totally kicked ass."
Quinn had to agree, and judging by the blown away looks on the guys' faces, they had the competition in the bag.
Mr. Schuester decided to end glee early, since the boys would be going Monday, and everyone started to file out, ready for the weekend. Brittany stopped to briefly hug Quinn, and Santana even offered her a gruff 'good luck' before the pair left the room, leaving her with Rachel. The diva rose from her chair, and started to make her way to the door.
"Rachel."
The girl halted, but she kept her back to Quinn, making no other effort to acknowledge her.
Quinn sighed, and walked over to her, making sure to keep some distance between them.
"Could you…stay for a second?"
Rachel's shoulders tensed, and her voice was tight and clipped, "I don't think that would be prudent."
"It'll only take a minute," she promised, reaching forward against her better judgment and lightly brushing the brunette's wrist. She flinched when Rachel jerked away and covered the spot that she had touched her with her other hand.
Burying her hurt, she tried again, "Please, just one last chance."
Rachel's jaw tightened, and Quinn could tell she was struggling to decide what to do. She waited patiently, and almost jumped for joy when Rachel wordlessly turned around and made her way back to her seat. She crossed her arms and legs and waited for Quinn to make the next move.
Battling her nerves, Quinn walked over to a mike stand and dragged it to the center of the room, looking over at Brad to see if he was ready. He adjusted the sheet music she had given him earlier and gave her a small nod. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed onto the mike stand for dear life, not daring to rely on her feet to hold her up and nodded back. She braced herself as the opening chords began to play, and she started to sing.
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
She sounded weak and shaky, and it took all her control to keep singing as she tried to get it together.
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Quinn's voice grew stronger as her eyes focused on Rachel. She poured all her emotion into the song, willing Rachel to understand, because if this didn't work, she was sure what she was going to do.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Rachel's bottom lip was trembling, and her arms tightened around herself. A single tear trailed down her cheek, and it took all of Quinn's willpower to keep singing and not brush it away from her cheek.
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
She stumbled over that particular line. She prayed that Rachel hadn't noticed and just gripped the stand tighter.
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Rachel shifted uncomfortably in her seat, and Quinn felt another pang of sadness pierce her. She wanted - no - needed Rachel to understand. To know that she was special.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Quinn didn't know at what point everything faded away. Maybe it was the full realization of what she was trying to do, or maybe it was just watching the struggle on Rachel's face; But the fear was gone, and now it was just her and Rachel.
Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...
Quinn knew the song was almost over. The pace of the song was slowing down again, and she lowered her voice to barely above a whisper.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Quinn trailed off as the last chord rang through the choir room. She felt tears rolling down her cheeks, but she didn't make a move to wipe them away. She only had eyes for the other girl, the one who had tears of her own on her face. There was a shifting of the piano bench as Brad got up and left the room, but the two girls didn't seem to notice. They were still locked in their silent conversation, waiting for the other to break the silence.
Until Rachel got up from her chair. She had reached the piano before Quinn fully processed what she was doing.
"Rachel, - "
Rachel whirled around, the tears still falling. She was pale and visibly shaking, and Quinn could tell she was moments from completely breaking down.
"Why would you do that?" she whispered, searching Quinn's face for an answer, "Why would you sing that?"
"Because you matter to me, Rachel. And last night - " she broke off, searching for the right words, "I was terrified. I had no idea where you had run off to and you wouldn't even answer any of my calls - "
"I was fine, just upset. I wasn't thinking straight," Rachel deflected.
"But I didn't know that!" Quinn snapped. Rachel started in surprise, and the blonde took a steadying breath to try to calm herself.
Running her hands nervously through her hair, she tried again, "All I could think of was that something had happened, that I had messed up."
"Did it occur to you," Rachel whispered, her voice shaking, "that maybe I just didn't want to talk to you?"
It was like she had punched Quinn in the gut. The blonde felt a burning in her throat as she searched for words, her eyes shining with more tears.
"W-why would you want that?"
"Because I just didn't!" she shouted angrily, "I didn't need you telling me what I already knew."
"Telling you what?" Quinn pressed.
"That you hate me!"
Quinn blinked, "W-what?"
"Stop pretending, Quinn! Sam, the break up. It's my fault!"
"Wait. That's what this is about?" she asked slowly, "you ran off because of Sam?"
Rachel nodded, and Quinn threw her hands up in the air in frustration, "Rachel, I never even liked Sam! We were going out because it was convenient!"
