THE SIGN, PART 6 / 8

[kachelofen]

AUTHOR’S APOLOGY

So, here’s the thing: I was answering comments yesterday and somehow I managed to delete all my replies to your comments. Now, those of you who have commented before know that I always answer comments. I love talking to you guys and I love the discussions going on. But as I was near the end of the comments when it happened, I just could not bring myself to start over again. Hopefully, most of you will have read my reply before stoopid here managed to delete them all. I am really sorry. There are some interesting theories going on, well thought-out and even researched in some cases. I could kick myself for being such an idiot. Computers and I really don’t go well together. *hangs head in shame*

So, this is me saying a big THANK YOU for all your lovely comments. They make it all worthwhile. I promise to watch which button I click from now on.

Hugs, Betty ♥

THE SIGN

PART SIX

Justin spends almost two weeks at Britin without a single visitor. After the first two days he gives up on keeping his whereabouts from his mother and goes to visit her and Thomas at the new house they moved into at the beginning of the year. His mother is surprised to see him, which is no wonder since she was under the impression that he was still in New York. Justin would have kept it that way, but there’s always the slight chance that she’ll find out from Debbie that he’s in Pittsburgh and then she’ll be upset that he didn’t tell her.

So he reluctantly reveals the existence of the house to her, swearing her to secrecy although he doesn’t quite know why. It’s not as if the family ever meet up without an occasion anymore, so impromptu visits are somewhere between unlikely and improbable. Brian won’t care that people know about it, not now, and Justin doesn’t even tell his mom the exact address. She approves of him taking time out to recover and her only concern is that he’s alone out there and what would happen should he have a relapse.

By the Wednesday of the first week, Justin wishes that he’d told people where he is and that the gang were still living in each other’s pockets like they used to. The quiet emptiness of the house is nothing if not depressing. Even the fact that he can play his music at full blast for hours on end without any neighbors complaining - because there simply aren’t any neighbors close enough to care - is cause for discomfort rather than delight.

Cynthia has called to say that Brian’s changed his plans to return to Pittsburgh this week and has flown to Boston instead, where he’ll be pitching to a large client that Kinnetik has been after for some time. He’s not expected back until the following week now.

Justin explores the house and finds five empty rooms, as expected, and a studio, which he didn't expect. There are even some art supplies and the windows to improve the lighting, which he idly talked about once, have been fitted. He knows for a fact that this was not here when they visited the last time and wonders when Brian had this done and why. Brian cut all contact shortly after their last visit and then just handed the house over to Justin a year later. Maybe it was a farewell present - although why Brian thought that Justin would want to live here without him, Justin cannot imagine.

So he moves the music center from the living room into the studio and paints. Nowadays he’s so busy with his studies and painting murals that he doesn’t often have the leisure to create real paintings just as the mood strikes him. As always, it helps him think.

He’s really not the least bit further with his plans. Cynthia is no real help because her contact with Brian is mainly work related. She’ll be able to tell Justin which hotel Brian will be staying in while he’s in Pittsburgh, but how is that going to help him? If Brian doesn’t want to see Justin, he won’t. Justin already knows that Brian won’t shy away from setting security on him and every hotel has those.

Justin’s only chance to change Brian’s mind is spending time with him. In his head he keeps going over the week they spent together in New York and he’s kicking himself for not making more of the opportunity. Suddenly he can think of a dozen things he should have done or said, but at the time he was too confused and too exhausted and, for the most part, too unsure of Brian’s feelings that he let all that precious time slip through his fingers.

Now Justin's sure that Brian still loves him. But that only means that Brian has loved him over the last three years as well and still he refused all contact with Justin. There must be a way to make Brian tell him the reason for that and once Justin knows the reason, he can set about refuting Brian’s arguments. But it still comes down to creating a situation where he can spend time with Brian.

