Drabble #51
Blake was 39 years old. He had a beautiful wife and a son who had just turned 13 last week. His job was dangerous, but it paid well. It would take care of his family if something were to happen to him, and the most important thing of all, he was happy. His life made him happy and he felt content. Knowing all that, he couldn't have explain why he was leaning his back against the wall of his best and closest friend's apartment, pants unzipped and down around his knees, cock totally engulfed in said friend's mouth and sliding down his throat with every bob of that familiar head.
He was 39 years old. He was far past the experimental teen years. The finger up his ass massaging his prostate with such familiarity was not a new sensation to him, but it felt good all the same and drew a guttural moan out of him. His hips thrust and Blaine took it in stride. Blake couldn't stop and his hips moved forward, burying deep into that sharp tongued mouth over and over until he was crying out his release. He cursed softly as he gripped the back of Blaine's head, feeling his cock sliding down the other man's throat as came, holding him there until he was done and his hand dropped away. The tongue expertly wrapped around him and cleaned the shaft and head off before it fell from his friend's mouth. Blake couldn't bear to watch and leaned his head back against the wall and just breathed, trying to ignore the regret that was replacing the ecstatic feelings of sex.
He was nearly forty years old. His legs slid forward in his sock-clad feet and he didn't try to keep standing. He dragged down the wall and landed somewhat heavily on the hardwood floor, his legs splayed on either side of Blaine's kneeling body. With his head slightly tilted back his face was at a perfect angle to look his best friend in the face as he stared at him, eyes a dark blue Blake had seen so many times directed at other people the blonde desired, had seen aimed at himself sometimes, when Blaine was teasing him and yet not really as what he offered wasn't a joke. He took a deep breath, not sure what he was going to say but knowing he had to say something before the whole situation spiraled out of control, and yet he knew the whole thing was fucked and there was nothing he could say because this was a total tail spin with no way of righting it. That brief moment of hesitation, of trying to prepare for something, was all Blaine needed to move in. He leaned forward and crushed his lips to Blake's, eyes direct and unapologetic and as demanding as always. The raven-haired man let out the breath in a shaky sound that was probably a moan, and when he opened his mouth to do it Blaine took it as a invitation. He kissed him like he was going to inhale him, tasting every corner of Blake's mouth, growling low in the back of his throat, like it was supposed to be his own groan of need but he'd changed it on the way up. His fingers threaded into the black hair at the back of Blake's neck and he started to reach up to grasp at the other man, to do something with his hands when the blonde's other hand got a vice-like grip around his knee and pulled the slightly smaller man closer. Blake's hands went down to scramble on the floor as he slid forward, or his bottom half did and the only thing that prevented his head from cracking against the floor was one elbow that was straining to avoid his back smacking against the floor and Blaine's hand that was still cradling the back of his head.
He had the most beautiful wife at home, yet he was staring up at a blonde haired man he had known for twenty years -longer than he'd known his wife- and breathing like he had just run a marathon. Blake knew the look that flashed through those blue eyes that stared down at him. He knew that look so well and the back of his mind knew it was time to leave. The exclamation of warning, 'Now's your chance, run, runrunrun' flashed through his mind. Yet he didn't move. He stared up at Blaine, knowing this was his chance to leave, to stop this clusterfuck before it just turned into fuck, but he just laid there with slightly wide eyes.
Maybe it was inevitable. The hand that had stopped him from knocking himself unconscious pressed against the floor next to his shoulder. Blaine leaned down and the wide-eyed look dissolved. Into what he didn't know, but as Blaine searched his face whatever he saw didn't deter him. There was more lips, softer this time, but not by much. He got a handful of that blonde hair and kept him close, though he knew that Blaine was going nowhere. Blake had kissed him like this before, but it had a totally different feel with the taste of his own cum in Blaine's mouth. It was a taste he hadn't ever really liked, but it came with the territory of blowjobs and sex.
Blake had to let go of Blaine's hair when the other man leaned back and pulled the half discarded pants off and away with helpful leg kicks from Blake along the way. He had given in and was totally implicit in this now. He sat up, legs draped across Blaine's and held himself up with one arm. Blaine was looking at him and there was that uncertain cast to his eyes, like he thought it was all going to fall apart. They had had false starts before. Several of them, though the clothes had never come off or even gotten undone. It had gone from kisses and infrequent sessions of grinding against one another in their pants like a bunch of horny teenagers afraid to get caught to this. Nothing inbetween but years of looks and smiles.
His hand reached down, undid the zipper carefully because he was pretty sure there was no underwear as protection. The fact that he knew Blaine didn't wear underwear would have been more disconcerting if all of their friends didn't know it, too. He also knew there was an express packet of lube and condoms in the man's wallet. He was the most perverted boy scout, always prepared. Blake was counting on it now, as he finagled Blaine's cock out of his pants. He heard the hiss and looked up from what he was doing. He was met with a face that looked almost pained, but he knew it wasn't that. Blaine had wanted to be touched by him for so long he almost didn't believe it was actually happening. He stared into those eyes and began to run his hand around the length, up and down it, wrapping around the tip in a swirling motion he liked himself. By the small noise Blaine made he was sure the blonde liked it, too.
While Blaine's patience and know-how in bed was legendary, he could only take so much. It was several minutes of silence punctuated by heavy panting, soft moans and slow hip rocking before he could see the other man cracking. Blake watched those eyes, the telling flicks of tongue over parted lips, and the strain that ran through Blaine's body until it broke. One last moan, a shudder, and the heat in Blaine's eyes explode into frantic need. "I can't fucking take it," and those last words were muffled into the kiss and drove Blake back onto his back.
It hadn't been long enough for him to get hard again, but that didn't stop the hips rolling against him, cock throbbing against his own groin. The kiss broke and Blaine was stripping off his shirt, tossing it aside even while getting to his feet so he could unbutton his pants and kick them off with vehement distaste, like they had talked bad about his mother. From his prone position on the floor Blake just watched the other man and found it kind of funny that the person he knew was so smooth in bed was moving so jerkily and, if he could even believe it, nervously. He undid the buttons on his shirt while he watched and sat up enough to take it off before he was descended upon again. He would take more control of the situation, but he only had the clinical knowledge of how this would work. Blaine had more than enough practical knowledge for a dozen men.
Not that he was going to stay so passive. The stirrings of arousal were starting for him and there were hands all over him now. His own hands weren't shy about exploring either. It was a bit ridiculous that they were on the hard ass floor right outside the entryway, but if they moved further in, if what they did was interrupted, they both knew Blake would lose his nerve and it would be over. So they rubbed and explored right there until Blaine found his lube, which was not from his pants pocket and instead inside of the fake potted plant not too far away. Blaine got the incredulously deadpan look such a thing deserved and he just grinned back, salaciously unrepentant. The bastard.
