Random thoughts and various insights
Thought I'd write a post with a variety of not-necessarily-related bits. I don't have the internet at home anymore (which is more freeing and less annoying that I thought it would be...also cheaper), so the only time I can check email, etc. is at work or if I go to the library. Hence, I don't have a lot of time for writing in LJ. But today is a slow work day; I'm waiting for several people to get back to me with comments on my book. When they do, I'll be busy. But right now, not so much. Here goes:
1. My trip to Portland at the end of February was surprisingly great. As many of you know, a couple of people I know up there had died (one committed suicide). Also, Portland was a fun place Julia and I had talked about a lot. Of course, then she went nutty and we're no longer friends. Oh, and a month or so ago, I got a really nasty email from a friend of Julia's who lives in Portland. So, for all those reasons, I expected the trip to be kind of a downer. But it turned out to be one of the best jaunts I've ever been on. Not only was it fun (went to Cupcake Jones twice, made myself horribly sick on delicious cupcake minis, went to the Saturday Market, saw lots of friends, and went to an amazing Storm show), but it was enlightening in a lot of ways. I feel like I've been suffering from a crisis of self-confidence for more than a year. I'm still not entirely sure why, but I realized on that trip that it just has to stop. I'm not nearly as pathetic as I feel sometimes, and I've got to stop indulging all that downer-ness. We can thank my friends and Storm for helping that realization along.
2. Much as I hated it it, I think I'd like to go back to Ashland. That was a great opportunity to be someplace different, learn and experience different things, and meet different kinds of people (even if they're total freaks), and I sort of blew it. I allowed Julia's melodrama and my crisis of self-confidence to cloud my entire time there. Plus, Gordon and I had long discussed my coming back in the summer to do some work on the annual Bathroom Reader, and that would be really helpful for my job. I'm not sure I can swing the trip this summer (see #3, and there are time constraints), but if I can, I'd sure like to go back to that crappy...I mean...small town on my own terms, look Julia in the eye (say "Fuck you!" in my head), and not be completely weirded out by all the hippies at the co-op. (Dudes, they don't wear shoes! Even in the winter! And I don't think they take a lot of showers either.)
3. I think I'm going to buy a condo. For real! Housing prices are super low here now, and you get such a great tax credit. I really need to do it if I can swing it. I'm meeting with a mortgage broker tomorrow to see how much I can qualify for. I have always wanted to own my own place, and one of the reasons I was so down on San Diego was that I thought I'd never be able to buy a place here. It's so cool how things sometimes fall into place. Laurel and I went and looked at some condos last weekend, and we saw two great ones, one in particular that she really liked. So I'm super excited about it. Once I get a limit from the mortgage lady, I'll have a better idea of what I can look for.
4. Work has been really good since I got back from Oregon. Not only am I getting along well with both Gordon and JoAnn (and mostly remembering that Gordon actually is on my side), but I've been working on a kids book, which has been really fun. I had to hire an illustrator and did a lot of the writing myself. Plus, I did most of the layout and placed the art. It was a lot of new things and a really cool challenge. I'm hoping it does well so I can do another one. Fingers crossed!
5. Some life lessons:
*There's a big difference between bored and miserable. When you've never really been miserable, you can easily mistake it for bored. Not so, and someday, you'll actually be miserable and then you'll see the difference.
*Don't let people mistreat you...even if they're sad, troubled, or have been very abused themselves. You may think you're being a good friend and standing by someone who needs you. But you're not. Actually, you're just letting the person take advantage of you, which does both you and them a huge disservice. When you think someone's treating you badly and you should get away from them, they are and you should. If you don't, it might escalate to the point where you're standing in the snow with the person throwing things, screaming at, and hitting you. Don't go there, folks. Nobody is worth that.
*When you have a bunch of good friends, remember that it's a unique position to be in. You won't just be able to move someplace different and find a great new social group. You're very lucky to be where you are.
*Oregon's not so bad. It's a beautiful place full of lots of wonderful people. I recommend southern Oregon for vacations and northern Oregon for living. The people in Portland can be a little sleazy sometimes, but lots of them have great hearts. And there's something magical about the Oregon forests, especially on those mornings when the fog dips really low, the deer drop by to munch on some grass, and the spaces between trees look like entrances to the fairy realm.
6. I'm rooting for Adam Lambert on American Idol and Taj on Survivor. Oh, and I still have no idea what's happening on Lost, but creepy little Ben was great last week.