On top of all that, he’s now under a time constraint. He needs to return to New York by the end of the month if he doesn’t want to lose this semester. The fees are too exorbitant to consider just blowing this term off and Justin has already contacted the university to rent one of the small apartments on campus. He never considered that before because he didn’t want to study and live in the same place. Luckily the dean is a great fan of his work and Justin’s getting preferential treatment.

So Justin has less than four weeks left to go after Brian. If he wants to start stalking him again, that’s really not enough time. He'd happily spend longer on it if he could be sure of success. But he tried for a whole year before and it didn’t get him anywhere and if he puts his life on hold again, he may never be able to piece it back together. It’s a price worth paying if he ends up with Brian, but it’s too devastatingly high if he doesn’t.

He decides to rope in Emmett. It’s been a long time since Justin’s seen him because Emmett has got incredibly busy. It seems that the newest fad is having whatever you’re celebrating organized and catered by the guy who used to be the Queer Guy on TV. Emmett told Justin once that he never got laid with such regularity at Babylon as he could at breeder weddings.

But for the last six months, Emmett’s had a boyfriend, whom he met at one of his functions. That means that he’s withdrawn even further from the family. He receives Justin into his home and introduces him to Sebastian, who’s an architect and not much to look at. But Justin’s glad to see how happy they seem together.

Justin is sitting in their large apartment, which has a spectacular view over Pittsburgh, and drinks some strange concoction that Sebastian billed as tea but could be anything by the taste of it - or lack thereof. The talk meanders for a while before it gets around to the topic that’s brought Justin here. Sebastian takes Emmett’s cellphone, which has interrupted the conversation three times already, and saying, “I’ll look after your calls, Baby,” he leaves the room.

“He doesn’t like Brian?” Justin asks with a frown.

“He’s only met him once. Briefly. But he knows I'll cry.”

Fortunately, it’s not as bad as Emmett predicted. There’s only the occasional sniffle as he relates various encounters he’s had with Brian over the last three years, all of them at Babylon. None of it tells Justin anything new. Brian neither avoids Emmett when he sees him, nor does Brian seek him out. They meet, they make shallow conversation and then they part.

“He always looks fabulous, you know,” Emmett says with a rueful smile. “He’s still got it. Still turning heads. Only to me, he just looks so sad.” There’s another sniffle. “What happened to us? Why couldn’t we keep it together after… after… we’re family. We’re supposed to stick together and help each other out. Now I only see Michael about twice a month, Teddy I haven’t seen since Easter and this is the first time I’ve seen you in God knows how long.”

Justin reckons it’s about a year. Just like Ted, Emmett never goes to Debbie’s dinners anymore, although probably not by choice. The special occasions that Debbie invites everyone to are usually busy times in the catering business. Everyone understands that, just like they understand why Ted never shows up anymore. Or Brian. And it’s not as if nobody’s worked out yet that Justin only turns up every time on the off chance that Brian’s changed his mind.

The visit leaves him with an even more despondent feeling than he had before, but at least he elicits the promise that Emmett will text him the next time he sees Brian at Babylon. That makes two people that Justin has enlisted for his quest now. On his way home he drops in to speak to Debbie and manages to persuade her to do the same for him at the diner.

It seems that everyone's finally had enough and while they were all afraid for the longest time to anger Brian so much that he’ll freeze them out of his life, like he did with Justin, they’re now at a point where they’re willing to take a risk. Justin’s stalking will be a lot easier with a network of spies.

He’s very much aware that when he went after Brian the first time, when he was seventeen, it only worked because Brian colluded with him, while at the same time pretending that he was trying to get rid of him. If Brian really doesn’t want to see him, Justin has no chance. He knows this because he tried it before. And what’s worse is that, if Brian works out who’s supplying Justin with information, it might destroy the last fragile ties that keep Brian connected to his old life.

So Justin paints a lot and sleeps a lot and waits for a phone call, that doesn’t come until the Wednesday of the following week.