It was about the time the second finger went in that some small part of himself currently not in control and just cynically thinking in the background thought that his wife's assplay wasn't just because he liked it and it felt good, but to prepare him for her gay fantasies. He had no idea where the millions of photos she took of the two of them went and he was truly afraid to ask and get shown photo albums of him and Blaine in horrendously intimate and totally out of context pictures. Even in context some of them had no excuse. They weren't even composite pictures. Blaine just didn't care about people's personal space and Blake was comfortable with him in it. He would feel more horrified much later, when even that logical part in the back of his mind wasn't scrambled by Blaine finding his prostate and making Blake blurt out a curse of surprise.
Blaine's face was entirely too smug and he might have snapped at him, but it wasn't the time. He had fingers up his ass, for God's sake, and they were wiggling and making his fingers clench against the floor, back arch, and eyes flutter. There was some burn at the fourth finger, but it was lost in the pleasure and the soft curses that he let slip when Blaine's hand started stroking his cock, as if the fingers weren't enough. He did manage to gaze up through his haze at Blaine, who was looking at him with such intensity. He knew he was drinking it all in and memorizing it.
Perhaps he was doing a bit of that himself. It had been a long time coming, if he were to be honest with himself. While the position might have been different than what he would have ever planned if he had let himself plan it, the conclusion was the same either way. He shuddered as the fingers pulled out and something in his gut tightened even before Blaine asked, "Ready?"
"Do it," he said brusquely, because just saying yes seemed too capitulating and telling him to just fuck him already before he changed his fucking mind and ran away like he should have was just as bad. Blaine didn't ask him again. His eyes were all on his task and, more importantly, he didn't want Blake to change his mind and say no. It was slow and it hurt, but not nearly as much as he thought it would. It seemed very odd to thank his wife for that, but he probably should have.
Blaine was still above him, his breath a little heavy considering he hadn't even started moving yet. He was buried balls deep and waiting for Blake to adjust. His hands rubbed small, comforting circles over his skin even as his body strained to stay relatively still. Blake could appreciate the effort, since even Blaine's breathing he could feel with the slight changes in pressure. "You alright?" the voice was soft, maybe even a little worried.
Blake gave a slow blink, parsing the question and compiling his answer. "You need a smaller dick."
Blaine laughed, the unconscious tension in his body loosening with the jibe. Blake wasn't actually joking, but it helped ease the tension that had started to inch up between them. He wished that the man hadn't laughed though, because he dick was entirely too big and he sucked in a breath as pain flared through him. He tensed and Blaine stopped moving again, but he was looking at him now. He had been looking before, but it was an all over look, dissecting the hidden pains. Now he gazed at him with a familiar expression. That slight smile that meant nothing, but his eyes held in them that fondness Blake was so used to seeing. He wasn't sure if there had been a time it wasn't there.
On the off-chance that Blaine decided to suddenly get mushy, Blake jabbed a heel into the man's back. "Ready as I'll ever be," he muttered, trying to relax himself and not tense up at the prospect of Blaine moving. He could take the pain, but the reality that Blaine was about to start fucking him still stoked a few fears. It was too damn late for that though, or so Blake told himself. All he had to do was concentrate on dealing with the pain, and it started pretty damn fast. It was slow, but not torture. It lessened as it went on and his hand stroked his cock to offset the uncomfortable feeling until it was more than offsetting it and making him sigh in pleasure. His eyes went in and out of focus until he realized Blaine was moving steadily in and out of him. The moment his eyes went into focus they shared a look.
Blaine looked into his eyes, hips moving, and there was a flash in his eyes. Blake didn't know what it meant until there was a hard thrust, jarring in its suddenness, and the spike of pleasure he got choked a sound out of him even though he'd been drawing in a breath. He expected a smile to crack the blonde's face, but his expression only got more intense. It had felt good and Blaine knew it. Blake hadn't said anything to the contrary and was losing his chance to warn him off of the course of action he could see formulating in the blonde's blue eyes.
He thrust again and Blake was prepared this time. No sound escaped, but his body responded, legs urging him for a second. Blaine complied, pace changing to the sharper thrusts less often, each throb of pleasure barely fading before there was another. Blake rolled his hips into it, groaning softly as he lifted a hand over his head to press against the wall and help him push down and not get slid too far up and hit his head against the wall. The hands on his hips grew tighter and he watched Blaine keeping that steady pace, trying to keep it, and slowly losing it. It grew faster, harder, until it was just a constant rolling of hips and bodies slapping together.
Blake moaned, he couldn't help it, and Blaine was doing no better. Neither of them was vocal, but the isolated sounds of pleasure they made were enough. The blonde's hips were pressed tight against him and moving in circles that Blake wouldn't think would feel so good but definitely did. He growled out his pleasure in the mouth that descended on him until they both had to pull away for enough air. Face so close together Blaine's voice was a whisper but it almost sounded too loud after nothing but huffing and panting. "Harder," he moaned. "I wanna fuck you so much harder."
The answer came as fast as Blake could draw the breath to say it. "Fuck me." And Blaine's reaction came faster still. Not having been on the receiving end before, Blake quickly realized that he needed both hands against the wall or he was going to get a concussion for real. He also realized that being on the other end of another man's power, the bodyweight pressed against him, that fierce drive, was just as overwhelming to feel on the receiving end as it was giving it.
His hips were suddenly hiked up and he was bending in a way that made him damn glad he was so flexible. Until he forgot to be glad and just turned into a ball of ecstasy as Blaine found an angle that made Blake flail in the most undignified manner and nearly shoot his load. He kept at it, exploiting the weakness until he couldn't stop himself from shouting out and trembling with the climax he had been trying to hold off for what seemed like an eternity.
It didn't stop. Even after he came Blaine was above him, his voice was breathy and filled with the desperation of a man who needed it and wouldn't stop until he got it. "So close. God, so close, please..." and the plea came between thrusts so hard Blake knew he was going to feel them for days to come, but it didn't matter. Blaine gave one last burst of erratic movement before he let out a growling cry of release punctuated by thrusts of his hips until he slumped down on him. Breath coming hard and fast, the blonde just lay there, face bowed and resting against Blake's chest, like he couldn't -or just wouldn't- move.
Blake ran his hand through the sweaty and tangled hair. It seemed to rouse the blonde, who sat up and blinked down at him. He shifted away, letting himself fall out and Blake felt the trickle of what was bound to start coming out. It was about that time he belated realized they should have used a condom, just for ease of clean up, but it was way too fucking late now. The fact Blaine hadn't put one on automatically either spoke of just how flustered the whole thing made him, or if the first and possible only time he got to fuck Blake he was going to get the whole experience. He was betting on the second.
Blaine knelt between his legs and Blake was certain that despite his friend's tired expression he was surveying his work with a critical eye. The raven haired man certainly felt debauched enough, legs spread on either side, definitely bruises on his hips, and an entirely too much amount of cum ready to start leaking out of his ass. Their eyes met. "How're you feeling?"
