009/365 - Expectations.
I realised today - well, okay, today is not the first time I've realised it, but whatever, it's been on my mind for the last two hours - that I have pretty high expectations of myself, my friends, and life. This tends to lead to being disappointed often. I've been hoping for things to happen when they're either extremely unlikely to happen or just silly wishings, vague imaginings. I've been assuming that people will feel or act in a certain way. The expectations I have of myself are usually pretty ridiculous, but that's more of an issue of not having been taught how to recognise and work with my own limitations.
A while ago I was told that there was a difference between living life expectantly, and living it with expectations. The latter is, as I've been discovering, prone to both disappointment and frustration - it's the kind of mindset that leads you to get angry when things don't happen the way you think or hope they will. The former, however, is a way of simply rolling with life, and being ready for anything that comes - having the mind of an explorer ("Something may be around the corner, or maybe not, but I will never stop looking, and I know that the journey is more important than the destination"), rather than that of a mathematician ("1 + 1 = 2, and if it doesn't, by God there'd better be a good reason").
It's something I've been trying to do more often, over the past year - letting go of the notion that things 'should' happen in a certain order or that people 'should' feel or act in certain ways. But it's difficult, still.
My parents bequeathed a lot of both their personality traits and their skills to me. My father is logical, scientific, mathematical, and relatively quiet and reserved. My mother is creative, musical, compassionate, and emotional. I struggle a lot to reconcile the two. Whilst I recognise that I am lucky to have aptitude in both logic and creativity - which gives me the option to pursue any number of hobbies with at least moderate success - I have difficulty working out a balance between relying on facts, and experimenting. Often I find that I draw on the wrong part of myself, and respond badly to situations that require the other part.
Social interaction is one of those things. Often friendships require objectivity, or rationality, and sometimes I respond more emotionally. Conversely, there are times when one needs to be talking and responding with the heart, and I use my head instead.
All of this doesn't seem like a big deal, but there are reasons for me mentioning them now. Reasons I'm not going to go into here, but most of you know them anyway.
The point is that I'm still learning how complex life can be for a human being. Animals have it pretty easy, all things considered. If I were reincarnated as a cat, I'd be pretty happy - to lie in the sun and be warm and drowsy all day, and be constantly patted and stroked and hugged. Bliss!
But I am human, still, and I do have to learn how to navigate through the intricacies of interpersonal relationships. And that journey will go a lot better if I try to live expectantly. So I'm going to keep trying, and ask forgiveness for the times when I slip back into expectations.
<3 you guys!
A while ago I was told that there was a difference between living life expectantly, and living it with expectations. The latter is, as I've been discovering, prone to both disappointment and frustration - it's the kind of mindset that leads you to get angry when things don't happen the way you think or hope they will. The former, however, is a way of simply rolling with life, and being ready for anything that comes - having the mind of an explorer ("Something may be around the corner, or maybe not, but I will never stop looking, and I know that the journey is more important than the destination"), rather than that of a mathematician ("1 + 1 = 2, and if it doesn't, by God there'd better be a good reason").
It's something I've been trying to do more often, over the past year - letting go of the notion that things 'should' happen in a certain order or that people 'should' feel or act in certain ways. But it's difficult, still.
My parents bequeathed a lot of both their personality traits and their skills to me. My father is logical, scientific, mathematical, and relatively quiet and reserved. My mother is creative, musical, compassionate, and emotional. I struggle a lot to reconcile the two. Whilst I recognise that I am lucky to have aptitude in both logic and creativity - which gives me the option to pursue any number of hobbies with at least moderate success - I have difficulty working out a balance between relying on facts, and experimenting. Often I find that I draw on the wrong part of myself, and respond badly to situations that require the other part.
Social interaction is one of those things. Often friendships require objectivity, or rationality, and sometimes I respond more emotionally. Conversely, there are times when one needs to be talking and responding with the heart, and I use my head instead.
All of this doesn't seem like a big deal, but there are reasons for me mentioning them now. Reasons I'm not going to go into here, but most of you know them anyway.
The point is that I'm still learning how complex life can be for a human being. Animals have it pretty easy, all things considered. If I were reincarnated as a cat, I'd be pretty happy - to lie in the sun and be warm and drowsy all day, and be constantly patted and stroked and hugged. Bliss!
But I am human, still, and I do have to learn how to navigate through the intricacies of interpersonal relationships. And that journey will go a lot better if I try to live expectantly. So I'm going to keep trying, and ask forgiveness for the times when I slip back into expectations.
<3 you guys!