“He’s flying into Pittsburgh tomorrow,” Cynthia says. “I’ve booked him into the Sheraton until Tuesday morning. Then he’s off to New York again. I don’t know what time he’ll arrive tomorrow. He arranged that flight himself. But he’ll be in the office all day Friday and all day Monday and possibly a few hours on Saturday as well.”

Justin thanks her and resolves to be at the airport by eleven o’clock the next day. Maybe he can persuade Brian to let Justin drive him to his hotel. It’s a hare-brained plan, but it’s a start. Only, Justin doesn’t know which flight Brian’s on, so he has to be there early to ensure that he won’t miss him. Justin reckons it won’t be before the afternoon anyway, otherwise Brian would be planning on being in the office in the afternoon, but he doesn’t want to take any chances. So eleven it is.

*

The next day Justin‘s up at nine o’clock, showered and ready half an hour later and is just having a quick bagel in the kitchen when he hears the housekeeper come in. He knows she comes every second week to check up on the place and clean what’s necessary. By next Saturday Justin will have been here for two weeks, so he’s been expecting her all week. There’s only today and tomorrow left for her. He’s trying desperately to remember her name because that may go a long way to reassure her who he is, since they never met before.

He settles on Saunders, yes, he’s almost sure that her name is Mrs. Saunders; it was in the papers for the house that Ted gave him. She'll have seen his car in the driveway, so he doesn’t need to worry about scaring her, but he hopes that there won’t be any complications, because he wants to leave for the airport as soon as possible. There’s a flight from Boston arriving at 10.37, which is the earliest one today, bar one at 7.23, which he dismissed as too early.

Justin’s willing to hang about at the airport all day. There are four more flights from Boston after the 10.37 one, spread over the remainder of the day. It’ll cost him a small fortune in airport parking fees and will most likely be futile because all Brian has to do is ignore him and get into a taxi, but Justin has to do something.

He rinses his cup and plate and puts everything into the dishwasher. Then he goes out into the hall to greet the housekeeper, wondering if she works for him because he owns the house or for Kinnetik because they pay her. But he stops dead in the doorway, his breath and heart stuttering for a few moments. Because by the front door, in the process of loosening and taking off his tie, is Brian.

“Hey.”

“Hey.”

Justin moves a few quick steps into the hall, which seems vast all of a sudden, because he wants to be closer in case Brian decides to bolt now that he’s seen Justin.

“What are you doing here?” Justin asks and wants to kick himself as soon as the words are out. It sounds unwelcoming, which is not his intention at all. He’s merely surprised - to say the least.

“I’ve come to see you.” Brian pulls in his lips and watches for his reaction.

“How did you know I was here?”

“Your mother told me. I think she felt she owed me a favor.”

Justin comes closer still and, because he’s worried that he might throw himself at Brian, he folds his arms across his chest and leans against the wall with one shoulder. Then he realizes how confrontational that looks and moves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. He’s trying to stay calm despite his heart beating in his throat and his palms turning sweaty.

There’s no reason to assume that Brian came for him. He hasn’t in three years, not without a damned good reason - like Justin being on the brink of death. And suddenly he dreads what Brian’s going to say to him. What if it’s something Brian has to say in person - because it’s too terrible to do it over the phone?

“Why…” Justin clears his throat. “Why did you want to see me?”

Brian looks at him and he knows, knows, what Justin is thinking. “No,” he says, as if Justin asked the question. “I just wanted to make sure that you’re alright. I mean, after what happened with Owen.”

“After what happened?” Justin snorts, sounding relieved and angry at the same time. “You mean, after what you did.”

“All right,” Brian admits. “After what I did.” He tries to look contrite, but he really doesn’t think what he did was wrong, so he fails miserably. Then he remembers Justin’s face when he saw Brian coming out of Owen’s bedroom. “I know you got hurt, but he really was an asshole.”

