Fanfic: Hope (1/1)
Title: Hope
Series: Impossible
Previous chapters: Loss - Grief
Author: Kaethel (
kae_nine)
Characters/Pairing: Mickey Smith, Ten/Rose
Rating: PG
Spoilers: is Doomsday still considered a spoiler? ;)
Disclaimer: Still haven’t won on the lottery and bought off BBC Wales.
Summary: There’s always been something passionate about her when she talks about him. Something that wasn’t there when she was with me. Something that was in the Doctor’s eyes when he tried to force her to come with us, before she made the choice to stay with him.
A/N: I figured I needed to stop tinkering with this chapter again and again and again and just post it out there. This story is part of the Impossible series, which takes place right after the end of Doomsday. It's probably better to read both Loss and Grief before starting on this one. I chose to tell this part from Mickey’s point of view, so here’s hoping I did an okay job with it. :) Many, many thanks to
wendymr and
christn7 for BRing. Any mistake left is mine.
Hope
by Kaethel
She’s gone mad. That’s it. This time, she’s really lost it.
I look across to the back seat: Jackie shares my opinion, but Pete’s the one driving, and he’s obeying Rose. Tyres screech loudly, bodies get thrown around and bump against the doors, and then we’re speeding back towards the place we’ve just left.
Seconds tick. Everyone stays silent. Rose should be the one talking anyway, but explaining what she meant doesn’t seem to be on the agenda. She’s staring at the road ahead, unblinking and paying no heed to the growing worry on her mum’s face.
I brace myself for what’s to come. Rose and I aren’t a couple any more, but I’ve spent enough time with her to know she’s going to hurt herself all over again if she doesn’t let the Doctor go. They’ve said goodbye. A few last words travelling across the void, and Rose collapsed in her mother’s arms, sobs raking her body just like the day the walls closed. When they both came back to the car, all of us realised that this time, it was really over.
Rose Tyler, travelling with the Doctor, in the TARDIS, was a thing of the past.
Rose knows that. She’s a grown-up now, not the carefree teenager she used to be before she met the Doctor. She’s strong. Strong and bloody pig-headed at times. Times like now.
She’s persuaded Pete to turn around. He hasn’t even stopped the car and she’s already opened the door. Heedless of her mum calling her name and of the drizzle soaking through her clothes, she’s running, back to the very spot where the Doctor’s image stood a few minutes ago.
I expect her to cry. She doesn’t. Disarrayed hair sticking to her cheeks, determination plastered on her face, she surveys the area, as if looking for something. Does she believe the Doctor will appear again? Why would he do that? He wouldn’t play with her feelings. He wouldn’t invite himself into her life time and again, just to hang onto something that can never be. He wouldn’t destroy what’s taken her several months to build.
An elbow hits my ribs, hard, but the pain is nothing to the deadly look that Jackie’s throwing my way.
“Go to her, you idiot!”
And bring her back to me.
The words aren’t spoken aloud, but the meaning is clear. Jackie cried almost as much as Rose when the Doctor disappeared. She shared her daughter’s sorrow, rocking her to sleep the first night they spent in this universe, when the weight of separation was too much for Rose to bear.
Then, as Rose picked up the pieces of her life, got herself a job, made new friends, Jackie started living again. Built a strong, steady relationship with this world’s Pete. Got pregnant.
And we’re happy, the four of us together. Well, five of us, since Jake is now part of the family. Rose welcomed him like a brother, Pete like a son, and Jake, he... well, he finally accepted me for more than a pale copy of Ricky Smith.
The three of us work for this world’s Torchwood now. Fear is still engrained in people’s heart here; the Cybermen invasion left a lot of scars. Almost every family in London lost someone that night.
But yeah, we’re happy. Even if sometimes I catch a longing look on Rose’s face. Those nights, I just sit with her and take her hand. No word’s needed. And much to my surprise, Rose has gone from being my ex-girlfriend to being my best mate.
