Pieces of Her, 22/?
Title: Pieces of Her, 22/?
Author: Kagekamay
Rating: R
Length: 2,437
Spoilers: AU after Special Education
Summary: Contrary to popular belief, Rachel Berry wasn't unbreakable. Now she's broken and the only person who can put her back together is Quinn Fabray. WARNING deals with self harm.
AN: I know it's been a while I'm sorry! RL got in the way...
Rachel was walking quickly down the hallway, intent on meeting Quinn in the cheerios locker room so they could head home. It had been a particularly long day, but she felt a small sense of accomplishment that she had been able to arrange the song for the competition. She had been pleasantly surprised to learn that Tina's and Santana's voices actually melded quite well together, and in spite of herself, she was looking forward to the glee on Friday.
" - she broke up with you over a couple of slushies?"
The unmistakable sound of Finn's voice made her pause, and she looked around to find that she was outside the door to the weight room. Quickly, she pressed herself to the wall, hoping he wouldn't see her.
"Yeah, dude. Don't rub it in," sighed another voice, which was definitely Sam.
He grunted, and she heard a clang of metal and assumed he had put down some weights.
"She just started shouting at me because I said she shouldn't have attacked them. I mean it didn't look they had done anything wrong.
Her heart thudded painfully in her chest as she realized who they were talking about. Clutching her binder closer to her, she leaned in closer to the door to hear better.
"But did she say why she slushied them? Finn asked, and she could clearly picture the bewildered look on his face, "She wouldn't just randomly slushy people."
There was another metallic clang and a grunt, and Rachel assumed one of them was lifting weights again.
"Not exactly," Sam said, his voice slightly strained from exertion, "we just kind of started yelling at each other, and next thing I know, we're broken up."
"That sucks, dude."
"Yeah," Sam sighed. For a couple of seconds, the two of them fell silent, and Rachel was about to sneak away when Sam spoke again.
"It was just weird because I've never seen her that angry," he mused, "Well except when I said it was weird she was friends with Rachel."
At the sound of her name, Rachel had to stop herself from uttering a gasp.
"Yeah I don't get that," Finn cut in and this time Rachel was able to get a glimpse of him as he moved to a weight rack, "Quinn used to hate Rachel, and now they're like best friends."
"I know right?" Sam said exasperatedly, "It doesn't make sense."
Finn picked up a pair of thirty pound weights and turned back to where Rachel presumed Sam was standing. He was frowning slightly, like he was trying to work something out, and after a couple of seconds he lowered his weights.
"Wait…who did you say Quinn slushied?"
"Just a couple jv jocks," Sam answered, "Why?"
Rachel could almost see the wheels in Finn's head turning as he started to put the pieces together. She didn't have to puzzle, however. She knew the reason why, and the guilt was starting to set in.
"I think those were the same guys that slushied Rachel last week," Finn said slowly turning to Sam for a look of confirmation.
"Are you saying it's basically Rachel's fault Quinn and I broke up?"
She saw Finn nod, and then heard Sam snort, "That's messed up."
Finn let out a short laugh and started lifting his weights again, "I just can't believe Quinn would slushy someone for her."
Rachel cringed at the emphasis her ex boyfriend put on the end of the sentence. His voice was starting drip with an anger she was all too familiar with.
Sam seemed to notice too, because there was an edge to his tone, "I don't get it either, but it's not that big of a deal, I guess."
Finn forced the weights back into the rack a little harder than necessary, and Rachel jumped at the loud sound.
"Not a big deal? Rachel cheated on me! She deserved to get slushied!"
Rachel cringed at his words, her knuckles whitening around the folder still clutched in her arms. She had believed Quinn when she had told him about Finn, but to actually hear the words coming from him…it was so much worse.
"I don't know," Sam said slowly, "That was months ago. You need to let that go."
"I won't!" Finn shouted. Rachel winced and braced herself for more yelling, but Finn had lowered his voice, which she found even more frightening.
"That slut broke my heart," he whispered venomously, "she's dead to me for all I care."
It was all Rachel needed to hear. She was flying down the hallway, not caring anymore if they heard her hurried footsteps or her barely concealed sobs.
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
"You," Santana drawled, gesturing with a bag of ice, "are a klutz, Fabray."
Quinn would have normally come up with a witty retort, but she had to settle for glaring weakly at her and snatching the ice bag.
"Thanks, S. That makes me feel so much better."