Brian expects an angry retort from Justin, accusing him of jealousy or arrogance or simply a general lack of morals, but Justin just gives him a soft smile. “Owen's alright. He just wasn’t what you expected him to be.”

“Decent?” Brian supplies. “Faithful? Nice?”

“My boyfriend.”

Brian takes a moment to analyze what Justin said and how he said it and decides to believe him because there’s no hint of distress in his voice or in his features. Up until now Brian has assumed that Justin was in love with Owen and just didn’t dare admit it, in case Owen got spooked - because Brian thought that Owen was very much like he himself used to be. But it seems that he got it all wrong. And when he thinks about it, Justin’s behavior at the hotel was a pretty big clue. “So when you were upset at the apartment, it was because…”

Justin pushes off the wall and comes closer, close enough that Brian can smell his scent and he even imagines he can feel the heat of Justin’s body. Their eyes lock.

“It was because of you, Brian. I was jealous because he had you, not because you had him.” And with that Justin puts a hand on Brian’s neck and pulls him down into a kiss.

Brian doesn’t think he could resist if he wanted to. But, luckily, he doesn’t want to. For the first time in three long years he lets go, grabbing Justin and pulling him forcefully against his own body. Justin gives a little ‘oomph’ around his tongue, which is busy in Brian’s mouth, and wraps his other arm around Brian’s waist.

It’s a kiss that doesn’t seem to want to end, or rather, every time it does, they start up again as soon as their lips part. Brian moves his hand under Justin’s shirt and splays it against the smooth expanse of his back, stroking slowly up and down, just enjoying the feel of the soft skin. He has missed this, a lot, and it’s time to stop fighting. After seeing Justin in New York, he knows it’s hopeless. It was a sign to stop trying to prevent the inevitable and to stop fooling himself that he can.

“Come to bed,” Justin whispers, stopping the kiss just long enough to get the words out.

Brian nods and they separate, hesitating for a moment, before starting to move towards the stairs at the same time. As they’re walking up the steps, Brian takes Justin’s hand because he’s done this ‘walking somewhere to find a place to fuck’ too many times with too many guys who meant nothing to him. That’s not what this is about. He has to get this right. His gesture earns him a bemused frown, a gentle smile and squeezed fingers.

In the bedroom, they come together immediately, kissing and groping and pulling at each other’s clothes. Only, Justin seems to be kind of desperate, wanting hard and fast, whereas Brian wants to re-discover and enjoy for as long as he can. Of course, his cock agrees with Justin and the first round is over way too quickly, but there’s nothing stopping them from doing this over and over again at different paces.

After round three or four - depending on your viewpoint - Brian is having a smoke, while Justin’s molded to his body, quite possibly stuck there semi-permanently by come and sweat. Because Justin has given up smoking, there’s no ashtray in the bedroom and Brian had to empty the condom packet. It’ll do for now.

“What made you change your mind?” Justin asks, his head on Brian’s shoulders and his hand smoothing along the skin on his chest. Brian snaps out of his reverie to a feeling of physical well-being so intense that he wonders how he ever survived without it.

“About what?”

“You told me you wouldn’t even speak to me if I called you and now you’re here. What made you change your mind?”

Brian shrugs. “Couldn’t leave things the way they were. I didn’t want you to think of me like that.” It’s always best to stick with the truth as much as possible.

But Justin always hears more than he’s supposed to and he sits up sharply and glares at him. “So what is this? You give me a fuck so that I remember you like that and then you disappear again?”

“It was more like three fucks. Or more if you give me a little time.” Brian almost winces at the end of that remark because he knows that his attempt at levity will fall flat even as he’s saying the words.

“Don’t you dare, Brian,” Justin says warningly. “You disappear from my life again and I will hunt you down and this time I'll hurt you.”

“Relax.” Brian puts out his arm to tug Justin back down, which he manages after some resistance. Enjoying the feel of the naked body against his own, he strokes Justin’s back and kisses his hair. “I promise I'll always talk to you from now on.”

