So I need to vent.
Okay... I don't expect a response...nor do I expect a reader...but just in case there is this.
moving on,
She hurt herself today, her lacerations across her wrist screamed a pain I could never know and yet I know too well. I weeped internally as she displayed her fake smile. But her wrists said it all. I asked her in class a question I already knew and she shied away. She covered her wounds from me but I knew. I held her close and told her every sweet word I knew. I can't stop her but I can try. It's all I have. I held her close in class and spent the whole time thinking about her. Her head rested on my shoulder and my arm wrapped around her firmly. It guarded her from all the world's evils. It was all I could offer. What little shelter I could offer was her's. I was her's. She embraced me and kept me close, never letting me let her go. For that hour, for that moment, she was mine and nothing could harm her. I wouldn't let her harm herself. She seemed happy. Maybe I could make her happy. All my sweet words would bring her a smile for that moment. Her smile seemed sincere but under her sleeve lied the truth. She would smile but it was fleeting and soon the scars would appear. I held her and kept her safe but it too was fleeting. Like the smile, it would have to leave. I spoke softly and held her close but inside I was only cutting myself. The closer I got to her, the more I became hers...the more I would hurt. She is not mine to keep. For that moment, I could pretend but, she is not mine to hold. I shouldn't be the one to hold her, yet if I don't would he? Does he even care? Did he even notice? For that moment I could pretend but then the moment left and my heart was cut again. It hides it's wounds like her sleeve hides her's. We both have are scars. The only difference are mine are much deeper. Mine are invisible to her. I can't let her see mine...I keep hurting myself. If I could walk away it'd be different. She'd not change...but maybe I'd no longer hurt. I hold onto false dreams as tight as I held her then. Keeping them safe, away from harm. Someday, someday things will change and we wouldn't hurt ourselves so. I dream... but when I wake up all these scars will leave me is alone. Dreams can come true...but I already know mine won't. She won't leave him, and I won't leave her. And so each day, a new scar. How many more can my heart hold? I'm physically well, but inside I'm crippling over in agony. How many more days?
~Justin
moving on,
She hurt herself today, her lacerations across her wrist screamed a pain I could never know and yet I know too well. I weeped internally as she displayed her fake smile. But her wrists said it all. I asked her in class a question I already knew and she shied away. She covered her wounds from me but I knew. I held her close and told her every sweet word I knew. I can't stop her but I can try. It's all I have. I held her close in class and spent the whole time thinking about her. Her head rested on my shoulder and my arm wrapped around her firmly. It guarded her from all the world's evils. It was all I could offer. What little shelter I could offer was her's. I was her's. She embraced me and kept me close, never letting me let her go. For that hour, for that moment, she was mine and nothing could harm her. I wouldn't let her harm herself. She seemed happy. Maybe I could make her happy. All my sweet words would bring her a smile for that moment. Her smile seemed sincere but under her sleeve lied the truth. She would smile but it was fleeting and soon the scars would appear. I held her and kept her safe but it too was fleeting. Like the smile, it would have to leave. I spoke softly and held her close but inside I was only cutting myself. The closer I got to her, the more I became hers...the more I would hurt. She is not mine to keep. For that moment, I could pretend but, she is not mine to hold. I shouldn't be the one to hold her, yet if I don't would he? Does he even care? Did he even notice? For that moment I could pretend but then the moment left and my heart was cut again. It hides it's wounds like her sleeve hides her's. We both have are scars. The only difference are mine are much deeper. Mine are invisible to her. I can't let her see mine...I keep hurting myself. If I could walk away it'd be different. She'd not change...but maybe I'd no longer hurt. I hold onto false dreams as tight as I held her then. Keeping them safe, away from harm. Someday, someday things will change and we wouldn't hurt ourselves so. I dream... but when I wake up all these scars will leave me is alone. Dreams can come true...but I already know mine won't. She won't leave him, and I won't leave her. And so each day, a new scar. How many more can my heart hold? I'm physically well, but inside I'm crippling over in agony. How many more days?
~Justin