A small smile pulled at his lips. "Tired." That was the truth, and Blaine's searching look would reveal nothing else.
"You're gonna be sore as a bitch tomorrow," he said softly, hands tracing over the beginnings of fingers marks. The evidence he left on the man's flesh seemed to fascinate him, and Blake thought it might be because Blaine had given up on ever seeing it. He continued with the low, almost not there speech. "I probably should have been gentler."
Blake got his arms under him and sat up stiffly. Hard floors didn't agree with him on the best of days anymore, much less getting fucked into one. His hips being at an odd angle didn't help, so he pulled away enough so he could sit. The pain that lanced up his back made him regret it and Blaine saw the small flinch, his lips thinning.
"Probably, but neither of us would have been satisfied if you did anything less than fucked my brains out," he admitted. Gentle would have been better and safer, but there was just too much baggage between them for that. "I'm beginning to see why men line up for you to plow their ass." Because Blaine fucked hard, fast, and was too damn thorough about it. The amount of places Blaine found to hit that made his toes curl was too much for any one person to find the first time.
A hand ran down the side of Blake's face and he blinked at the other man. "You're right. I've wanted to fuck you for too long a time not to do it when I had the chance." His thumb ran over the other man's lips. Blaine gave a slight smile, but the real emotion was in his eyes. Hot and filled with too much desire for having just came. "The only thing left is for me to fuck your mouth like you did mine."
Blake grabbed the hand and moved it away from his face, pulling until Blaine came closer to him, only inches separating their faces. He paused a moment, then leaned the rest of the way in. Blaine met him halfway and the kiss was languid and relaxed. The passion was sated for now, and Blake wasn't all that sure what to say in response to Blaine wanting to fuck his mouth. Saying yes implied this would become a regular thing, Saying no was rejection and he didn't want to do that either, so he said nothing on it at all.
The kiss ended and Blaine rested his forehead against Blake's, looking at him from so close, and let out a contented sigh. Blake leaned back and gave him a small headbutt to which the blonde wrinkled his nose in distaste and moved back.
"I'm going home," and Blake struggled to inch his way up the wall, the pain kicking in and nearly making him fall back down. Blaine stood swifter than he did but didn't try to help. He left him there and returned when Blake had straightened. In his hands were a glass of water and two little pills. Blake opened his mouth and Blaine shoved the pills into it before he could start to argue.
"Shut up and take them. It was your first time and I fucked you way too hard." Blake took the glass and washed them down with an annoyed look. Blaine smiled, "Given the chance to do it again I'd fuck you even harder, so you should probably go home because I would definitely be unable to stop myself from fucking you in the morning." If Blaine could get him past the pain, Blake was sure he'd spend all day having sex with him, whether he intended to or not.
The blonde collected and sorted their clothes, giving Blake his and not giving him a hard time when he dressed slower than molasses while making small sounds of discomfort and pain if he bent too far in the wrong direction. Fully dressed, he inched his way towards the door, wondering how he was even going to make it to his car without every person he passed seeing him limping. Hell, even if he didn't care if they saw him limp it was still going to be a trek. Blaine was at his side, reaching for the door to open it. The minimal amount of movement, he knew, was best. He gave Blake a smile, amused, but mostly just relieved and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. "Limp safely," because he just couldn't help but be a jerk.
Blake scowled and flicked him off, which only elicited the expected, "Any time~" response and he gave up. He made his way down the hall, the elevator, and to his car in the parking garage. By the time he realized that sitting in the car for the drive home was going to be murder, the pain killers had kicked in. That was the only way he had managed not to drive off the road.
Blake debated not going home that night, but he knew that would arouse more suspicion than not. When he got into the house it was still before midnight. He walked up the stairs slowly. It wasn't just him dreading going into his bedroom, it was also the aching pain from rough anal sex. Blaine had started off slowly, but there was just too much built up tension between them. Years of it culminating into a hot, pounding, almost violent explosion of lust and need. Blaine asked him if he was alright, and it hadn't hurt at the time, but by the end Blaine was bowed over him growling and thrusting with so much force it had started to hurt. There would have been no place in the extremely large condo that the sound of their flesh pounding together wouldn't have been heard. They were both too far gone by then. Blake wasn't sure he had ever seen the blonde look so relieved and boneless before, and he had seen him after sex more times than he'd wished to be known, even if he hadn't been involved.
The man jerked to attention as he realized he had stopped halfway up the steps and was staring straight ahead at nothing, the memories of what had happened not even an hour before throbbing through his mind. He schooled his thoughts because he could feel the telling signs of a hard-on starting and it sent a trill of fear through him. He continued his climb.
Of course, outside the door he had to pause again and figure out what the hell he was going to do. Hide his limp? Or just rip off the bandaid and go in with it and explain. His chest clenched and there was more fear with a side helping of extreme guilt. His wife of nearly 15 years was in their bedroom right now waiting for him. He bowed his head, took a deep breath and opened the door. It wasn't until he stepped in, cautious of how much his ass hurt that he decided to not fake anything. He wouldn't be a coward. He limped inside, on his way to the bathroom.
"What happened?" was the concerned question Natalie asked and he gave her a glance.
"I'll explain after a shower," he said, not sure what his voice sounded like. His heart was in his throat and it loosened slightly when she said, 'Alright' with the worried lilt to her voice.
His shower was long, hot, and the showerhead extension he knew Natalie used to clean up after their own romps with anal sex did its job to clean him out, but it burned and was uncomfortable as hell. Just the act of having to do it brought home what he had done and the shower stopped being so relaxing as his muscles flinched at the memories. It took him 5 minutes to stop procrastinating and turn the water off, dry off, put on boxers to sleep in and wrap himself in his robe, which he tied around himself.
He stepped out of the bathroom and stopped in the doorway. He couldn't bring his gaze to look at her and looked instead towards the dresser against the far wall. He heard the bookmark slide against the pages of the book she had been reading, that he hadn't even noticed she'd been reading when he came in, but she shut it too softly for him to hear. He only knew she was ready to listen when he heard the soft thump of it hitting the bedside table on her side.
Blake took a breath and turned his eyes to her, determined to say it. So determined he started before he laid his eyes on her, "Blaine and I..." but he trailed off as he met her patient gaze, the words caught in his throat. His throat closed up and he eventually closed his mouth and looked down. The fear was there again, so many different fears, and he strained under them as he looked up to try again. Natalie's face was soft, understanding, and he sagged, the knot in his gut loosening as she held up her arms, one hand beckoning him closer. He limped over to her, crawling onto the bed with a wince as he slowly went down in her arms, head coming to rest in her lap as he settled onto his side and stared off towards the wall.
Natalie ran her hands through his wet hair, brushing it away from his face as they sat in silence. For a few minutes, Blake let her calming hands relieve the tightness he had been feeling ever since he had gotten into his car and started his drive home. Then she started to talk and he had to stop himself from tensing up again and blurting out a much needed apology.