“And will I see you as well?”

Little twat. Never satisfied with what he’s given. “Yes, you’ll see me. As long as we're… in the same place, you’ll see me.”

“So we're back together?” Justin sounds strangely detached as if he’s asking if he should pick up the dry cleaning.

“If that’s what you want.” Brian’s tone matches Justin’s.

“Is it what you want?”

How do you tell someone whom you’ve tried your hardest to avoid for three years, that you always wanted to be with him in the first place? You can’t. Especially not Justin, who never really lost his sense of entitlement despite all the attempts by homophobic pricks and asshole partners to rid him of it. So Brian simply says, “Yeah,” and can feel a shift in Justin’s body. A loss of tension. Maybe this will work for as long as Brian needs it to work.

*

Justin gets up when Brian gets up for work the next morning. The previous afternoon and night is a blur of fucking and sucking and even more kissing and their activity in the shower suggests that this will carry on for the foreseeable future. Having had only three hours sleep doesn’t make any difference to Brian’s appearance or his mood, but Justin misses the other five or six hours he usually has.

They have breakfast together and Brian tells him apologetically that he might be very late because he hasn’t been in the office for three weeks and there’s a lot of catching up to do. They part at the front door with Justin watching Brian’s rental car disappear down the driveway, not caring how domestic this looks and wondering if this is the last he’ll see of Brian despite his promise.

Justin doesn’t include stupidity among his shortcomings and he knows Brian like he knows no one else. After all, he studied him for a few years with great attention to detail when he was a teenager. Justin knows that something isn’t right - that Brian isn’t right. Brian’s always been a little volatile, but this turnaround from not ever wanting to see Justin again to turning up on his doorstep is drastic even by Brian’s standards.

Now that the sexual heat which always consumes them is abating, Justin becomes aware that they’re in the process of repeating tried and tested mistakes or rather, just the same one. When they started out, Justin somehow ended up living with Brian with no concept of what it might entail for either one of them and promptly got burned. The same happened after the bashing until they put down those pathetic rules. And after Ethan. And after LA. Why they ever thought that a promise not to play any violin music or an empty drawer would be sufficient is completely beyond him now.

Even the rules didn’t really mean anything because they didn’t include what Justin really wanted and Brian just gave him what was more or less his already anyway. All these things, these little gestures were more about an unspoken admittance of commitment on Brian’s part than about planning for a future together. In the long run, they only led to expectations on both sides that were unrealistic and misunderstood.

Justin won’t do that again. He’s tired of guessing and second guessing. As much as he’s afraid that Brian will simply disappear again if he pushes him too hard, Justin can’t live without getting some answers. When Brian turned up yesterday, ending up in bed five minutes later seemed like the natural way to go to ensure that Brian didn’t simply slip away again and it was what Justin wanted. But he needs to know what they’re doing and fucking at every opportunity isn't a sufficient game plan for once. Brian managed to give voice to his wishes and feelings once before, he’ll have to do it again. And if he prefers to take flight again instead, then Justin will hunt him down and make him talk.

He lies on the couch for an hour and ponders what he wants from Brian. All this time he thought that if he could just be with him again, everything else would fall into place. But now he knows that it won’t. For starters, there are two things Justin doesn’t want to live without: Brian and New York. If he has to make a choice, New York will fall be the wayside, but wouldn’t that be repeating one of their mistakes again? No, he really needs to find out what Brian’s plans are and then he can adjust his own accordingly or get Brian to adjust his. Then he laughs out loud into the quiet of the room. Get Brian to adjust? What a ludicrous idea!

At ten o’clock he gets a phone call from Cynthia.

“He’s here,” she says quietly. “But he asked me to cancel his hotel reservation, so I don’t know what’s going on.”

Justin tells her that he already knows and that Brian’s staying with him.

“Really?” Her voice sounds a little incredulous and he realizes straight away that it’s not because she doubts his words as such.

