(no subject)
So tonight some shit happened. I did basicly nothing. then i had a phonecall and it has me in this funk i swear to god i hate this shit I keep telling myself im over this shit but I cant break free. it fucking sucks. So im writing a song. I spent like an hour working on bass lines, a few sick ones so far might work out. If nothing else I plan to use this to make some fucking money. Im starting a fucking band. An Emo band. Only our music isnt going to suck ass and its going to be actually musical not just noise on a 2 chord progression. Lyrics have never been my forte but i have alot of angst so it makes good material. I have a rough idea for one song but this one might be split into like 2 separate ones. It needs tweaking im gonna play with the wording and rearrange some parts and add and delete some things but its a start. heres what i have so far
Im getting tired of this game I tell myself as I sit alone again in my common room. Thinking so loudly my head might explode. I know how it goes, same story as always. I knew from the start it would end up like this, but oh how I wanted to believe the sweet lies. I believed them until I thought they were real, but then in the end it all fell apart. Everything i thought was impossible has happened, what I thought was real was fake, what I thought would last forever is gone in an instant. You have to ask yourself what the point is after a while, when you lose all your feelings and feel like a shell. A husk of the person you were. Every day you find yourself realizing things just to give yourself hope to move on. No matter how much you lie to yourself you still want her, even when you know its over and try to move on. You trick yourself constantly into believing that she isnt going to have a hold over you but just like before, what you though turns out to always be wrong. Alone and forgotten, hurt and betrayed, you cant even do things you need to. The things that once made you happy just suck the life and joy from your soul. Gradually you just die inside and then slowly start to recover, but I can't help but feel deep down inside like theres something im missing, some integral part of me gone. What the fuck to do now, where to go next, to be honest I really dont know. As for right now, I'm just scared and alone. Coasting through life without hope. What you think feels like happiness you eventually realize is just a lack of intense desparation.
Im getting tired of this game I tell myself as I sit alone again in my common room. Thinking so loudly my head might explode. I know how it goes, same story as always. I knew from the start it would end up like this, but oh how I wanted to believe the sweet lies. I believed them until I thought they were real, but then in the end it all fell apart. Everything i thought was impossible has happened, what I thought was real was fake, what I thought would last forever is gone in an instant. You have to ask yourself what the point is after a while, when you lose all your feelings and feel like a shell. A husk of the person you were. Every day you find yourself realizing things just to give yourself hope to move on. No matter how much you lie to yourself you still want her, even when you know its over and try to move on. You trick yourself constantly into believing that she isnt going to have a hold over you but just like before, what you though turns out to always be wrong. Alone and forgotten, hurt and betrayed, you cant even do things you need to. The things that once made you happy just suck the life and joy from your soul. Gradually you just die inside and then slowly start to recover, but I can't help but feel deep down inside like theres something im missing, some integral part of me gone. What the fuck to do now, where to go next, to be honest I really dont know. As for right now, I'm just scared and alone. Coasting through life without hope. What you think feels like happiness you eventually realize is just a lack of intense desparation.