Santana snickered as Quinn winced and pressed the ice on the rapidly swelling bump on her forehead. The throbbing lessened slightly, but she could do nothing to repair her bruised pride.
"Be nice," Brittany chastised, sitting down next to Quinn on the bench, "it wasn't that bad of a fall."
Santana snorted and gave her best friend a look, "She tripped. Over her own feet."
Brittany fought back a smile, still trying to scold her, "Laughing at her isn't nice though."
"Oh like you don't want to," the girl scoffed, rolling her eyes playfully, "Anyway, Q knows I love her, right?"
"Yeah, I'm feeling the love," Quinn muttered, but she too was smiling a little now.
She had slipped up, and anyway it wasn't like she had twisted her ankle. At the worst, her head would be hurting a little in the morning, and it had been a while since she had joked around with her two friends.
"There ya go," Santana said triumphantly, lightly punching Quinn's arm, "and anyway this could work out for you in the end."
"What are you talking about?" Quinn asked, adjusting the ice bag on her forehead.
Santana smirked, "Oh come on, Q, you're not that - "
Whatever she was, Quinn never got to hear. At that moment the locker room door burst open and a small brunette came stumbling inside.
Quinn's face brightened immediately, and she stood up with Brittany's help.
"Hey, Rach, ready to…go?" her voice faded away to nothing as she saw the diva's tear soaked cheeks.
Brittany acted quickly, seizing Santana's hand and dragging her out of the room, sending Quinn a look that clearly said to fill them in later.
As soon as the door shut behind them, Quinn moved towards Rachel, lowering the ice from her head, "What happened?" she asked, her voice wavering slightly.
"I - ," Rachel seemed unable to form a sentence, her eyes swimming with more tears as she tried to explain.
"What?" Quinn asked desperately, fear starting to take over. She seized Rachel's limp hand that wasn't grasping her binder, ignoring for the moment how cold it felt, "What is it, Rachel?"
Rachel closed her eyes, trembling slightly, still obviously in shock from whatever it was. This time however, she managed to speak.
"Why did you do it?"
Quinn's brow furrowed in confusion, "What are you - "
"Why did you break up with Sam?" Rachel demanded, her brown eyes reflecting her desperation.
The blonde hesitated, but Rachel noticed and her hand gripped tighter around hers, "The truth, Quinn. Please."
Quinn felt her heart break inside of her at the smaller girl's plea, and she gave in, "He saw me slushy the guys that attacked you, and we got into an argument about it. That's all."
"I see," Rachel mumbled, and she started to pull her hand away.
"Rachel," Quinn started, but the singer's eyes had started to water. Quinn reached for her again, but the girl shook her head.
"Talk to me," the cheerio pleaded, her own eyes blurring with tears as she saw Rachel withdrawing into herself again.
"He was right," she whispered, but it didn't seem like she was talking to Quinn.
"Who?" Quinn pressed, trying to take a step toward her, but the brunette backed away, "Who was right?"
Rachel looked at her, and Quinn had to hold back a gasp. The brown eyes that had just started to recover their warmth held only emptiness again.
"I'll see you later, Quinn," she said hollowly, backing away from her towards the door.
"Wait! Rachel!" She stumbled forward, but a particularly painful throb shot through her head and she collapsed against the row of lockers. She gritted her teeth against the pain, struggling to raise her head. She wouldn't let Rachel run away again, she just couldn't; but by the time she was able to stand without the support of the lockers, Rachel was long gone.
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
Rachel didn't remember the walk to the Fabrays, but soon enough she found herself at the front door. She reached under the mat and pulled out the spare key. Her hand was shaking so badly, that it took her three tries to successfully unlock the door. Once she had, she hid the key again and closed the door behind her. She had to leave, she decided, rushing up the stairs to her room. She couldn't let Quinn confront her again, or she might break down and reveal what she had heard. The last thing she wanted was Quinn beating up more people for her; after all, Finn had a point. She didn't deserve to be defended.
It only took fifteen minutes for Rachel to be completely packed, and she was lugging her bag down the street. She kept looking over her shoulder, half expecting Quinn to come running after her, telling her everything would be alright; Rachel knew better though. As long as she was around, nothing would be okay.
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
"San," Brittany whispered urgently, pointing at a small figure walking quickly out of the school and across the parking lot.
Santana tensed as soon as she spotted Rachel, and she made as if to follow her. Brittany restrained her gently, however, and when she looked back at her, the blonde shook her head.
"She doesn't want our help," she said sadly.
