Title: Cracktacular Plot Bunnies (set 2)
Authors:
kagayachouFandom: Gakuen Heaven
Characters: Hideaki, Hiroya, Kaoru, Kazuki, Kazuki's secretary, Keita, Kouji, Kuma-chan, Satoshi, Shunsuke, Takuto, Tetsuya, Tetsuya's Dad, Tono-sama, Omi, Jin, Yukihiko
Rating: some mix-n-match degree of G to NC-17
Words: O_O this could go on forever...
Summary: Inspired from
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Okay, I've tried to sort out what I'm getting confused with. Perhaps I'm just stupid and you should ignore me completely, but I know that a fresh pair of eyes can reveal a whole lot.
55 - Is it Hide of Keita that is procrastinating?
- Take out the 'much' in 'much unsubtle' (that's just me being picky, lol)
- After a few readings, I'm still not sure I appreciate what you mean. Perhaps it's just too much for one sentence.
59 - I think it's because of the '... '. The punctuation/gap makes it seem like 'the damnable photomanip of Nakajima on top of him' is running on from 'the new wallpaper on his desktop', rather than describing what is spreading to Kaoru's computer (which, although they're the same thing, are being used for different purposes in the sentence). It's easy to figure out what you mean, and, essentially, it's a perfectly fine way of wording it, but, because of the gap, the sentence doesn't flow through the mind as easily as it could.
75 - Apart from the 'd' in 'realised', I'm not sure what it is about this sentence. Maybe it's just because it's a little ambiguous, and there's nothing wrong with that.
78 - Is 'the bastard' Omi or Nakajima? It's a bit unclear, although I feel that it makes more sense if it's Nakajima.
I hope that was helpful. If I haven't made sense, tell me, and I'll try to explain myself better.
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Side note: I have no idea what Tono-sama did to Niwa, but... XD
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The fact that there are so many horrifying possibilities of what he could have done is what makes it so funny, I guess. Because we don't really wanna know what happened!
BTW, you have inspired me to try this idea out, for practice at being succinct.
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Please do let me know what you come up with ^_^ Thanks again.
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I tried out what you did, with the Crack Generator (sorry if I should have been more original), and it's surprisingly engrossing. If you want to see them, I could always put them on my journal when I've done some more.
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