two anniversaries
I think I freaked out earlier today because I don't want to be that girl. I don't want to be clingy and I don't want to rely on my boyfriend and I don't want the condition of my relationship to be of utmost importance to my emotional state. And the one thing I've always had in this relationship is not having to worry over my every move, the way as I used to with other guys I've been with (or rather the one other person I've really been with, let's not pretend I'm all experienced here). But tonight I was just a little more on edge, worrying that I was too affectionate or not enough and just overthinking everything I was doing and that's so completely ridiculous and I hate it.
And I was so inarticulate earlier but I didn't know how to express how I've felt these past few weeks without being unneccesarily dramatic. Because it's just been way too up and down for my taste and I want to fix it but I don't know how. And now I'm just so embarrassed and so self conscious and afraid to say anything right now because of those things so I end up pouring my thoughts out to livejournal but fuck it whatever.
And my birthday party was amazing, so much fun. At the end everyone was drunk and half naked and happy and dancing. It went off perfectly, couldn't have been better. My suite is great. And on Friday I had dinner with people I've missed and have been wanting to spend time with. This was a good weekend, but I'm so unsatisfied right now and I don't know what to do.
I don't want to suffocate anyone. But I don't want to be afraid of doing what I feel I need.
And I was so inarticulate earlier but I didn't know how to express how I've felt these past few weeks without being unneccesarily dramatic. Because it's just been way too up and down for my taste and I want to fix it but I don't know how. And now I'm just so embarrassed and so self conscious and afraid to say anything right now because of those things so I end up pouring my thoughts out to livejournal but fuck it whatever.
And my birthday party was amazing, so much fun. At the end everyone was drunk and half naked and happy and dancing. It went off perfectly, couldn't have been better. My suite is great. And on Friday I had dinner with people I've missed and have been wanting to spend time with. This was a good weekend, but I'm so unsatisfied right now and I don't know what to do.
I don't want to suffocate anyone. But I don't want to be afraid of doing what I feel I need.