Smile Like You Mean It

[kabbit99]

I wonder when I stopped doing the right thing and started doing the easy thing.

I wonder when being numb became preferable to feeling.

I wonder when pushing people away became the accepted not the exception.

I wonder when I began actively chasing the blast.

I wonder when silence became so terrifying and so very hard to escape.

I wonder when I stopped fearing pain and started craving it.

I wonder when I stopped believing in happy endings.

I wonder when I lost myself.

I wonder when my smiles became fake and my laugh hollow.

I wonder when sweet things started to taste bitter.

I wonder when I stopped feeling guilty.

I wonder when I started hiding.

I wonder when sex became fucking.

I wonder when my life became all or nothing.