I know she hasn’t forgotten. She’ll never forget. Oh, she hides it well. Back in London, with our new friends, she’s the one who’s always got a joke to tell, an amusing anecdote or a witty comment to make. Only Jackie and I know that’s it’s all a façade, a mask she’s hiding behind.
And the mask’s just fallen, here, on this deserted beach.
I walk up to her, leaving Jackie and Pete to stand by the car, waiting. I’m not sure what they want me to do. Coax Rose back to the car? Drive back to London? Go back to that pretence of a normal life?
I inch myself closer, call her name softly. She doesn’t answer. It’s like she doesn’t see me. I shove my hands into my pockets, definitely feeling like the idiot Jackie nicked me earlier as I try to figure out what Rose is up to.
Suddenly, she’s running again, soaked hair whipping across her face. My attempt to catch up with her brings me to the bottom of the cliffs. She stops and turns around, and I almost bump into her.
“It was staring me in the face and I completely missed it!” she said, excitement dancing in her eyes. Her finger repeatedly pokes my chest.
“You missed it?”
“And yet it was there! I even told him!” She rolls her eyes and her smile, if anything, becomes wider. She seizes me by the shoulders. Shakes me a little. “Mickey, I can get back!”
Oh.
Get back.
Get back to him, she means, but she doesn’t say the words. She doesn’t have to. I’ve accepted long ago that being with the Doctor is what she wants. On the few trips we took together, I often felt like the two of them were living in a world of their own. Together, it was like they were joined at the hip, inseparable to the point of it not being healthy, like they were too dependent on each other. They made anyone else feel unwanted. She admitted it, the first time she thought she’d lost him.
There’s nothing left for me here, she said.
Nothing left for her in the world of mere mortals. Once you’ve travelled among the stars, going back to a normal life is just impossible.
You really love him, don’t you? I asked her once, the first time she first brought back this new version of the Doctor.
She didn’t answer me then. She never actually admitted her feelings to any of us. I’m not even sure she ever told him. But she loves him, oh yes, she does. There’s always been something passionate about her when she talks about him. Something that wasn’t there when she was with me. Something that was in the Doctor’s eyes when he tried to force her to come with us, before she made the choice to stay with him.
She’s turned away from me, her hands groping the slick rock, fingers sliding along bumps and holes, as if looking for something.
“It’s got to be somewhere. There has to be some kind of mechanism, something left for me to go back. Some kind of portal. A teleport or... a transmat.”
I frown. A portal? A teleport? Why does she think there should be such a thing somewhere on the cliff? The Doctor closed the breach. There’s no way back. We all know that; we’ve accepted it. Or I thought we had.
“Rose?”
She swivels around. “We’re in Bad Wolf Bay.”
“Yes. I know that. I saw the signs on the road. Not that I read any Norwegian, but your dad told us what it means.”
“You don’t get it.”
“I do, but it’s just a name. It might not have anything to do with what you’re thinking.”
She drops onto a large flat stone at the very bottom of the cliff, and sighs. “I designed that message.”
I blink. “You did what?”
“Bad Wolf. I don’t remember much about it, but the Doctor told me that I’m the one who took the words Bad Wolf and scattered them across the universe to tell myself I could come back and save him. He didn’t go into specifics, so that’s all I know. But basically, that’s why we kept seeing those words all over the place. I wrote that message.”
“And you think Bad Wolf Beach is your ticket back to your world?”
“Bad Wolf Bay.”
“You’re becoming as nitpicky as he was,” I comment with a smile.
A faint blush colours her cheeks. I find that adorable.
“Why else would the words Bad Wolf appear in this universe? I was never here before. It just doesn’t make sense, unless I can go back.”
“It’s a children’s story,” I start cautiously, though I’m aware she’s not going to like my opinion. I don’t like it myself. Crushing Rose’s hope is something I’ve always hated. “Popular in every western country. In any universe.”
“The Doctor appeared here. Not just on any beach, not just anywhere. Right here.”
“It could be complete coincidence.”
