(no subject)
Bedbugs on the upsurge
This is disgraceful. People have been complacent for far too long. We must take the Great Bedbug War to its full extreme. Where ever bedbugs are found, they must be killed. Eat them before they eat you. They may have the numbers, but we have the mass and the technology. Do not make the mistake of thinking that these are just harmless pests. A man and his son who thought so barely escaped with their lives after being the recipients of a full-scale bedbug assault.
Nor must we ignore other perils to our position as rulers of the world. Russian squirrels were recently caught training for their upcoming crusade against mankind, quickly, efficiently, and literally butchering a dog. Nor are their teeth and claws their only weapons against us. Squirrels also carry the plague. Yes, the same plague which wiped out up to two-thirds of Europe's population during the Black Death, the last major squirrel offensive, Operation Chittery Squeak-Squeak. Please, everyone, carry a shotgun at all times, and brush up on your hunting skills. If you see a group of squirrels, kill them all and alert local law enforcement and military officers. Only through constant vigilance will we ward off the Squirrel Menace.
This is disgraceful. People have been complacent for far too long. We must take the Great Bedbug War to its full extreme. Where ever bedbugs are found, they must be killed. Eat them before they eat you. They may have the numbers, but we have the mass and the technology. Do not make the mistake of thinking that these are just harmless pests. A man and his son who thought so barely escaped with their lives after being the recipients of a full-scale bedbug assault.
Nor must we ignore other perils to our position as rulers of the world. Russian squirrels were recently caught training for their upcoming crusade against mankind, quickly, efficiently, and literally butchering a dog. Nor are their teeth and claws their only weapons against us. Squirrels also carry the plague. Yes, the same plague which wiped out up to two-thirds of Europe's population during the Black Death, the last major squirrel offensive, Operation Chittery Squeak-Squeak. Please, everyone, carry a shotgun at all times, and brush up on your hunting skills. If you see a group of squirrels, kill them all and alert local law enforcement and military officers. Only through constant vigilance will we ward off the Squirrel Menace.