“Why?”

“Well, I thought if you were back together, he'd be more…”

“More what?”

“I really don’t know. Happier maybe? He seems the same.”

Justin can hear disappointment in her voice and feels a low-grade anger stirring inside him. People always expect miracles from him where Brian is concerned. It’s as if after managing to get Brian to propose to him, everybody thinks Justin can get him to do anything. They have no idea how hard those years were, when every little step forward in their relationship had to be fought for with gritted determination and paid for with gut-wrenching heartache. What seemed easy to Michael and the rest of them, was hard work for Justin. Not to mention that Justin ended up being the only one who stayed banished from Brian’s life when he returned from wherever it was that he went.

Justin’s just starting to say something along those lines - politely because he’s well aware of how much Cynthia is courting Brian’s wrath by conspiring with him - when she interrupts him with a hurried, “Gotta go.” and severs the connection.

Justin looks up at the ceiling and contemplates going back to bed. If Brian comes home late tonight, there’s no telling what time Justin will get to sleep. He smiles when he realizes how quickly he’s fallen back into thinking of Brian’s return as ‘coming home’ and wonders if Brian feels the same way. But before Justin can make a decision about what he wants to do, he hears the front door open and a female voice calling out a half-questioning ‘hello’.

The housekeeper’s name turns out to be Mrs. Appleby, but that’s only because she's taken over from her mother, whose name is Sanders, so he was almost right. Justin doesn’t feel comfortable going back to bed with a stranger in the house, nor would he be able to concentrate on painting in his studio. So he sits on the big couch in the living room and makes a start on the graphics for the next Rage issue, while listening to faint noises of running water, clinking dishes and the vacuum cleaner humming for three hours. At least, Michael will be pleased if Justin can finish the panels while he’s in Pittsburgh.

*

Brian decides to go home half an hour after Cynthia left. He’s the last one at Kinnetik except for the security guard, who holds the outer door open for him. Brian hesitates, trying to remember the guy’s name. John, he thinks, or maybe Sean.

“You know Justin Taylor?” he asked.

The guard seems a little uncomfortable when he gives a sharp nod, which tells Brian that Justin‘s been to Kinnetik at some stage in the recent past. Of course, he has. The little twat never gives up. “I want you to let him in from now on. Free access. Tell your colleagues as well.”

“Of course, Mr. Kinney. I’ll make sure everyone’s informed.”

“You do that. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Mr. Kinney and have a nice weekend.”

“You, too.”

The drive out to the house - Brian can never bring himself to call it Britin - is uneventful and once he’s out of the city, he finds it rather pleasant. He knows that Justin doesn’t really like it out here. He never did. The silence freaks him out. Brian wonders how long it'll take Justin to sell the place and why he‘s hung on to it until now. Justin couldn’t have been just a sentimental fool, could he? Well, maybe he is. Brian likes to think so at least. There’s something heart-warming in Justin’s refusal to ever give up.

Brian stops his car by the roadside about two miles from the house, lighting a cigarette and taking a short break to prepare himself. In front of him is that sharp bend that looks a lot less pronounced than it really is, with the large oak tree at the side. At this time of year the leaves are starting to turn to their autumnal colors and it’s an incredibly beautiful sight, all the more so for being the only tree in the immediate vicinity. Brian watches the road while he smokes but no more than three cars pass him altogether. He glances at the time - half past nine - and starts the car to travel the rest of the way.

Justin’s not coming out to greet him in the hall, as Brian half-expected him to, and he finds him sitting in the living room with his feet on the couch and a sketch pad on his knees. It looks like Justin had a productive day. There are sketches strewn everywhere.

“Hey,“ Brian says and folds his suit jacket neatly over the back of the armchair, followed by his tie, before he sits down at the other end of the couch. “How was your day, dear?”

