The Masqueraders, by Georgette Heyer
I've been reading myself some Heyer recently, and I love this one the most of those I've read. Why? I SHALL TELL YOU.
Enter a beautiful young woman and her brother.
YOUNG WOMAN: La, I am Robin, a short young man dressed up as a woman.
YOUNG MAN: As obviously follows, I am Prudence, a tall young woman dressed up as a man.
TOGETHER: And our father is a lying liar who lies and has drawn us into all the intrigues ever.
LETTY: Oh help, I am being abducted against my will!
THE SIBLINGS: WE SHALL RESCUE YOU!
LETTY: La, thank you kind sir and sweet lady. I should never have eloped with that terrible Markham! I did it only to escape marriage to my old family friend Anthony, who is gigantic and a brute!
TONY: As if I would marry you.
PRUE: OH GOD YOU ARE GIGANTIC AND BEAUTIFUL AND I WILL HAVE YOU IF SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU wait I'm dressed as a boy.
TONY: I shall take this young man who is obviously in need of guidance under my wing!
TONY: To the gambling halls!
PRUE: Oh man I am really good at being a boy. And I am totally fooling Tony and also everyone else.
ROBIN: While you do that, I will romance Letty under the pretense of being her best friend.
FATHER: Hello, my children! I have come to London to continue my career as a lying liar who lies. By the way, I'm a lost Viscount.
THE SIBLINGS: Hello father, of course you are a lying liar, welcome to London, excuse us while we go pine after people who are the same apparent gender as we are.
CURRENT VISCOUNT: I am really pissed off about some impostor coming and saying he is the real Viscount. HEY YOU, NEW KID, LET'S FIGHT A DUEL BECAUSE I AM PISSED OFF.
PRUE: What.
TONY: NOT ON MY WATCH.
PRUE: Oh Tony, thank you for being a good friend and injuring the current Viscount so that I don't have to fight him, but I totally could have handled myself.
TONY: I am sure you could have. You are so strong and clever and wonderful. But I will take care of you!
PRUE: Um.
TONY: Also, I know that you are a woman.
PRUE: what.
TONY: And that your sister is actually your brother.
PRUE: What.
TONY: And also that your father is a lying liar who is lying his way into being a Viscount right now.
PRUE: WHAT.
TONY: And also I am going to marry you.
PRUE: ...
PRUE: ...dude, you're a lord, are you sure you want to marry an adventuress?
TONY: YES.
PRUE: Okay, but wait until my dad's pulled off this whole becoming a Viscount thing, 'kay?
TONY: I make no promises.
FATHER: Hooray, my daughter has managed to make a brilliant match for herself while dressed as a boy! Now to set my son up with that little heiress, Letty.
PRUE: Well, shit, my father's plan to set Robin up with Letty has gone horribly awry and now I have been arrested for murder.
TONY: I SHALL RESCUE YOU.
PRUE: Awesome, thanks for distracting the rest of the guards, just leave this fellow to me and my sword-cane.
TONY: ...
TONY: Have I ever told you how sexy you are when you are being masterful?
PRUE: My dear mountain of a man, let us ride off into the sunset together and have gigantic babies.
FATHER: Oh, by the way, I actually am the lost Viscount.
THE SIBLINGS: WHAT.
FATHER: I'm still a lying liar who lies, though. Hey Robin, how would you like to be an Earl?
THE END.
Enter a beautiful young woman and her brother.
YOUNG WOMAN: La, I am Robin, a short young man dressed up as a woman.
YOUNG MAN: As obviously follows, I am Prudence, a tall young woman dressed up as a man.
TOGETHER: And our father is a lying liar who lies and has drawn us into all the intrigues ever.
LETTY: Oh help, I am being abducted against my will!
THE SIBLINGS: WE SHALL RESCUE YOU!
LETTY: La, thank you kind sir and sweet lady. I should never have eloped with that terrible Markham! I did it only to escape marriage to my old family friend Anthony, who is gigantic and a brute!
TONY: As if I would marry you.
PRUE: OH GOD YOU ARE GIGANTIC AND BEAUTIFUL AND I WILL HAVE YOU IF SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU wait I'm dressed as a boy.
TONY: I shall take this young man who is obviously in need of guidance under my wing!
TONY: To the gambling halls!
PRUE: Oh man I am really good at being a boy. And I am totally fooling Tony and also everyone else.
ROBIN: While you do that, I will romance Letty under the pretense of being her best friend.
FATHER: Hello, my children! I have come to London to continue my career as a lying liar who lies. By the way, I'm a lost Viscount.
THE SIBLINGS: Hello father, of course you are a lying liar, welcome to London, excuse us while we go pine after people who are the same apparent gender as we are.
CURRENT VISCOUNT: I am really pissed off about some impostor coming and saying he is the real Viscount. HEY YOU, NEW KID, LET'S FIGHT A DUEL BECAUSE I AM PISSED OFF.
PRUE: What.
TONY: NOT ON MY WATCH.
PRUE: Oh Tony, thank you for being a good friend and injuring the current Viscount so that I don't have to fight him, but I totally could have handled myself.
TONY: I am sure you could have. You are so strong and clever and wonderful. But I will take care of you!
PRUE: Um.
TONY: Also, I know that you are a woman.
PRUE: what.
TONY: And that your sister is actually your brother.
PRUE: What.
TONY: And also that your father is a lying liar who is lying his way into being a Viscount right now.
PRUE: WHAT.
TONY: And also I am going to marry you.
PRUE: ...
PRUE: ...dude, you're a lord, are you sure you want to marry an adventuress?
TONY: YES.
PRUE: Okay, but wait until my dad's pulled off this whole becoming a Viscount thing, 'kay?
TONY: I make no promises.
FATHER: Hooray, my daughter has managed to make a brilliant match for herself while dressed as a boy! Now to set my son up with that little heiress, Letty.
PRUE: Well, shit, my father's plan to set Robin up with Letty has gone horribly awry and now I have been arrested for murder.
TONY: I SHALL RESCUE YOU.
PRUE: Awesome, thanks for distracting the rest of the guards, just leave this fellow to me and my sword-cane.
TONY: ...
TONY: Have I ever told you how sexy you are when you are being masterful?
PRUE: My dear mountain of a man, let us ride off into the sunset together and have gigantic babies.
FATHER: Oh, by the way, I actually am the lost Viscount.
THE SIBLINGS: WHAT.
FATHER: I'm still a lying liar who lies, though. Hey Robin, how would you like to be an Earl?
THE END.