Behind the Clouds
(um, this is all messy and weird because i wrote some, and never finished it. the paragraphs don't make sense because they are just thoughts and sentences i wanted in it.)
((((i can't really write, i just enjoy reading other people's work. oh, but i did/do kinda like writing, i'm just not confident in writing it in english, aaand writing in norwegian is not fun))))
‘’you’re extremely shy, aren’t you?’’
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Whenever Kyungsoo was asked do you believe in god, he would look up to the sky as if the answer would be found amongst the beautiful clouds. He didn’t really know why everyone were so caught up in the word believing, or why it was so crucial to know if you either believed in a god, or did not. What did he know about having to live life with belief helping you through the day if he hadn’t experienced situations called ‘life-changing’?
Somehow he’d skipped ahead to the part where nothing would ever be the same; already when he’d first opened his eyes to this hurtful, scary yet beautiful thing called ‘’life.’’ But it wasn’t as if Kyungsoo was born to live life in misery, or born to never feel loved. It may just be that he was unlucky in a certain aspect where having to go through life with a struggle could make him a better person; so that he then could give his knowledge away to others.
His mother used to tuck him safely in his blanket at night, looking at him with loving eyes as a sign that yes, everything was perfectly okay, and she would tell him how God always knew what was best for the people whom he loved so much. Even as Kyungsoo grew up with the same story of God loving him unconditionally and giving him life as a gift despite his weak body, Kyungsoo never really understood why his mother needed to tell him such a thing; why reassuring him that someone took care of him would help him through his day even though all Kyungsoo wanted was to experience down ships, pain, laughter, love, memories.
Kyungsoo just wanted to live.
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In a fail attempt of sneaking out of his lonesome apartment without waking up the sleeping figure lying on his couch, Kyungsoo ended up sprawled just outside of his door with both his nose and dignity hurt.
“Shit, are you okay?”
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‘’Why is it that you love to go to high places like this? I don’t get you, it’s like you have to do reckless and dangerous things…”
Kyungsoo’s eyes softened as he moved them from Jongin’s questioning glare to look at the cloudy sky, eyes squinting as the light shone brightly and warm on his face.
‘’It’s to-‘’ He broke off. A shaky breath escaped his lips, and Kyungsoo lifted up his right arm from his lap to stretch it up towards the sky, palm hot, reaching for something he couldn’t explain.
‘’I want to know how it’ll feel like when I do finally reach all the way up. I’m scared, but I thought… If I prepare myself and gradually get higher and higher up, it won’t be that scary to leave everything down here, you know? I thought maybe it’ll hurt less if… If knowing that my stay here with you would gradually become unreachable, I’d know that it’ll be okay”