Title: Pieces of Her, 17/?
Author: Kagekamay
Rating: R
Length: 2,847
Spoilers: AU after Special Education
Summary: Contrary to popular belief, Rachel Berry wasn't unbreakable. Now she's broken and the only person who can put her back together is Quinn Fabray. WARNING deals with self harm
AN: aaah sorry!! I had this done for a bit but it totally slipped my mind to post it...too many tests :(
Quinn had started running before she could fully process what she was doing, the sharp pain of her hurried breaths barely registering as she fought to keep up with the figure in front of her. The dull pounding of her feet was the only other sound echoing in the darkness that was gradually enveloping the neighborhood around her. This was all her fault, she thought bitterly. If she had managed to maintain her self-control, she wouldn't be in this mess.
"Rachel!" The name tore from her mouth, sounding more like wheezing then the yell she had been shooting for, but the brunette didn't slow down or glance back.
Quinn knew she couldn't continue running at this pace, and it wouldn't be long before Rachel would be out of her reach. She would only have one chance. Calling up all the energy she could muster, Quinn lunged forward, her hand outstretched to grab Rachel. Her fingers barely managed to graze the girl's t-shirt before Rachel twisted away from her, leaving her clutching thin air, but it was enough. The maneuver had caught the diva off guard, and she stumbled, landing hard on the ground.
"Oh god, Rachel, are you okay?" Quinn asked, immediately dropping down by her side. She helped Rachel into a sitting position and started to make sure she wasn't seriously hurt.
The diva tried to brush Quinn off, shying away as she continued to fuss over her, "I'm fine."
"Well I just want to make sure," Quinn argued, wincing as she spotted a few gashes on Rachel's hand that had started bleeding.
"I said I'm fine," Rachel insisted again, trying to extricate her hand from Quinn's grasp.
Quinn ignored her and held on tighter as she continued to examine Rachel's hand, which was quickly becoming stained red by the blood.
"We should get you home so we can patch you up," Quinn said, trying to disguise the worry in her voice. The blood seemed to be flowing faster now, which was strange since the cuts were fairly shallow.
"We don't have to do anything," Rachel hissed, finally succeeding in yanking her hand away from Quinn, "I think I'm capable of handling a few scratches, Quinn."
"I'm not saying you can't," Quinn sighed angrily, brushing stray blonde hairs from her face, "I'm just worried that - " The words died in her throat as her eyes fell on a dark spot that was blossoming across part of Rachel's sweatpants.
Before Rachel could stop her, Quinn seized the bottom of her sweatpants and pushed them up, revealing more blood running down her leg.
"Shit," Quinn whispered, suddenly noticing more stains appearing across Rachel's t-shirt and sweatpants.
She yanked up the sleeves of the brunette's shirt, panicking as more blood became visible, spilling from the cuts that covered Rachel's arm.
"No, no, no," Quinn chanted, looking around frantically as if she expected a roll of gauze to fall from the sky. When none came, she did the next best thing, and started ripping off strips of her shirt to try to bind the cuts. A whimper escaped from Rachel as Quinn roughly tied the strips of cloth around as many cuts as she could, but it wasn't enough. The blood was showing no signs of letting up, and Rachel's face was becoming paler. Tears were streaming down Quinn's face as she continued to try to bind the cuts, trying to suppress the bile rising in her throat as she felt her own hands grow sticky with Rachel's blood….
Quinn's eyes flew open and she shot up from her bed, the final moments of her dream still playing out in her head. Her hair was sticking to her face due to a thin sheen of sweat, and she took a moment to take in the fact that she was in her room and not the middle of some godforsaken road. She looked down at her hands, thankful to see they were blood-free and collapsed backwards onto her pillow, leftover adrenaline still coursing through her veins. It had been two days since she had kissed Rachel Berry. Two days since she had watched Rachel run away from her, and she hadn't tried to stop her. Quinn rolled over so that she was facedown in her pillow and screamed, willing the feelings that had erupted in her chest to just go away.
Questions swirled through her brain as she pounded her fist into her pillow. Why hadn't she had the courage to run after Rachel? Why had she stayed frozen in the middle of a damn park for over ten minutes? More importantly why the hell did she want to kiss Rachel again? She lifted her head up so that her chin was resting on her pillow, staring intently at her headboard. Kissing Rachel was out of the question. The brunette had been avoiding her ever since the incident, hurrying away whenever Quinn got too close. It was aggravating, but Quinn knew that Rachel needed some space for the time being. As for not chasing after Rachel that night…the cheerio groaned and buried her head in her pillow again. Part of the problem was that she had been too shell-shocked from the kiss to do anything. Recognizing that she wasn't going to get anymore sleep, Quinn sighed heavily and sat up, ready to start her before school routine.