Sad eyes look straight into mine. “What if it’s not?”
I lower my head, unable to look into her eyes as I speak words that will probably wipe the smile off her face. “He closed the breach. Even if the words ‘Bad Wolf’ managed to find their way to this place years ago, even if it’s no coincidence, any gap left between the two universes has closed now. There’s no way through.”
“There was still a tiny gap when the Doctor talked to me. What’s to say we can’t find another one?”
“What if it’s dangerous? You know what the Doctor said. The Dalek sphere was bad enough, the Cybermen made the hole bigger, and Jake, Pete and I made it worse by travelling from one universe to the other.”
“I know,” she says quietly.
I lay my hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look at me. “If there was any way to get you back safely, he would.”
“If he knew such a way existed, yes, he would. I s’pose.”
“Rose...”
“I just need to try.” She grabs my hands and holds my gaze. “Please, Mickey. I need to know. Doesn’t mean I’ll go through. Not without checking first that we’re not bursting a hole into the universe.”
“And how would you know that for sure?”
“We’ve got the technology we need back at Torchwood. But that’s useless unless there’s any sort of teleportation device to test in the first place. So come on, let’s find it!” she says, standing up again and going back to poking the cliff.
She’s bursting with optimism, and I don’t want to spoil something I’ve missed for so many months. The Rose who’s talking to me now, the one who’s holding my fingers so tightly, the one who’s begging me to help her, she’s the one I knew back on the other side of the breach. The one who liked chips. The one who couldn’t bear her mother’s numerous boyfriends. The one who brought back weird alien stuff from all over the universe. The one who smiled every time the Doctor entered the room.
Rose Tyler.
The woman I loved, such a long time ago.
The woman he loves.
I owe them that. Both of them. If there’s a tiny chance she might find a way back to the Doctor, then I’ve got to help her. Even if I didn’t, she wouldn’t give up anyway. And if we fail, then... I push the thought aside. No need to think about that now.
Hope is what we all live for, and right now, there’s more hope in Rose’s eyes than I’ve seen in months.
End
Series: Impossible
Previous chapters: Loss - Grief
Author: Kaethel (
kae_nine)
Characters/Pairing: Mickey Smith, Ten/Rose
Rating: PG
Spoilers: is Doomsday still considered a spoiler? ;)
Disclaimer: Still haven’t won on the lottery and bought off BBC Wales.
Summary: There’s always been something passionate about her when she talks about him. Something that wasn’t there when she was with me. Something that was in the Doctor’s eyes when he tried to force her to come with us, before she made the choice to stay with him.
A/N: I figured I needed to stop tinkering with this chapter again and again and again and just post it out there. This story is part of the Impossible series, which takes place right after the end of Doomsday. It's probably better to read both Loss and Grief before starting on this one. I chose to tell this part from Mickey’s point of view, so here’s hoping I did an okay job with it. :) Many, many thanks to
wendymr and
christn7 for BRing. Any mistake left is mine.
Hope
by Kaethel
She’s gone mad. That’s it. This time, she’s really lost it.
I look across to the back seat: Jackie shares my opinion, but Pete’s the one driving, and he’s obeying Rose. Tyres screech loudly, bodies get thrown around and bump against the doors, and then we’re speeding back towards the place we’ve just left.
Seconds tick. Everyone stays silent. Rose should be the one talking anyway, but explaining what she meant doesn’t seem to be on the agenda. She’s staring at the road ahead, unblinking and paying no heed to the growing worry on her mum’s face.
I brace myself for what’s to come. Rose and I aren’t a couple any more, but I’ve spent enough time with her to know she’s going to hurt herself all over again if she doesn’t let the Doctor go. They’ve said goodbye. A few last words travelling across the void, and Rose collapsed in her mother’s arms, sobs raking her body just like the day the walls closed. When they both came back to the car, all of us realised that this time, it was really over.
Rose Tyler, travelling with the Doctor, in the TARDIS, was a thing of the past.
