Well shit...
I was told what I alreayd know today, though it's something I try to sort of keep mingling in the back of my mind instead of thrown out in the open.
Technically. Technically...I'm one of them 'beautiful people' or something. I have friends (woooo! Sort of) of varying backgrounds and styles and whatnot, so it's generally not that big a deal how someone looks or what they wear when talking with me. But...eh. This takes a bit of going over to put things into proper light.
See, I'm looking for a new job. Hot Topic called. I have an interview Wednsday. A...group interview that I intend to dominate. One of the guys I work with, who is a big, goofy, dorky looking redneck with a heart of gold and a funky attitude. Great guy though, really. The kind you can always count on and would kick some shithead in the head for saying anything rude about. In any case, he's also looking to escape the hell that is our workplace. And he knows where I have applications in because we talk about that sort of thing, and we sort of keep up to date on happenings on the job front.
Maybe I just wasn't thinking, or maybe I've got makeup over my eyes or something sometimes. I just said - ' You should hit the mall main office with me sometime soon. We can grab a buttload of applications for you since the store turnover rate's hitting highs and a lot of new ones are moving in. ' And he immediately went into how he's tried to get a job at those sort of places but they totally discriminate on how he looks and won't hire him. And god...I guess he really is right. It's one of those times I just trusted in the decendy of the world, or again...I was just blind at the moment. I said that may be true for some places, but not all, for sure.
And then...he said it. - Well shit, you could get a job anywhere in there. All you have to do is wear the right clothes for the right store and you've got the look they want.
And I'd be a lying fuck if I said that didn't make me stop and really think about it. It kind of caught me in several ways. It made me think immediately that maybe people don't think I do good work and get by on looks or something (Which my sore feet, burned hands, and sweat-soaked clothes at the end of every day will show is bullshit.) It made me think that maybe he's right about that looks being damn near everything thing. (And I know other people I hold very close and dear who see things a good deal like that) And it kind of kicked my confidence in the balls.
What the fuck do people think of me?
I dislike the utterly vain and self-centered shitheads who dominate the world. But am I seen as one of them? A day later another guy was talking about some girls that will be at this Arts and Jazz festival tomorrow (Which I'm iffy about going to.) There's supposed to be a fairly big group of people all meeting up to go, and some others meeting us there. Obviously not everyone knows I'm gay since I'm so fucking butch (laugh or nod. either. maybe both.) Anyway, he talks about the big redneck guy swooning all over this one girl that's to meet us all there. And he starts to joke around about the order she'd go through all the guys with flirting. He goes through another, himself (of course, heh), then me. And pauses. He looks at me and says 'You'd probably go first if you didn't creep people out on purpose.'
And yeah, I do sort of creep folks out. Purposely...sort of. It's more that I prefer the style of dress I have (Which widely ranges, mind you, but leans towards the Hot Topic sort of shit) I like having my hair an odd color now and then sometimes, jsut because I FEEL like having it that way. Subconsciously though, maybe it's a spit in the face of the pretty people I could belong with. Maybe it's an attempt to get people to look at me (Though that's truy not my conscious effort.)
At this point I'm just confused. I wonder who thinks I'm vain, who thinks I'm 'posing', who thinks I'm...whatever. Maybe it shouldn't matter, but it currently does. It's sticking in my fucking craw, you see.
Technically. Technically...I'm one of them 'beautiful people' or something. I have friends (woooo! Sort of) of varying backgrounds and styles and whatnot, so it's generally not that big a deal how someone looks or what they wear when talking with me. But...eh. This takes a bit of going over to put things into proper light.
See, I'm looking for a new job. Hot Topic called. I have an interview Wednsday. A...group interview that I intend to dominate. One of the guys I work with, who is a big, goofy, dorky looking redneck with a heart of gold and a funky attitude. Great guy though, really. The kind you can always count on and would kick some shithead in the head for saying anything rude about. In any case, he's also looking to escape the hell that is our workplace. And he knows where I have applications in because we talk about that sort of thing, and we sort of keep up to date on happenings on the job front.
Maybe I just wasn't thinking, or maybe I've got makeup over my eyes or something sometimes. I just said - ' You should hit the mall main office with me sometime soon. We can grab a buttload of applications for you since the store turnover rate's hitting highs and a lot of new ones are moving in. ' And he immediately went into how he's tried to get a job at those sort of places but they totally discriminate on how he looks and won't hire him. And god...I guess he really is right. It's one of those times I just trusted in the decendy of the world, or again...I was just blind at the moment. I said that may be true for some places, but not all, for sure.
And then...he said it. - Well shit, you could get a job anywhere in there. All you have to do is wear the right clothes for the right store and you've got the look they want.
And I'd be a lying fuck if I said that didn't make me stop and really think about it. It kind of caught me in several ways. It made me think immediately that maybe people don't think I do good work and get by on looks or something (Which my sore feet, burned hands, and sweat-soaked clothes at the end of every day will show is bullshit.) It made me think that maybe he's right about that looks being damn near everything thing. (And I know other people I hold very close and dear who see things a good deal like that) And it kind of kicked my confidence in the balls.
What the fuck do people think of me?
I dislike the utterly vain and self-centered shitheads who dominate the world. But am I seen as one of them? A day later another guy was talking about some girls that will be at this Arts and Jazz festival tomorrow (Which I'm iffy about going to.) There's supposed to be a fairly big group of people all meeting up to go, and some others meeting us there. Obviously not everyone knows I'm gay since I'm so fucking butch (laugh or nod. either. maybe both.) Anyway, he talks about the big redneck guy swooning all over this one girl that's to meet us all there. And he starts to joke around about the order she'd go through all the guys with flirting. He goes through another, himself (of course, heh), then me. And pauses. He looks at me and says 'You'd probably go first if you didn't creep people out on purpose.'
And yeah, I do sort of creep folks out. Purposely...sort of. It's more that I prefer the style of dress I have (Which widely ranges, mind you, but leans towards the Hot Topic sort of shit) I like having my hair an odd color now and then sometimes, jsut because I FEEL like having it that way. Subconsciously though, maybe it's a spit in the face of the pretty people I could belong with. Maybe it's an attempt to get people to look at me (Though that's truy not my conscious effort.)
At this point I'm just confused. I wonder who thinks I'm vain, who thinks I'm 'posing', who thinks I'm...whatever. Maybe it shouldn't matter, but it currently does. It's sticking in my fucking craw, you see.