After she had showered and changed into her uniform, she made her way to the kitchen, and was pleasantly surprised by the smell wafting towards her. By the stove, Judy Fabray was bustling around, putting pancakes on a large plate and placing it on the kitchen table. She turned when she heard Quinn come in, flashing a smile in her direction, "Morning, Quinnie! Did you sleep any better last night?"
Quinn shook her head, certain that the bags under her eyes could have spoken for her, before grabbing an apple from the fruit basket on the counter and sitting down at the table. Moving back in with her mother hadn't been nearly as awkward as she had thought it would be. They had fallen into a routine, both content to stay out of each other's way for the most part. Without Russell Fabray's shadow looming over her, Judy seemed more relaxed and less inclined to turn to scotch when things got stressful. She had found a job working as an accountant, which kept her busy for most of the day. Still, she did her best to reach out to Quinn and be there if her daughter needed her. She did have her moments (like today) where she would go out of her way to act more like a mother than she used to.
As Judy continued to smile expectantly at her, Quinn shifted uncomfortably, unsure how to tell he mother that eating the pancakes went completely against her cheerio diet. The last thing she wanted was to shoot her mother down, especially since she had been trying so hard lately. Reluctantly, she put her apple down and selected the smallest pancake possible. Her mother relaxed once she saw Quinn was eating, and patted her daughter on the head before stacking a couple pancakes on her own plate. She sat down across from Quinn.
"So what are you doing at school today?" she asked, in an obvious attempt at conversation.
Quinn swallowed a particularly large bite before replying, "Nothing. Just cheerios practice until five."
"Oh, okay."
Quinn knew what her mother was worried about, and she rolled her eyes as she finished her pancake, "Mom, I'll be fine home alone for three hours until you get home."
"I know, honey, I'm just worried that you're alone too much," Judy admitted, toying with her food, "You hardly hang out with Santana and Brittany anymore, and you three used to be inseparable."
Quinn shrugged nonchalantly, but her heart was beating fast. She hadn't given her former best friends that much thought since she had spent so much time with Rachel. Come to think of it, that's all she was doing these days.
"They're just busy lately," Quinn deflected, standing up from the table to put her plate in the sink, "I hang out with other people besides them." Like Rachel.
Judy frowned in concern as Quinn moved to the door, "Are you sure you had enough to eat?"
"Yes, Mom, thanks for the pancakes!" Quinn called over her shoulder as she opened the door, "I'll see you later."
-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-
School was a bitch. Or at least that's what Quinn had concluded after sitting through her morning classes. She had seen Rachel only once, and that had been during the history class that they shared. She had spent the entire period staring intently at her in an attempt to catch her attention, but to no avail. Seconds after the bell had rung, Rachel had bolted out of the room before Quinn had a chance of approaching her. Needless to say, Quinn's patience was wearing thin.
"So you're okay with that, Quinn?"
Quinn stopped herself from scanning the cafeteria for a certain brunette and focused on Mercedes. She had agreed to go with the girl to the cafeteria so that she could get her lunch before they met up with the rest of their group to decide which song they would be performing in glee club on Friday. The blonde had hoped to catch a glimpse of Rachel, but so far she was having no luck.
"Oh it sounds good," she said, hoping it sounded like she had actually been listening.
Mercedes raised her eyebrow, "Really?"
"Yes, I think it does," Quinn nodded emphatically, giving the cafeteria a last cursory glance before turning to leave.
"So you wouldn't mind going shopping alone with Santana and Brittany on Sunday for outfits?" Mercedes said, clearly unconvinced.
Quinn stopped in her tracks before turning around, "What?"
Mercedes rolled her eyes and picked up her tray of tots as she walked past a still stunned Quinn, "They asked if I could go, but I can't go because I promised Kurt I'd help him get ready for his date with Blaine, and Tina is stuck at a family reunion all day, and I don't think Lauren will go, so it'll just be you and them."
"Actually I do have a problem with that!" Quinn spluttered, hurrying to keep up with Mercedes. Things were still rocky between her and Santana, and the last thing she wanted to do was risk another fight with her.