"When I first met you at the bar, I thought you were just a silly little college boy," she began, and he could hear the smile in her voice. His own lips twitched upwards a moment, because he had heard that before. She had told him after they had gotten married. "You came in with your friends and drank and hit on women, well, you didn't really hit on women. I noticed that after a while. There was something else I noticed, too." She stroked his hair a few more times, and paused, like she was thinking of how to phrase it.
"I would watch your table sometimes, full of silly frat boys. When everyone was looking at something else, sometimes Blaine was looking at you, and I knew that look. I thought maybe it was just a crush and he hadn't told you, but you were very good at catching him. Maybe he wanted you to see. You know how he is," and she gave a small huff of slight laughter. "When you caught him staring, I thought he would look away, because even a guy like Blaine gets embarrassed when they get caught staring at someone they're not sure likes them. But he didn't look away and neither did you. You saw him and you stared right back at him. You let him know you knew and that you weren't embarrassed and that you didn't care that he stared."
Blake looked at her for a moment. What she said was true, but he hadn't thought anyone had seen that, much less been able to tell what was happening at the time. These were times that he was abruptly reminded that his wife was a hell of a lot smarter than some people gave her credit for. He always knew it, and yet it still surprised him sometimes. He turned his head to stare off again, his own face contemplative.
"I don't know how anyone missed it, really. Sure, you guys were friends, but it was obvious it was a deeper friendship than that. At least to me." Her hand stopped moving and her eyes grew distant as she thought aloud. "When you started asking me out and trying to start a serious relationship with me, I thought you were just playing around. I thought you hadn't been hitting on the girls and flirting so easily like all the other guys because you were picking out who you thought would be the hardest to get. That you were playing a game and that once you got all you wanted you would just drop me and I'd be just another notch."
Blake reached up and took her hand, gripping it and kissing the back of it but not interrupting because he knew she wasn't done. He wasn't sure how the conversation would turn out, but he was happy he didn't have to explain himself. He was too busy listening to think about what he was going to do, but he knew it was coming.
"I didn't see how you could have room in your life for me when you already had a man you loved. You two shared so many knowing looks I thought you two were lovers already."
He blinked, shocked, and jerked his head around in her lap to look at her. "You thought we were having sex?" He searched her face. His surprise only grew as he saw the truth there. He rolled and sat up, doing his best not to wince at the pain that reminded him of past deeds. "We weren't. We never have. Well..." his eyes flickered away because that was a lie now.
"I know." Natalie gave him a chagrined smile. "I asked around. They called you guys a married couple and your arguments lover's quarrels, but no one actually thought you guys were having sex. In fact, they were all sure you weren't. I had a friend who asked for a threesome with you and Blaine. She told me he looked so dramatically sad when he said, 'I wish I could, but the bastard's not into dick. I've tried.'"
Blake stared at her. Then he reached up to rub at his eyes. He didn't even know where to begin. He wasn't sure if he should even say anything at all. He'd never known his wife had done all of those things before they got married. Hell, it was all before she had even dated him. "Wait," and he lifted his head. "You did all of this before we started dating."
Her eyes flickered away a moment, a showcase of guilt. "I told you. I thought you were lovers. Even if you weren't sure what you felt about him, Blaine did love you. He might have slept around, but you were the one he came back to and spent his meaningful time with. When I was sure you weren't sleeping together, I decided to give you a try." She gave a hapless shrug. "I thought that eventually Blaine would reel you in, but in the meantime I could have some fun with you. By that time I did at least like you and wanted to spend time with you. You didn't try for sex. I remembered I had to jump you for it."
She laughed and reached up to pat the side of his face. "It was the first time in a long time I had to jump a man for sex. You were so careful to treat me like a lady. It was cute." Natalie laughed again at his deadpan expression. "See? So very cute."
Her face softened into one of endearment. "Those two years we were dating went by so fast. I really was shocked when you proposed. It scared the hell out of me, really. Blaine still gave you those looks. You still returned them, and I couldn't help think that your proposal was some kind of sick joke, but I realized I was just trying to find a reason not to marry you. I was trying to sabotage my happiness by being a cynical idiot. So I said yes, and we got married. I loved you, and I knew you at least thought you loved me."
"I do love you." Blake stared at her as he grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly, like he needed to physically confirm it.
"I know. I know that now." Natalie patted his hand. "I also knew that eventually whatever held you back from Blaine would crack and he'd eventually get you. I just hoped that he wouldn't take you away from me." His other hand came up and he changed his grip, holding her hands in his as he brought them up to his lips. He hid his wince as his weight shifted.
"You love him, Blake. I know you do. I always knew. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to sweep you away. Blaine loves you, and he is an arrogant, selfish bastard. He may have liked me, but I think it was more because I made you happy when he couldn't. I thought he secretly hated me for giving you what he couldn't," and she bowed her head, closing her eyes. Blake pulled her forward and now it was her turn to lay against him and get comfort. She made them lay down, knowing he was hurting and just trying not to show it.
"When I gave birth to Ian I felt a bit more at ease. You had a baby. A son. That was something Blaine couldn't ever give you. I half thought he would burn with jealousy, but he loves Ian like his own son. He's his godfather and I trust him to take care of our son if something were to happen to us. After a while I just got tired of being wary of him. You know how disarming he can be. Eventually I realized he did really like me, that he wasn't plotting to pull the rug from out under me and take you both away.
I let myself really be happy and not worry. But then he went away for a year. When he came back... you know how he was when he came back. I worried about him. We all were worried, but you worried the most out of all of us. You didn't say it, but his troubles weighed down on you. I really thought that this would be it. That this is when he needed you the most, and that you would break through that wall he made around himself. Blaine's such a sexual person. I enjoyed sex, but it was also work for a long time. He... breathed it and talked it and it was just so much of who he was as a person that I thought he would cling to you and you would give in to it. I'm still kind of surprised that didn't happen..." she trailed off for a few seconds, like that train of thought was running away with her, but she broke out of it.
"He got better, but he's still harder than he used to be. Blaine still stares off sometimes and I can see those shadows going through his eyes. It worries me. It scares me," she whispered. Blake held her a bit tighter. "But I know that it passes and he's the man you trust again. The man I trust again."
Natalie took a deep breath and pulled back. Blake let her go, watching her face as he felt her resolve pulling together. She looked him in the eye. "I always knew that this would happen. I never once doubted it, even though I tried to lie to myself about it. But right now you're with me. You came back to me and that is the most important thing," and her voice shook slightly around the edges.
Blake looked at his wife. His smart, resilient, loving, beautiful wife. And pulled her back to him, kissed her mouth, her nose, her forehead, and folded her into his arms as she broke down into silent tears. Even though she was crying, he knew it was from relief. The knot in his stomach that had been slowly loosening was gone and the feeling of happiness unfurled through him. Everything them was alright. Everything would be fine. His family wasn't going to shatter into a million pieces. Things would be different, but not bad. As Natalie's shoulders stopped shaking and she sank into sleep, he went with her, the relief almost euphoric as he knew that tonight was not the end of his life.