Santana stiffened and her face shifted into something that resembled her bitchy façade, but was really just worry, "Tough shit. Berry can't just walk out on Q after she came in looking like she had bawled her eyes out."
Brittany tugged on her arm again, and slowly Santana relaxed her stance.
"Not now, San. Quinn needs us."
Santana still looked torn, but in the end she reluctantly linked pinkies with the blonde, and the two of them went back inside the cheerios locker room.
Quinn was slumped on the floor, her back pressed against the back of the lockers with the bag of ice at her side. She didn't look up as the two of them entered, but continued to stare straight ahead at the wall.
"Quinn?" Santana's voice was uncharacteristically soft as she dropped Brittany's pinky and knelt down by her side.
The head cheerio turned her head slightly to look at her, and Santana had to fight not to flinch. She had never seen such a haunted look on the blonde's face before.
"I broke my promise," the blonde whispered.
Santana looked concerned, "I think you hit your head a little hard there."
Quinn shook her head violently and latched onto the girl's hand, "I hurt her. I promised her I wouldn't, and I broke it."
She released the Latina's hand and buried her head in her shoulder.
"Come on," Santana said awkwardly, looking pleadingly at Brittany to help her, "We need to get you home."
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
Rachel carelessly threw her bag down in the hallway. There would be time to unpack later, but right now she needed to erase Quinn's face from her mind.
She fumbled with her bedroom door, wrenching it open and moving toward her bathroom. Drawers were thrown open, their contents scattered across the floor as she searched. Finally, she found her prize: an unopened pack of razors. Greedily, she ripped it open, choosing her tool. By that time, her breaths were coming short and quick, and Rachel's only desire was to blot out the image of Quinn standing abandoned in the locker room from her memory.
The razor felt smooth as it stroked her skin, a sting that she had grown accustomed to over the weeks. Again and again she dragged the blade across her arms, but the feelings wouldn't go away. If anything, they grew sharper. The blade fell from her numb fingers as she stared at the cuts standing out against her tan skin, mocking her. Her arms and stomach were bathed in red, but there was no euphoria, no sense of peace. Instead, Rachel felt weak. She could still see were Quinn's hazel eyes staring back at her, confusion and fear shown plainly on her face. Rachel dropped to the floor, hugging herself tightly as the guilt washed over her, not caring that the blood was staining her shirt as she cried.
Author: Kagekamay
Rating: R
Length: 2,437
Spoilers: AU after Special Education
Summary: Contrary to popular belief, Rachel Berry wasn't unbreakable. Now she's broken and the only person who can put her back together is Quinn Fabray. WARNING deals with self harm.
AN: I know it's been a while I'm sorry! RL got in the way...
Rachel was walking quickly down the hallway, intent on meeting Quinn in the cheerios locker room so they could head home. It had been a particularly long day, but she felt a small sense of accomplishment that she had been able to arrange the song for the competition. She had been pleasantly surprised to learn that Tina's and Santana's voices actually melded quite well together, and in spite of herself, she was looking forward to the glee on Friday.
" - she broke up with you over a couple of slushies?"
The unmistakable sound of Finn's voice made her pause, and she looked around to find that she was outside the door to the weight room. Quickly, she pressed herself to the wall, hoping he wouldn't see her.
"Yeah, dude. Don't rub it in," sighed another voice, which was definitely Sam.
He grunted, and she heard a clang of metal and assumed he had put down some weights.
"She just started shouting at me because I said she shouldn't have attacked them. I mean it didn't look they had done anything wrong.
Her heart thudded painfully in her chest as she realized who they were talking about. Clutching her binder closer to her, she leaned in closer to the door to hear better.
"But did she say why she slushied them? Finn asked, and she could clearly picture the bewildered look on his face, "She wouldn't just randomly slushy people."
There was another metallic clang and a grunt, and Rachel assumed one of them was lifting weights again.
"Not exactly," Sam said, his voice slightly strained from exertion, "we just kind of started yelling at each other, and next thing I know, we're broken up."
"That sucks, dude."
"Yeah," Sam sighed. For a couple of seconds, the two of them fell silent, and Rachel was about to sneak away when Sam spoke again.
"It was just weird because I've never seen her that angry," he mused, "Well except when I said it was weird she was friends with Rachel."
At the sound of her name, Rachel had to stop herself from uttering a gasp.
"Yeah I don't get that," Finn cut in and this time Rachel was able to get a glimpse of him as he moved to a weight rack, "Quinn used to hate Rachel, and now they're like best friends."