"But the slushies - "
"It's not your fault," Quinn spelled out, "We would have broken up over something else."
Rachel's breath caught, and she sank onto the piano bench, staring blankly ahead.
Slowly Quinn moved over to her and dropped to her knees in front of her.
"Rachel," she said, and the girl whimpered, lifting her hands to cover her face. Gently, Quinn took Rachel's hands in her own and lowered them to her lap.
"Look at me, please."
Rachel raised her eyes to Quinn's face, more tears staining her cheeks.
"I don't hate you. I could never hate you," she emphasized by squeezing her hands gently.
"Actually," she paused, running her tongue over her suddenly dry lips, "I think…I lo - ."
Rachel's hands shot out of hers and she stood up so quickly that Quinn had to scoot back to avoid being stepped on.
"I…" Rachel's eyes were darting around the room, looking anywhere but at Quinn, "I can't do this with you right now."
"What do you mean you can't?" Quinn asked, standing up and staring disbelievingly at Rachel.
"I just can't," she repeated, her voice breaking as she turned her back and started toward the door again. Quinn could feel her chance slipping away, and the moment Rachel's hand met the door knob, she blurted out the first thing she could think of.
"I know you feel the same way."
Quinn saw the brunette's back stiffen, and she rushed on, "That night at the park. When your dad came home early. You told me that you needed me. You needed me so much that it 'scared you'."
"I n-never said that," Rachel stammered, eyeing Quinn as the girl moved slowly towards her, "I wasn't myself, I was still upset at my dad, I was just saying things - "
"You know that's not true," Quinn insisted, "and you can't pretend forever, Rachel."
Rachel dropped her hand from the door knob and turned her head to glance over her shoulder.
"I…maybe I do have similar feelings for you, but that doesn't matter."
"Of course it matters!" the blonde argued, her eyes blazing, "it makes all the difference!"
Rachel sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, "Not now...please, Quinn. I just need some time and I really should be getting home."
Quinn resisted the need to push Rachel, and forced herself to nod, "Then when?"
"Later," the brunette said vaguely, pushing open the door.
She stopped in the doorway and turned back to Quinn, biting her lip, "Maybe after your cheerios practice you could come by my house? I mean if that's okay with you…"
"It's fine," Quinn quickly assured her, her heart racing, "better than fine actually."
Rachel gave her a small smile, but to the blonde it looked more like a grimace, "Okay."
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
Rachel was pacing around her room, alternating from looking at her clock on her nightstand to glancing out her window, and then back to pacing. She had been doing this ever since she had gotten home two hours ago, too anxious to do much else. Her heart was hammering in her chest, and she couldn't help but feel like she had made a huge mistake by inviting Quinn over. Sure, she had postponed the talk by about two hours, but in the long run it wasn't going to do much good. Still, whether she liked it or not, Quinn was right; she did need her. And maybe...maybe she did love - .
Her thoughts were broken by the sound of the doorbell. The sound echoed ominously around her empty house, and for a moment Rachel stood still, frozen with fear. What had she done?
Songs:
Passion for Publication by Anarbor
Fix You by Coldplay
I'll be posting the next/last chapter hopefully right after I get back from Chicago (three days from now), so I hope the cliffhanger won't be too much of a problem!
Author: Kagekamay
Rating: R
Length: 3,476
Spoilers: AU after Special Education
Summary: Contrary to popular belief, Rachel Berry wasn't unbreakable. Now she's broken and the only person who can put her back together is Quinn Fabray. WARNING deals with self harm.
Quinn couldn't seem to sit still. She tried keeping her hands busy by pulling on her leather jacket, but Santana batted her hand away and looked at her exasperatedly. She rolled her eyes and sank back into her chair, trying not to look like she was sick to her stomach.
In an effort to distract herself, she looked to where the guys were all grouped together in a huddle, frantically talking to each other in hushed voices. Chances were they didn't have something put together, so there went any hope of this being a serious competition; not that the competition was what had her worried.
Her eyes slid over to the vacant seat where Rachel usually sat, and the butterflies in her stomach seemed to multiply. Where was she? All that rehearsing she had done all day would go to waste if Rachel chose to skip. Swallowing hard, she turned her attention back to the front of the room, just as Mr. Schue finally decided to show up with Miss Pillsbury in tow.
"Alright guys, who's ready for the competition today?"
There were a couple of halfhearted cheers, and Quinn didn't miss the nervous looks exchanged amongst the boys.
