"Tricks" of the Trade
Yeah, so I didn't write anything over the last few days because, quite frankly, nothing important happened.
So today, I had the whole day off... so I slept until around noon (I stayed up until something like 1:00 the previous morning labeling keys for the guest house... god, what tedious work), chatted online for a while, then bought a book ("The Age of Alexander" by Plutarch) and sat by the Boatslip pool, had a drink, and read. Very relaxing... but as I'm sitting there reading, the Boatslip bois are coming up to me, asking me for drinks CONSTANTLY, and one even sits down with me --as I'm clearly engrossed in my book -- and wants to talk about who I am, where I'm from, blah blah blah, obviously flirting... which brings me to my first question: Why is it that, when I don't want bois, they want me? I have absolutely NO sex drive right now (any sexual frustrations I may have, I can solve on my own, if ya' know what I mean!), and when I look at bois, I note their attractiveness from more of an introspective point of view. It's not like, "God he's so hot, I'd SO sleep with him!", but more like, "Wow, he's attractive... so anyway, Agesilaus expelled half-brother Leocythidas when he finally ascended the throne..." Maybe this lack of interest is desirable? Many people find the same thing to be true when in a relationship. When single, one cannot find a boi, but when off the market, the bois come in droves. It's freakish, and it's actually painfully annoying right now.
Funniest part is, I know my sex drive will eventually come back; it's actually very nice not having to wrestle those emotions in day-to-day life. But it'll eventually come back, and when it does, I'll be as undesirable as ever, lol... gotta love how much life sucks sometimes.
So anyway, I was in my room after Boatslip, and got a call from Ryan. Went over to the Squealing Pig (really nice little Irish bar near the east end) and had dinner, then went to Thirsty Burlington's show and had a fabulous time there. Then we just bar crawled around P-Town, and as I spent the rest of my money in my wallet, I had a fabulous time. We even stopped into the Governor Bradford to do a Karaoke song each. Ryan sang "Sun Going Down On Me" (is that the name of the song? Not sure). I did "Amazed" by Lonestar. We both rocked the house. Then we went to A-House, where I was dancing and proceeded to be grabbed, groped, and hit on so much that I just wanted to scream! Where are these people when a little flirting would actually give me a much desired ego boost? Where are these people during the very (very) rare occurences in which I might actually consider fooling around with someone (given they fit the extensive list of criteria, lol... that's another journal entry)? I met a boi from the singing group "Naked Boys Singing" tonight, and after talking to him, I probably could've been convinced to fool around with him if I had some sort of desire to... but I just didn't. So we talked and he said he'd comp me into his show (hey, at least I won't have to sleep with him, or even pay him money, in order to see him naked, right?) Then after the bar, he, Ryan, and some other cute looking guy started talking and rubbing each other's crotches and toying with the idea of a three-way. I booked it out of there after I realized where that convo was going.
It's so weird! By all indications, I seem to WANT to want to have a sex drive. I mean, how bad would it be to just hook up with Mr. Naked Boy Singing? He was definitely cute, and I heard he is a great bottom... sigh, see, now I'm rambling, lol! It's not really me to hook up anyway, sex drive or no. But normally, it's my own sense of morality that prevents me from hooking up with bois. I enjoy WANTING to hook up with them, maybe even making out a little, but then deciding it's not what I want to do at the end, and going home, y'know? I enjoy subjugating my flesh sometimes. But now it's not even as though my body wants to do anything with anyone. How can I look at hot bois and not feel anything?
Another thing is, sex is just too much work for the same kind of feeling that I can really achieve on my own, with a little help from Ms. Rosey Palm and her five sisters. I mean, god, depending on another person to get me off? For one, I can get myself off WAY more efficiently than someone else can. And then there's trying to get in various positions, one person's boredom for the other person's pleasure (or pain, depending), and then there's the messy aftermath... Just taking THAT into consideration, if it's not sex with someone I really care about, it's just not worth doing! Then consider the talk around town (or around campus, lol) after it's done. Reputation follows people for a long time, and the reputation of "Slut" is a particularly difficult one to shake. I mean, I know a guy who has faithfully been with his boyfriend for over two years now, but he's still widely known as a big ol' whore. I value my reputation, and would never want to sully it with a lamentable loss of control over my bodily urges.
The point to all this is, there really is no point. I like rambling. This is what I'm feeling. I'm very confused over my lack of sex drive, and although I think it'll eventually come back, I'm wondering when. 'Cause these viewpoints are high and noble and all, but if the next two and a half years are going to be like the previous, I'm going to be single for a LONG time, and so it would be nice to want to have sex every once in a while to keep myself stable.
Yeah, I'm done, lol... still a little drunk. I had a LOT of Pinot Grigio tonight. Time to sleep it off and watch morning cartoons, 7 some-odd hours away.
