Two Doomsday + PoTW drabbles

[kae_nine]

As promised to 

Comments

[azriona]

I really like Masks - which isn't to say Lost Illusions isn't good, but I really like Masks.

I wish my French wasn't so over-written by Russian; I'd love to compare the two versions. I've always thought translations were interesting, because the meaning of a particular sentence can change based on the words the translator uses. I have to wonder - since you translated your own words - which versions do you like better? And why?

('Tis the Ravenclaw in me, can't help it.)

[kae_nine]

Actually... for Lost Illusions I think the French version sounds better, but for Masks it's the opposite. Weird, isn't it? I don't translate literally, first because literal translation are usually very bad, and also because I have to adapt it to make it 100 words.

So why do I like the English version of Masks better? Well, what usually makes me like a version better is that sometimes, conveying certain emotions or thoughts is easier in one language or another, because the vocab is more appropriate, and/or because the music of the language works better.

I hope that answers your question. :)

[azriona]

It does, thank you. Now what interests me, since you like the English version of Masks better (and I just like Masks better than Lost Illusions) - is there something that was lost in the translation of Lost Illusions which was gained in Masks?

(See, told you - Ravenclaw at heart; I just can't leave theories unanswered....!)

[kae_nine]

Bit of a convoluted reply, but you asked.

I looked back on both versions for both drabbles. Let's start with Lost Illusions:

In French:
Elle colle sa tête au grand mur froid séparant les deux univers, espérant un son, un signe de sa réalité, le TARDIS apparaissant soudainement à ses côtés, le Docteur revenant la chercher.

In English:
She leans against the cold, white wall that keeps both universes apart, listening for a sign from her own reality, the TARDIS materialising, the Doctor coming to get her.

First, the verb "leans" isn't exactly like what I used in French. "Elle colle sa tête" means she's basically glueing her head to the wall, but that just looked way too weird in English. Still, there's something that got lost there. On the other hand, "the Doctor coming to her get" works better for me than "le Docteur revenant la chercher", probably because of what Nine said to Rose in Bad Wolf/PoTW: "Rose, I'm coming to get you."

In French:
Seuls les battements de son cœur résonnent à ses oreilles.

In English:
Only the furious

[kae_nine]

Moving on to Masks, and here things felt quite different.

In French:
Qui est cet étranger qui se tient devant moi, poussant les manettes du TARDIS comme s’il avait fait cela toute sa vie ? Qui se cache derrière ce visage osseux, ce corps de sauterelle, ce flot de paroles ?

In English:
Who’s the stranger standing right in front of me, pushing buttons on the TARDIS console as if he’s done that all his life? Who’s hiding behind that bony face, that body, thin as an insect’s, that flood of words?

No real difference between the two, except maybe that I named the insect in French and not in English.

In French:
Il s’approche. Je reste immobile, trop terrifiée pour détourner le regard, trop fascinée pour m’enfuir. Il me soutient qu’il est toujours le même. Toujours le Docteur. Mon Docteur.

In English:
He’s stepping closer. I’m standing still, too terrified to lower my eyes, too mesmerised to run away. He swears he’s still the same. Still the Doctor. My Doctor.Here I think that what works better for me is the word “swear” - looking back,

[azriona]

Wow. I did not expect an entire line-by-line analysis! THANK YOU, that was a fascinating read. I hope it was as interesting for you to do

[kae_nine]

Yep, it was interesting for me to do as well. And thanks for taking the time to reply so thoroughly - I was afraid that what I'd replied was waaaaaay more than you'd asked. *grins*

So true, what you're saying about the punch of certain words and the power they have according to the sound they make. And yep, "one word, run" is three words indeed (so whew, my three-word-theory is safe!)

Thank you! :)