He was 39 years old. He was far past the experimental teen years. The finger up his ass massaging his prostate with such familiarity was not a new sensation to him, but it felt good all the same and drew a guttural moan out of him. His hips thrust and Blaine took it in stride. Blake couldn't stop and his hips moved forward, burying deep into that sharp tongued mouth over and over until he was crying out his release. He cursed softly as he gripped the back of Blaine's head, feeling his cock sliding down the other man's throat as came, holding him there until he was done and his hand dropped away. The tongue expertly wrapped around him and cleaned the shaft and head off before it fell from his friend's mouth. Blake couldn't bear to watch and leaned his head back against the wall and just breathed, trying to ignore the regret that was replacing the ecstatic feelings of sex.
He was nearly forty years old. His legs slid forward in his sock-clad feet and he didn't try to keep standing. He dragged down the wall and landed somewhat heavily on the hardwood floor, his legs splayed on either side of Blaine's kneeling body. With his head slightly tilted back his face was at a perfect angle to look his best friend in the face as he stared at him, eyes a dark blue Blake had seen so many times directed at other people the blonde desired, had seen aimed at himself sometimes, when Blaine was teasing him and yet not really as what he offered wasn't a joke. He took a deep breath, not sure what he was going to say but knowing he had to say something before the whole situation spiraled out of control, and yet he knew the whole thing was fucked and there was nothing he could say because this was a total tail spin with no way of righting it. That brief moment of hesitation, of trying to prepare for something, was all Blaine needed to move in. He leaned forward and crushed his lips to Blake's, eyes direct and unapologetic and as demanding as always. The raven-haired man let out the breath in a shaky sound that was probably a moan, and when he opened his mouth to do it Blaine took it as a invitation. He kissed him like he was going to inhale him, tasting every corner of Blake's mouth, growling low in the back of his throat, like it was supposed to be his own groan of need but he'd changed it on the way up. His fingers threaded into the black hair at the back of Blake's neck and he started to reach up to grasp at the other man, to do something with his hands when the blonde's other hand got a vice-like grip around his knee and pulled the slightly smaller man closer. Blake's hands went down to scramble on the floor as he slid forward, or his bottom half did and the only thing that prevented his head from cracking against the floor was one elbow that was straining to avoid his back smacking against the floor and Blaine's hand that was still cradling the back of his head.
He had the most beautiful wife at home, yet he was staring up at a blonde haired man he had known for twenty years -longer than he'd known his wife- and breathing like he had just run a marathon. Blake knew the look that flashed through those blue eyes that stared down at him. He knew that look so well and the back of his mind knew it was time to leave. The exclamation of warning, 'Now's your chance, run, runrunrun' flashed through his mind. Yet he didn't move. He stared up at Blaine, knowing this was his chance to leave, to stop this clusterfuck before it just turned into fuck, but he just laid there with slightly wide eyes.
Maybe it was inevitable. The hand that had stopped him from knocking himself unconscious pressed against the floor next to his shoulder. Blaine leaned down and the wide-eyed look dissolved. Into what he didn't know, but as Blaine searched his face whatever he saw didn't deter him. There was more lips, softer this time, but not by much. He got a handful of that blonde hair and kept him close, though he knew that Blaine was going nowhere. Blake had kissed him like this before, but it had a totally different feel with the taste of his own cum in Blaine's mouth. It was a taste he hadn't ever really liked, but it came with the territory of blowjobs and sex.
Blake had to let go of Blaine's hair when the other man leaned back and pulled the half discarded pants off and away with helpful leg kicks from Blake along the way. He had given in and was totally implicit in this now. He sat up, legs draped across Blaine's and held himself up with one arm. Blaine was looking at him and there was that uncertain cast to his eyes, like he thought it was all going to fall apart. They had had false starts before. Several of them, though the clothes had never come off or even gotten undone. It had gone from kisses and infrequent sessions of grinding against one another in their pants like a bunch of horny teenagers afraid to get caught to this. Nothing inbetween but years of looks and smiles.
His hand reached down, undid the zipper carefully because he was pretty sure there was no underwear as protection. The fact that he knew Blaine didn't wear underwear would have been more disconcerting if all of their friends didn't know it, too. He also knew there was an express packet of lube and condoms in the man's wallet. He was the most perverted boy scout, always prepared. Blake was counting on it now, as he finagled Blaine's cock out of his pants. He heard the hiss and looked up from what he was doing. He was met with a face that looked almost pained, but he knew it wasn't that. Blaine had wanted to be touched by him for so long he almost didn't believe it was actually happening. He stared into those eyes and began to run his hand around the length, up and down it, wrapping around the tip in a swirling motion he liked himself. By the small noise Blaine made he was sure the blonde liked it, too.
While Blaine's patience and know-how in bed was legendary, he could only take so much. It was several minutes of silence punctuated by heavy panting, soft moans and slow hip rocking before he could see the other man cracking. Blake watched those eyes, the telling flicks of tongue over parted lips, and the strain that ran through Blaine's body until it broke. One last moan, a shudder, and the heat in Blaine's eyes explode into frantic need. "I can't fucking take it," and those last words were muffled into the kiss and drove Blake back onto his back.
It hadn't been long enough for him to get hard again, but that didn't stop the hips rolling against him, cock throbbing against his own groin. The kiss broke and Blaine was stripping off his shirt, tossing it aside even while getting to his feet so he could unbutton his pants and kick them off with vehement distaste, like they had talked bad about his mother. From his prone position on the floor Blake just watched the other man and found it kind of funny that the person he knew was so smooth in bed was moving so jerkily and, if he could even believe it, nervously. He undid the buttons on his shirt while he watched and sat up enough to take it off before he was descended upon again. He would take more control of the situation, but he only had the clinical knowledge of how this would work. Blaine had more than enough practical knowledge for a dozen men.
Not that he was going to stay so passive. The stirrings of arousal were starting for him and there were hands all over him now. His own hands weren't shy about exploring either. It was a bit ridiculous that they were on the hard ass floor right outside the entryway, but if they moved further in, if what they did was interrupted, they both knew Blake would lose his nerve and it would be over. So they rubbed and explored right there until Blaine found his lube, which was not from his pants pocket and instead inside of the fake potted plant not too far away. Blaine got the incredulously deadpan look such a thing deserved and he just grinned back, salaciously unrepentant. The bastard.
It was about the time the second finger went in that some small part of himself currently not in control and just cynically thinking in the background thought that his wife's assplay wasn't just because he liked it and it felt good, but to prepare him for her gay fantasies. He had no idea where the millions of photos she took of the two of them went and he was truly afraid to ask and get shown photo albums of him and Blaine in horrendously intimate and totally out of context pictures. Even in context some of them had no excuse. They weren't even composite pictures. Blaine just didn't care about people's personal space and Blake was comfortable with him in it. He would feel more horrified much later, when even that logical part in the back of his mind wasn't scrambled by Blaine finding his prostate and making Blake blurt out a curse of surprise.