"Unfortunately, Coach Beiste couldn't make it today, since she is busy overseeing detention. But Miss Pillsbury," he turned to give the guidance counselor a charming smile, causing her to blush, "is still going to assist me with the judging."
"Uh, Mr. Schue?" Finn called, raising his hand.
The man nodded his head, and Finn moved his hand to the back of his neck, looking sheepish, "The guys and I uh aren't really ready to perform today, so we were wondering if it's okay with you if we go Monday?"
"Yeah sure thing, Finn," Mr. Schuester agreed readily, already turning to the other group, "the stage is all yours girls."
Quinn stood, and was about to walk down the risers, but Santana grabbed her wrist and tugged her back.
"No go, Mr. Schue," Santana argued, dropping Quinn's wrist and settling back into her seat, "not all of our group is here yet."
"Oh." Mr. Schue's smile faltered slightly at this new development, "well I suppose we can wait - "
The choir room door opened, and Brittany came bouncing in, with a rather anxious Rachel in tow. Quinn tensed as the need to rush forward and scoop Rachel up in her arms overwhelmed her, but she forced herself not to budge. She looked like a wreck. There were dark circles under her eyes, and she kept pulling down self-consciously on her sleeves. She stopped fiddling with them after she noticed Quinn staring, but it was enough for Quinn to put two and two together.
Rachel's eyes widened and she shrank into Brittany, eyeing Quinn fearfully as if she expected her to come charging toward her and demand an explanation. Quinn was actually seriously considering doing just that, but she knew that would only scare Rachel away. So she stayed still, nails digging into her palm, unable to do anything, while Brittany continued to explain to Mr. Schuester why they were late. She caught a couple of snatches of their conversation, something about Rachel not feeling well, and suddenly things started to fall into place.
"Santana," she murmured lowly, her eyes never leaving Rachel as Brittany guided her to the front row, "Brittany wasn't at home with Charity, was she?"
The only answer she got was a small smirk, before she was hauled to her feet and pushed down the risers to the front of the room. Brittany's smile widened when Santana stepped from behind Quinn, and she gave the girl a hug, whispering something that sounded suspiciously like 'thank you,' but Quinn didn't have time to dwell on it.
The other girls were already moving to their positions, grabbing mics from the piano and forming a line with their backs to their audience. Quinn took her place between Brittany and Mercedes, just as the lights dimmed.
A single light suddenly illuminated Tina, who turned around and started to walk forward, as a lone guitar began to play.
It's the calming before the storm
Alcohol sits nicely in your stomach warm
When you wake up hungover
You wish you were sober.
Santana whirled around and strutted forward, stopping in front of Tina.
I've danced with the devil
And dreamed with the demons
Fell asleep with debt
Then fell short of breath
Tina stepped to the side and thrust her arm out in front of Santana, raising her eyebrow and turning to sing her lines in the girl's face.
When you wake up hungover
You wish you were sober
Santana playfully rolled her eyes before the two of them moved to make way for the other girls to come forward.
Just be pretty but naïve
Anything you hear is what you believe
Let the rhyme get stuck in your head
Wish you had undressed me in your head.
Quinn had to admit their practicing had paid off. She tried to let herself get lost in the performance like she usually did, but she couldn't seem to relax. Her eyes kept wandering to the brunette in the front row, whose gaze was fixed determinedly on the floor. Rachel's hands were clutching the sides of her chair, and Quinn was pretty sure she wanted nothing more than to bolt from the room. She lost sight of the diva when Brittany grabbed her hand and twirled her away, just as Tina came sauntering forward.
It's the low before the high
It's been so long you thought you would die
When you wake up hungover
You wish you were sober
Tina stopped directly in front of Rachel and leaned down, giving Rachel no choice but to look up. She held out her hand expectantly to her, eyebrows raised as if asking a question.
And I'll be counting the days that the sun goes past
With clouds beneath my feet.
Rachel eyed the hand nervously, and violently shook her head. Tina just shrugged sadly, and whirled away as the others started the chorus.
Just be pretty but naïve
Anything you hear is what you believe
Let the rhyme get stuck in your head
Wish you had undressed me in your head.
Santana detached herself from the group, and beckoned to Brittany, who broke away from the group and twirled toward her, a mischievous smile on her face. Santana returned it and started moving around the other girls, swaying her hips while Brittany followed her.
'Cuz we've been falling apart
Built to crumble from the start
I'm a cold metal machine
And I'll do things you've never seen
She stopped in the middle of the room, and Brittany circled around her teasingly within arm's reach.