"Well, girl, I'm sorry but I can't help you," Mercedes said sympathetically, "but someone's gotta go with them to make sure they don't end up dressing us up like strippers."
Quinn groaned, but she had to admit Mercedes had a point. The two of them entered the choir room to find the rest of the group sans Rachel waiting for them.
"About time," Santana huffed getting up from where she had been sitting to stand in front of them while Quinn and Mercedes took their seats, "now let's figure out what we're doing."
Tina raised her hand tentatively, and Santana rolled her eyes before pointing to her, "Yes?"
"Shouldn't we wait for Rachel? I mean she is part of our group…" Tina trailed off when she saw Santana's expression.
"Since I don't want to get stuck dancing to showtunes, I think it's best if we agree on a song without Berry," Santana waved her hand dismissively, "And before you try to kill me, Q, I did text her so it's up to her if she shows up or not."
Quinn was surprised to find that she was on the edge of her seat, like she was about to get up and do just what Santana had suggested. Mercedes was looking at her curiously, but she shrugged it off and attempted to relax into her seat. She really needed to have better self-control.
Santana smirked at her before continuing, "So like I was saying, I've decided we're doing S&M by Rihanna."
"Oh hell to the no! There's no way we're doing that song!" Mercedes cut in, Tina nodding furiously in agreement behind her.
"I like it," Brittany insisted, causing Santana to flash her a quick smile before her face hardened.
"Come on, Wheezy, it's not like you losers can come up with a better song."
"Oh you best not be questioning my song choices," Mercedes warned, making a move to get up, but Quinn restrained her.
"How about Fairy Tale?" Tina interjected timidly.
They all looked at her, slightly puzzled.
"What are you talking about?" Lauren asked curiously.
Tina shrank a little under all the attention but she continued on, "You know, the song by Saturday Night at the Apollo?"
When they continued to stare at her blankly, she sighed and pulled out her iPhone, "Just listen."
After the first few seconds of the song, Brittany frowned and shook her head, "I don't like it. It's too depressing."
"Yeah, no," Santana said flatly, "There's no way we're doing that song."
"Well we have to agree on something!" Quinn growled exasperatedly, "the competition is in a week!"
"I'm trying, Blondie, but none of you people can appreciate my song - "
Santana was interrupted from her rant by the sound of a ringtone coming from Tina's phone. Tina glanced at her phone absently, her face lighting up before she quickly texted a reply. When she was finished, she looked up and was surprised to find everyone staring at her, "W-what? That was just Mike."
"What song was that?" Quinn asked.
"Um, Passion for Publication," Tina answered nervously, pocketing her phone, "Why?"
"It's not that bad," Quinn said slowly, "actually, it's pretty good. What do you guys think?" she asked, turning to the others.
"I don't hate it," Santana admitted, shrugging indifferently.
Quinn was tempted to sigh in relief. If Santana didn't mind, then the others would more than likely go along with it.
"Yeah I could be down with that," Mercedes agreed, shooting the goth girl a smile, "Why didn't you suggest that song in the first place?"
"I didn't think you guys would like it," Tina replied, "Do you want to hear the full song?"
They all nodded, and Tina promptly turned up the volume on her phone so they could all hear the song. The beat was decent, and they were all bopping along to it twenty seconds in. From there, it was pretty obvious that the decision was unanimous. When it was over, Quinn looked over at Santana, "So, we all agree?"
The Latina in turn looked at Brittany, who was nodding enthusiastically, "Yes! We should totally do it!"
Santana grinned, "Now that that's settled, which of you bitches are coming with me and Britt to pick out outfits?"
The room grew silent as the girls suddenly found it very difficult to look at the Latina. Mercedes subtly dug her elbow into Quinn's side, causing the blonde to yelp.
Santana's head whipped around and found Quinn, "Guess it's gonna be three of us, Q. Just like old times, huh?"
"Yeah. Great," Quinn said unenthusiastically, taking the opportunity to shoot Mercedes a withering look.
"Alright so we'll meet on Monday to work on a routine," Mercedes said, trying to ignore Quinn.
They all nodded and started to leave in groups talking animatedly about the song. Quinn was the last one to go one thing still bothering her as she closed the door. Rachel had never shown up.
I'm not going to be able to update for at least two weeks or so because of AP exams that I really need to study for. Once those are done, I'll pretty much be free so I can dedicate my time to this fic. I'm sorry for the delay.