(no subject)
Went to my doctors on Friday. They never do more than weigh me (hitting 120 now, damn) and sometimes check a few things. I felt kinda odd being back so soon, and at first he was like "no I can't give you anything, go see a psych." Sure I would, but I tried to explain that the money and trouble was too much. The guy is funny and understanding though, and when the pep talk (try your friends, try your church...HA!) didn't faze me, he wrote me a script for zoloft. The commercials for that stuff had actually made me sentimental before (they draw the smilie guy so cute and sad, so I am aware of what it promises.
Starting it didn't do anything for my unhappiness on Saturday. I just woke up and everything was horrible. I even tried to take my mind off of things, did some cleaning, tried to think positivly, but nothing would shake it. It was just as I had told my doctor, I'm unhappy without any reason. I went to throw away my plastic sword when I found that I could throw the handle around without damaging it or anything. So I threw it as hard as I could at my curtains and the wall.
Then I took my dubai knife and started hacking away at a candle I had found. I killed about half of it, not nearly as much as I wanted to. But I had to stop because there was peices of wax everywhere---I knew it would stick to the carpet if I didn't vaccum it right away and I was worried that my dad would hear the noise.
Went out to eat with Christine to catch up for a little bit. I managed to keep myself together throughout the long story of my hardship (even now as I write that, I still feel silly...but it's not untrue) and she encouraged me to have fun with Kitty if it's what I wanted.
Mom and I went to the museum today because I was required to fill out a few papers as a bio lab. It wasn't hard and the place was actually pretty nice. We made good time and I did not go back to school for dance class. Instead I went home and crashed for four hours. I wonder if Kitty thought I had skipped out to avoid her, and maybe a little part of me did... I'm embaressed at some of the things I said, and I'm confused as to how to not let others affect my emotions. I'm going to be shy around her again, and she's going to feel bad if she sees hurt in my eyes. Our fight didn't even end badly so I'm not sure why I'm getting like this.
Starting it didn't do anything for my unhappiness on Saturday. I just woke up and everything was horrible. I even tried to take my mind off of things, did some cleaning, tried to think positivly, but nothing would shake it. It was just as I had told my doctor, I'm unhappy without any reason. I went to throw away my plastic sword when I found that I could throw the handle around without damaging it or anything. So I threw it as hard as I could at my curtains and the wall.
Then I took my dubai knife and started hacking away at a candle I had found. I killed about half of it, not nearly as much as I wanted to. But I had to stop because there was peices of wax everywhere---I knew it would stick to the carpet if I didn't vaccum it right away and I was worried that my dad would hear the noise.
Went out to eat with Christine to catch up for a little bit. I managed to keep myself together throughout the long story of my hardship (even now as I write that, I still feel silly...but it's not untrue) and she encouraged me to have fun with Kitty if it's what I wanted.
Mom and I went to the museum today because I was required to fill out a few papers as a bio lab. It wasn't hard and the place was actually pretty nice. We made good time and I did not go back to school for dance class. Instead I went home and crashed for four hours. I wonder if Kitty thought I had skipped out to avoid her, and maybe a little part of me did... I'm embaressed at some of the things I said, and I'm confused as to how to not let others affect my emotions. I'm going to be shy around her again, and she's going to feel bad if she sees hurt in my eyes. Our fight didn't even end badly so I'm not sure why I'm getting like this.