Blaine's face was entirely too smug and he might have snapped at him, but it wasn't the time. He had fingers up his ass, for God's sake, and they were wiggling and making his fingers clench against the floor, back arch, and eyes flutter. There was some burn at the fourth finger, but it was lost in the pleasure and the soft curses that he let slip when Blaine's hand started stroking his cock, as if the fingers weren't enough. He did manage to gaze up through his haze at Blaine, who was looking at him with such intensity. He knew he was drinking it all in and memorizing it.
Perhaps he was doing a bit of that himself. It had been a long time coming, if he were to be honest with himself. While the position might have been different than what he would have ever planned if he had let himself plan it, the conclusion was the same either way. He shuddered as the fingers pulled out and something in his gut tightened even before Blaine asked, "Ready?"
"Do it," he said brusquely, because just saying yes seemed too capitulating and telling him to just fuck him already before he changed his fucking mind and ran away like he should have was just as bad. Blaine didn't ask him again. His eyes were all on his task and, more importantly, he didn't want Blake to change his mind and say no. It was slow and it hurt, but not nearly as much as he thought it would. It seemed very odd to thank his wife for that, but he probably should have.
Blaine was still above him, his breath a little heavy considering he hadn't even started moving yet. He was buried balls deep and waiting for Blake to adjust. His hands rubbed small, comforting circles over his skin even as his body strained to stay relatively still. Blake could appreciate the effort, since even Blaine's breathing he could feel with the slight changes in pressure. "You alright?" the voice was soft, maybe even a little worried.
Blake gave a slow blink, parsing the question and compiling his answer. "You need a smaller dick."
Blaine laughed, the unconscious tension in his body loosening with the jibe. Blake wasn't actually joking, but it helped ease the tension that had started to inch up between them. He wished that the man hadn't laughed though, because he dick was entirely too big and he sucked in a breath as pain flared through him. He tensed and Blaine stopped moving again, but he was looking at him now. He had been looking before, but it was an all over look, dissecting the hidden pains. Now he gazed at him with a familiar expression. That slight smile that meant nothing, but his eyes held in them that fondness Blake was so used to seeing. He wasn't sure if there had been a time it wasn't there.
On the off-chance that Blaine decided to suddenly get mushy, Blake jabbed a heel into the man's back. "Ready as I'll ever be," he muttered, trying to relax himself and not tense up at the prospect of Blaine moving. He could take the pain, but the reality that Blaine was about to start fucking him still stoked a few fears. It was too damn late for that though, or so Blake told himself. All he had to do was concentrate on dealing with the pain, and it started pretty damn fast. It was slow, but not torture. It lessened as it went on and his hand stroked his cock to offset the uncomfortable feeling until it was more than offsetting it and making him sigh in pleasure. His eyes went in and out of focus until he realized Blaine was moving steadily in and out of him. The moment his eyes went into focus they shared a look.
Blaine looked into his eyes, hips moving, and there was a flash in his eyes. Blake didn't know what it meant until there was a hard thrust, jarring in its suddenness, and the spike of pleasure he got choked a sound out of him even though he'd been drawing in a breath. He expected a smile to crack the blonde's face, but his expression only got more intense. It had felt good and Blaine knew it. Blake hadn't said anything to the contrary and was losing his chance to warn him off of the course of action he could see formulating in the blonde's blue eyes.
He thrust again and Blake was prepared this time. No sound escaped, but his body responded, legs urging him for a second. Blaine complied, pace changing to the sharper thrusts less often, each throb of pleasure barely fading before there was another. Blake rolled his hips into it, groaning softly as he lifted a hand over his head to press against the wall and help him push down and not get slid too far up and hit his head against the wall. The hands on his hips grew tighter and he watched Blaine keeping that steady pace, trying to keep it, and slowly losing it. It grew faster, harder, until it was just a constant rolling of hips and bodies slapping together.
Blake moaned, he couldn't help it, and Blaine was doing no better. Neither of them was vocal, but the isolated sounds of pleasure they made were enough. The blonde's hips were pressed tight against him and moving in circles that Blake wouldn't think would feel so good but definitely did. He growled out his pleasure in the mouth that descended on him until they both had to pull away for enough air. Face so close together Blaine's voice was a whisper but it almost sounded too loud after nothing but huffing and panting. "Harder," he moaned. "I wanna fuck you so much harder."
The answer came as fast as Blake could draw the breath to say it. "Fuck me." And Blaine's reaction came faster still. Not having been on the receiving end before, Blake quickly realized that he needed both hands against the wall or he was going to get a concussion for real. He also realized that being on the other end of another man's power, the bodyweight pressed against him, that fierce drive, was just as overwhelming to feel on the receiving end as it was giving it.
His hips were suddenly hiked up and he was bending in a way that made him damn glad he was so flexible. Until he forgot to be glad and just turned into a ball of ecstasy as Blaine found an angle that made Blake flail in the most undignified manner and nearly shoot his load. He kept at it, exploiting the weakness until he couldn't stop himself from shouting out and trembling with the climax he had been trying to hold off for what seemed like an eternity.
It didn't stop. Even after he came Blaine was above him, his voice was breathy and filled with the desperation of a man who needed it and wouldn't stop until he got it. "So close. God, so close, please..." and the plea came between thrusts so hard Blake knew he was going to feel them for days to come, but it didn't matter. Blaine gave one last burst of erratic movement before he let out a growling cry of release punctuated by thrusts of his hips until he slumped down on him. Breath coming hard and fast, the blonde just lay there, face bowed and resting against Blake's chest, like he couldn't -or just wouldn't- move.
Blake ran his hand through the sweaty and tangled hair. It seemed to rouse the blonde, who sat up and blinked down at him. He shifted away, letting himself fall out and Blake felt the trickle of what was bound to start coming out. It was about that time he belated realized they should have used a condom, just for ease of clean up, but it was way too fucking late now. The fact Blaine hadn't put one on automatically either spoke of just how flustered the whole thing made him, or if the first and possible only time he got to fuck Blake he was going to get the whole experience. He was betting on the second.
Blaine knelt between his legs and Blake was certain that despite his friend's tired expression he was surveying his work with a critical eye. The raven haired man certainly felt debauched enough, legs spread on either side, definitely bruises on his hips, and an entirely too much amount of cum ready to start leaking out of his ass. Their eyes met. "How're you feeling?"
A small smile pulled at his lips. "Tired." That was the truth, and Blaine's searching look would reveal nothing else.
