(no subject)
i'm feeling very reflective today. i'm very lonely here. it's a long way from home. i worry a lot. lately i have really been in the middle of a shit storm. there is a lot of tension in this house lately and it has really been affecting me. joe was really unhappy at his job and i think worried about where he was going in life, and has been taking it out on me, which has made me resent him. which has made things beween us tense. jill is being a bitch as usual, so theres nothing new to report on that front. i still don't trust her, and i feel bad for her new boyfriend, jason, he's really a nice guy, i know that she will eventully eat his soul. what a shame. i really think that me moving in with my mom for a month or so is the best thing. i really need to evaluate where joe and i are going before i sign another lease with him, on the other side i think that with jill out of the picture and me being back with my own set of friends things will improve dramatically. i know that joe gets very frusterated with me because i annoy him. on the other side of that is the fact that he is my only friend that lives within 1000 miles, so my choices are really limited. lol. i have a hard time spending time with him and jill together, they make me feel ganged up on. like they are superior to me, and i just couldn't possibly understand them. lately i have been having my doubts as to how long joe and i will last. this worries me. i feel like i can not possibly compete with any idea or oppinion that jill has so why bother? i think that she is jelous of the fact that we are moving back to florida, also i don't think that jill or joe's mother think that i am good enough for him. honestly, sometimes i feel like they are right. i am the odd man out. on a lighter note, i can't wait to start school! beauty school is something that i have wanted to do for a long time, and i'm not exactly sure why i waited this long to do it. on my part it was kind of stupid. i guess i was mainly worried that if i went to beauty school instead of college that everyone would look down on me. working in the salon i realized that i love the atmosphere and i love to make people feel good about themselves. and i decided that fuck what people think, i am going to do this because i want to and fuck everyone in my way. i am determined to finish this. also, i have the sneaking suspision that joes mother thinks that my family is poor (which they are) and white trash (which, with the exception of my step-dad, they are not). i would love to have a sucessfull business one day and be able to have a lot of money that i made on my own, and help out my mom, plus be like ha! im financially independent so there! i just read that and it sounded a little wierd, but i'm going to leave it in anyway. also i think that i am very stylish (when i'm not being lazy) wow, sorry for making this so long! ^_^* later!