you're now a flicker of my cigarettes. - stream of consciousness
well my friends hate me for what i've become. you see, i've been drowing in love and not focusing on my life. but this morning i took off all my clothes and i cleaned my skin clear but the stench of you, no it doesn't disappear. so i'll just wait in my lonely house. or i'll go out and place my feet downtown and people watch me drink myself in bars to death constantly and they ask "why are you doing this, little girl, when there's so much more to prove?" well i have to finish this half because i paid four bucks a glass and it's also the only thing that could be sticking around. and i bought cocaine from my friend just the other day, just to let my memory fade so when you come to my place my heart will beat as loud as a kick drum. because when you talk too much it's like music playing. and it only cost me my thoughts when i left. you see, i get so depressed when you're lying to my face. and i think we would be very cute if you would just let me hold you and we could spell out the truth. and if you do this to me again i might have a childish fit and you won't find me as attractive as you did. no you need a friend, someone on their feet with high self esteem who never blames manic depression for the way she's feeling. so if i told you i found another love, would you know that just this once it was right after you ran to him? we were drinking and dancing downtown and the lights were blinking so loud that for once i couldn't hear what a girl adored. so i collapsed into the gutter of k street. that's when i knew mistakes were beauty and i found you more than incomplete. so if this lie is just all a bit of truth, would you still chase me like you do when i am constantly wrapped in men's sheets? i am a fairy tale that failed, and i constantly keep reading it.