Just be pretty but naïve
Anything you hear is what you believe
Brittany moved closer until she was inches from Santana, her eyes never leaving the Latina's as one of her hands trailed down her forearm.
Let the rhyme get stuck in your head
Wish you had undressed me in your -
Santana pushed Brittany away and she stumbled backward and melded back into the group. The Latina sent her a wink before turning and facing Tina, who was on the opposite side of the room. The two girls started to slowly walk toward each other while everyone else danced around them.
Just be pretty but naïve
Anything you hear is what you believe
Let the rhyme get stuck in your head
Wish you had undressed me in your head.
And what they don't tell you in church is
They met in the middle, standing face to face as they belted out the last line.
Saints are sinners too
As the song ended, everybody clapped and cheered. Quinn felt a reluctant smile pulling at her lips, even though she knew she still had another performance to worry about.
"Good job, guys! Now that's the kind of teamwork and energy that I expect to see every day!"
He turned to Miss Pillsbury who was nodding in agreement, "Yes that was very good, girls, even if the lyrics were a bit questionable."
Santana scoffed and muttered out of the corner of her mouth, "Whatever. We totally kicked ass."
Quinn had to agree, and judging by the blown away looks on the guys' faces, they had the competition in the bag.
Mr. Schuester decided to end glee early, since the boys would be going Monday, and everyone started to file out, ready for the weekend. Brittany stopped to briefly hug Quinn, and Santana even offered her a gruff 'good luck' before the pair left the room, leaving her with Rachel. The diva rose from her chair, and started to make her way to the door.
"Rachel."
The girl halted, but she kept her back to Quinn, making no other effort to acknowledge her.
Quinn sighed, and walked over to her, making sure to keep some distance between them.
"Could you…stay for a second?"
Rachel's shoulders tensed, and her voice was tight and clipped, "I don't think that would be prudent."
"It'll only take a minute," she promised, reaching forward against her better judgment and lightly brushing the brunette's wrist. She flinched when Rachel jerked away and covered the spot that she had touched her with her other hand.
Burying her hurt, she tried again, "Please, just one last chance."
Rachel's jaw tightened, and Quinn could tell she was struggling to decide what to do. She waited patiently, and almost jumped for joy when Rachel wordlessly turned around and made her way back to her seat. She crossed her arms and legs and waited for Quinn to make the next move.
Battling her nerves, Quinn walked over to a mike stand and dragged it to the center of the room, looking over at Brad to see if he was ready. He adjusted the sheet music she had given him earlier and gave her a small nod. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed onto the mike stand for dear life, not daring to rely on her feet to hold her up and nodded back. She braced herself as the opening chords began to play, and she started to sing.
When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
She sounded weak and shaky, and it took all her control to keep singing as she tried to get it together.
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Quinn's voice grew stronger as her eyes focused on Rachel. She poured all her emotion into the song, willing Rachel to understand, because if this didn't work, she was sure what she was going to do.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Rachel's bottom lip was trembling, and her arms tightened around herself. A single tear trailed down her cheek, and it took all of Quinn's willpower to keep singing and not brush it away from her cheek.
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
She stumbled over that particular line. She prayed that Rachel hadn't noticed and just gripped the stand tighter.
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Rachel shifted uncomfortably in her seat, and Quinn felt another pang of sadness pierce her. She wanted - no - needed Rachel to understand. To know that she was special.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Quinn didn't know at what point everything faded away. Maybe it was the full realization of what she was trying to do, or maybe it was just watching the struggle on Rachel's face; But the fear was gone, and now it was just her and Rachel.
Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I...
Quinn knew the song was almost over. The pace of the song was slowing down again, and she lowered her voice to barely above a whisper.
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Quinn trailed off as the last chord rang through the choir room. She felt tears rolling down her cheeks, but she didn't make a move to wipe them away. She only had eyes for the other girl, the one who had tears of her own on her face. There was a shifting of the piano bench as Brad got up and left the room, but the two girls didn't seem to notice. They were still locked in their silent conversation, waiting for the other to break the silence.
Until Rachel got up from her chair. She had reached the piano before Quinn fully processed what she was doing.
"Rachel, - "
Rachel whirled around, the tears still falling. She was pale and visibly shaking, and Quinn could tell she was moments from completely breaking down.
"Why would you do that?" she whispered, searching Quinn's face for an answer, "Why would you sing that?"