7. I'm going to visit Gabi in Chicago at the end of May!! Can't wait! So far, our to-do list is longer than the number of days I'll be there. But I don't mind. :)
1. My trip to Portland at the end of February was surprisingly great. As many of you know, a couple of people I know up there had died (one committed suicide). Also, Portland was a fun place Julia and I had talked about a lot. Of course, then she went nutty and we're no longer friends. Oh, and a month or so ago, I got a really nasty email from a friend of Julia's who lives in Portland. So, for all those reasons, I expected the trip to be kind of a downer. But it turned out to be one of the best jaunts I've ever been on. Not only was it fun (went to Cupcake Jones twice, made myself horribly sick on delicious cupcake minis, went to the Saturday Market, saw lots of friends, and went to an amazing Storm show), but it was enlightening in a lot of ways. I feel like I've been suffering from a crisis of self-confidence for more than a year. I'm still not entirely sure why, but I realized on that trip that it just has to stop. I'm not nearly as pathetic as I feel sometimes, and I've got to stop indulging all that downer-ness. We can thank my friends and Storm for helping that realization along.
2. Much as I hated it it, I think I'd like to go back to Ashland. That was a great opportunity to be someplace different, learn and experience different things, and meet different kinds of people (even if they're total freaks), and I sort of blew it. I allowed Julia's melodrama and my crisis of self-confidence to cloud my entire time there. Plus, Gordon and I had long discussed my coming back in the summer to do some work on the annual Bathroom Reader, and that would be really helpful for my job. I'm not sure I can swing the trip this summer (see #3, and there are time constraints), but if I can, I'd sure like to go back to that crappy...I mean...small town on my own terms, look Julia in the eye (say "Fuck you!" in my head), and not be completely weirded out by all the hippies at the co-op. (Dudes, they don't wear shoes! Even in the winter! And I don't think they take a lot of showers either.)
3. I think I'm going to buy a condo. For real! Housing prices are super low here now, and you get such a great tax credit. I really need to do it if I can swing it. I'm meeting with a mortgage broker tomorrow to see how much I can qualify for. I have always wanted to own my own place, and one of the reasons I was so down on San Diego was that I thought I'd never be able to buy a place here. It's so cool how things sometimes fall into place. Laurel and I went and looked at some condos last weekend, and we saw two great ones, one in particular that she really liked. So I'm super excited about it. Once I get a limit from the mortgage lady, I'll have a better idea of what I can look for.
4. Work has been really good since I got back from Oregon. Not only am I getting along well with both Gordon and JoAnn (and mostly remembering that Gordon actually is on my side), but I've been working on a kids book, which has been really fun. I had to hire an illustrator and did a lot of the writing myself. Plus, I did most of the layout and placed the art. It was a lot of new things and a really cool challenge. I'm hoping it does well so I can do another one. Fingers crossed!
5. Some life lessons:
*There's a big difference between bored and miserable. When you've never really been miserable, you can easily mistake it for bored. Not so, and someday, you'll actually be miserable and then you'll see the difference.
*Don't let people mistreat you...even if they're sad, troubled, or have been very abused themselves. You may think you're being a good friend and standing by someone who needs you. But you're not. Actually, you're just letting the person take advantage of you, which does both you and them a huge disservice. When you think someone's treating you badly and you should get away from them, they are and you should. If you don't, it might escalate to the point where you're standing in the snow with the person throwing things, screaming at, and hitting you. Don't go there, folks. Nobody is worth that.
*When you have a bunch of good friends, remember that it's a unique position to be in. You won't just be able to move someplace different and find a great new social group. You're very lucky to be where you are.
*Oregon's not so bad. It's a beautiful place full of lots of wonderful people. I recommend southern Oregon for vacations and northern Oregon for living. The people in Portland can be a little sleazy sometimes, but lots of them have great hearts. And there's something magical about the Oregon forests, especially on those mornings when the fog dips really low, the deer drop by to munch on some grass, and the spaces between trees look like entrances to the fairy realm.
6. I'm rooting for Adam Lambert on American Idol and Taj on Survivor. Oh, and I still have no idea what's happening on Lost, but creepy little Ben was great last week.
7. I'm going to visit Gabi in Chicago at the end of May!! Can't wait! So far, our to-do list is longer than the number of days I'll be there. But I don't mind. :)