[IC] Rogue's Diary: Last Entry (Language warning)
Couldn't sleep, stopped by my our his old place in Eversong. Found this.
Talking to people doesn't help. Maybe writing will.
I don't It's not that I Things have cha I love him.
No excuses. No lies. I love him with all my heart and no matter how many times I explain why I left, I still feel as if I made the wrong choice, but I know it was the right one. I need the chase. I'm as addicted to it as I am to the 'thistle. To the very magic I fear hate fear. It was not and never will be fair to make him suffer just because he wants me happy. Not when I'd be miserable knowing every time I fucked someone else, he would hurt.
Explaining, even in writing, doesn't make it any better.
The writing trails off, unsteady, only to pick up again after a space, neat once more.
Gailen's dead. I took far too much pleasure in the crush of bone as my axe dug into his chest. I don't know what happened to Thaedren or Alerin. If they are dead, I hope it was swift. If not... Well. I suppose I have little to say to either of them. Thae made it clear in no uncertain terms what he thought of me.
Heh. You know you have a problem when your own brother tells you it was all your fault because you can't keep your dick in your pants. Whatever. He's right.
... .... .. . . .. . ... .. ... FUCK you, Thae.
The word is underlined and retraced enough that it rips the paper with the violence of the penstrokes. Writing continues on the following page.
Khaav's worried my spending most of my free time lately with Merosiel is just a case of rebound. I told him he's wrong, but maybe he's right. Not in the emotional sense, I don't love him, but in needing someone to protect. That's become something of an obsession and I know he and Ori would never put up with it .
Meros sent me away, regardless. I understand why. I know how his 'family' works. It's the same in the Row. I won't put him at risk, but maybe I can get permission to visit. I know better than to blackmail, even if I could get them in so much trouble
He's getting better, at least. He's eating, like I asked him to. The way he talks without that fake tongue is adorable, even if it takes me a minute to sort out what he's saying. Met the kid's father sire sperm donor. Idiot little whelp of a Draenei. Can't believe Meros fucked him. No surprise he didn't get off on it. Little freak. If it wouldn't hurt Meros, I'd so drag Ori off on a spacegoat hunt. Fucker. Knock him up and wander off. Should chop off his fucking dic
Light, I really need to stop tapping into that retribution aspect, too. I swear, while it's been useful, training as a Blood Knight, even for noble reasons, has only made me twice as much of an asshole. I was never this vengeful before. What the hell?
Maybe I should pick up my bow again, before I turn into everything I hate. I haven't touched it since Ultris
Again, the word is scribbled out violently. More writing continues on the following page.
What else can I vent before I burn this...
Got Mornherald to break my nose by kissing that new toy of his. It wasn't as satisfying as I thought it'd be. He kept going on about how the other one was just a kid, but he obviously wasn't (and what the hell, why is he with him if he's just a kid? Fucking double standards). I almost feel bad for it, but every time I see him I can't help but harass him. Doesn't even cross my mind to apologize until he's gone and whatever comes over me releases its grip. Maybe they're right. Maybe it is just a self-destructive urge, because it makes no damned sense at all.
Meph still hangs out with that girl of his. I guess I should be happy for him. Finally got to scare the shit out of him with my geist hood. Again, wasn't as satisfying as I expected after the fact. I shouldn't be jealous, either. I don't want someone to leash me like that, but I'm lonely
Been spending a lot of time with Khaav and Ori, too. I . . . really like being with them. They don't ask where I've been. They don't expect anything of me. They don't try to change me. It's nice. I sneak into their bed at night sometimes, mostly to sleep lately.
Even Ori basically called me a slut even though he apologized it still hurt why does it hurt so fucking much when he says it?
The diary is then snapped closed and thrown into a small campfire just outside of the Undercity. By morning, there's nothing left but ashes, spare a small, golden brooch of a phoenix with two heads that was hidden and forgotten between the final pages.
Talking to people doesn't help. Maybe writing will.
I don't It's not that I Things have cha I love him.
No excuses. No lies. I love him with all my heart and no matter how many times I explain why I left, I still feel as if I made the wrong choice, but I know it was the right one. I need the chase. I'm as addicted to it as I am to the 'thistle. To the very magic I fear hate fear. It was not and never will be fair to make him suffer just because he wants me happy. Not when I'd be miserable knowing every time I fucked someone else, he would hurt.
Explaining, even in writing, doesn't make it any better.
The writing trails off, unsteady, only to pick up again after a space, neat once more.
Gailen's dead. I took far too much pleasure in the crush of bone as my axe dug into his chest. I don't know what happened to Thaedren or Alerin. If they are dead, I hope it was swift. If not... Well. I suppose I have little to say to either of them. Thae made it clear in no uncertain terms what he thought of me.
Heh. You know you have a problem when your own brother tells you it was all your fault because you can't keep your dick in your pants. Whatever. He's right.
... .... .. . . .. . ... .. ... FUCK you, Thae.
The word is underlined and retraced enough that it rips the paper with the violence of the penstrokes. Writing continues on the following page.
Khaav's worried my spending most of my free time lately with Merosiel is just a case of rebound. I told him he's wrong, but maybe he's right. Not in the emotional sense, I don't love him, but in needing someone to protect. That's become something of an obsession and I know he and Ori would never put up with it .
Meros sent me away, regardless. I understand why. I know how his 'family' works. It's the same in the Row. I won't put him at risk, but maybe I can get permission to visit. I know better than to blackmail, even if I could get them in so much trouble
He's getting better, at least. He's eating, like I asked him to. The way he talks without that fake tongue is adorable, even if it takes me a minute to sort out what he's saying. Met the kid's father sire sperm donor. Idiot little whelp of a Draenei. Can't believe Meros fucked him. No surprise he didn't get off on it. Little freak. If it wouldn't hurt Meros, I'd so drag Ori off on a spacegoat hunt. Fucker. Knock him up and wander off. Should chop off his fucking dic
Light, I really need to stop tapping into that retribution aspect, too. I swear, while it's been useful, training as a Blood Knight, even for noble reasons, has only made me twice as much of an asshole. I was never this vengeful before. What the hell?
Maybe I should pick up my bow again, before I turn into everything I hate. I haven't touched it since Ultris
Again, the word is scribbled out violently. More writing continues on the following page.
What else can I vent before I burn this...
Got Mornherald to break my nose by kissing that new toy of his. It wasn't as satisfying as I thought it'd be. He kept going on about how the other one was just a kid, but he obviously wasn't (and what the hell, why is he with him if he's just a kid? Fucking double standards). I almost feel bad for it, but every time I see him I can't help but harass him. Doesn't even cross my mind to apologize until he's gone and whatever comes over me releases its grip. Maybe they're right. Maybe it is just a self-destructive urge, because it makes no damned sense at all.
Meph still hangs out with that girl of his. I guess I should be happy for him. Finally got to scare the shit out of him with my geist hood. Again, wasn't as satisfying as I expected after the fact. I shouldn't be jealous, either. I don't want someone to leash me like that, but I'm lonely
Been spending a lot of time with Khaav and Ori, too. I . . . really like being with them. They don't ask where I've been. They don't expect anything of me. They don't try to change me. It's nice. I sneak into their bed at night sometimes, mostly to sleep lately.
Even Ori basically called me a slut even though he apologized it still hurt why does it hurt so fucking much when he says it?
The diary is then snapped closed and thrown into a small campfire just outside of the Undercity. By morning, there's nothing left but ashes, spare a small, golden brooch of a phoenix with two heads that was hidden and forgotten between the final pages.