"You're gonna be sore as a bitch tomorrow," he said softly, hands tracing over the beginnings of fingers marks. The evidence he left on the man's flesh seemed to fascinate him, and Blake thought it might be because Blaine had given up on ever seeing it. He continued with the low, almost not there speech. "I probably should have been gentler."
Blake got his arms under him and sat up stiffly. Hard floors didn't agree with him on the best of days anymore, much less getting fucked into one. His hips being at an odd angle didn't help, so he pulled away enough so he could sit. The pain that lanced up his back made him regret it and Blaine saw the small flinch, his lips thinning.
"Probably, but neither of us would have been satisfied if you did anything less than fucked my brains out," he admitted. Gentle would have been better and safer, but there was just too much baggage between them for that. "I'm beginning to see why men line up for you to plow their ass." Because Blaine fucked hard, fast, and was too damn thorough about it. The amount of places Blaine found to hit that made his toes curl was too much for any one person to find the first time.
A hand ran down the side of Blake's face and he blinked at the other man. "You're right. I've wanted to fuck you for too long a time not to do it when I had the chance." His thumb ran over the other man's lips. Blaine gave a slight smile, but the real emotion was in his eyes. Hot and filled with too much desire for having just came. "The only thing left is for me to fuck your mouth like you did mine."
Blake grabbed the hand and moved it away from his face, pulling until Blaine came closer to him, only inches separating their faces. He paused a moment, then leaned the rest of the way in. Blaine met him halfway and the kiss was languid and relaxed. The passion was sated for now, and Blake wasn't all that sure what to say in response to Blaine wanting to fuck his mouth. Saying yes implied this would become a regular thing, Saying no was rejection and he didn't want to do that either, so he said nothing on it at all.
The kiss ended and Blaine rested his forehead against Blake's, looking at him from so close, and let out a contented sigh. Blake leaned back and gave him a small headbutt to which the blonde wrinkled his nose in distaste and moved back.
"I'm going home," and Blake struggled to inch his way up the wall, the pain kicking in and nearly making him fall back down. Blaine stood swifter than he did but didn't try to help. He left him there and returned when Blake had straightened. In his hands were a glass of water and two little pills. Blake opened his mouth and Blaine shoved the pills into it before he could start to argue.
"Shut up and take them. It was your first time and I fucked you way too hard." Blake took the glass and washed them down with an annoyed look. Blaine smiled, "Given the chance to do it again I'd fuck you even harder, so you should probably go home because I would definitely be unable to stop myself from fucking you in the morning." If Blaine could get him past the pain, Blake was sure he'd spend all day having sex with him, whether he intended to or not.
The blonde collected and sorted their clothes, giving Blake his and not giving him a hard time when he dressed slower than molasses while making small sounds of discomfort and pain if he bent too far in the wrong direction. Fully dressed, he inched his way towards the door, wondering how he was even going to make it to his car without every person he passed seeing him limping. Hell, even if he didn't care if they saw him limp it was still going to be a trek. Blaine was at his side, reaching for the door to open it. The minimal amount of movement, he knew, was best. He gave Blake a smile, amused, but mostly just relieved and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. "Limp safely," because he just couldn't help but be a jerk.
Blake scowled and flicked him off, which only elicited the expected, "Any time~" response and he gave up. He made his way down the hall, the elevator, and to his car in the parking garage. By the time he realized that sitting in the car for the drive home was going to be murder, the pain killers had kicked in. That was the only way he had managed not to drive off the road.
Blake debated not going home that night, but he knew that would arouse more suspicion than not. When he got into the house it was still before midnight. He walked up the stairs slowly. It wasn't just him dreading going into his bedroom, it was also the aching pain from rough anal sex. Blaine had started off slowly, but there was just too much built up tension between them. Years of it culminating into a hot, pounding, almost violent explosion of lust and need. Blaine asked him if he was alright, and it hadn't hurt at the time, but by the end Blaine was bowed over him growling and thrusting with so much force it had started to hurt. There would have been no place in the extremely large condo that the sound of their flesh pounding together wouldn't have been heard. They were both too far gone by then. Blake wasn't sure he had ever seen the blonde look so relieved and boneless before, and he had seen him after sex more times than he'd wished to be known, even if he hadn't been involved.
The man jerked to attention as he realized he had stopped halfway up the steps and was staring straight ahead at nothing, the memories of what had happened not even an hour before throbbing through his mind. He schooled his thoughts because he could feel the telling signs of a hard-on starting and it sent a trill of fear through him. He continued his climb.
Of course, outside the door he had to pause again and figure out what the hell he was going to do. Hide his limp? Or just rip off the bandaid and go in with it and explain. His chest clenched and there was more fear with a side helping of extreme guilt. His wife of nearly 15 years was in their bedroom right now waiting for him. He bowed his head, took a deep breath and opened the door. It wasn't until he stepped in, cautious of how much his ass hurt that he decided to not fake anything. He wouldn't be a coward. He limped inside, on his way to the bathroom.
"What happened?" was the concerned question Natalie asked and he gave her a glance.
"I'll explain after a shower," he said, not sure what his voice sounded like. His heart was in his throat and it loosened slightly when she said, 'Alright' with the worried lilt to her voice.
His shower was long, hot, and the showerhead extension he knew Natalie used to clean up after their own romps with anal sex did its job to clean him out, but it burned and was uncomfortable as hell. Just the act of having to do it brought home what he had done and the shower stopped being so relaxing as his muscles flinched at the memories. It took him 5 minutes to stop procrastinating and turn the water off, dry off, put on boxers to sleep in and wrap himself in his robe, which he tied around himself.
He stepped out of the bathroom and stopped in the doorway. He couldn't bring his gaze to look at her and looked instead towards the dresser against the far wall. He heard the bookmark slide against the pages of the book she had been reading, that he hadn't even noticed she'd been reading when he came in, but she shut it too softly for him to hear. He only knew she was ready to listen when he heard the soft thump of it hitting the bedside table on her side.
Blake took a breath and turned his eyes to her, determined to say it. So determined he started before he laid his eyes on her, "Blaine and I..." but he trailed off as he met her patient gaze, the words caught in his throat. His throat closed up and he eventually closed his mouth and looked down. The fear was there again, so many different fears, and he strained under them as he looked up to try again. Natalie's face was soft, understanding, and he sagged, the knot in his gut loosening as she held up her arms, one hand beckoning him closer. He limped over to her, crawling onto the bed with a wince as he slowly went down in her arms, head coming to rest in her lap as he settled onto his side and stared off towards the wall.
Natalie ran her hands through his wet hair, brushing it away from his face as they sat in silence. For a few minutes, Blake let her calming hands relieve the tightness he had been feeling ever since he had gotten into his car and started his drive home. Then she started to talk and he had to stop himself from tensing up again and blurting out a much needed apology.