Rose knows that. She’s a grown-up now, not the carefree teenager she used to be before she met the Doctor. She’s strong. Strong and bloody pig-headed at times. Times like now.
She’s persuaded Pete to turn around. He hasn’t even stopped the car and she’s already opened the door. Heedless of her mum calling her name and of the drizzle soaking through her clothes, she’s running, back to the very spot where the Doctor’s image stood a few minutes ago.
I expect her to cry. She doesn’t. Disarrayed hair sticking to her cheeks, determination plastered on her face, she surveys the area, as if looking for something. Does she believe the Doctor will appear again? Why would he do that? He wouldn’t play with her feelings. He wouldn’t invite himself into her life time and again, just to hang onto something that can never be. He wouldn’t destroy what’s taken her several months to build.
An elbow hits my ribs, hard, but the pain is nothing to the deadly look that Jackie’s throwing my way.
“Go to her, you idiot!”
And bring her back to me.
The words aren’t spoken aloud, but the meaning is clear. Jackie cried almost as much as Rose when the Doctor disappeared. She shared her daughter’s sorrow, rocking her to sleep the first night they spent in this universe, when the weight of separation was too much for Rose to bear.
Then, as Rose picked up the pieces of her life, got herself a job, made new friends, Jackie started living again. Built a strong, steady relationship with this world’s Pete. Got pregnant.
And we’re happy, the four of us together. Well, five of us, since Jake is now part of the family. Rose welcomed him like a brother, Pete like a son, and Jake, he... well, he finally accepted me for more than a pale copy of Ricky Smith.
The three of us work for this world’s Torchwood now. Fear is still engrained in people’s heart here; the Cybermen invasion left a lot of scars. Almost every family in London lost someone that night.
But yeah, we’re happy. Even if sometimes I catch a longing look on Rose’s face. Those nights, I just sit with her and take her hand. No word’s needed. And much to my surprise, Rose has gone from being my ex-girlfriend to being my best mate.
I know she hasn’t forgotten. She’ll never forget. Oh, she hides it well. Back in London, with our new friends, she’s the one who’s always got a joke to tell, an amusing anecdote or a witty comment to make. Only Jackie and I know that’s it’s all a façade, a mask she’s hiding behind.
And the mask’s just fallen, here, on this deserted beach.
I walk up to her, leaving Jackie and Pete to stand by the car, waiting. I’m not sure what they want me to do. Coax Rose back to the car? Drive back to London? Go back to that pretence of a normal life?
I inch myself closer, call her name softly. She doesn’t answer. It’s like she doesn’t see me. I shove my hands into my pockets, definitely feeling like the idiot Jackie nicked me earlier as I try to figure out what Rose is up to.
Suddenly, she’s running again, soaked hair whipping across her face. My attempt to catch up with her brings me to the bottom of the cliffs. She stops and turns around, and I almost bump into her.
“It was staring me in the face and I completely missed it!” she said, excitement dancing in her eyes. Her finger repeatedly pokes my chest.
“You missed it?”
“And yet it was there! I even told him!” She rolls her eyes and her smile, if anything, becomes wider. She seizes me by the shoulders. Shakes me a little. “Mickey, I can get back!”
Oh.
Get back.
Get back to him, she means, but she doesn’t say the words. She doesn’t have to. I’ve accepted long ago that being with the Doctor is what she wants. On the few trips we took together, I often felt like the two of them were living in a world of their own. Together, it was like they were joined at the hip, inseparable to the point of it not being healthy, like they were too dependent on each other. They made anyone else feel unwanted. She admitted it, the first time she thought she’d lost him.
There’s nothing left for me here, she said.
Nothing left for her in the world of mere mortals. Once you’ve travelled among the stars, going back to a normal life is just impossible.
You really love him, don’t you? I asked her once, the first time she first brought back this new version of the Doctor.
She didn’t answer me then. She never actually admitted her feelings to any of us. I’m not even sure she ever told him. But she loves him, oh yes, she does. There’s always been something passionate about her when she talks about him. Something that wasn’t there when she was with me. Something that was in the Doctor’s eyes when he tried to force her to come with us, before she made the choice to stay with him.