"I know right?" Sam said exasperatedly, "It doesn't make sense."
Finn picked up a pair of thirty pound weights and turned back to where Rachel presumed Sam was standing. He was frowning slightly, like he was trying to work something out, and after a couple of seconds he lowered his weights.
"Wait…who did you say Quinn slushied?"
"Just a couple jv jocks," Sam answered, "Why?"
Rachel could almost see the wheels in Finn's head turning as he started to put the pieces together. She didn't have to puzzle, however. She knew the reason why, and the guilt was starting to set in.
"I think those were the same guys that slushied Rachel last week," Finn said slowly turning to Sam for a look of confirmation.
"Are you saying it's basically Rachel's fault Quinn and I broke up?"
She saw Finn nod, and then heard Sam snort, "That's messed up."
Finn let out a short laugh and started lifting his weights again, "I just can't believe Quinn would slushy someone for her."
Rachel cringed at the emphasis her ex boyfriend put on the end of the sentence. His voice was starting drip with an anger she was all too familiar with.
Sam seemed to notice too, because there was an edge to his tone, "I don't get it either, but it's not that big of a deal, I guess."
Finn forced the weights back into the rack a little harder than necessary, and Rachel jumped at the loud sound.
"Not a big deal? Rachel cheated on me! She deserved to get slushied!"
Rachel cringed at his words, her knuckles whitening around the folder still clutched in her arms. She had believed Quinn when she had told him about Finn, but to actually hear the words coming from him…it was so much worse.
"I don't know," Sam said slowly, "That was months ago. You need to let that go."
"I won't!" Finn shouted. Rachel winced and braced herself for more yelling, but Finn had lowered his voice, which she found even more frightening.
"That slut broke my heart," he whispered venomously, "she's dead to me for all I care."
It was all Rachel needed to hear. She was flying down the hallway, not caring anymore if they heard her hurried footsteps or her barely concealed sobs.
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
"You," Santana drawled, gesturing with a bag of ice, "are a klutz, Fabray."
Quinn would have normally come up with a witty retort, but she had to settle for glaring weakly at her and snatching the ice bag.
"Thanks, S. That makes me feel so much better."
Santana snickered as Quinn winced and pressed the ice on the rapidly swelling bump on her forehead. The throbbing lessened slightly, but she could do nothing to repair her bruised pride.
"Be nice," Brittany chastised, sitting down next to Quinn on the bench, "it wasn't that bad of a fall."
Santana snorted and gave her best friend a look, "She tripped. Over her own feet."
Brittany fought back a smile, still trying to scold her, "Laughing at her isn't nice though."
"Oh like you don't want to," the girl scoffed, rolling her eyes playfully, "Anyway, Q knows I love her, right?"
"Yeah, I'm feeling the love," Quinn muttered, but she too was smiling a little now.
She had slipped up, and anyway it wasn't like she had twisted her ankle. At the worst, her head would be hurting a little in the morning, and it had been a while since she had joked around with her two friends.
"There ya go," Santana said triumphantly, lightly punching Quinn's arm, "and anyway this could work out for you in the end."
"What are you talking about?" Quinn asked, adjusting the ice bag on her forehead.
Santana smirked, "Oh come on, Q, you're not that - "
Whatever she was, Quinn never got to hear. At that moment the locker room door burst open and a small brunette came stumbling inside.
Quinn's face brightened immediately, and she stood up with Brittany's help.
"Hey, Rach, ready to…go?" her voice faded away to nothing as she saw the diva's tear soaked cheeks.
Brittany acted quickly, seizing Santana's hand and dragging her out of the room, sending Quinn a look that clearly said to fill them in later.
As soon as the door shut behind them, Quinn moved towards Rachel, lowering the ice from her head, "What happened?" she asked, her voice wavering slightly.
"I - ," Rachel seemed unable to form a sentence, her eyes swimming with more tears as she tried to explain.
"What?" Quinn asked desperately, fear starting to take over. She seized Rachel's limp hand that wasn't grasping her binder, ignoring for the moment how cold it felt, "What is it, Rachel?"
Rachel closed her eyes, trembling slightly, still obviously in shock from whatever it was. This time however, she managed to speak.
"Why did you do it?"
Quinn's brow furrowed in confusion, "What are you - "
"Why did you break up with Sam?" Rachel demanded, her brown eyes reflecting her desperation.
The blonde hesitated, but Rachel noticed and her hand gripped tighter around hers, "The truth, Quinn. Please."