"When I first met you at the bar, I thought you were just a silly little college boy," she began, and he could hear the smile in her voice. His own lips twitched upwards a moment, because he had heard that before. She had told him after they had gotten married. "You came in with your friends and drank and hit on women, well, you didn't really hit on women. I noticed that after a while. There was something else I noticed, too." She stroked his hair a few more times, and paused, like she was thinking of how to phrase it.
"I would watch your table sometimes, full of silly frat boys. When everyone was looking at something else, sometimes Blaine was looking at you, and I knew that look. I thought maybe it was just a crush and he hadn't told you, but you were very good at catching him. Maybe he wanted you to see. You know how he is," and she gave a small huff of slight laughter. "When you caught him staring, I thought he would look away, because even a guy like Blaine gets embarrassed when they get caught staring at someone they're not sure likes them. But he didn't look away and neither did you. You saw him and you stared right back at him. You let him know you knew and that you weren't embarrassed and that you didn't care that he stared."
Blake looked at her for a moment. What she said was true, but he hadn't thought anyone had seen that, much less been able to tell what was happening at the time. These were times that he was abruptly reminded that his wife was a hell of a lot smarter than some people gave her credit for. He always knew it, and yet it still surprised him sometimes. He turned his head to stare off again, his own face contemplative.
"I don't know how anyone missed it, really. Sure, you guys were friends, but it was obvious it was a deeper friendship than that. At least to me." Her hand stopped moving and her eyes grew distant as she thought aloud. "When you started asking me out and trying to start a serious relationship with me, I thought you were just playing around. I thought you hadn't been hitting on the girls and flirting so easily like all the other guys because you were picking out who you thought would be the hardest to get. That you were playing a game and that once you got all you wanted you would just drop me and I'd be just another notch."
Blake reached up and took her hand, gripping it and kissing the back of it but not interrupting because he knew she wasn't done. He wasn't sure how the conversation would turn out, but he was happy he didn't have to explain himself. He was too busy listening to think about what he was going to do, but he knew it was coming.
"I didn't see how you could have room in your life for me when you already had a man you loved. You two shared so many knowing looks I thought you two were lovers already."
He blinked, shocked, and jerked his head around in her lap to look at her. "You thought we were having sex?" He searched her face. His surprise only grew as he saw the truth there. He rolled and sat up, doing his best not to wince at the pain that reminded him of past deeds. "We weren't. We never have. Well..." his eyes flickered away because that was a lie now.
"I know." Natalie gave him a chagrined smile. "I asked around. They called you guys a married couple and your arguments lover's quarrels, but no one actually thought you guys were having sex. In fact, they were all sure you weren't. I had a friend who asked for a threesome with you and Blaine. She told me he looked so dramatically sad when he said, 'I wish I could, but the bastard's not into dick. I've tried.'"
Blake stared at her. Then he reached up to rub at his eyes. He didn't even know where to begin. He wasn't sure if he should even say anything at all. He'd never known his wife had done all of those things before they got married. Hell, it was all before she had even dated him. "Wait," and he lifted his head. "You did all of this before we started dating."
Her eyes flickered away a moment, a showcase of guilt. "I told you. I thought you were lovers. Even if you weren't sure what you felt about him, Blaine did love you. He might have slept around, but you were the one he came back to and spent his meaningful time with. When I was sure you weren't sleeping together, I decided to give you a try." She gave a hapless shrug. "I thought that eventually Blaine would reel you in, but in the meantime I could have some fun with you. By that time I did at least like you and wanted to spend time with you. You didn't try for sex. I remembered I had to jump you for it."
She laughed and reached up to pat the side of his face. "It was the first time in a long time I had to jump a man for sex. You were so careful to treat me like a lady. It was cute." Natalie laughed again at his deadpan expression. "See? So very cute."
Her face softened into one of endearment. "Those two years we were dating went by so fast. I really was shocked when you proposed. It scared the hell out of me, really. Blaine still gave you those looks. You still returned them, and I couldn't help think that your proposal was some kind of sick joke, but I realized I was just trying to find a reason not to marry you. I was trying to sabotage my happiness by being a cynical idiot. So I said yes, and we got married. I loved you, and I knew you at least thought you loved me."
"I do love you." Blake stared at her as he grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly, like he needed to physically confirm it.
"I know. I know that now." Natalie patted his hand. "I also knew that eventually whatever held you back from Blaine would crack and he'd eventually get you. I just hoped that he wouldn't take you away from me." His other hand came up and he changed his grip, holding her hands in his as he brought them up to his lips. He hid his wince as his weight shifted.
"You love him, Blake. I know you do. I always knew. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop and for him to sweep you away. Blaine loves you, and he is an arrogant, selfish bastard. He may have liked me, but I think it was more because I made you happy when he couldn't. I thought he secretly hated me for giving you what he couldn't," and she bowed her head, closing her eyes. Blake pulled her forward and now it was her turn to lay against him and get comfort. She made them lay down, knowing he was hurting and just trying not to show it.
"When I gave birth to Ian I felt a bit more at ease. You had a baby. A son. That was something Blaine couldn't ever give you. I half thought he would burn with jealousy, but he loves Ian like his own son. He's his godfather and I trust him to take care of our son if something were to happen to us. After a while I just got tired of being wary of him. You know how disarming he can be. Eventually I realized he did really like me, that he wasn't plotting to pull the rug from out under me and take you both away.
I let myself really be happy and not worry. But then he went away for a year. When he came back... you know how he was when he came back. I worried about him. We all were worried, but you worried the most out of all of us. You didn't say it, but his troubles weighed down on you. I really thought that this would be it. That this is when he needed you the most, and that you would break through that wall he made around himself. Blaine's such a sexual person. I enjoyed sex, but it was also work for a long time. He... breathed it and talked it and it was just so much of who he was as a person that I thought he would cling to you and you would give in to it. I'm still kind of surprised that didn't happen..." she trailed off for a few seconds, like that train of thought was running away with her, but she broke out of it.
"He got better, but he's still harder than he used to be. Blaine still stares off sometimes and I can see those shadows going through his eyes. It worries me. It scares me," she whispered. Blake held her a bit tighter. "But I know that it passes and he's the man you trust again. The man I trust again."
Natalie took a deep breath and pulled back. Blake let her go, watching her face as he felt her resolve pulling together. She looked him in the eye. "I always knew that this would happen. I never once doubted it, even though I tried to lie to myself about it. But right now you're with me. You came back to me and that is the most important thing," and her voice shook slightly around the edges.
Blake looked at his wife. His smart, resilient, loving, beautiful wife. And pulled her back to him, kissed her mouth, her nose, her forehead, and folded her into his arms as she broke down into silent tears. Even though she was crying, he knew it was from relief. The knot in his stomach that had been slowly loosening was gone and the feeling of happiness unfurled through him. Everything them was alright. Everything would be fine. His family wasn't going to shatter into a million pieces. Things would be different, but not bad. As Natalie's shoulders stopped shaking and she sank into sleep, he went with her, the relief almost euphoric as he knew that tonight was not the end of his life.