She’s turned away from me, her hands groping the slick rock, fingers sliding along bumps and holes, as if looking for something.
“It’s got to be somewhere. There has to be some kind of mechanism, something left for me to go back. Some kind of portal. A teleport or... a transmat.”
I frown. A portal? A teleport? Why does she think there should be such a thing somewhere on the cliff? The Doctor closed the breach. There’s no way back. We all know that; we’ve accepted it. Or I thought we had.
“Rose?”
She swivels around. “We’re in Bad Wolf Bay.”
“Yes. I know that. I saw the signs on the road. Not that I read any Norwegian, but your dad told us what it means.”
“You don’t get it.”
“I do, but it’s just a name. It might not have anything to do with what you’re thinking.”
She drops onto a large flat stone at the very bottom of the cliff, and sighs. “I designed that message.”
I blink. “You did what?”
“Bad Wolf. I don’t remember much about it, but the Doctor told me that I’m the one who took the words Bad Wolf and scattered them across the universe to tell myself I could come back and save him. He didn’t go into specifics, so that’s all I know. But basically, that’s why we kept seeing those words all over the place. I wrote that message.”
“And you think Bad Wolf Beach is your ticket back to your world?”
“Bad Wolf Bay.”
“You’re becoming as nitpicky as he was,” I comment with a smile.
A faint blush colours her cheeks. I find that adorable.
“Why else would the words Bad Wolf appear in this universe? I was never here before. It just doesn’t make sense, unless I can go back.”
“It’s a children’s story,” I start cautiously, though I’m aware she’s not going to like my opinion. I don’t like it myself. Crushing Rose’s hope is something I’ve always hated. “Popular in every western country. In any universe.”
“The Doctor appeared here. Not just on any beach, not just anywhere. Right here.”
“It could be complete coincidence.”
Sad eyes look straight into mine. “What if it’s not?”
I lower my head, unable to look into her eyes as I speak words that will probably wipe the smile off her face. “He closed the breach. Even if the words ‘Bad Wolf’ managed to find their way to this place years ago, even if it’s no coincidence, any gap left between the two universes has closed now. There’s no way through.”
“There was still a tiny gap when the Doctor talked to me. What’s to say we can’t find another one?”
“What if it’s dangerous? You know what the Doctor said. The Dalek sphere was bad enough, the Cybermen made the hole bigger, and Jake, Pete and I made it worse by travelling from one universe to the other.”
“I know,” she says quietly.
I lay my hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look at me. “If there was any way to get you back safely, he would.”
“If he knew such a way existed, yes, he would. I s’pose.”
“Rose...”
“I just need to try.” She grabs my hands and holds my gaze. “Please, Mickey. I need to know. Doesn’t mean I’ll go through. Not without checking first that we’re not bursting a hole into the universe.”
“And how would you know that for sure?”
“We’ve got the technology we need back at Torchwood. But that’s useless unless there’s any sort of teleportation device to test in the first place. So come on, let’s find it!” she says, standing up again and going back to poking the cliff.
She’s bursting with optimism, and I don’t want to spoil something I’ve missed for so many months. The Rose who’s talking to me now, the one who’s holding my fingers so tightly, the one who’s begging me to help her, she’s the one I knew back on the other side of the breach. The one who liked chips. The one who couldn’t bear her mother’s numerous boyfriends. The one who brought back weird alien stuff from all over the universe. The one who smiled every time the Doctor entered the room.
Rose Tyler.
The woman I loved, such a long time ago.
The woman he loves.
I owe them that. Both of them. If there’s a tiny chance she might find a way back to the Doctor, then I’ve got to help her. Even if I didn’t, she wouldn’t give up anyway. And if we fail, then... I push the thought aside. No need to think about that now.
Hope is what we all live for, and right now, there’s more hope in Rose’s eyes than I’ve seen in months.
End