Gakuen Heaven > Fanfic/Drabbles > Cracktacular Plot Bunnies (set 2)

[kagayachou]

Title: Cracktacular Plot Bunnies (set 2)
Authors: kagayachou
Fandom: Gakuen Heaven
Characters: Hideaki, Hiroya, Kaoru, Kazuki, Kazuki's secretary, Keita, Kouji, Kuma-chan, Satoshi, Shunsuke, Takuto, Tetsuya, Tetsuya's Dad, Tono-sama, Omi, Jin, Yukihiko
Rating: some mix-n-match degree of G to NC-17
Words: O_O this could go on forever...
Summary: Inspired from

Comments

[angelintercept]

LOL, yeah, that's why I chose it! Although, I wouldn't like to think of that cat doing something similar to Kirsten Dunst... hahaha O.o Sounds like something that would happen on South Park.

Okay, I've tried to sort out what I'm getting confused with. Perhaps I'm just stupid and you should ignore me completely, but I know that a fresh pair of eyes can reveal a whole lot.

55 - Is it Hide of Keita that is procrastinating?
- Take out the 'much' in 'much unsubtle' (that's just me being picky, lol)
- After a few readings, I'm still not sure I appreciate what you mean. Perhaps it's just too much for one sentence.

59 - I think it's because of the '... '. The punctuation/gap makes it seem like 'the damnable photomanip of Nakajima on top of him' is running on from 'the new wallpaper on his desktop', rather than describing what is spreading to Kaoru's computer (which, although they're the same thing, are being used for different purposes in the sentence). It's easy to figure out what you mean, and, essentially, it's a perfectly fine way of wording it, but, because of the gap, the sentence doesn't flow through the mind as easily as it could.

75 - Apart from the 'd' in 'realised', I'm not sure what it is about this sentence. Maybe it's just because it's a little ambiguous, and there's nothing wrong with that.

78 - Is 'the bastard' Omi or Nakajima? It's a bit unclear, although I feel that it makes more sense if it's Nakajima.

I hope that was helpful. If I haven't made sense, tell me, and I'll try to explain myself better.

[kagayachou]

Oh, yes, that was very helpful. I (hopefully) fixed the sentences up now, rewording 55 and 78 in particular, as well as clarifying 75 a bit. 59, yup, I took out the '...' and let it stand. Thank you very much ^_^

Side note: I have no idea what Tono-sama did to Niwa, but... XD

[angelintercept]

Yay! I was of some use to the world! And now I have no criticism at all *grin*

The fact that there are so many horrifying possibilities of what he could have done is what makes it so funny, I guess. Because we don't really wanna know what happened!

BTW, you have inspired me to try this idea out, for practice at being succinct.

[kagayachou]

Wow, that's great to hear. Yeah, making one sentence 'fics' really help too.

Please do let me know what you come up with ^_^ Thanks again.

[angelintercept]

It's no problem - I actually really enjoy that sort of thing, if you couldn't tell, lol.

I tried out what you did, with the Crack Generator (sorry if I should have been more original), and it's surprisingly engrossing. If you want to see them, I could always put them on my journal when I've done some more.

[kagayachou]

Of course I'd like to see ^_^ Please do put them up whenever you feel like it. Just let me know when you do XD I'll read and comment <3

[angelintercept]

Hurrah! I have a reader before I've even finished! That ups the motivation =D