"Because you matter to me, Rachel. And last night - " she broke off, searching for the right words, "I was terrified. I had no idea where you had run off to and you wouldn't even answer any of my calls - "
"I was fine, just upset. I wasn't thinking straight," Rachel deflected.
"But I didn't know that!" Quinn snapped. Rachel started in surprise, and the blonde took a steadying breath to try to calm herself.
Running her hands nervously through her hair, she tried again, "All I could think of was that something had happened, that I had messed up."
"Did it occur to you," Rachel whispered, her voice shaking, "that maybe I just didn't want to talk to you?"
It was like she had punched Quinn in the gut. The blonde felt a burning in her throat as she searched for words, her eyes shining with more tears.
"W-why would you want that?"
"Because I just didn't!" she shouted angrily, "I didn't need you telling me what I already knew."
"Telling you what?" Quinn pressed.
"That you hate me!"
Quinn blinked, "W-what?"
"Stop pretending, Quinn! Sam, the break up. It's my fault!"
"Wait. That's what this is about?" she asked slowly, "you ran off because of Sam?"
Rachel nodded, and Quinn threw her hands up in the air in frustration, "Rachel, I never even liked Sam! We were going out because it was convenient!"
"But the slushies - "
"It's not your fault," Quinn spelled out, "We would have broken up over something else."
Rachel's breath caught, and she sank onto the piano bench, staring blankly ahead.
Slowly Quinn moved over to her and dropped to her knees in front of her.
"Rachel," she said, and the girl whimpered, lifting her hands to cover her face. Gently, Quinn took Rachel's hands in her own and lowered them to her lap.
"Look at me, please."
Rachel raised her eyes to Quinn's face, more tears staining her cheeks.
"I don't hate you. I could never hate you," she emphasized by squeezing her hands gently.
"Actually," she paused, running her tongue over her suddenly dry lips, "I think…I lo - ."
Rachel's hands shot out of hers and she stood up so quickly that Quinn had to scoot back to avoid being stepped on.
"I…" Rachel's eyes were darting around the room, looking anywhere but at Quinn, "I can't do this with you right now."
"What do you mean you can't?" Quinn asked, standing up and staring disbelievingly at Rachel.
"I just can't," she repeated, her voice breaking as she turned her back and started toward the door again. Quinn could feel her chance slipping away, and the moment Rachel's hand met the door knob, she blurted out the first thing she could think of.
"I know you feel the same way."
Quinn saw the brunette's back stiffen, and she rushed on, "That night at the park. When your dad came home early. You told me that you needed me. You needed me so much that it 'scared you'."
"I n-never said that," Rachel stammered, eyeing Quinn as the girl moved slowly towards her, "I wasn't myself, I was still upset at my dad, I was just saying things - "
"You know that's not true," Quinn insisted, "and you can't pretend forever, Rachel."
Rachel dropped her hand from the door knob and turned her head to glance over her shoulder.
"I…maybe I do have similar feelings for you, but that doesn't matter."
"Of course it matters!" the blonde argued, her eyes blazing, "it makes all the difference!"
Rachel sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, "Not now...please, Quinn. I just need some time and I really should be getting home."
Quinn resisted the need to push Rachel, and forced herself to nod, "Then when?"
"Later," the brunette said vaguely, pushing open the door.
She stopped in the doorway and turned back to Quinn, biting her lip, "Maybe after your cheerios practice you could come by my house? I mean if that's okay with you…"
"It's fine," Quinn quickly assured her, her heart racing, "better than fine actually."
Rachel gave her a small smile, but to the blonde it looked more like a grimace, "Okay."
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
Rachel was pacing around her room, alternating from looking at her clock on her nightstand to glancing out her window, and then back to pacing. She had been doing this ever since she had gotten home two hours ago, too anxious to do much else. Her heart was hammering in her chest, and she couldn't help but feel like she had made a huge mistake by inviting Quinn over. Sure, she had postponed the talk by about two hours, but in the long run it wasn't going to do much good. Still, whether she liked it or not, Quinn was right; she did need her. And maybe...maybe she did love - .
Her thoughts were broken by the sound of the doorbell. The sound echoed ominously around her empty house, and for a moment Rachel stood still, frozen with fear. What had she done?
Songs:
Passion for Publication by Anarbor
Fix You by Coldplay
I'll be posting the next/last chapter hopefully right after I get back from Chicago (three days from now), so I hope the cliffhanger won't be too much of a problem!