Quinn felt her heart break inside of her at the smaller girl's plea, and she gave in, "He saw me slushy the guys that attacked you, and we got into an argument about it. That's all."
"I see," Rachel mumbled, and she started to pull her hand away.
"Rachel," Quinn started, but the singer's eyes had started to water. Quinn reached for her again, but the girl shook her head.
"Talk to me," the cheerio pleaded, her own eyes blurring with tears as she saw Rachel withdrawing into herself again.
"He was right," she whispered, but it didn't seem like she was talking to Quinn.
"Who?" Quinn pressed, trying to take a step toward her, but the brunette backed away, "Who was right?"
Rachel looked at her, and Quinn had to hold back a gasp. The brown eyes that had just started to recover their warmth held only emptiness again.
"I'll see you later, Quinn," she said hollowly, backing away from her towards the door.
"Wait! Rachel!" She stumbled forward, but a particularly painful throb shot through her head and she collapsed against the row of lockers. She gritted her teeth against the pain, struggling to raise her head. She wouldn't let Rachel run away again, she just couldn't; but by the time she was able to stand without the support of the lockers, Rachel was long gone.
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
Rachel didn't remember the walk to the Fabrays, but soon enough she found herself at the front door. She reached under the mat and pulled out the spare key. Her hand was shaking so badly, that it took her three tries to successfully unlock the door. Once she had, she hid the key again and closed the door behind her. She had to leave, she decided, rushing up the stairs to her room. She couldn't let Quinn confront her again, or she might break down and reveal what she had heard. The last thing she wanted was Quinn beating up more people for her; after all, Finn had a point. She didn't deserve to be defended.
It only took fifteen minutes for Rachel to be completely packed, and she was lugging her bag down the street. She kept looking over her shoulder, half expecting Quinn to come running after her, telling her everything would be alright; Rachel knew better though. As long as she was around, nothing would be okay.
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
"San," Brittany whispered urgently, pointing at a small figure walking quickly out of the school and across the parking lot.
Santana tensed as soon as she spotted Rachel, and she made as if to follow her. Brittany restrained her gently, however, and when she looked back at her, the blonde shook her head.
"She doesn't want our help," she said sadly.
Santana stiffened and her face shifted into something that resembled her bitchy façade, but was really just worry, "Tough shit. Berry can't just walk out on Q after she came in looking like she had bawled her eyes out."
Brittany tugged on her arm again, and slowly Santana relaxed her stance.
"Not now, San. Quinn needs us."
Santana still looked torn, but in the end she reluctantly linked pinkies with the blonde, and the two of them went back inside the cheerios locker room.
Quinn was slumped on the floor, her back pressed against the back of the lockers with the bag of ice at her side. She didn't look up as the two of them entered, but continued to stare straight ahead at the wall.
"Quinn?" Santana's voice was uncharacteristically soft as she dropped Brittany's pinky and knelt down by her side.
The head cheerio turned her head slightly to look at her, and Santana had to fight not to flinch. She had never seen such a haunted look on the blonde's face before.
"I broke my promise," the blonde whispered.
Santana looked concerned, "I think you hit your head a little hard there."
Quinn shook her head violently and latched onto the girl's hand, "I hurt her. I promised her I wouldn't, and I broke it."
She released the Latina's hand and buried her head in her shoulder.
"Come on," Santana said awkwardly, looking pleadingly at Brittany to help her, "We need to get you home."
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
Rachel carelessly threw her bag down in the hallway. There would be time to unpack later, but right now she needed to erase Quinn's face from her mind.
She fumbled with her bedroom door, wrenching it open and moving toward her bathroom. Drawers were thrown open, their contents scattered across the floor as she searched. Finally, she found her prize: an unopened pack of razors. Greedily, she ripped it open, choosing her tool. By that time, her breaths were coming short and quick, and Rachel's only desire was to blot out the image of Quinn standing abandoned in the locker room from her memory.
The razor felt smooth as it stroked her skin, a sting that she had grown accustomed to over the weeks. Again and again she dragged the blade across her arms, but the feelings wouldn't go away. If anything, they grew sharper. The blade fell from her numb fingers as she stared at the cuts standing out against her tan skin, mocking her. Her arms and stomach were bathed in red, but there was no euphoria, no sense of peace. Instead, Rachel felt weak. She could still see were Quinn's hazel eyes staring back at her, confusion and fear shown plainly on her face. Rachel dropped to the floor, hugging herself tightly as the guilt washed over her, not caring that the blood was staining her shirt as she cried.