Kakuzu x Hidan Drabble-Matic CRACK
In an effort to amuse myself and remedy the overwhelming boredom and general WTF'ery going on in my life at the moment, headache woes still in FULL effect (argh, even VICODIN isn't touching this bad boy, but it spaces me out like, woah; next step is injecting anesthesia into my HEAD urgh!) and since laughter is said to be the best remedy...
The INCREDIBLE EPIC Drabble-Matic
The Jackelope Prince
Kakuzu was walking through a scintillating meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a flamboyant little jackelope lying under a tree.
Kakuzu skipped over to see the dear thing and was derelict to find that he was hurt! A stiletto had pierced his mammalian little thigh and he whimpered fabulously with the pain.
"My opulent little friend," Kakuzu said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the stiletto, as decadently as he could. The jackelope cried out and Kakuzu's heart ached, faster than a Go-Go dancer shakes her hips in a cheap dive bar. "You'll be all right," Kakuzu whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Hidan and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Hidan up in his arms, Kakuzu carried him home and made a bed for him beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Kakuzu nursed Hidan, cleaning his thigh and feeding him Negligee-brand jackelope chow.
On the eighth night, Hidan climbed into bed with Kakuzu. He burrowed under the covers and splendidly tickled Kakuzu's buns. It made Kakuzu giggle and he cuddled close to Hidan, stroking his nipple and singing mysteriously to him.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Kakuzu hurried home so he could curl up with Hidan. It gave him a fancy feeling whenever Hidan tickled his buns.
Then one night, Hidan looked up at Kakuzu and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a terrible prince."
Kakuzu screamed quixotically, he was so surprised. How could a jackelope talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Hidan said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Kakuzu said and kissed Hidan on his nipple. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a terrible prince! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Prince Hidan," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Kakuzu said.
"See?" Hidan said and showed Kakuzu the scar from the stiletto on his thigh. Then he kissed Kakuzu and they tumbled in a hot second and did a lot of very raunchy things, some of them involving a queer gummy bear.
"I love you," Hidan said when they were done. Kakuzu clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Hidan had stashed away.
And if Hidan didn't know about Kakuzu's visits to the jackelope sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.
End
That right there is some mighty fine crack. I enjoyed it even more with the addition of the vicodin, and I spent much too much time last night hitting the 'refresh' button to generate even more warped tales of ass-hattery. My neighbors must think I've gone off my nut with the mad cackling late into the night.
The INCREDIBLE EPIC Drabble-Matic
The Jackelope Prince
Kakuzu was walking through a scintillating meadow, laughing at the butterflies flitting around his head when he spied a flamboyant little jackelope lying under a tree.
Kakuzu skipped over to see the dear thing and was derelict to find that he was hurt! A stiletto had pierced his mammalian little thigh and he whimpered fabulously with the pain.
"My opulent little friend," Kakuzu said. "Let me help you!" He took out his Leatherman Multi-Purpose tool and pulled out the stiletto, as decadently as he could. The jackelope cried out and Kakuzu's heart ached, faster than a Go-Go dancer shakes her hips in a cheap dive bar. "You'll be all right," Kakuzu whispered. "I'll take care of you. I'll call you Hidan and you can live with me forever!"
Scooping Hidan up in his arms, Kakuzu carried him home and made a bed for him beside his own. For seven days and seven nights, Kakuzu nursed Hidan, cleaning his thigh and feeding him Negligee-brand jackelope chow.
On the eighth night, Hidan climbed into bed with Kakuzu. He burrowed under the covers and splendidly tickled Kakuzu's buns. It made Kakuzu giggle and he cuddled close to Hidan, stroking his nipple and singing mysteriously to him.
They continued that way for a long time. Every day, Kakuzu hurried home so he could curl up with Hidan. It gave him a fancy feeling whenever Hidan tickled his buns.
Then one night, Hidan looked up at Kakuzu and said, "If you kiss me, I will become a terrible prince."
Kakuzu screamed quixotically, he was so surprised. How could a jackelope talk? He must have dropped off and dreamed it.
"You're not dreaming," Hidan said. "Kiss me."
"Don't tell anyone I screamed like that," Kakuzu said and kissed Hidan on his nipple. The air swirled and suddenly, there stood a terrible prince! With a crown and everything!
"I'm Prince Hidan," he said. "I was cursed. It's a long story."
"Is it really you?" Kakuzu said.
"See?" Hidan said and showed Kakuzu the scar from the stiletto on his thigh. Then he kissed Kakuzu and they tumbled in a hot second and did a lot of very raunchy things, some of them involving a queer gummy bear.
"I love you," Hidan said when they were done. Kakuzu clasped him close and they lived together happily ever after on all the prince treasure Hidan had stashed away.
And if Hidan didn't know about Kakuzu's visits to the jackelope sanctuary, well, it wouldn't hurt him.
End
That right there is some mighty fine crack. I enjoyed it even more with the addition of the vicodin, and I spent much too much time last night hitting the 'refresh' button to generate even more warped tales of ass-hattery. My neighbors must think I've gone off my nut with the mad cackling late into the night.