thats deep.
So, I'm gonna break this down like a shotgun (just heard that little quote on the tele and thought it fit the intro perfectly)
If you do not, I repeat, do not care to hear about my opinions of the world and life. Then dont read this. and if you do anyways then you really can't say I didn't warn you because I totally just did.
Something hit me today at work. It all started today when I got a phonecall from my mom giving me a hard time because I didn't call her this weekend, and come to find out, had I called her, I also would have found out that my grandma is really sick. She just got over having bypass heart surgery but now her liver is starting to fail on her again. So of course, not only does it bring me down that my grandma is sick with something other than the flu, but the fact that my family has known since Saturday and no one called to tell me as some sort of sick punishment for me not being a good daughter and calling this weekend. With that said, I became a mess, because this is an every day occassion that something this immature is pulled by someone I'm close with. So I decided to go to the bathroom to calm myself down. I'm scared too death of death. The only close person that has ever passed away in my life is my dog and that felt like I lost a brother, so needless to say, even the thought of losing someone close to me scares the hell out of me.
And just like any other normal human being, I started to think about all the other things that have happened like this, when all of a sudden it hit me. Yes, I've had a ton of shit happen to me, I could write a book about it, but each thing has turned me into something else, many times worse, but eventually a hell of a lot better and stronger. Maybe I wish that I had more friends...or that people accepted me more for who and what I am. Maybe I wish that sometimes all of the things that have happened, simply didn't. But when it all comes down to it, I said to myself, wow, I'm really lucky. Why? Nearly everything that I've wanted, I've gotten. I wanted to have my own apartment right after highschool, guess what, I have a townhouse now. I wanted a new car, brand new. Guess what, I got that too. I wanted my photography to take off, I got a job with a wedding photographer. And what's the most crazy thing about it all is that I did it myself. No one helped me get to where I am, no one encouraged me, actually everyone doubted me and said I wouldn't do any of it. But I did. And I really feel like thats a lot to say for myself, and for the first time, I'm actually really proud of myself.
With all of the changes that have happened over the last couple of years, i've changed, a lot. It's like all of a sudden I'm completely spontaneous, adventerous, and outgoing, and I love it. The other day I came up with the idea of moving to colorado, just out of the blue, and I'm seriously considering it, if I can talk the significant other into it. I just want a fresh new page in the book. Life's a blank canvas, what you choose to make of it is your own choice, but it wont turn out to be anything if you use the same ideas and the same set of paints over and over, you need to mix things up, create new colors and new ideas. And thats what I want to do.
With the whole idea of how quickly sickness and death can come into your life when you least expect it, you realize more and more how precious each day is and how we're not promised tomorrow. And no matter how hard life may seem sometimes, how difficult it is and even when you think you can't take another step, just always remember that theres a lesson behind everything that happens. What doesn't kill you only will make you stronger. It might hurt like hell at first, but in the end, it heals itself and creates a mark in your body that says something, whether it be a lesson or just a simple reminder of what was, it happened for a reason. And because of that, you need to live life for yourself. It's one of the best things I've ever learned, and its taken many years to figure that out. You have once chance here, and thats something I think a lot of people don't realize. Once your time is up, its up, and theres no one to tell you when that time is..
If you do not, I repeat, do not care to hear about my opinions of the world and life. Then dont read this. and if you do anyways then you really can't say I didn't warn you because I totally just did.
Something hit me today at work. It all started today when I got a phonecall from my mom giving me a hard time because I didn't call her this weekend, and come to find out, had I called her, I also would have found out that my grandma is really sick. She just got over having bypass heart surgery but now her liver is starting to fail on her again. So of course, not only does it bring me down that my grandma is sick with something other than the flu, but the fact that my family has known since Saturday and no one called to tell me as some sort of sick punishment for me not being a good daughter and calling this weekend. With that said, I became a mess, because this is an every day occassion that something this immature is pulled by someone I'm close with. So I decided to go to the bathroom to calm myself down. I'm scared too death of death. The only close person that has ever passed away in my life is my dog and that felt like I lost a brother, so needless to say, even the thought of losing someone close to me scares the hell out of me.
And just like any other normal human being, I started to think about all the other things that have happened like this, when all of a sudden it hit me. Yes, I've had a ton of shit happen to me, I could write a book about it, but each thing has turned me into something else, many times worse, but eventually a hell of a lot better and stronger. Maybe I wish that I had more friends...or that people accepted me more for who and what I am. Maybe I wish that sometimes all of the things that have happened, simply didn't. But when it all comes down to it, I said to myself, wow, I'm really lucky. Why? Nearly everything that I've wanted, I've gotten. I wanted to have my own apartment right after highschool, guess what, I have a townhouse now. I wanted a new car, brand new. Guess what, I got that too. I wanted my photography to take off, I got a job with a wedding photographer. And what's the most crazy thing about it all is that I did it myself. No one helped me get to where I am, no one encouraged me, actually everyone doubted me and said I wouldn't do any of it. But I did. And I really feel like thats a lot to say for myself, and for the first time, I'm actually really proud of myself.
With all of the changes that have happened over the last couple of years, i've changed, a lot. It's like all of a sudden I'm completely spontaneous, adventerous, and outgoing, and I love it. The other day I came up with the idea of moving to colorado, just out of the blue, and I'm seriously considering it, if I can talk the significant other into it. I just want a fresh new page in the book. Life's a blank canvas, what you choose to make of it is your own choice, but it wont turn out to be anything if you use the same ideas and the same set of paints over and over, you need to mix things up, create new colors and new ideas. And thats what I want to do.
With the whole idea of how quickly sickness and death can come into your life when you least expect it, you realize more and more how precious each day is and how we're not promised tomorrow. And no matter how hard life may seem sometimes, how difficult it is and even when you think you can't take another step, just always remember that theres a lesson behind everything that happens. What doesn't kill you only will make you stronger. It might hurt like hell at first, but in the end, it heals itself and creates a mark in your body that says something, whether it be a lesson or just a simple reminder of what was, it happened for a reason. And because of that, you need to live life for yourself. It's one of the best things I've ever learned, and its taken many years to figure that out. You have once chance here, and thats something I think a lot of people don't realize. Once your time is up, its up, and theres no one to tell you when that time is..