So today, I had the whole day off... so I slept until around noon (I stayed up until something like 1:00 the previous morning labeling keys for the guest house... god, what tedious work), chatted online for a while, then bought a book ("The Age of Alexander" by Plutarch) and sat by the Boatslip pool, had a drink, and read. Very relaxing... but as I'm sitting there reading, the Boatslip bois are coming up to me, asking me for drinks CONSTANTLY, and one even sits down with me --as I'm clearly engrossed in my book -- and wants to talk about who I am, where I'm from, blah blah blah, obviously flirting... which brings me to my first question: Why is it that, when I don't want bois, they want me? I have absolutely NO sex drive right now (any sexual frustrations I may have, I can solve on my own, if ya' know what I mean!), and when I look at bois, I note their attractiveness from more of an introspective point of view. It's not like, "God he's so hot, I'd SO sleep with him!", but more like, "Wow, he's attractive... so anyway, Agesilaus expelled half-brother Leocythidas when he finally ascended the throne..." Maybe this lack of interest is desirable? Many people find the same thing to be true when in a relationship. When single, one cannot find a boi, but when off the market, the bois come in droves. It's freakish, and it's actually painfully annoying right now.
Funniest part is, I know my sex drive will eventually come back; it's actually very nice not having to wrestle those emotions in day-to-day life. But it'll eventually come back, and when it does, I'll be as undesirable as ever, lol... gotta love how much life sucks sometimes.
So anyway, I was in my room after Boatslip, and got a call from Ryan. Went over to the Squealing Pig (really nice little Irish bar near the east end) and had dinner, then went to Thirsty Burlington's show and had a fabulous time there. Then we just bar crawled around P-Town, and as I spent the rest of my money in my wallet, I had a fabulous time. We even stopped into the Governor Bradford to do a Karaoke song each. Ryan sang "Sun Going Down On Me" (is that the name of the song? Not sure). I did "Amazed" by Lonestar. We both rocked the house. Then we went to A-House, where I was dancing and proceeded to be grabbed, groped, and hit on so much that I just wanted to scream! Where are these people when a little flirting would actually give me a much desired ego boost? Where are these people during the very (very) rare occurences in which I might actually consider fooling around with someone (given they fit the extensive list of criteria, lol... that's another journal entry)? I met a boi from the singing group "Naked Boys Singing" tonight, and after talking to him, I probably could've been convinced to fool around with him if I had some sort of desire to... but I just didn't. So we talked and he said he'd comp me into his show (hey, at least I won't have to sleep with him, or even pay him money, in order to see him naked, right?) Then after the bar, he, Ryan, and some other cute looking guy started talking and rubbing each other's crotches and toying with the idea of a three-way. I booked it out of there after I realized where that convo was going.
It's so weird! By all indications, I seem to WANT to want to have a sex drive. I mean, how bad would it be to just hook up with Mr. Naked Boy Singing? He was definitely cute, and I heard he is a great bottom... sigh, see, now I'm rambling, lol! It's not really me to hook up anyway, sex drive or no. But normally, it's my own sense of morality that prevents me from hooking up with bois. I enjoy WANTING to hook up with them, maybe even making out a little, but then deciding it's not what I want to do at the end, and going home, y'know? I enjoy subjugating my flesh sometimes. But now it's not even as though my body wants to do anything with anyone. How can I look at hot bois and not feel anything?
Another thing is, sex is just too much work for the same kind of feeling that I can really achieve on my own, with a little help from Ms. Rosey Palm and her five sisters. I mean, god, depending on another person to get me off? For one, I can get myself off WAY more efficiently than someone else can. And then there's trying to get in various positions, one person's boredom for the other person's pleasure (or pain, depending), and then there's the messy aftermath... Just taking THAT into consideration, if it's not sex with someone I really care about, it's just not worth doing! Then consider the talk around town (or around campus, lol) after it's done. Reputation follows people for a long time, and the reputation of "Slut" is a particularly difficult one to shake. I mean, I know a guy who has faithfully been with his boyfriend for over two years now, but he's still widely known as a big ol' whore. I value my reputation, and would never want to sully it with a lamentable loss of control over my bodily urges.
The point to all this is, there really is no point. I like rambling. This is what I'm feeling. I'm very confused over my lack of sex drive, and although I think it'll eventually come back, I'm wondering when. 'Cause these viewpoints are high and noble and all, but if the next two and a half years are going to be like the previous, I'm going to be single for a LONG time, and so it would be nice to want to have sex every once in a while to keep myself stable.
Yeah, I'm done, lol... still a little drunk. I had a LOT of Pinot Grigio tonight. Time to sleep it off and watch morning cartoons, 7 some-odd hours away.