Justin gives a crooked smile and Brian can’t tell if it’s because he finds the familiar joke endearing or tiring. He notices the fact that Justin’s not diving onto him with a small pang of disappointment. Justin’s no longer the teenage boy who'd be ready and waiting for him whenever he got home. Part of Brian acknowledges this as a good thing, while the other part misses the bounciness that was once Justin’s trademark and he wonders if this development is due to Brian’s behavior in the past or a natural part of growing up. He hopes it’s the latter.

Brian frees his shirt from the confines of his pants and unbuttons it all the way down. He really should get changed, but he sees Justin licking his lips involuntarily at the sight. It must be a Pavlovian response to seeing Brian’s naked skin because it’s not followed by the lad getting naked and his eyes give no indication that he wants Brian to do so either. Brian’s amused by his own body’s response to Justin’s glistening lips. They are two of a kind after all.

“Brian?” Justin says, looking down at his hand, which is twirling his pencil in a perpetual circle around his index finger. It looks like a move perfected by long hours of practice. Brian stares at it as well, preparing himself for a talk that he’s known all along to be inevitable. His mind is frantically scrambling around for a way to derail this conversation before it has a chance to leave the station, never mind crash and burn.

“Hhm?”

“Where did you go? I mean, when you disappeared for those two months that time, where did you go?”

Brian keeps looking at the twirling pencil and tries to remain calm. This isn't too bad. There are worse questions Justin could be asking.

“When I woke up, I was in a motel in Cincinnati. I assume that I was there most of that time. I really don’t remember.”

“How convenient.”

“Justin.” Brian pinches the bridge of his nose to collect himself and then looks at Justin. “I remember being at Babylon and this guy I was fucking told me that he just popped in for a quick fuck and that he was on his way to see his parents in Cincinnati. I asked him to give me a ride and took all the cash from the club. And since Cincinnati is where I woke up, it stands to reason that I was there the whole time.”

“Why didn’t you come home when you woke up?”

“I did. This was two months later.” He can see Justin snort derisively. “I was drunk and high practically the whole time. I always made sure I had a bottle of Beam by the bed for when I woke up. Only, that morning I barfed. And I just couldn’t drink anymore.” It’s the honest truth, no matter how contrived it sounds.

“Were you with that trick the whole time?”

“What? No. I’m pretty sure I was alone mostly - when I didn’t go out to fuck and score more drugs and booze.”

“Why?”

Brian stares at him. He can’t believe Justin’s even asking.

“Do you have any idea how worried we all were about you?” Justin says, anger vibrating in his voice.

Brian still doesn’t say anything. Even Debbie didn’t admonish him when he came back. She just enfolded him in her arms, kissed his cheek and made him eat Lasagna. It was the last time he went to her house, too. He can’t bear being in that place where everything reminds him, just as he can’t bear staying at the loft.

“Do you have any idea what we went through?” Justin says, louder now, throwing his pencil across the room.

“I think I had an excuse to go off the rails,” Brian says a little heatedly, trying desperately to stop his own anger from surfacing more than it already has.

“Nobody’s denying that. But we were all hurting. And we were all there to help, but, no, you had to be a drama queen and make it all ten times worse for everyone.”

“Drama queen?” Brian asks, incensed now.

“Okay, sorry, bad choice of word. But you ran away, Brian! And you didn’t care about anybody else!”

“No, I fucking didn’t.” Brian is close to shouting now.

“Of course, you didn’t!” Justin shouts at him. “Why would you let someone help you? You’re Brian Kinney! Disappearing for two months and piling all that worry onto the people who love you, on top of everything else they’re going through was a much better way to cope with everything.”

“What you were going through?” Brian is out of his seat in a flash because shouting is so much more effective when it’s done from a superior position and he can’t sit still any longer anyway. “What you were going through? How about what I was going through? I LOST MY SON, FOR FUCK’S SAKE!”

PART SEVEN: http://kachelofen.livejournal.com/21005.html#cutid1