Dept. of Fandom Snowflake
Hello, Neighbor!
Snowflake Challenge #5 - Comment to someone you haven't ever interacted with before or introduce yourself to someone you've briefly interacted with and friend/follow them. Afterwards, leave a comment in this post with the equivalent of "I did it!" (Being in fandom is always a chance to interact with new people and potentially make new friends! Challenge #5 is all about continuing the fandom celebration that is the Snowflake Challenge and expanding our circle!)
*** *** ***
Sometimes I think I'm like those seeds of wheat thrown onto shallow ground, that grow up quickly, then die equally quickly because they haven't rooted deeply enough. At least when it comes to meeting people and going to their ground, meeting them where they live. (I'm aware that the metaphor isn't really right for what I"m trying to say, but it's what my brain happened upon, so we'll go with it. Close enough for rock and roll.)
I like meeting people, saying hello for the first time; it's a wonderful feeling, one that I could enlarge upon a great deal, which exploration I shall save you all from for now. Put simply and quickly, people are important, the most important part of my life, both professionally and personally. They are collections of memories, and original thoughts to be examined, emotions to be shared, souls to be treasured. And those first moments of shared experience are like ... food to be savored, like fresh water when thirsty, like windows opening and doors swinging wide.
My problem begins after that. I'm very self-centered. Although I'd like to excise that part of me, I've never been successful at doing so, although I try to keep it under control. One unfortunate effect is that I enjoy having people come into my house, my livingroom as it were, but I can't seem to muster the energy to go to other folks' homes and take a deep interest in them. Or so it seems to me. That isn;t always the case, because fandom is full of people whose personalities and hearts are like gravity wells drawing one in, and for them I am grateful beyond their understanding. Apparently, however, my emotional energy is low enough that I don't expend it the way I should, caring for others.
Huh. Even when I'm trying to be concise, I'm prolix instead.
So here's this: I went through snowflake_challenge's many many comments, and found some people to visit, people I'd not said hello to ever, or if I had, had not gone much beyond that. I like that I did so. I hope it reminds me that I can indeed expend the emotional energy in visiting other people, and caring about what they have to say.
(I know that what I've written about myself is both self-consumed and self ... not self-loathing, but self-critical. It is not meant as a fishing expedition of any kind. I just felt as if I should explain what I don't like about the way I work at online friendships - and perhaps use the post, as I said above, to remind me that I can do better,)
This entry was originally posted at https://kaffyr.dreamwidth.org/759707.html?mode=reply, where there are currently
comments. You can comment there or here, but prefer to read over on DW. You can comment there using open ID if you don't have a DW account.